Neoma's Journal - Archives
Which I don't think is a bad thing.
I'm reading Hell Hath No Fury by Rosalind Miles and Robin Cross.
Here's what has happened:
1. I have my GED now, and had to go to adult education for it, because I didn't know any math (I only knew addition.) It wasn't like I was kicked out of elementary school, I was just unschooled, I had taught myself. Yes, it's hard to learn nine years worth of math in a little over two months, but I did it. I thought that the years of stress from feeling like an idiot would wear off after I had my GED. It didn't.
2. When I finally got to college, I also got double pneumonia from some virus. Not walking pneumonia, the stuff I was dying from. But I still made it to class, and got three A's and two B's... I don't know how I did it, now that I look back.
3. Over the summer I was/am recovering, trying to gain pounds because I was 46 pounds underweight(I'm 36 pounds underweight now.) Didn't help that I got a crappy job that only gave me four hours every week or two. That added onto the bitch-load of stress that gave me little problems. Mainly one of the factors that had helped weaken my immune system enough that over time I've gotten bladder infections, yeast infections, thrush, reactivated some of my eczema, and here and there, I get heart pain that I need to get checked out soon because it felt like I had a heart attack last night. I was also shaking very hard in English class the other day when I was writing an essay. Oh, over the summer, I also discovered that I have a bad case of scoliosis, and for some reason the physical therapists reactivated the pain. WHY DID THEY REACTIVATE THE PAIN!?!?! WHY!?!?!
4. This fall semester, I have been struggling with my studies (distracted) because I fell in love with a man 20 years older than me, and we're getting married next summer. Huge riffraff over that, I just know that I want to be with him. More people react negatively (he's too old, you're being immature), rather than congratulating me. But they can go piss up a rope. Considering that I was the one that told him that I love him and started it all. Good gawd, it's not like he's a pervert, he's my best friend before anything else.
Anyways, that's what's been happening. If I write an autobiography, I'm sure they'd make a movie about it or something. My life has always more or less been this hectic, it's always one thing after another. I'd say all this is a valid reason to forget to post on Democraticunderground.com, yes?
Listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilJoaq8oxHU
So I started making an internet comic named 'Unfavorably Dim'.
Not that anyone would like it, I mean all I'm doing is sort of advertising...
I wrote a very short story, although someone said it was more of a blurb.
I am restless, I am bored, I am jittery and I have a boost of hyperactivity. The lines of my eyes are deep in cut and wrinkles show the world how time slits us up. I awake the day into a golden story and I lay a dead mass on your blades in glory.
By all vague parade in play, the seething of this shade of laze, twists in grossed around the entrance of his fatal wound. His frown and scream orbits the air and all surrounds without great care. I command all dearest friends to leave, in order for a lock on all the sleaze.
None in line of fire ever sought to seek the wisdom of this hour. Barbs of wire struck my arms, which drew lines in the front. My face grew sour in its bloody sunk and I go in haunt of my sorry state. On the soles of my feet I grab the nearest man whose incomplete emotion caught my eyes of late. “Do you not see that death lays over there, the agitation in uproar, the whirl of plague hitting your stare?” his eyes stirred and gripped my arms and in hesitated pain I anticipated that his mind was in repair.
“Dare to fault my sanity with exhaustion?” He drooped his brow and hinted an evil sound. “Hide away from my guise, find a place elsewhere...or maybe over snare.” He pushed me back toward the bloody fence where I found my eyelids sleepy in midst of all distress.
With a sigh and a cough my body was carried out into mystery, and I wake up here with someone pestering me. My mind elapsed into your nitpicking and I tell for your pleasured sake. Be gone when my pulse is shared and I may leave my heart altogether scared in by logic unanswered.
So what do you think, do inches exist or is this tedious human concept of measuring things a false sense of how objects collate with our existence?
I had a thought that went like this: "I know the earth is round, but what about the universe?" and it set off my train of thought for the day. I then asked someone this and we had a huge disagreement about if the universe is infinite or not. I explained my concept of how we view the universe:
"I think we're like blood cells in a persons body. We can explore as much as we can for a short amount of time but we die and we reproduce and we cannot even get out of the body and if we do, we're wiped away and dried up into a waste can. And so it's not even possible to explore anything in this way."
He set an example of how time works, and it set me off: " Time doesn't exist, it's just a concept we came up with to measure how long we live." and so he went off saying: "Yeah, inches don't exist either. But guess what? They're all the hell around us." and it triggered my philosophical mind (like it wasn't triggered already.) If human concepts exists purely because we use the concepts, then we'd probably still be celebrating some sort of goddess. We only use those concepts to make things easier and most of these concepts complicates everything to death.
The time travel concept bugs me because it would have nothing to do with time if such a thing exists. If we go through 'time' by light then the only thing that would have anything to do with time would be the time measurement of the phenomenon. It's wishful thinking by bringing along this notion that you can undo the actions you took in some area of your life. If something is wacky with time then it probably has nothing to do with time traveling. In reality it's possible that it has to do with getting out of our universe or with some such concept.
I would post more stuff like this if I thought people would actually pay attention. The lounge doesn't take most things seriously and general discussion basically only talks about politics. The other forums aren't as mainstream.
I took the test twice on two different tests and I still turned out to be a INTJ.
Here and Here
Here's all the descriptions of what a INTJ is and it seems accurate enough:
I find it highly amusing that they call INTJ 'Mastermind' and that I'm some how in one percent of the population.
I have been struggling with naming the title of the book you didn't know I was writing.
A few names popped up:
'Paper Plain Destination'
'Unicorns will castrate you'
'Weed for tea leaves'
'Athena was perverse'
'This author is an alien'
Just to name a few.
But I have found the perfect name for future book: 'Betwixt Abstruse.' I thought it was funny that It technically means that no one can understand the title. At least that's what I'm going to say if anyone asks.
There's something else I'd like to mention after you view this pretty picture.
I wrote a poem:
Paralysis sister in talent of strength.
The clever capability has the quality of saints.
Never has worshiped nor adorned appreciation.
Cradled like an infancy; lifetime separation.
Don't tell me that you don't read. Don't tell me your time is limited. Don't tell me you're not free. Bullshit.
I feel the human eye that can gaze upon a piece of earth made by the imagination is the worlds key to a free conscience. Invoke the hands that drives your car to give up and let your feet do all the work. The effort your mind begins to climb up to is not a flaw in your design. The fault you crave to disappear: made you who you are, and you should hope to every cell in your body that you keep them. The gravity made by Isaac Newton isn't what fly's through your mind before you wake up. Don't tell me you haven't imagined a twist upon the world that you will never see with your pupils.
We guide our mold of a mind and snap it into a thought that will never reach the ears that has to stay open to grasp a wave of vibration that comes strait out of your throat. I want to hear your thoughts written through your hands because these symbols make our eyes hear. What we call time is the best measurement we could find; to find out when we will die. Do not look at time, it is a lie; you will not die if we hear your thoughts. I am not the age that the clock announced me to be, I am who I am without a measurement. It is a lie that the closer you are to death, the more you know. It is a lie that the fault you see in everyone else isn't pretty. It is a lie that you will never be smarter than someone else. Don't feed me your limitations. Don't tell me your life is worthless, it is because you said it.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." So stop counting.
If you say: "I don't read. My time is limited. I'm not free."
My answer will be: You just read what I said, you just used some time and you were free to write that comment.
If you say: "I read but everyone's time IS limited. We are all going to die one day and nothing can change that."
My answer will be: What you do between your 'time' isn't limited, what you see with your five senses are not limited. The clock that moves its hand around: does not control your mind or sense of self. Of course you will die, but to see that as a limitation does not build upon your character. You as an individual should not be counting the minutes towards your death, the time that you see as a limitation, is because you see it that way. Stop.
If you say: "Seeing death as a limitation kind of does build on your character, or rather, it shapes your character. Seeing death as an inevitability will also shape your character."
My answer will be: Yes but with every action you take, the sense of limitation will go with it. You will think about death constantly and your life will be a circle around the ending of your life, if you think it as a inevitability, your health may decline and you will not view life as it is. Your character is shaped by who you are, not by the rules of society. Society does not own you, you own society, action takes place because you own a part of your own culture, you are the boss of who you are because you are not me, but your world owns me because I am a part of it.
If you say: "I think my view of death is a productive one, so I think it helps me. "
My answer will be: Tell me, what are you worth dead? If you are but anything then, why look at what you are in 'time' if you are worth more now. Seeing how you are now, improves everything you say and do. A thing is useless if no words or action comes from it. You are not a thing because you seek action and words. The worth upholds and that human distinction unites with who you are.
If you say: "You can be worth a lot dead. First off you have an insurance payout. Secondly, dying for a cause is very respectable, especially if it's worthwhile beyond anything else you could actually do with your life. Personally I think the human soul is worth more post mortem than it is while on earth, but there's no way to prove that an afterlife exists...so I'll stop with my first two points."
My answer will be: Money isn't a worth, it holds no value. It can feed, but it is not something to be consumed. It affects us only because we want it to affect us. It speaks because we want it to speak, in a sense, the only worth it has is what we put into it and there will be nothing for you to put anything into it when death is what you are. Dying for a cause is worthless, because you are now worthless. Your body is dead, there is no time backwards. Dying has its effect on the living only because it is the last action you took. You will never have another action for everyone to behold. Religion is here to comfort the ones who put their life into it, one limitation at a time. They see death as the end all, be all. You are not all who you are when you end all, you have ceased to exist. Since you have stated that you're in religion, then I will put it in your terms for your understanding: You are not worth anything back on earth when you are dead, the life you live outside of our universe, does not have any affect and you will not effect anything here again.
If no one reads this thread, my words are worthless: as am I.
"I seen a guy sing, dance and play guitar all at once, but can one person play Karaoke Revolution Party, Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution all at the same time?"
Laziness is a direct science for me, you have to do it right in order to live your life correctly. Because if you had all the time in the world, more than half the population would choose laziness for no comprehended reason. If they were to do it incorrectly, that population would want to be lazy all the time which is what is happening to the universe at this very moment. I wouldn't be one of the lazy population, but that's because i've already had all the time in the world to be lazy.
Tips to do lazy right:
1. Lay in bed all day. There are several ways to do this but my favorite is to bring a packet of crackers and green tea and put it on my nightstand and then just ...lay there daydreaming for all eternity or just let nothingness take over without a care in the world. However, I only recommend green tea if you want to pee all day in order to get a little exercise and not go beyond laziness into becoming bedridden. Don't get me wrong, bedridden is wonderful but the point in being lazy is just to give your mind a break if only for a little while.
2. The reason I believe watching TV all day isn't truly lazy, is because you could be doing regular exercises while watching TV for all I know and there is the fact that mental laziness is not always the case, alot of people actually watch the Discovery channel. However, I do agree that laying down on a couch and watching soap operas all day is truly lazy. Infact, you could mute the tv and just close your eyes and turn into a blob of nothingness. In which case, I say: good for you!
3. Sitting in a computer chair isn't exactly laziness due to the fact that people work on computers for a living. However, playing mindless games like Tetris, Bejeweled, Spider solitaire, Minesweeper and the like, could be a form of laziness! Unfortunately some people concentrate on winning the game rather than going into a complete state of mindlessness so I encourage looking into flash music videos for a type of hypnotism for a better mindless state.
4. Religion could become a sort of laziness in the fact that you could sit in church all day and ignore what everyone is talking about in order to daydream. All you need to know is the word 'amen' and maybe 'praise jesus' but only if you mildly pay attention to what they're saying and that isn't what you're there for. The same could be said for waiting rooms, but unless you want to look extremely religious I wouldn't say 'amen' or 'praise jesus' while you're there.
5. Going outside and exploring the natural environment around you isn't recommended unless you have a hammock and in order to distract you from the intelligence that you know about the wilderness you're in, take a knife and a piece of stick and just carve away into nothing in particular. Make sure that you do not try to make that stick into a figurine for your mindlessness will disappear and put its energy into carpentry.
6. Meditating is a part of buddhism that enjoys the fact that laziness is there! You basically just sit and try not to think about anything at all, breathe in and out and concentrate on your breathing if thoughts interrupt your blessed laziness state. The great thing about it is the fact that you can do this anywhere and if people, say a colleague says: 'get back to work!' then all you have to do is say it's part of your religion and you have to do this to become one with buddha. It only works if you have a religiously open boss but it's also a great way to find out if your boss is infact an asshole or not. If he fires you, you can be lazy all the time!
I hope you find one with laziness through this list and maybe your mind will open to the fact that you're way too lazy.
I wrote down my poem in a roleplaying website and I got 'arrested' for copyright violation because someone likes the poem I wrote when I shared it on this website. *ahem* This is Russell Christy from popomundo, please let me go.
(There are 15 of them by the way.)
I'd try this if I didn't already write so much on another website.
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