Amerigo Vespucci's Journal - Archives
Remember those? Random calls to a few enlisted personnel before he started hittin' the holiday longnecks REAL hard?
"Howdy, Stretch...or should I say "Corporal Stretch"...heh heh heh...this is Prez'nent Bush and ah'm 'a callin' you from Camp David to say yer doing' a heck of a job. You know, I was in the Army too...well, actually, it was the Texas Air National Guard...HOOK 'EM, HORNS!...HEH HEH HEH!...anyway, HEH HEH HEH!...woah, that was a good 'un...but I never done no fightin' or nothin' because I was takin' flyin' lessons, and I was 'a gonna fight, but there was this whole thing about me peein' in a cup, and so my daddy hadda make a few phone calls, and I didn't have any lessons after that...HEH HEH HEH!...and then I was runnin' this earle comp'ny...my daddy's friends the A-rabs set that one up for me...HEH HEH HEH!...and well...gotta go make the next call so's I can have lunch. MERRY CHRISTMAS, CAPTAIN STRETCH! HEH HEH HEH!"
Got this email this morning before I had my first cup of coffee:
Hello (My Real Name),
Hope all is well with you. Could you please let me know what the Username and Password is so the new Menu can be downloaded to the Website.
A competitor re-designed her menus, but you don't "download menus to the Website"...you upload them...and if it is the competitor's intention to upload PDFs of the menus, it will wipe out the text menus I've built. And as clients will sometimes do, she tells me about this after the work has already been completed. It was never discussed with me...I never had a chance to bid on it.
I also don't know if they re-designed the menus, the Website, or both...and if they stole any of my photos in the process. The last time this happened the competitor stole several of the photos I'd taken, the Flash application I'd built to display them, and ALL of the text I'd written. It was like all of my content had been placed into a shitty template thrown together by these Silicon Valley guys who "specialize" in restaurant Websites, and every site they spit out looks like EVERY OTHER ONE of their sites.
Clients think that when they pay for a Website, which includes multiple photo shoots, they "own" everything and can do with it as they wish...including handing it off to one of my direct competitors so they can present my work as their own. They fail to read the fucking contract they signed, and even if they did, they pull this stuff ANYWAY.
And the reality is that currently I have neither the time nor the financial resources to go after this client, even if she screwed me over. I have to just let it go and allow Karma to catch up with her later.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
I knew pretty early in life that I wasn't going to marry my high school sweetheart, have 2.5 wonderfully behaved and genetically perfect kids, live in a house with a white pickett fence, and drive a luxurious air-conditioned station wagon with fake wood paneling on the side.
I don't know HOW I knew this...I just DID.
Both Frank and Don had short "songs" that they're remembered for, little two or three minute things that the sound bite crowd loved. For Frank, it might have been his "hit," "Valley Girl" (although that was longer than 3 minutes), and for Don, maybe "Diddy Wah Diddy."
But more often than not, they wanted you to sit back, shut the hell up, give them the keys, and let them drive the car.
Zappa's "Absolutely Free" and "We're Only In It For The Money" were terrifying, roller coaster ride excursions into the dark heart of America, populated with greasers and Pachucos and corrupt authority figures and "filthy hippies" and and "squeaky-clean" high school kids painting posters for the pep rally and the one common thread that held the whole mess together is that we're all expected to get through this life, somehow, in one piece.
For Don, "Lick My Decals Off Baby" is considered by many to be his finest effort, but the game-changer...the one that firmly established him as a force to be reckoned with...has got to be "Trout Mask Replica." Don actually petitioned Zappa's record label to pay for a round-the-clock tree surgeon so that the trees outside the session wouldn't be "disturbed" by the music. How the hell do you not love an album...or the musicians who made it...under those circumstances?
I've owned the complete Zappa and Beefheart catalogs for years, but like so many other people, set aside some quality listening time out of respect for Don in recent days. What struck me the most was one song from his next-to-last album, 1980's "Doc At The Radar Station"..."Making Love to a Vampire with a Monkey on my Knee."
It's filled with sex and anger and confusion and redemption...as well as lines like "Gnats fucked my ears 'n nostrils"...but it's the final lines from the song that, for me, were the ultimate eulogy for Don Van Vliet:
Take my hand 'n join me... too soon its clutches gleams
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