I know we haven't spoken in a while, but it's me, your President. Remember how you helped me to become elected in 2008? God, that was awesome! I know I have not been returning your phone calls, that we still have 50,000 troops in Iraq, that the war in Afghanistan has become the longest in our nation's history, that I fought for a bill that would require you to buy health care coverage you probably will not need and certainly cannot afford, but we're in a real bind here: the Davids went over the numbers, and it's not looking good.

What, there's still combat in Iraq? Yeah, I hear you, but the combat mission is over! It's been accomplished, you see. Plus, we won't actually phase in penalties for not having health insurance until 2014. That's when you get the exchanges, and also get refundable and advanceable premium credits and cost sharing subsidies to eligible individuals and families with incomes between 133-400% FPL to purchase insurance. Hope you understood that. Is advanceable even a word? Boy, I hope it is. You're welcome! Now get out there to knock on doors and explain this stuff to elderly cranks who want you to get off their lawns.