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Texas1928's Random Thoughts - Archives
 Not my cat, found on the internet.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a
sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the
doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as
clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my
right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right hand, then with her
left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still
nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the
jar open.'
Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or what you observe. I might be on later next week, but it is not likely. I need a break from computers.
So HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
LATER DU!
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the
galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food.
One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet cake
cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman
made chocolate icing and decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood
proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley.
Frantically, the cook began to look around. "Where did my CORNBREAD
go?" he shouted.
Do you call them Telephone Poles or Power Poles?
Just wondering.
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