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Amerigo Vespucci's Journal - Archives
Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in General Discussion
Sun Dec 26th 2010, 08:54 PM
Remember those? Random calls to a few enlisted personnel before he started hittin' the holiday longnecks REAL hard?

"Howdy, Stretch...or should I say "Corporal Stretch"...heh heh heh...this is Prez'nent Bush and ah'm 'a callin' you from Camp David to say yer doing' a heck of a job. You know, I was in the Army too...well, actually, it was the Texas Air National Guard...HOOK 'EM, HORNS!...HEH HEH HEH!...anyway, HEH HEH HEH!...woah, that was a good 'un...but I never done no fightin' or nothin' because I was takin' flyin' lessons, and I was 'a gonna fight, but there was this whole thing about me peein' in a cup, and so my daddy hadda make a few phone calls, and I didn't have any lessons after that...HEH HEH HEH!...and then I was runnin' this earle comp' daddy's friends the A-rabs set that one up for me...HEH HEH HEH!...and well...gotta go make the next call so's I can have lunch. MERRY CHRISTMAS, CAPTAIN STRETCH! HEH HEH HEH!"
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Thu Dec 23rd 2010, 12:06 PM

Got this email this morning before I had my first cup of coffee:

Hello (My Real Name),
Hope all is well with you. Could you please let me know what the Username and Password is so the new Menu can be downloaded to the Website.
Happy Holiday!
(My Client)


A competitor re-designed her menus, but you don't "download menus to the Website" upload them...and if it is the competitor's intention to upload PDFs of the menus, it will wipe out the text menus I've built. And as clients will sometimes do, she tells me about this after the work has already been completed. It was never discussed with me...I never had a chance to bid on it.

I also don't know if they re-designed the menus, the Website, or both...and if they stole any of my photos in the process. The last time this happened the competitor stole several of the photos I'd taken, the Flash application I'd built to display them, and ALL of the text I'd written. It was like all of my content had been placed into a shitty template thrown together by these Silicon Valley guys who "specialize" in restaurant Websites, and every site they spit out looks like EVERY OTHER ONE of their sites.

Clients think that when they pay for a Website, which includes multiple photo shoots, they "own" everything and can do with it as they wish...including handing it off to one of my direct competitors so they can present my work as their own. They fail to read the fucking contract they signed, and even if they did, they pull this stuff ANYWAY.

And the reality is that currently I have neither the time nor the financial resources to go after this client, even if she screwed me over. I have to just let it go and allow Karma to catch up with her later.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in General Discussion
Tue Dec 21st 2010, 04:43 PM
I knew pretty early in life that I wasn't going to marry my high school sweetheart, have 2.5 wonderfully behaved and genetically perfect kids, live in a house with a white pickett fence, and drive a luxurious air-conditioned station wagon with fake wood paneling on the side.

I don't know HOW I knew this...I just DID.

Both Frank and Don had short "songs" that they're remembered for, little two or three minute things that the sound bite crowd loved. For Frank, it might have been his "hit," "Valley Girl" (although that was longer than 3 minutes), and for Don, maybe "Diddy Wah Diddy."

But more often than not, they wanted you to sit back, shut the hell up, give them the keys, and let them drive the car.

Zappa's "Absolutely Free" and "We're Only In It For The Money" were terrifying, roller coaster ride excursions into the dark heart of America, populated with greasers and Pachucos and corrupt authority figures and "filthy hippies" and and "squeaky-clean" high school kids painting posters for the pep rally and the one common thread that held the whole mess together is that we're all expected to get through this life, somehow, in one piece.

For Don, "Lick My Decals Off Baby" is considered by many to be his finest effort, but the game-changer...the one that firmly established him as a force to be reckoned with...has got to be "Trout Mask Replica." Don actually petitioned Zappa's record label to pay for a round-the-clock tree surgeon so that the trees outside the session wouldn't be "disturbed" by the music. How the hell do you not love an album...or the musicians who made it...under those circumstances?

I've owned the complete Zappa and Beefheart catalogs for years, but like so many other people, set aside some quality listening time out of respect for Don in recent days. What struck me the most was one song from his next-to-last album, 1980's "Doc At The Radar Station"..."Making Love to a Vampire with a Monkey on my Knee."

It's filled with sex and anger and confusion and well as lines like "Gnats fucked my ears 'n nostrils"...but it's the final lines from the song that, for me, were the ultimate eulogy for Don Van Vliet:

Take my hand 'n join me... too soon its clutches gleams
Making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee
Death be damned... life

Bob Mould had a song on his second solo album, "Black Sheets of Rain," called "The Hanging Tree." It contains the lyrics "Is there a place for those of us who don't belong?"

Frank and Don answered that question. No, there isn't You make the place and you burn in it, like Kerouac wrote in "On The Road"...

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” burn, burn, burn and never look over your shoulder, never give a moment's thought to the man or woman others want or expect you to be...

...and in doing so, you become immortal.

And the pantaloon duck

White gooseneck quacked



R.I.P., Don.
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in Editorials & Other Articles
Fri Dec 17th 2010, 10:42 PM
Friday, Dec 17, 2010 11:30 ET
War Room
"Good Morning America's" painfully friendly interview with Sarah Palin
By Alex Pareene

So today's "Good Morning America" had a lengthy packaged interview with Sarah Palin, the famous former governor of Alaska and book author. Poor Robin Roberts had to trek all the way to Wasilla in mid-December to sit in a room at what appears to be the Great Northern Hotel and listen to free-associative demagoguery in a singsongy tone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

But I quickly lost my sympathy for the reporter once the interview began. An early question was about how much John Boehner cries, for some reason.

The interview was basically split into a couple of distinct sections: How awesome is your family, how bad is Barack Obama, how awful are people who criticize you, and how awesome is America?

In the awesomeness of America/badness of Barack Obama section, Palin basically just repeated the thesis of her most recent book. She loves America, but she is worried about keeping it awesome. She says (and I am distilling about 400 stalling words down to a succinct statement here) "there are things we can do as individuals to allow America to remain exceptional." Why are hardcore American exceptionalists so insecure about American exceptionalism? America doesn't need anyone's permission to remain exceptional! (Also I feel like in the past American exceptionalists didn't specifically use the word "exceptional" so much.)
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in General Discussion
Mon Dec 13th 2010, 08:18 PM
President Obama disrespected me, says House Speaker-elect Boehner /

By Nathan Diebenow
Sunday, December 12th, 2010 -- 10:48 pm

The incoming Speaker of the House of Representatives took offense to the president's accusation that he and his party were holding taxpayers hostage in order to hand tax breaks to the wealthy, according to a television interview Sunday night.

“Excuse me, Mr. President, I thought the election was over,” John Boehner (R-OH) told CBS's 60 Minutes. “You know, you get a lot of that heated rhetoric during an election. But now it's time to govern.”

"I've got thick skin," he added. "And a lot of words get said here in Washington. You just have to let 'em run off your back. The president was having a tough day."

Yet Boehner, the current GOP minority leader, told interviewer Leslie Stahl later that President Obama had disrespected him personally.

The report also highlighted Boehner's tendency to shed tears -- at losses such as that of his leadership spot in 1998 and and during a speech celebrating GOP victories in the 2010 midterm elections.
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in Editorials & Other Articles
Sun Dec 05th 2010, 09:52 PM

"That's the way it is with a wiseguy partner.

He gets his money no matter what.

You got no business?

Fuck you, pay me.

You had a fire?

Fuck you, pay me.

The place got hit by lightning?

Fuck you, pay me."

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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Wed Nov 24th 2010, 02:31 PM
Palin rebukes Barbara Bush, family as 'blue bloods' after remark
By Elise Viebeck - 11/24/10 12:44 PM ET

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) denounced the Bush family as "blue bloods" in an interview posted Wednesday and remarked that a mentality like theirs helped to cause the economic downturn.

Her comment came in response to a statement made by former first lady Barbara Bush during an interview with CNN's Larry King earlier this week. Asked for her take on Palin, Bush told King: "I think she's very happy in Alaska, and I hope she'll stay there."

Conservative radio host Laura Ingraham followed up with Palin, asking if she thought Bush's comment had been planned ahead of time. Palin had this to say:

"I don't want to sort of concede that we have to get used to this kind of thing because I think the majority of Americans don't want to put up with the blue bloods — and I say it with all due respect because I love the Bushes — but the blue bloods who want to pick and choose their winners instead of allowing competition to pick and choose the winners."

She then invoked the economic crisis to explain her point.

"They (blue bloods) kind of do some of this with the economic policies that were in place that got us into these economic woeful times, too," Palin said. "So I don't know if that kind of stuff is planned out but it is what it is. We deal with it, and we forge ahead and we keep doing what we're doing." -
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Wed Sep 15th 2010, 12:08 AM

The spelling nazi's

No, that's possessive. You meant to say "The spelling nazis."

God, do I fucking want to slap the shit out of people who "correct" other people's posts. I wanna slap them and slap them and slap them until their mommy opens the basement door and says "are you OK down there, honey?"

I hate those little fucks almost as much as the ones who post "DUPE" or "ALREADY POSTED" but not quite. Those little S.O.B.s always must be slapped HARDEST and FIRST. The minute they post "DUPE" they should hit the deck, sobbing and asking "WHY did you SLAP me?"

So CELEBRATE your grammatically imperfect post, my friend, CELEBRATE it...that's your right as an AMERICAN.

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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Mon Sep 13th 2010, 08:16 PM
Till death do us part

Love, honor, cherish, obey

You want fries with that?

Copyright © 2010 Amerigo Vespucci, PoochCo International, a division of Halliburton. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited.

For a copy of this Haiku spelled out in vanilla icing on a slice of three-tiered wedding cake with little red frosting roses dotting each letter "i," send $498.99 plus $16.95 shipping and handling to:

Amerigo Vespucci
PoochCo International
34 Bridesmaid's Terrace
Annulment OH 40450

Allow 8-10 weeks for delivery. All sales final.
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Mon Sep 06th 2010, 09:13 PM
2010...what a brutal frigging year. This was written by Terry the best of my knowledge he's only published one volume of his poems so far. It had something to say to me. Maybe it has something to say to you too. Maybe not.

I scatter the ashes of the frightened man,
consumed by the flame
consumed by one moment
consumed by a vision of life unbound

The wind carries away all doubt
all regret
all excuses

I savor the sweetness
of uncertainty
I purge the cancer
of demanding
I embrace the healing
of trust
I welcome a tomorrow
shaped through courage
sustained through love

I'm swept across the floor
in the dance that can only be mastered
by surrender, not study
by the heart, not the mind
by strength, not weakness

The wind dies down
The stillness has found its voice
Its secrets whispered
Its reflection
In my mirror
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Mon Aug 30th 2010, 04:23 PM
Thursday, August 26, 2010

Margherita Burgers Recipe and a Review to Come

As I mentioned briefly in a previous post, we've been changing things around the apartment lately: cleaning, painting and searching for some new furniture. I've been looking for inspiration pretty much everywhere I can find it. From kitchen tables to window treatments and wall hangings, I've been Googling like crazy!

One site that has it all is CSN Stores and I've been given the opportunity to review their services and products. I'm not kidding when I say they have everything, have a look for yourselves! So, please stay tuned for more in the coming weeks!

While we have been working pretty hard on making our apartment feel a little cozier, we've also been trying to take advantage of what's left of Summer vacation. The kids start school in less than a week now and it seems like just yesterday we were so happy that Summer was finally here! It has been a little cooler lately and I've been trying to use up those herbs I have growing on the porch. My favorite is basil, I could use it in just about anything, and most often I end up putting a big handful in my burgers. A few weeks ago I "invented" this burger recipe and I've made it at least 3 times since! The burgers are juicy and flavorful and yes, they taste like Summer!

Margherita Burgers
You can change the given quantities of pretty much any of the ingredients to suit your tastes.

2 lbs lean ground beef
1 egg
1/3 cup plain bread crumbs
1/4 to 1/3 cup of sun dried tomatoes, in oil, chopped finely
2 tbsp of the oil the tomatoes are packed in
1 small red onion, finely diced
1/2 cup of chopped fresh basil
Salt and pepper to taste

Hamburger buns
Slices of fresh tomatoes, mozzarella and fresh basil leaves, for garnish

In a large bowl, mix the ground beef, egg, bread crumbs, sun dried tomatoes, oil, onion, chopped fresh basil and salt and pepper. Mix well and form 8 patties. You can cook the burgers on the BBQ, in a pan or, as I like to cook them in my panini press, it takes half the time as they cook on both sides at the same time! Just cook them from 8 to 10 minutes per side or until the internal temperature of each patty is 160F. Let the burgers rest a few minutes before serving them.

Heat or toast the hamburger buns, place a patty on each bun, then top with mozzarella, tomato slices and fresh basil leaves. Then enjoy what's left of Summer!
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Sun Aug 29th 2010, 02:21 AM


Personal Attacks, Civility and Respect

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You cannot attack someone because they attacked you first, or because that person "deserved it," or because you think someone is a disruptor. We consider it a personal attack to call a liar a liar, to call a moron a moron, or to call a jerk a jerk.
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Sat Aug 28th 2010, 10:59 PM

Seriously, what the fuck. I remember grade school. I remember the little fucks who used to live for the moments when they could "tell teacher," and if they did and nothing happened, they would whine and pout and whimper and stamp their little feet, hoping that baby would get bottle.

And now some of those people are in their 20s, 30s. 40s. 50s....

...and when they piss and moan about something I do that they don't like but don't have the cojones to say it to me directly, I want to take whatever I'm doing and just do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, just to see their spoiled little asses twist in the wind. Especially if they try to "tell teacher."

Sometimes life expects us to grow the fuck up. It's easy to see that there are quite a few people out there who didn't get the memo.

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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Tue Aug 24th 2010, 08:44 AM
Call Me Sushi Boy

Test my mercury levels

Then you can EAT ME

Copyright © 2010 Amerigo Vespucci, PoochCo International, a division of Halliburton

All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication is strictly prohibited.

For a transcript of this Haiku, hand-lettered on a sheet of nori imported from the Hokkaidō prefecture, with a complementary set of luxurious disposable wooden chopsticks, send $399.95 plus $19.95 shipping and handling to:

Amerigo Vespucci
PoochCo International
25 Wasabi Terrace
Okonomiyaki, VT 05001

Allow 8-10 weeks for delivery.
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Posted by Amerigo Vespucci in The DU Lounge
Thu Aug 19th 2010, 06:07 PM
I had to run an errand this afternoon, and when I got home, I had an email from a friend. He has spoken to a woman in his office who belongs to a national organization that might be in the market for a local chapter Website. I replied, thanked him, provided some specifics and an invitation for her to contact me so we can discuss what she needs.

This isn't an isolated friends do this for me all the time. And the reason I'm posting it here is that I attempted to offer some encouragement to a fellow DUer today who is also going through tough times, and I shared what my friends have been telling me in recent days...yes, times are tough, but "you're not alone."

The friend who emailed me has got all kinds of bombs dropping around him in his personal life, but he has been ceaseless in his efforts to generate referrals for me whenever and wherever he can. He's not the only friend who's done this. I could give you story after story after story, and yes...I do the same for my friends, whenever I can, but when you walk in the door and see an email like that and are given a reminder that you know people who are not blood relatives who have a deeper care and concern for your happiness that some of your own family members, it's humbling.

Sometimes you believe and feel that you are not alone.

And it keeps you going.

That is all.

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