TO: Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Sir:

Just as on the Recovery Act and Healthcare Reform, you and your party colleagues are now echoing the same mantra in respect of Wall Street Reform: “Let’s slow down and start over.”

I hope you appreciate that millions of Americans wish on a daily basis that it was possible to go back and start over – not with respect to the present initiatives of our President, but with respect to where we, as a nation, now find ourselves.

Many of us wish we could go back to November 2000, and slow down and start over. We can’t help but wonder how much better off we would all be now, had Al Gore been given his rightful role as president; had the powers-that-be in your party, sir, cried, “Let’s slow down and get this process right, and ensure that the will of the People is not circumvented through courtroom theatrics, nor a Supreme Court selection of our next president.” But you didn’t say that, sir.

We wish we could go back to the early days of the Bush administration, and hear you and your colleagues admonish the president to slow down and start over and heed the warnings of intelligence agents who predicted an imminent catastrophic event on our soil. We can only wonder if the attacks of 9-11 could have been avoided had you, or anyone of influence in your party, cautioned the buffoon you foisted on a nation to spend less time “clearing brush” and more time listening to those around him who knew whereof they spoke. But you didn’t do that, sir.

We wish we could go back to the lead-up of the invasion of Iraq, and witness you and your party members telling the aforementioned buffoon to “slow down and start over” before declaring that non-existent WMDs justified a call to war – a war which has resulted in ten of thousands of casualties among our troops, as well as innocent Iraqi civilians. But you never opened your mouth in that regard, sir.

We wish we could go back to the appointment of an inexperienced political crony as the head of FEMA, and applaud you and your cohorts as you railed against the idiocy of such a move. We will never know how many of our fellow citizens could have been saved – could have been spared the nightmare of watching their neighbors suffer and die as a result of such an irresponsible appointment. But you and yours were silent on the topic, sir.

We wish we could go back and listen, truly awestruck and of one mind, as you and your fellow GOPers railed incessantly against the lack of oversight of our financial institutions, along with the agencies that protect our environment, our food, the products we purchase, the toys we give our children. Again, sir, you and your political ilk never opened your mouths.

Yes, Mr. McConnell, a lot of us wish we could slow down and start over. We will always wonder how many of our troops, now dead in Iraq, would be living out their lives with their loved ones; how many Iraqi children would not be limbless orphans; how many NOLA residents would have survived; how many tortured innocents will now wage war against us; how many forests and waterways could have been saved from pollution; how many Americans would not be losing their homes; how many US citizens would still have their jobs; how many people would still have faith in a country that you and yours allowed to become the living embodiment of greed-is-good, war-is-everything, oversight-is-detrimental to the bottom line.

Yes, sir, we will wonder – and we will ponder the repercussions of your silence, your willful inability to say “let’s slow down and start over” when it actually mattered.

How sad – and extremely telling – that you and your party members suddenly find your voice, a voice now raised in faux concern.

A policy to advance financial recovery from the debacle you and your cronies contributed to? Let’s slow down and start over.

A policy to provide Americans with access to affordable healthcare? Let’s slow down and start over.

A policy to curb the excesses of the greedy who bilk American citizens in order to reward themselves with multi-million dollar bonuses? Let’s slow down and start over.

Mr. McConnell, with all due respect – and the respect that is due you is nil – you and your party have become as laughable as you are abhorrent.

Let’s slow down and start over indeed. Let’s rethink, revamp, revisit anything that even remotely sounds like it could be a step in the right direction; anything that puts power back into the hands of the citizenry who rightfully own it; anything that moves this country forward and out of the vast wasteland you and your party have created.

In closing, sir, I would just add this – in case you are, as I strongly suspect, too arrogant to read between all-too-obvious lines: You, and those who support your “let’s start over” diatribes, disgust me.

And I am not alone in that disgust.

Yours Truly,
Nance Greggs

During the eight-year nightmare that was the W administration, the Republicans – elected politicians, their spokespeople and their supporters, were the bane of my existence. I was typically enraged on a daily basis by the never-ending lies, deceit, hypocrisy and stupidity.

After little more than a year of Obama in office, and the Democrats in control of Congress, life seems a little more sane. I can watch the President meeting with world leaders, and not cringe at the thought he might do something immensely humiliating. I can listen to him speak, and hear reason and coherent thought being articulated. I can read about his accomplishments and what he yet hopes to achieve, and appreciate the feeling of movement – of a nation being put back on track, and a slow-but-sure undoing of the damage done by the previous idiots in charge.

And so the GOP has gone from being a thorn in my side to being an endless source of amusement, that is now bordering on unstoppable hilarity – their every statement or public appearance the most laugh-inducing “reality show” ever devised.

Honestly, you can’t make this shit up – and yet they persist in doing so, day after day, week after week. I just wonder when it’s going to dawn on them that, in light of recent events and pronouncements from their own, they would have been better off settling for irrelevance rather than persist in proving, beyond all doubt, what many of us have long suspected: they’re all batshit crazy.

It started with proffering a doddering old man as a presidential candidate, followed by his proffering of a brainless idiot as a viable vice-president. Yep, you betcha! A woman who couldn’t name a single newspaper she’s ever read was going to take up the reins of government and steer its course through already-troubled waters – or not, if she got bored with the job a few months in and opted for a TV show instead.

It should have ended there – an acceptance of humiliating defeat, and a collective vow to regroup and do better in future.

But, as we all know, it didn’t end there – not by a longshot.

Instead the craziness escalated.

We’ve heard about death panels that don’t exist, insistence on bipartisan efforts that you refuse to participate in, your ire at a rising national debt which you encouraged during the BushCo years.

It’s almost astonishing to think back on W’s comments about human-animal hybrids as being the most ridiculous thing to come out of a GOPer’s mouth – a benchmark that has been surpassed – and then some.

We now have people on the crazy side of the aisle advocating bartering for healthcare services with live chickens – uh, no, really.

Like I said, you can’t make this shit up.

This is a heartfelt message to those on the Republican side: please, please, please go away. The truth is that as much as we, the sane, are amused by your antics, we’re embarrassed for you. As much as we’ve wanted to see your party, and everything it stands for, go down in flames – we really didn’t foresee this kind of suicide-by-self-humiliation being played out in public. It’s kind of pathetic – okay, extremely pathetic, and we’d rather you just moseyed on into the sunset, accompanied by Georgie playing the gee-tar, as he’s a wont to do when people are drowning.

Maybe you’re just hangin’ around like the Ghost of America past – the ogre that scared folks into buying duct-tape, terrorized the populace with tales of religious extremists at-the-ready to take over the local mall, frightened the fanatically-inclined with stories about death panels – and now you just want a few kudos for your efforts before fading into obscurity.

Okay, I hear ya – so here goes:

You were fantastic, wonderful, beyond imaginingly GRRREAT! The years you had control of the country will go down in history as the best we ever knew: the war predicated on WMDs that never existed, the surplus left by one president squandered – and then turned into a record-breaking deficit by your guy – OH, those were the TIMES!

In the worst of days, YOU never flinched. You watched, slack-jawed, as the WTC came down on your watch – and then bragged over and over about your proven record when it came to keeping the homeland safe!

You were SWELL – no, really!!! From day one to the Armageddon of your party, you never abandoned the thought that YOU were ridin’ high – and you’ve had a cheerleading MSM to tout your good works every step of the way!

Words fail. You. Were. Just. That. Awesome.

You were brilliant, we loved it – now go home. You’re done. You’re washed-up, washed-out, irrelevant, incomprehensible, over-tanned, over-spent, overwrought, a shadow of your former self, a mere smudge of ink in the history of a great nation, a never-to-be-forgotten scourge that just keeps hangin’ round like a stalker ex-boyfriend who breathes into your answering machine for fifteen minutes every night in the sincere belief that most people find that kind of behavior irresistible.

Really. I’m asking nicely.

Please take your we-know-illegals-by-their-clothes, good-Christians-condone-torture, I-can’t-spell-amnety-but-I-know-I’m-against-it, McVeigh-reference-applauding, FAUX-News-watching, tub-o’-lard-Limbaugh-listening, Teabaggin’ knuckle-draggers with you – AND GO AWAY.

It’s not for my sake. It’s for your own.

You’re embarrassing yourselves. And what’s more, you know it. And the fact that you don’t care that you know it says everything that needs to be said.

Barack Obama is a non-citizen, having been born in Kenya. At the time of his birth, a vast left-wing conspiracy, being prescient, planted a birth announcement in a Hawaiian newspaper in order to pave the way to his presidency decades later. The Republican party, despite their access to millions of dollars and unlimited operatives, have yet to find his Kenyan birth certificate – but a bunch of basement-bound yahoos, armed with a computer, a year’s supply of Cheetos, and a framed poster of Orly Taitz, will uncover this document any day now.

George W. Bush inherited a surplus from his predecessor, Bill Clinton. He plowed through every dime of it, then borrowed money from China to fund tax cuts for the wealthy, while waging two wars on the country’s credit card. Obviously, the current debt we find ourselves in is all Barack Obama’s fault. If O really cared about the economy, he would have (a) cautioned George not to be such a fuckin’ idiot when he was still in office, or (b) used the WH Time Machine to bring the nation back to a year when we were solvent, and gone from there.

Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are true patriots – and lying, misrepresenting facts, and inciting citizens to violence are confirmation of their commitment to their country. Raging against a sitting president is as patriotic as it gets – unless, of course, there is an (R) in the White House, in which case all of the aforementioned is as treasonous as it gets.

Aborting a fetus is against God’s plan. Providing food, clothing and other necessities for a living child through welfare, food stamps, and other social safety-net programs is also against God’s plan – hey, who knew?

Affordable healthcare is not a right, but a privilege for those who can afford it. Paying corporate taxes is also not a right, but a privilege – and we thank those corporations that have chosen not to take advantage of that privilege, despite the fact that they can well afford it.

Recent survey results show a more positive image world-wide of the US since Barack Obama has been in office – such surveys are, at best, flawed and inaccurate. Recent surveys also show that Teabaggers are better educated than most Americans – such surveys are, at the least, the Gospel truth.

The victims of Katrina were whiny malcontents with no sense of humor. Innocents who were tortured under BushCo for political purposes can’t take a joke. Displaced, orphaned, maimed Iraqis are unable to appreciate the hilarity of a well-timed punchline. Suggesting that those who left NOLA to drown, those who tortured, and those who chose to invade Iraq based on lies should be held accountable is SO NOT FUNNY.

Inquiring about a welfare recipient who might be getting two dollars a month more than she’s entitled to is being fiscally responsible. Inquiring into how millions of dollars in US currency “went missing” in Iraq is nit-picking.

The concept that dinosaurs and man coexisted for centuries is (despite all evidence to the contrary) a FACT. Global warming (despite all evidence to the contrary) is a HOAX.

George W. Bush kept the nation safe and secure – if you don’t count 9-11. Napoleon was undefeated in battle – if you don’t count Waterloo.

“Good Christian Family Values” is a broadly-embraced GOP idea – and includes trolling for sex in a public bathroom, and getting off on wearing a soiled diaper in an LA brothel. A loving relationship between two men or two women is as immoral as it is disgusting.

Teabaggers are the result of grassroots citizens spontaneously banding together to express their outrage at higher taxes (which have been lowered), government hand-outs like Medicare (which they take full advantage of), federal squandering of tax dollars (for things like the highways they travelled to get to the protest), and the importance of making English our offical language, mis-spellings and all. (And please ignore the FOX-News personnel whipping up the crowds – in a “grassroots” kind of way and all.)

Racism has nothing to do with organizations like the Teabagger movement – in the same way racism had nothing to do with school segregation, separate drinking fountains, or being relegated to the back of the bus.

The government has too much influence in the personal affairs of US citizens – except in the areas of abortion rights, what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom, wire-tapping without just cause or a warrant, keeping tabs on your library withdrawals, perusing your email, etc.

Separation of Church and State was never meant to include “Christian” religions that take in millions of dollars per annum – especially those who are more than happy to throw a few mil towards the election campaigns of those who see things their way.

Keeping “Christ in Christmas” is an all-important two-week battle that must be waged at all costs. Keeping Christ’s teachings in mind during the rest of the year is religious fanaticism.

Traveling the world to meet with heads of state to confer on global issues is just a euphemism for goofin’ off. “Clearing brush” in Crawford is just another way of saying pondering the challenges that face a nation, and strategerizin’ world peace.

“Mission Accomplished” should be a banner on an aircraft carrier, NOT an actual goal.

“Support Our Troops” should be a bumper-sticker, NOT an actual policy.

A REAL president serves plastic turkey to troops in Iraq searching for WMDs that never existed.

A FAKE president serves real turkey to the homeless who, according to the GOP, don’t exist – and if they do, it’s their own fault for being where they are.

It’s all so simple to understand – when you’re simple-minded.

Barack Obama is a non-citizen, having been born in Kenya. At the time of his birth, a vast left-wing conspiracy, being prescient, planted a birth announcement in a Hawaiian newspaper in order to pave the way to his presidency decades later. The Republican party, despite their access to millions of dollars and unlimited operatives, have yet to find his Kenyan birth certificate – but a bunch of basement-bound yahoos, armed with a computer, a year’s supply of Cheetos, and a framed poster of Orly Taitz, will uncover this document any day now.

George W. Bush inherited a surplus from his predecessor, Bill Clinton. He plowed through every dime of it, then borrowed money from China to fund tax cuts for the wealthy, while waging two wars on the country’s credit card. Obviously, the current debt we find ourselves in is all Barack Obama’s fault. If O really cared about the economy, he would have (a) cautioned George not to be such a fuckin’ idiot when he was still in office, or (b) used the WH Time Machine to bring the nation back to a year when we were solvent, and gone from there.

Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are true patriots – and lying, misrepresenting facts, and inciting citizens to violence are confirmation of their commitment to their country. Raging against a sitting president is as patriotic as it gets – unless, of course, there is an (R) in the White House, in which case all of the aforementioned is as treasonous as it gets.

Aborting a fetus is against God’s plan. Providing food, clothing and other necessities for a living child through welfare, food stamps, and other social safety-net programs is also against God’s plan – hey, who knew?

Affordable healthcare is not a right, but a privilege for those who can afford it. Paying corporate taxes is also not a right, but a privilege – and we thank those corporations that have chosen not to take advantage of that privilege, despite the fact that they can well afford it.

Recent survey results show a more positive image world-wide of the US since Barack Obama has been in office – such surveys are, at best, flawed and inaccurate. Recent surveys also show that Teabaggers are better educated than most Americans – such surveys are, at the least, the Gospel truth.

The victims of Katrina were whiny malcontents with no sense of humor. Innocents who were tortured under BushCo for political purposes can’t take a joke. Displaced, orphaned, maimed Iraqis are unable to appreciate the hilarity of a well-timed punchline. Suggesting that those who left NOLA to drown, those who tortured, and those who chose to invade Iraq based on lies should be held accountable is SO NOT FUNNY.

Inquiring about a welfare recipient who might be getting two dollars a month more than she’s entitled to is being fiscally responsible. Inquiring into how millions of dollars in US currency “went missing” in Iraq is nit-picking.

The concept that dinosaurs and man coexisted for centuries is (despite all evidence to the contrary) a FACT. Global warming (despite all evidence to the contrary) is a HOAX.

George W. Bush kept the nation safe and secure – if you don’t count 9-11. Napoleon was undefeated in battle – if you don’t count Waterloo.

“Good Christian Family Values” is a broadly-embraced GOP idea – and includes trolling for sex in a public bathroom, and getting off on wearing a soiled diaper in an LA brothel. A loving relationship between two men or two women is as immoral as it is disgusting.

Teabaggers are the result of grassroots citizens spontaneously banding together to express their outrage at higher taxes (which have been lowered), government hand-outs like Medicare (which they take full advantage of), federal squandering of tax dollars (for things like the highways they travelled to get to the protest), and the importance of making English our offical language, mis-spellings and all. (And please ignore the FOX-News personnel whipping up the crowds – in a “grassroots” kind of way and all.)

Racism has nothing to do with organizations like the Teabagger movement – in the same way racism had nothing to do with school segregation, separate drinking fountains, or being relegated to the back of the bus.

The government has too much influence in the personal affairs of US citizens – except in the areas of abortion rights, what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom, wire-tapping without just cause or a warrant, keeping tabs on your library withdrawals, perusing your email, etc.

Separation of Church and State was never meant to include “Christian” religions that take in millions of dollars per annum – especially those who are more than happy to throw a few mil towards the election campaigns of those who see things their way.

Keeping “Christ in Christmas” is an all-important two-week battle that must be waged at all costs. Keeping Christ’s teachings in mind during the rest of the year is religious fanaticism.

Traveling the world to meet with heads of state to confer on global issues is just a euphemism for goofin’ off. “Clearing brush” in Crawford is just another way of saying pondering the challenges that face a nation, and strategerizin’ world peace.

“Mission Accomplished” should be a banner on an aircraft carrier, NOT an actual goal.

“Support Our Troops” should be a bumper-sticker, NOT an actual policy.

A REAL president serves plastic turkey to troops in Iraq searching for WMDs that never existed.

A FAKE president serves real turkey to the homeless who, according to the GOP, don’t exist – and if they do, it’s their own fault for being where they are.

It’s all so simple to understand – when you’re simple-minded.

Barack Obama is a non-citizen, having been born in Kenya. At the time of his birth, a vast left-wing conspiracy, being prescient, planted a birth announcement in a Hawaiian newspaper in order to pave the way to his presidency decades later. The Republican party, despite their access to millions of dollars and unlimited operatives, have yet to find his Kenyan birth certificate – but a bunch of basement-bound yahoos, armed with a computer, a year’s supply of Cheetos, and a framed poster of Orly Taitz, will uncover this document any day now.

George W. Bush inherited a surplus from his predecessor, Bill Clinton. He plowed through every dime of it, then borrowed money from China to fund tax cuts for the wealthy, while waging two wars on the country’s credit card. Obviously, the current debt we find ourselves in is all Barack Obama’s fault. If O really cared about the economy, he would have (a) cautioned George not to be such a fuckin’ idiot when he was still in office, or (b) used the WH Time Machine to bring the nation back to a year when we were solvent, and gone from there.

Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are true patriots – and lying, misrepresenting facts, and inciting citizens to violence are confirmation of their commitment to their country. Raging against a sitting president is as patriotic as it gets – unless, of course, there is an (R) in the White House, in which case all of the aforementioned is as treasonous as it gets.

Aborting a fetus is against God’s plan. Providing food, clothing and other necessities for a living child through welfare, food stamps, and other social safety-net programs is also against God’s plan – hey, who knew?

Affordable healthcare is not a right, but a privilege for those who can afford it. Paying corporate taxes is also not a right, but a privilege – and we thank those corporations that have chosen not to take advantage of that privilege, despite the fact that they can well afford it.

Recent survey results show a more positive image world-wide of the US since Barack Obama has been in office – such surveys are, at best, flawed and inaccurate. Recent surveys also show that Teabaggers are better educated than most Americans – such surveys are, at the least, the Gospel truth.

The victims of Katrina were whiny malcontents with no sense of humor. Innocents who were tortured under BushCo for political purposes can’t take a joke. Displaced, orphaned, maimed Iraqis are unable to appreciate the hilarity of a well-timed punchline. Suggesting that those who left NOLA to drown, those who tortured, and those who chose to invade Iraq based on lies should be held accountable is SO NOT FUNNY.

Inquiring about a welfare recipient who might be getting two dollars a month more than she’s entitled to is being fiscally responsible. Inquiring into how millions of dollars in US currency “went missing” in Iraq is nit-picking.

The concept that dinosaurs and man coexisted for centuries is (despite all evidence to the contrary) a FACT. Global warming (despite all evidence to the contrary) is a HOAX.

George W. Bush kept the nation safe and secure – if you don’t count 9-11. Napoleon was undefeated in battle – if you don’t count Waterloo.

“Good Christian Family Values” is a broadly-embraced GOP idea – and includes trolling for sex in a public bathroom, and getting off on wearing a soiled diaper in an LA brothel. A loving relationship between two men or two women is as immoral as it is disgusting.

Teabaggers are the result of grassroots citizens spontaneously banding together to express their outrage at higher taxes (which have been lowered), government hand-outs like Medicare (which they take full advantage of), federal squandering of tax dollars (for things like the highways they travelled to get to the protest), and the importance of making English our offical language, mis-spellings and all. (And please ignore the FOX-News personnel whipping up the crowds – in a “grassroots” kind of way and all.)

Racism has nothing to do with organizations like the Teabagger movement – in the same way racism had nothing to do with school segregation, separate drinking fountains, or being relegated to the back of the bus.

The government has too much influence in the personal affairs of US citizens – except in the areas of abortion rights, what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom, wire-tapping without just cause or a warrant, keeping tabs on your library withdrawals, perusing your email, etc.

Separation of Church and State was never meant to include “Christian” religions that take in millions of dollars per annum – especially those who are more than happy to throw a few mil towards the election campaigns of those who see things their way.

Keeping “Christ in Christmas” is an all-important two-week battle that must be waged at all costs. Keeping Christ’s teachings in mind during the rest of the year is religious fanaticism.

Traveling the world to meet with heads of state to confer on global issues is just a euphemism for goofin’ off. “Clearing brush” in Crawford is just another way of saying pondering the challenges that face a nation, and strategerizin’ world peace.

“Mission Accomplished” should be a banner on an aircraft carrier, NOT an actual goal.

“Support Our Troops” should be a bumper-sticker, NOT an actual policy.

A REAL president serves plastic turkey to troops in Iraq searching for WMDs that never existed.

A FAKE president serves real turkey to the homeless who, according to the GOP, don’t exist – and if they do, it’s their own fault for being where they are.

It’s all so simple to understand – when you’re simple-minded.

As many of you know, Project WZW (Who’s Zoomin’ Who) was launched a few months ago, when the organization advertised for volunteers willing to infiltrate Teabagger events and report back their findings as to what these nut-jobs were actually thinking (thinking being a relative term in this case).

The success of Project WZW was wholly dependent on volunteers being able to pass themselves off as “true believers”, and training centers were set up in various areas around the country in order to educate (or de-edumacate) those willing to take on this daunting task.

Although the response was overwhelming, it has become apparent that despite their fervor for the cause, many enlistees simply cannot disregard years of intelligent thought in order to carry out their mandate.

The stories are many …

While devoted to the aims of WZW, many volunteers persisted in showing up for practice runs armed with correctly-spelled protest signs, and often communicated with others in complete, coherent sentences – thereby immediately “outing” themselves as infiltrators.

An entire mission in Boston had to be aborted when WZWers, in their last exercise before attending a Teabagger event, were caught in a sudden downpour and immediately sought shelter – thus demonstrating that they had the common sense to come in out of the rain.

Dozens of volunteers dropped out of the project when their “uniforms” were delivered, consisting of sweatshirts emblazoned with US flags, pink and/or bright orange stretch pants, and hats festooned with teabags. “God knows I love my country,” said one tearful volunteer. “But I just can’t be seen in public in that get-up. I am truly sorry.”

Many hopeful WZWers were dismissed with thanks during the interrogation phase of the training, after unwittingly giving correct answers to questions about the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and passing 3rd-grade level civics quizzes with ease.

Many others met their downfall during the racial/sexual slur exercises. Unable to shout disgusting epithets aimed at ethnic minorities and/or gays and lesbians, they had no choice but to admit defeat in their efforts to “pass” as an honest-to-goodness homophobic bigot.

“Not everyone is cut out for this sort of thing,” said WZW organizer Will Franklin, who admitted he’d honed his own skills of blending in with the Teabagger crowd by listening to Rush Limbaugh’s programs over and over until nausea set in. “I also have a Glenn Beck style blackboard at home, which I scratch my fingernails across to get myself in a really pissed-off mood,” he chuckled. “Only problem is, the sound reminds me of Sarah Palin’s voice – which I have to pretend to actually enjoy.”

“There are just so many pitfalls,” added Franklin. “So many gotcha moments that can lead to exposing one of our WZW infiltrators in the midst of an angry crowd.” He went on to recount the story of a Nebraska schoolteacher who the organization had high hopes for – only to have those hopes dashed in the middle of a Teabagger rally outside of Lincoln several weeks ago.

“She was a real up-and-comer – able to act as ignorant as you please without breaking a sweat,” enthused Franklin. “But in the end, intelligence – like the truth – will always out. A placard in the crowd read No pubic option and – well, she just couldn’t resist grabbin’ a magic-marker out of her purse and adding an ‘L’. That was it. They smelled blood – knew she wasn’t one of them. It was all we could do to get her out of harm’s way before it was too late.”

“Unfortunately, there are hundreds of stories like that,” Franklin continues. “One of our plants in Reno, when confronted by a suspicious Teabagger, admitted that he’d never even thought about shooting a man just to watch him die. Another WZW operative in D.C. interrupted an MSM newscaster covering the event to correct him – on camera, for Crissakes! – when he announced that thousands of people were in attendance. She insisted he turn the camera on the twelve people who had actually shown up. It was a disaster.”

“Worst night of my life,” said Franklin, wiping a tear from his eye, “was when one of our people – considered the best-and-the-brightest at playing too-stupid-for-words – grabbed a microphone at a recent Teabagger gathering and stated unequivocally that Barack Obama was undoubtedly a US citizen and, in the face of no viable evidence to the contrary, the Birfers in the crowd were wasting everyone’s time by barking up the wrong tree.” Franklin ended the tale there, too emotional to go on.

Sadly, Franklin and his staff have suspended all WZW operations as of this writing. “We tried to be as abjectly stupid as the Teabaggers,” he announced in a press conference earlier today. “But in a battle of the faux witless and the really witless, we just couldn’t match them.”

He closed by stating: “Their stupidity IS stupidity. You just can’t fake that kind of cluelessness, no matter how hard you try.”

RE your Letter to the American People, April 10, 2010:

You began your little self-serving dissertation predictably – as those of your mindset have a tendency to do.

“In one year, the American people are witnessing the greatest lie that is cleverly orchestrated by President Obama and his whole administration. The lie is a potent aggression that feeds the needs of people who either have not educated themselves enough to understand the assault upon us all or the very poor and needy who live to be taken care of.”

The thing is, sir, that most Americans understand that their collective responsibility as citizens goes beyond merely keeping a nation healthy and fed. That responsibility includes empathy and compassion, a desire to extend a helping hand to those in need, a determination to lift those who have fallen by the wayside – often through no fault of their own – and render whatever assistance is necessary to get them back on their feet.

Your use of the phrase “the poor and needy who live to be taken care of” is a pitifully sad commentary on yourself as a human being, as well as an American. It implies that there are those whose very existence is nothing more than a drain on society as a whole, people who have nothing to contribute – nothing to say that is worth listening to, nothing to teach that is of value, nothing to usefully add to the lives of those around them.

I have never met such a person, sir – and if you believe you have, I would suggest that you just couldn’t be bothered to look beyond your own inflated sense of yourself in order to see the true worth that resides in others.

“Now the lie goes very deep and President Obama has been cleverly trained in the Alinsky method … a socialistic, Marxist teaching and with it, little by little, he rapes this nation, taking down our defences, making new language for the Islamic extremists.”

Again - as is oh, too predictable - you make such statements without offering any basis in fact. Exactly who “trained” President Obama in this method, and when? Precisely how is he “taking down our defences”? As for the phrase “making new language for Islamic extremists” – well, quite frankly, it is simply too nonsensical to deserve comment.

“The world (that) looked up to us as a symbol of hope and prosperity now wonders what will become of the entire world if America is losing its power.”

Of what power do you speak, sir? The power to illegally invade other nations based on lies about non-existent WMDs? The power to incarcerate and torture innocents for political purposes? The power to plunder the treasury in pursuit of aggression that only corporations and political cronies benefit from? The power to look the other way while unsafe foods line our store shelves, while lead-laden toys are offered to our children, while healthcare insurers leave people to sicken and die in order to increase their profits, while bankers extort millions from hard-working citizens in order to reward themselves with obscene remuneration?

I hope this doesn’t come as too much of a shock to you, sir, but the world does not “look up” to such behaviour as being a symbol of prosperity. They look down on it as a symbol of greed, that renders many citizens completely without hope of the better life they’d envisioned for themselves and their children.

“The American people who understand exactly what is taking place have come together in the thousands, vowing to try to stay together as a unit of love and freedom for all men and women … Every loving American for peace and truth and the security of our nation must come out and join the Tea Parties in their states.”

We have, unfortunately, seen the “love and freedom” these Teabaggers represent. We have heard them hurl racial epithets, taunt our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, and incite violence against their fellow citizens who disagree with them. And we have also heard people of your ilk deny such things – despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

In addition, we have seen their placards and signs – mis-spelled, factually incorrect, and grammatically incoherent to the point of being laughable. How ironic that you should refer to “aggression that feeds the needs of people who either have not educated themselves enough to understand the assault upon us all”, and actually mean anyone other than these ignorant bigots who take pride in their lack of understanding of the most basic government processes, as well as the words they use.

“Every loving American for peace and truth and the security of our nation must come out and join the Tea Parties in their states. The opposition will continue their tactics; they will lie and plant their own bullies amongst us.”

Thanks for the invitation, Jon – but no thanks. The fact that Teabaggers are gathering, as you have stated, “in the thousands” should be an indication that they are, in the great scheme of things, nothing more than a handful of voices in a country of over three hundred million.

They are small in number because most Americans do not share their views, nor wish to associate themselves in any way with what they represent. It’s as simple as that.

As for their opposition lying and planting bullies in their midst, suffice to say that when it comes to lying and bullying, they need little help from the outside in either regard.

Our founding fathers created these “united” states of America – not the “every man for himself” nation you seem to believe so strongly in. They taught us that our strength lies in unity, each citizen dependant on the other – each man’s individual freedom dependant on freedom for all, not the chosen few.

We have also learned from our immigrant forebears that inherent in being part of a nation that affords an opportunity for prosperity is an obligation to contribute to the prosperity of all; that we are each diminished when our neighbor is marginalized due to their financial standing, their ethnicity, their sexuality, their religious beliefs; that we are collectively responsible for the well-being of the individuals who make up the whole of our citizenry.

“Everyone must pay close attention to who stands next to them. We can weed out the liars and agitators.” Yes, Jon – we certainly can. And we, The People, intend to do so.

In closing, I would add something on a personal note. I have long admired your ability to bring so many characters to life on the screen; you have added immensely to the films we have come to love, and the stories we have enjoyed being told via the magic of movies that are so much a part of our culture.

That being said, I would be remiss if I did not add that your ability to act the part of a conscientious citizen of these United States is, to put it mildly, woefully inadequate – in fact, appallingly so.

Many an actor has endeavoured to play a role that proved too challenging for his skills – and the role of a decent American Citizen is obviously beyond your talents.

Yours Truly,
Nance Greggs


(The above is for "Cha" - I hope I have not disappointed.)


Edited to add a link to the meandering mindlessness of the aforementioned: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS-n9nKg7dM

So it’s the Teabaggers v the Sane. Alrighty, then, let’s do this.

But first, we have to get the ground rules straight.

Right off the bat, I think it imperative that we begin with a level playing field – and that field is gonna take a hell of a lot of leveling.

First off, you (the “Teabaggers”) have to stop griping about being called Teabaggers. You picked the name; we didn’t. The uniforms have already been delivered – and you’ll be wearing them. There’s no turning back now. (Next revolution, you might want to investigate the origins of your name, and perhaps choose more wisely).

Speaking of uniforms, we’ve chosen tasteful, everyday attire. It would seem you have chosen sweatshirts that desecrate the American flag by plastering it over your flabby stomachs and substantial butts. If you have reconsidered this choice, please advise.

Please be more specific in your complaints. Placards that read “Keep the guvmint’s hands off my Medicaid” have us confused. Being as Medicaid is now, always has been, and always will be a guvmint-run program, we’re not quite sure what you’re bitchin’ about. We stand ready to be enlightened.

In a Revolution, just as in all things, communication is key. While we, the Sane, have not taken up the cause of making English "are offical language", we do actually speak it fluently, and can communicate coherently. If you need a time-out to familiarize yourself with spelling and grammar, we are more than happy to accomodate you.

Choosing a leader is also important. We’ve chosen President Barack Obama. We will need to know who your “leader” is forthwith. (Note: If you are leaning towards Sarah Palin or Rush Limbaugh, you should be aware that skill-testing questions, along with drug-testing, will be required.) Again, if you need more time to come up with a leader who can pass either, we are willing to afford you whatever time is necessary.

No backsies – once you’re in, you’re in. This means that we can use public roads, highways, libraries (“liberrries” to you, and we figure there won’t be much of an argument from your side when it comes to their use) – and you can’t. You don’t believe the government should be “intruding” into your personal lives by building/maintaining same. So be it.

There will be no government hand-outs to you or yours – by way of medical treatment if you are injured, Social Security payments, food stamps, welfare, etc. We, on the other hand, will be free to benefit from any and all government “intrusion” into our lives.

Strictly off-limits: wiretapping citizens without a warrant, relegating dissenters to “free speech zones”, arresting and incarcerating anyone as “enemy combatants” without due process of law, subjecting anyone to torture – you know, all that fun stuff you people are so enamored of.

You cannot label anyone as a socialist or communist without being able to coherently and accurately define those terms. We cannot label anyone as an ill-informed douchebag without defining those terms – and we can, just so’s ya know.

Our “official spokespeople” will be named at a later date. We are still choosing from among the many Ph.D.s, Nobel Peace Prize recipients, Pulitzer award winners, and internationally renowned among our ranks. We are assuming you’ll be going with Hannity or Beck – or some other ill-informed douchebag who graduated Come-Loud from the Ding Dong School of Political Wherewithal. Please advise at your earliest convenience.

As in all Great Battles, the overwhelming question is: Whose side God is on?

Well, we’ve done some fact-checking (something you’re unfamiliar with, but you can Google it for a full explanation of the exercise) – and lo and behold, it seems that we who are concerned about the “least among us”, who consider ourselves “our brother’s keeper”, and have this thing about “doing unto others as we would have done unto ourselves” have a definite advantage with this long-haired, commie-pinko guy from way back – yeah, the same guy YOU drag out and re-hang on a cross whenever convenient!

I’m not saying we all believe in his divinity, or ability to save wretches like you from your just rewards – but damn, you can’t miss the fact that he’s more like one of us than one of you. And I hear he’s got some sway with his Dad.

Contrary to popular belief, the Revolution WILL be televised. So please leave your hooded robes at home – white sheets wrapped around pasty white faces tend to come across on-screen as a bland misrepresentation of what America looks like in reality – and, oh, yes, forgot to mention: reality is in play here. Sorry about that. But there will be a home version of the game for all runners-up, a suitable consolation prize for those who mistakenly thought bigotry, homophobia, AND cluelessness were the winning answers.

Now that the rules of engagement have been established, we await your response.

Operators are standing by. And to avoid any further confusion, please use Spellcheck before replying.

... and isn't THAT what the nation has been waiting for?

With all of the current discussion about Obama’s possible SCOTUS nominees, I started thinking (always a dangerous thing, in and of itself) about who I would nominate, were I the current POTUS.

I freely admit (reason No. 2,379,423 why I’m not the president) that I have a mean streak which, combined with a very dark sense of humour, would undoubtedly lead to some rather interesting suggestions.

Here is my personal short list:

In the Number Five position, none other than Harriet Miers. This one is strictly for laughs. It would be endless fun to watch the rightwingers argue with my initial announcement that if former President G.W. Bush thought she was the most qualified person he knew for the position, I would naturally defer to his better judgment.

Number Four: Orly Taitz. The country would wait with bated breath as she decided between (a) accepting a position that would garner the attention she so desperately craves and (b) stating that she couldn’t possibly accept a nomination from a president who, being a non-citizen, has no legal authority to nominate anyone.

Number Three: Michael Moore. Just to watch freeper heads explode – and isn’t that reason enough?

Number Two: Reverend Jeremiah Wright – because, as I will explain at length, the Supreme Court should include a well-known Christian minister, being as we’re a Christian nation and all.

My Number One pick would, of course, be Sarah Palin. This nomination would serve many purposes, to whit:

The MSM would cover the confirmation hearings 24-7 – which would, albeit inadvertently, get the public-at-large interested in the process.

In response to the first question, i.e. being asked to state her full name for the record, (clearly a “gotcha” question that no one should be expected to answer), she would undoubtedly respond after consulting her palm – and would forever after be officially known as “Energy Tax Lift-American-Spirits”.

The Democratic interlocutors would automatically be perceived as “being mean to poor Sarah” by asking any questions at all – such meanness giving audience member Mrs. Alito another opportunity to display her one, oft-unappreciated talent: being able to cry on cue.

Ordinary citizens would have a shot at collecting millions of dollars by placing on-line bets with Pinpoint-the-time-she-first-says-“You betcha!”-in-response-to-a-question.com.

The unbridled joy of hearing Ms. Palin, when asked about how many amendments to the Constitution she is familiar with, reply, “All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years,” and/or, “I’ll get back to ya on that.”

Listening to Quiterella explain how “your Department of Law there in the White House” actually works.

Hearing Ms. Sarah reiterate her vast knowledge of previous of SCOTUS decisions by confidently restating what she’s already opined: “Well, let's see. There's ― of course in the great history of America, there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―"

Millions of TV viewers tuning-in to see if Sarah actually shows up for the hearings wearing an S&M leather jacket and spiked-heel boots, and has her special-needs baby in tow as frequently as she did on the ’08 campaign trail.

The after-hours interviews on Larry King Live with Levi Johnston – and his answers to the question, “So whadda ya make of this whole Supreme Court thing, kid?”

Watching Sarah squirm as she is queried about her financial records, including the taxes she hasn’t paid on the structures built on her Alaska property, and where the funds came from to build her residence. Added bonus: the launch of a new reality series, “Watching Sarah Squirm”, which the Discovery channel could air to recoup its future losses on that ‘nother Palin show they were so quick to shell out for.

Reading John McCain’s TV Guide review of “Watching Sarah Squirm” – the only job he’s likely to get in future, and a suitable position at that.

For those who be would outraged by my nomination of Sarah (including all fans of the FB “A Million Fans Against President NanceGreggs’ SCOTUS Nomination” page), I can only reassure you that there is no danger here. No doubt lovely Sarah would quit partway through the confirmation hearings (I’d give it three days, tops – but that’s just me), and we could all move on to more serious considerations.

But wouldn’t it be Sarahloverly? (Cue one of a brazillion YouTube songs here …)

It is obvious that in view of the current state of the nation, the story of Constance McMillen may seem unimportant – that in the great scheme of things, a young girl’s tale of a disastrous prom night doesn’t deserve yet another retelling, by me or anyone else.

And in most other circumstances, I would tend to agree.

But there is this: When you think about everything that ails us as a nation, and as a global community – aggression, war, torture, corporate greed, a lack of empathy towards others, a sense of entitlement to power – and trace them back to their beginnings, you will undoubtedly find the kind of meanness of spirit that Constance was subjected to at the very core of the cancer that continues to creep, unabated, throughout the body of humankind.

Having been denied access to her own prom because, as a lesbian, she intended to bring her girlfriend as her date, Ms. McMillen – with the able assistance of the ACLU – had her day in court, and was told by school officials that her prom had been officially cancelled. Of course, that “official prom” was later reinstated, or so it seemed - until
Ms. McMillen arrived at the event and realized that she, along with seven others, were the only attendees.

In the meantime, students, teachers and parents had arranged for an “alternate prom” – one to which Ms. McMillen was decidedly not invited.

To say that none of this could have taken place without a massive effort on the part of said teachers, students and their parents is stating the obvious. And not quite satisfied with things as they were, insult to injury had to be added – as the students who attended the “alternate prom” posted their photos on Facebook, delighted by the fact that they’d managed to pull the wool over McMillen’s eyes.

The fact that two students with learning disabilities were also directed to attend McMillen’s “official prom” speaks volumes about a community that apparently decided that people who are different, by virtue of their sexuality or their disabilities, are equally deserving of exclusion.

Looking at these students from the vantage point of my advanced years, I see them as “kids” – not in the sense that they are immature, incapable of adult behavior, or not old enough to accept responsibility.

I say it in the sense that their young minds are still open to persuasion, malleable, capable of being led in the right direction, or misled into believing that the lessons recently taught by their parents and teachers – i.e. that discrimination is acceptable, that circumventing the law is completely permissible, that those who are “different” are deserving of exclusion from society, that downright meanness is somehow a good Christian value – are lessons that should be taken to heart.

And there was another lesson offered up as part and parcel of the aforementioned; the lesson that choosing to stand up for what you personally believe to be just and fair can have its consequences as well.

I think it safe to assume that not all Ms. McMillen’s fellow students felt that the actions of their parents and teachers was appropriate or justifiable. But once the mob mentality was allowed to take hold, (and the writing was on the Facebook wall, if you will), the choice presented was clear: you either stand with the perpetrators, or you stand with the victim – and, in doing the latter, you are fair game for the same kind of ridicule Ms. McMillen was subjected to.

Those of us who are politically active often comment on the policies of our elected officials; we opine on the greed of corporate powers-that-be, we wonder how some people can be so callous in their speech, so unethical in their business dealings, so lacking in sympathy towards their fellow citizens.

We ponder what kind of upbringing, what kind of family background could lead to such easy dismissal of the rules of law – as well as the rules of simple decency. We wonder how self-proclaimed “Christians” can be so bereft of empathy, so brazenly selfish, so without regard for the wellbeing of others – and not even seem to be aware that they live their lives in complete contradiction to the religious tenets they publicly pride themselves as adhering to.

This is where it starts. It begins with accepting discrimination, on any grounds, followed by a pat-on-the-back from parents, teachers, and the community-at-large for having done so. It is encouraged by a wink-wink/nod-nod, don’t worry, you’re one of US mentality given free rein. It is nurtured by a pseudo-Christian philosophy that says the end always justifies the means – even if you have to break a few commandments here and there along the way. It is allowed to flourish when otherwise good kids are taught how to go along to get along, lest they find themselves on the receiving end of the next round of harassment and ridicule.

And where does it end? I think we all know the answer to that question.

It ends with an insurance company CEO who feels entitled to a multi-million dollar salary, even if it comes at the price of thousands of people denied healthcare. It ends with crooked politicians who firmly believe the law is something to be twisted to their personal satisfaction, or ignored entirely because they are above it. It ends with warmongers calling for the deaths of those whose religion or color renders them somehow inferior because they are “different” . It ends with people who, once having attained some form of political or monetary power, use that power to live as they have been, oh, so carefully taught – with regard only to their own ambitions, and without regard to anyone else.

It ends with some of those things, many of those things, all of those things – and sometimes it even ends with a twenty-one-year-old kid, beaten and tortured, tied to a fence and left to die.

It is for this reason I personally believe that Ms. McMillen’s story deserves national attention, and careful scrutiny. Her story is but one tale – but there are others that will, unfortunately, go forever untold.

It may strike some that I am being overly dramatic in stating my case – or, more to the point, supporting Constance’s case.

But I have lived long enough to see the outcome of discrimination, of hatred, of so-called “Christianity” being used as a shield to protect behavior that is so clearly contrary to the teachings of Christ.

I have seen its genesis in incidents like the one at-hand, and understand that if weeds are not uprooted and exposed to the light of day, the garden stands little chance of reaching the full promise of its potential beauty, and its ultimate perfection.



“You've got to be taught to hate and fear, you've got to be taught from year to year,
it's got to be drummed in your dear little ear, you've got to be carefully taught.”*

*Rodgers & Hammerstein, “South Pacific”

TO: Anthony G. Martin
c/o "Conservative Examiner"

Sir:

A link to your recent piece, was today posted on DemocraticUnderground – and I must admit that the hilarity that ensued was well worth the read.

You begin with: “In what is being called ‘the biggest hustle in human history’, a special investigation has discovered numerous bogus claims on Barack Obama's resume, including the outright lie that he was a 'Constitutional scholar and professor'.”

You further state: “As investigators delve further into the background of Barack Obama, a disturbing picture is emerging of a man who is not who he claims to be. The information the public has been told concerning Obama is turning out to be false--fabrications and inventions of a man and an unseen force behind him that had clear ulterior motives for seeking the highest office in the land.”

I am truly curious as to exactly who is calling this ‘the biggest hustle’ (besides the blogger you linked to), and who these “investigators” are. Do you have a clue? You seem to be clueless in so many respects, I thought perhaps you might have at least one clue about something – anything. But maybe not.

What is the “unseen force” behind the President, and what are the “clear ulterior motives” for his seeking office? If they’re so clear, why are you incapable of articulating them?

You go on: “According to a special report issued by The Blogging Professor, the Chicago Law School faculty hated Obama. The report states that Obama was unqualified, that he was never a 'constitutional professor and scholar,' and that he never served as editor of the Harvard Law Review while a student at the school.”

Interestingly enough, here’s what The Blogging Professor has to say on the matter:

“Since I continue to get blasted with emails (supportive, critical and ones asking to interview me as having written some kind of 'special report' which I did not do), I am removing those parts of this post that I did not myself investigate.
I’ll say once again as I've said to several emailers, I didn't do the original investigation of this. This was a pass-down from another blog cited in the post, and these are allegations from sources that I haven't confirmed”.

Ooops! Looks like your source of information is flatly denying any involvement in the “special report” you are attributing to him. Shame, shame, Mr. Martin – you’ve been caught being clueless yet again. But I’m sure that happens a lot, so you’re probably used to it by now.

You then go on to rant and rail about Obama “lying” about his status as a professor at the University of Chicago – instead of just quoting from the law school’s own statement:

“From 1992 until his election to the U.S. Senate in 2004, Barack Obama served as a professor in the Law School. He was a Lecturer from 1992 to 1996. He was a Senior Lecturer from 1996 to 2004, during which time he taught three courses per year. Senior Lecturers are considered to be members of the Law School faculty and are regarded as professors, although not full-time or tenure-track. The title of Senior Lecturer is distinct from the title of Lecturer, which signifies adjunct status. Like Obama, each of the Law School's Senior Lecturers have high-demand careers in politics or public service, which prevent full-time teaching. Several times during his 12 years as a professor in the Law School, Obama was invited to join the faculty in a full-time tenure-track position, but he declined."

You also include as “evidence” of President Obama’s lackluster academic career yet another reliable source (ahem, another blogger, Doug Ross) who states: “I spent some time with the highest tenured faculty member at Chicago Law a few months back, and he did not have many nice things to say about "Barry." The other professors hated him because he was lazy, unqualified, never attended any of the faculty meetings, and it was clear that the position was nothing more than a political stepping stool. According to my professor friend, he had the lowest intellectual capacity in the building.”

Let’s review the story so far, shall we? You use bloggers and present them as though they are unimpeachable sources – and even the blogger you quote admits that their information emanates from an unnamed “professor friend”. Hmmm, journalistic integrity at its highest.

But you (or Mr. Ross – your article is so incoherent, it’s difficult to know at any given point just who's zoomin' who) insist on droning on: “President Barack Obama … is no longer a ‘lawyer’. He surrendered his license back in 2008 possibly to escape charges that he ‘fibbed’ on his bar application.” .

As a court reporter for the last twenty-five years, I’ve known a lawyer or two. And I’ve known dozens of them who voluntarily surrendered their licenses when they decided to go into another career. But I wouldn’t want facts to stand in your way – because, obviously, you don’t.

Now, let me digress for just a minute here, if I may – because the phrase “possibly to escape charges” is fraught with danger, sir, and could be used against you as easily as against the President – or anyone else. I note that you do not currently hold public office – is that possibly because you are under investigation for drug trafficking? I also note that you are not presently a Cub Scout leader – is that possibly because you’re a registered sex offender? After all, I have seen no evidence to the contrary, so anything is “possible”.

But you soldier on: “Michelle Obama ‘voluntarily surrendered’ her law license in 1993. So, we have the President and First Lady - who don't actually have licenses to practice law.”

You are aware, sir, that being licensed to practice law is not a requirement for holding the office of the presidency – and, I would dare to venture, is not a requirement for being First Lady either. I think most people know that. But in your case, being clueless and all, I thought I’d point it out nonetheless.

Your equally clueless Mr. Ross goes on to say: “The former Constitutional senior lecturer cited the U.S. Constitution recently during his State of the Union Address. Unfortunately, the quote he cited was from the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution. In the State of the Union Address, President Obama said: "We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawing on the promise enshrined in our Constitution: the notion that we are all created equal."

By the way, the promises are not a notion, our founders named them unalienable rights. The document is our Declaration of Independence and it reads: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

President Obama did not cite a quote from the Declaration of Independence. What he said was that our diversity draws on the promise that is enshrined in the Constitution, the notion that we are all created equal. But cluelessness being what it is, I can appreciate that Mr. Ross doesn’t understand the difference between quoting from one document and connecting its inherent meaning to another.

But, as Mr. Ross himself points out, “When you are a phony it's hard to keep facts straight.” I guess that applies to phony “journalists” more than anyone these days – being that there are so many of you out there.

You do realize, sir (or perhaps I shouldn’t make assumptions about what you have the capacity to “realize”), there are bloggers out there who also believe the Earth is flat? (Sorry to have brought that up – you might be citing them as reliable sources before the day is out.)

You end your little diatribe with: “Just as these disturbing facts come to light about Barack Obama, the White House is busy making deals with numerous 'journalists,' promising unprecedented access to the President in exchange for refraining from reporting certain information 'they may discover.'”

Wow! Now, that IS news! You wouldn’t happen to have any facts to back up that assertion – I mean other than I got this info from a blogger, who got it from another blogger, who heard it from his butcher’s son-in-law, whose neighbor’s cousin (twice removed) swears it’s true!

In closing, Mr. Martin, I would state what should be the obvious: Quoting bloggers (especially those who, in turn, quote other bloggers) does not qualify as journalism – it doesn’t even qualify as being interesting in the least.

But should you want to pursue a career in what you obviously consider to be journalism, you might want to contact FOX-News and offer your “services”. They seem to be even less picky about what they consider “journalistic integrity” than you are.

Yours Truly,
NanceGreggs*

*Blogger but self-proclaimed non-journalist, because I recognize that my personal opinion on any given topic does not equate to fact. But, hey, feel free to quote me.

New York City, NY - April 1, 2010

Months of intensive investigation by the FBI culminated in the arrest of two NYC men early this morning.

Documents confiscated from their offices, along with two years worth of emails retrieved from computers, disclosed the mechanism by which they plotted to abscond with millions of dollars of cash contributions from GOP party donors.

Taken into custody were Max Bialystock of Manhattan, a former theatrical agent, and Leo Bloom, a chartered accountant from Forest Hills, NY.

The plan was a simple one. After offering their services as consultants to the GOP, Bialystock & Bloom would begin the systematic ruination of the party, based on the premise that once the political power ceased to exist, vast sums of cash on reserve would no longer require being fully accounted for – leaving the duo free to transfer the funds into offshore bank accounts.

Bloom, who immediately agreed to testify against his former partner in exchange for a reduction in charges, described the scam as “too easy to resist”.

B & B were signed on as campaign strategists in early 2008, and immediately put their diabolical scheme into action. Having concluded that the Democrats would likely nominate the intelligent, charismatic Barack Obama, Bialystok and Bloom convinced Republican powers-that-be that running a pasty-white old curmudgeon against the handsome black candidate would secure the WH for the GOP .

“Max and I figured we couldn’t lose with John McCain,” explained Bloom. “That is, they couldn’t win with him.” He went on to describe how he and his partner “sealed the deal” by securing the VP nomination for a then-unknown whackjob from Wasilla, Alaska. “There was always an outside chance, however remote, that McCain might appeal to a few quasi-intelligent voters. But once Sarah agreed to come onboard, we knew we could all but eliminate that possibility. And, as they say, the rest is history.”

After losing the presidential race, B & B convinced party power brokers to continue their retainer as “advisors” – and the disintegration of the GOP began in earnest.

Bloom credits his former partner with Michael Steele’s appointment in January 2009. “Getting them to hire a totally inept idiot, who lacked both political savvy and common sense was, I have to admit, a stroke of genius on Max’s part.”

Bloom, however, takes full kudos for the concept of organizing “tea party” events, and for suggesting the name “teabaggers”. “We used to laugh ourselves silly over how quick they were to latch onto the name,” mused Bloom. “It took them months before it started to dawn on them what the term meant – and by then, it was too late.”

As cash poured into RNC coffers from donors “fired up” by threats of soccalizm, death panels, and the pubic option, B & B revved up their plans. “The idea was to continue to convince Republican politicians and pundits to look and sound as ridiculous as possible,” explains Bloom, adding that in most cases, little effort was needed in that regard. “Boehner’s day-glo orange tan, Cantor’s magic bullet theory – I mean, it’s not like these people needed a lot of coaching. They came up with their own schtick, and we couldn’t have been happier. As for Palin, of course – well, talk about a gift that just keeps on giving.”

Unfortunately, B & B’s plot to spirit millions in cash out of the country proved to be a day late and a dollar short when an approved RNC expense item for a night out at “Voyeurs”, a West Hollywood babes-‘n’-bondage bar, came to light earlier this week.

“We were counting on the media’s usual practice of ignoring GOP wrongdoing to keep the story quiet,” said Bloom, still shaking his head in disbelief, describing how donor money started to dry up immediately once the story broke. “No-accountability Halliburton contracts, skids of cash gone missing in Iraq – when you think of what they never covered in the MSM, you can understand how high our comfort level was. And then this two thousand dollar piece of shit hits the fan, and suddenly it’s a big deal.”

Bloom reached into his pocket and retrieved a piece of blue bankey, using it to stroke his cheek consolingly. “We were so close to pulling it off,” he mumbled, weeping quietly. “The party was losing registered Republican voters literally on a minute to minute basis. Fatty and I figured the whole shebang would be down the tubes by November – in which case the auditors wouldn’t be looking too closely at what cash, if any, was left in a washed-up political party’s accounts. Now, thanks to this, everyone wants an accounting of every penny.”

“So close,” sobbed Bloom. “So fuckin’ close.”

Bloom’s partner, Max Bialystock, refused to be interviewed. He did, however, indicate that negotiations are ongoing with the GOP for future consulting services he can perform for the party while serving time.

Faced with yet another resurgence of outrage over the Catholic Church’s systematic cover-up of the sexual abuse of children at the hands of its priests – this time triggered by allegations that the current pontiff himself participated in this heinous exercise – Pope Benedict XVI today chose to respond not by reassuring the faithful that such a serious matter would be investigated and addressed, but instead by adding insult to injury.

In his address to the crowd assembled in St. Peter’s Square to observe Palm Sunday, His Holier-Than-Thouness stated that faith in God leads one "towards the courage of not allowing one’s self to be intimidated by the petty gossip of dominant opinion".

One cannot help but note the use of the words “one’s self” – because, as this particular pontiff has demonstrated time and again, it’s his world, and it’s all about him, and the children who were stripped of the innocence of their childhood be damned – literally and figuratively – for suggesting otherwise.

Petty gossip. The ruination of so many lives, the emotional turmoil lived and relived by not only the victims of abuse, but their families, their neighbours, their communities – reduced, with a sense of arrogance and self-serving cover-your-own-assitude, to the term “petty gossip”, allegedly predicated not on facts as we now all now know them to be, but on something as inconsequential as "dominant opinion".

It is a phrase one would expect to see as a headline in a fan-magazine, in response to rumours of infidelity leveled against a current star-de-jour. To see it invoked by the allegedly infallible leader of millions of faithful Catholics in the context of the sexual abuse of children is, to put it mildly, an affront to human decency.

The truth of the matter is that we will never know the full extent of the truth of the matter. We will never know how many children have been abused, how many continue to keep such soul-searing incidents to themselves – out of shame for what they were subjected to, out of respect for a church that failed them completely, out of fear that “going public” will end in a kind of private hell few of us can imagine.

We will never know how far-reaching the effects of such abuse have been; how many tormented children still suffer now as adults – those who live with untold nightmares, those who have eschewed relationships, marriage, children of their own, too emotionally damaged to participate in the fulsomeness of life as the rest of us know it.

We will never know how many children could have been spared the pain, the anxiety, the humiliation of being preyed upon by sexual predators had the Church handed its pedophiles over to the appropriate authorities, rather than brazenly – and, dare I say (and I do), with malice aforethought – placing such predators in positions where their lust for the most defenseless among us could be satisfied without fear of detection or consequences.

We will never know how many priests, who had suppressed their desires for young flesh for years, even decades, were encouraged to indulge their proclivities by the knowledge that their behaviour would be officially “unacknowledged”, and their sins steadfastly protected from public view.

We will never know how many suicides were prompted, how many violent acts were triggered, how many failed lives are attributable to the actions of men without conscience, or their superiors who aided and abetted those actions by allowing them to continue unabated.

The fact is that had the Catholic Church swept this scandal under the rug by transferring its pedophile priests to positions where their access to children was non-existent, or their conduct was closely monitored, the world-at-large would have – upon learning of such things after-the-fact – understood its protective attitude, its reluctance to have its dirty laundry publicly aired, its decision to take matters into its own hands and deal with the problem behind closed doors.

However, as we now know, the “problem” was not dealt with at all. In fact, it was allowed to flourish with the full knowledge – and actual participation – of those whose solemn vows dictated the exact opposite course of action.

Transferring a priest accused of sexually abusing a child to another, never-forewarned parish is not a matter of rectifying an embarrassing problem. It is, in no uncertain terms, complicity – a complicity to ensure that those who had a penchant for indulging in sexual activity with unwilling, under-aged victims would have access to an unending supply of young flesh to prey upon, along with an assurance that should “petty gossip” hound the rapist, the victim of said rape would be quickly silenced through intimidation and/or humiliated in a public court by accusations of their own complicity – or even the threat of eternal damnation for speaking the truth.

In the secular world, the behaviour the Catholic Church has participated in is known as pimping. In the world of Holy Mother the Church, as now exemplified by the attitude if its esteemed leader, it is simply known as petty gossip.

Although no longer a Catholic, I was raised as one – in the strictest of conditions, including being educated in a Catholic school. I am the descendant of generations of German and Irish Catholic ancestors, and understand their mindset – their unwavering faith in the Christ whose teachings they grew up with, and embrace to this day.

Like millions of other present-day Catholics, they are reluctant to abandon the tenets of their faith. But their faith is founded upon the teachings of Christ, not the arrogant admonitions of a manipulative pontiff whose current focus is an attempt to persuade the faithful that he, along with the pimps who placed him in his present position, is somehow blameless for the suffering of those they collectively placed in harm’s way – not as a sacrifice to an angry God, but as a meal to be served to the most decadent among themselves.

I believe that Catholicism, as a religion, will survive. But the survival of the Catholic Church as an organization, as corrupt a corporation as the world has ever known – well, that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish-and-loaves.

And I, for one, will be glad to see it destroyed – and resurrected, into the state of being in which it was meant to exist, by those who are not merely disinterested shareholders concerned with the bottom line, but those who are truly “of the faith”.

As an ex-Catholic, I no longer believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, et cetera.

But I DO believe that this self-serving, ass-covering pope is about to be proven as fallible as the next guy who thinks sodomizing, raping, or in any way molesting an innocent child is not a matter of grave concern – but simply a matter of damage control, lest the collection plates be reduced to a pittance, and the coffers be emptied by legal fees and the obligations of restitution to the wronged.

On a personal note, should this missive somehow find its way into the pontiff’s hands, I would urge an examination of conscience, the confession of sins, and a solemn oath before God to do penance, and amend one’s life accordingly.

Amen.

Mr. Newt Gingrich, L.A.E.

Sir:

It was with great interest, and no small amount of astonishment, that I read your recent remarks about the attacks on Democrats who supported the HCR bill, and passed it into law.

After laudably condemning the use of violence or the threat thereof, you went on to state:

“I think the Democratic leadership has to take some moral responsibility for having behaved with such arrogance, in such a hostile way, that the American people are deeply upset. So let’s be honest with this. This is a game that they’re playing.”

Yes, by all means, sir – let’s be honest about this.

No doubt, millions of Americans are upset by the passage of the healthcare reform bill into law. Also not in doubt is that many of them are upset – infuriated! – because they have been told, and verily believe, that this law will mean that their elderly parents will be euthanized by decree of “death panels”, that their doctors will be forced to consult with government bureaucrats before treating them, and that those bureaucrats will have the final say on what treatment they receive.

I think we can both agree, sir, that this kind of misinformation did not emanate from the Democratic side of the aisle.

Throughout the debate on the issue of HCR, we have heard distortions, misrepresentations and – yes, let’s be really honest – out-and-out lies not only from the radio and TV personalities your party supports, but from prominent Republican office-holders themselves.

I stand to be corrected, sir, but not once have I heard anyone of your party condemn the dissemination of blatant falsehoods, nor even attempt to clarify or correct them.

Yes, Mr. Gingrich, there is a “game being played here”, and it is a vicious game indeed. The GOP has distorted the truth about HCR and its benefits not out of some sense of duty to educate the citizenry, but for political purposes. And the fact that those who now believe your party’s version of its implications are moved to unfettered fury, and even physical violence, is an outcome you knew full well would unfold.

That being said, let’s move on to the topic of “taking some moral responsibility”, shall we?

To this day, I have yet to hear any member of the Bush administration accept any responsibility for the actions and policies which have proven highly detrimental to our country, our environment, our standing in the global community – nor the lives damaged, destroyed and lost as a result of their conduct.

When did G.W. Bush, or any of his cohorts, take even a modicum of responsibility for the attacks of September 11th, which occurred after they dismissed and/or ignored numerous warnings from intelligence experts that such an event was likely imminent?

Even a simple statement like, "Heh, heh, guess I should've spent more time listenin' to them folks and less time on vacation," would have have been a step in the right direction.

Where is the shouldering of some moral responsibility for the troops who died pursuing WMDs in Iraq that never existed, or the deaths of innocent Iraqi citizens? Where is the taking of responsibility for plundering the treasury in the execution of a war predicated on what was, at best, complete incompetence in predicting its duration, cost and outcome – and, at worst, the pursuit of said actions despite reliable counsel to the contrary?

Where is the acceptance of responsibility for the needless deaths in NOLA thanks to the appointment of an inexperienced political crony to a position on which so many lives would come to depend?

Where are the contrite mea culpas for the behavior of the last administration – and the party that fully supported it – which has resulted in the appalling state of our economy, unprecedented debt, unemployment, outsourced jobs, lowered environmental standards, lowered education standards, financial institutions given free rein to bilk hardworking Americans – the tortured, the maimed, the orphaned, the dead?

Perhaps the most glaring example of your party members’ inability to accept any responsibility for their actions is Dick Cheney himself. After shooting his friend in the face, the Dick had the temerity to accept an apology from his victim, who asked to be pardoned for causing poor Mr. Cheney the undue embarrassment of negative publicity.

That, sir, is the attitude of the GOP – not only the party of NO, but the party of No matter what transpires, it’s NEVER our fault.

And now we have you, sir, displaying the same unmitigated gall that Cheney so aptly exemplified.

Your party members have lied, repeatedly, about HCR and its implications. You have stood by, silently, while your preferred sources of misinformation have fed utter nonsense to your foolishly trusting constituents, and you have done nothing – I repeat, nothing – to condemn such nonsense, nor disassociate yourselves from those who spew it.

Well, as they say, Mr. Gingrich, eventually the truth will out. When the death panels fail to materialize, when the previously uninsured realize they, too, can have access to affordable healthcare, when the citizenry come to understand that their healthcare providers are not required – in any way, shape, or form – to obtain authorization from a government official before dispensing treatment, the sound you will undoubtedly hear is that of the final flush as your party goes down the proverbial toilet.

Put more succinctly, sir, if you and your colleagues are waiting for an apology from the people you’ve shot in the face, I can assure you it won’t be forthcoming.

But perhaps, as part of your final farewell, you can insist that they “share some responsibility” – after all, they were stupid enough to have trusted you.

Yours Most Sincerely,
Nance Greggs

We have been told by the defenders of those who murder abortion-providers that such heinous actions are merely a heroic attempt to save lives.

We have been told by self-proclaimed Christians that torture is acceptable, and humane treatment of our enemies, real or perceived, is something Jesus himself would never condone.

We have been chastised by adulterers and pedophiles about our lack of morals and strong family values.

We have been admonished by bigots and bullies for seeking equality for those of a “different” color, religion, or sexual orientation.

We have been labelled anti-American for chaining ourselves to fences in protest of a way of life that includes endless war – by people who accepted the act of chaining a young man to a fence, beating him, and leaving him to die, in protest of his “alternate lifestyle”.

We have been called irresponsible by the so-called fiscal conservatives who have spent our nation into unprecedented debt.

We have been admonished for being mindless sheep who believe everything we hear by the fans of mindless idiots – who admonish their audience to believe everything they say.

We have been called unpatriotic for refusing to ignore the plight of our troops caused by the very people who sent them into combat ill-equipped, and who ignore their needs when they return home, wounded in body and mind.

We have been warned about lazy Welfare Queens by politicians who accept government handouts to subsidize their personal interests and family businesses.

We have been preached to by self-anointed spokesmen for Jesus about the dangers of loving our neighbor, being our brothers’ keeper, caring for the poorest among us.

We have been lectured about the Constitution by people who supported a president determined, at best, to ignore it – and, at worst, to circumvent it at every turn.

We have been told by media pundits that broadcasters who incite violence against fellow citizens are simply Americans exercising their freedom of speech – and that speaking out against an illegal war is un-American.

We have been assured by pseudo-journalists that misleading the public – by commission or omission, or presenting opinion as fact – is simply part and parcel of freedom of the press.

We have been called intellectual snobs for deigning to be informed of the facts, and being articulate enough to communicate without mangling the English language.

We have been called elitists by politicians who live in well-appointed gated communities, and have their chauffeurs drive their children to private schools, and themselves to their exclusive country clubs.

We have been scolded by diaper-clad brothel customers and public bathroom sex solicitors for our lack of sound character and moral rectitude.

We have been laughed at for our insistence that global climate change is a reality by people who insist that the earth is 6,000 years old, and dinosaurs peacefully co-existed with man.

We have been belittled by alleged upholders of the law for demanding that the law actually be upheld.

We have been laughed at by those who cling to self-imposed ignorance because we keep ourselves well informed.

We have been railed against for our “dirty tactics, lack of transparency, and underhanded dealings” by those who have used the same tactics, hidden their malfeasance, and brokered backroom deals as a matter of course for decades.

And throughout all of this, we have not resorted to violence against the government in power, nor have we threatened the lives of those who have sinned against us as a nation.

We have not murdered those who are anti-choice and called it a life-saving measure. We have not threatened the lives of the children of politicians who sent our children into a war based on lies.

We have not encouraged our spokespeople to incite those who are angry to take matters into their own hands, nor have we defended the actions of those who have.

We have not twisted the words of Christ to mean something completely contrary to their true intent. We have not used Christianity as a sword by which to rid ourselves of those we disagree with, nor a shield to hide behind when we know we are wrong, nor a banner under which to raise armies to fight for causes we know to be unjust.

We do not embrace lies when the truth is inconvenient, or fails to serve our purpose. We do not use those lies as a means to pit citizen against citizen.

We have been repeatedly called “terrorist sympathizers” – and now those who hurled that epithet are blatantly promoting domestic terrorism.

What is happening in our country at this minute is not a matter of right and left, but a matter of right and wrong. It is not the manifestation of a difference of opinion, but the end result of fomenting opinions that inevitably lead to anger and violence – and justifying that end result by labelling death threats as innocuous, isolated incidents, and the perpetrators of violence as merely well-meaning but frustrated citizens.

Now is the time – not for all good men to come to the aid of their party, but for all good men to come to the aid of their country. The lines are being drawn, and the clarion call to battle has been sounded.

Where we go from here is not a matter of one’s individual political persuasion. It is a matter of our collective adherence to the law, and our sense of purpose as a nation. And those who would attempt to persuade us otherwise are the “enemies within” – and should not only be acknowledged as such, but dealt with accordingly.

Treason is a serious allegation; it is word that should not be treated lightly nor invoked unadvisedly.

But there are traitors among us this night - and we all know who they are. And so do they.