Dear Taco Bell,

“Melty” is not a word. Please stop trying to make that happen. I understand you are just trying to sell your product, but using “melty” to describe your cheese, is like using “grippy” to describe snow tires – and you don’t see Firestone stooping to that level. I can use “melty” to describe crayons, or lipstick, or iron ore too but it doesn’t make me want to ingest any of these items any time soon. “Melty” serves about as much purpose in our vernacular as Will Smith’s “jiggy”, Moon Zappa’s “omigod”, or George W. Bush’s “strategery” – it doesn’t advance our society so much as it butchers the English language. So please, for the love of God, stop this “melty” insanity. If you are so desperate to think that a word is going to insight stoners to buy more your crappy food at 2 am then just use a word we can all live with – Doritos.

Charlotte gazes lovingly at the photo of her and Cooper and contemplates how far she has come in this relationship. She, the unapologetically blunt, brazenly tough, Hospital Chief of Staff and Sex Therapist, is getting married and actually contemplating children. Suzy Homemaker she ain’t (her Southern drawl, not mine), and yet, the thought is oddly appealing. She packs her briefcase for the night and shakes her head at the absurdness of it all. Then, as she turns to lock her office door she is struck from behind and shoved back into her office. The air gets sucked out of the scene as we watch a dark-haired man drag a stunned Charlotte across the room while the silent screen fades to black.

After watching the last 30 seconds of Private Practice’s October 28th episode, I knew that the November 4th episode, “Did You Hear what Happened to Charlotte King?” was going to be tough to watch, but definitely a “must see” event. Apparently other audience members thought so too because last Thursday’s episode garnered ABC a 40% uptick in viewers and delivered 10.2 million in ratings for the episode . The odd thing is, I had no idea I would react to the way other viewers dismissed it as irresponsible television. What I thought was brilliant opportunity to explore a subject that leaves most people queasy when addressed; others felt outraged when Charlotte tells Addison in no uncertain terms, “No rape kit. He took my wallet. He didn’t take anything else.”

From start to finish, this episode is written very poignantly with every word skillfully chosen right down to the title. “Did you Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”, wasn’t entitled “Do You Know What Happened to Charlotte King” for a reason –unless you haven’t been there you don’t even begin to “know”. I’ve seen other peoples’ reactions to the episode on several blogs and hear their concerns at what sort of message that ABC is sending its viewers about rape. “Is ABC saying that we shouldn’t report a rape”? “How can I let my daughter watch this – what if this happens to her and she doesn’t report it”? “It is ABC’s responsibility to show a victim of this crime how to get help.” Having been a survivor of a sexual assault myself, I can understand some viewers’ frustrations with Charlotte’s decision not to report the crime. Yes, without her utilizing the Rape Kit and pressing charges, the rapist is still free to walk the streets and commit the crime over and over. But if Shonda Rhimes had written this episode like that it wouldn’t accurately reflect what happens when a women gets raped.

Charlotte stumbles into the Hospital’s supply closet and starts gathering gauss and tape. When Pete discovers her all bloodied and bruised, she’s attempting to dress her own wounds. She tries to deescalate Pete’s concern by explaining that she simply got beat up when some guy robbed her. After she stumbles and collapses into Pete’s arms she consents to having him help her – but will only do so if he tells the busy body Nurses at the door to get back to work. She knows she is beaten badly but she doesn’t want people hovering over her like she’s some victim. Charlotte’s not trying to hide her shame she is controlling the situation because that is the only way you can regain the dignity that was taken from you. Perhaps it’s irrational, and some will argue it’s proud and irresponsible, but even the most sensible among us who have suffered this trauma think, “This did not just happen to me. This happens to other people – not me”.

Anyone familiar with Private Practice knows that Charlotte is a no-nonsense ball-buster with a southern accent that is about as sweet and charming as Snookie is a MENSA candidate. She doesn’t do warm and fuzzy, and she definitely doesn’t do victim. To have her react any other way would be a complete incongruence to her character thus far in the series. Does she normally conduct herself by the rules? Yes. Does she appreciate order and structure and consequences to those who commit crimes? Yes. Does she understand the impact of her actions? Yes. But before you say, “then she should report it” ask yourself this: what about the impact to her? What about the impact to this carefully constructed persona she’s created where she meets every problem - every emotional and personal crisis - on her own terms. Before Charlotte’s assault she was audacious, and sexy, and fiery and, let’s face it, a little scary. If she runs to the police and admits she was the victim of a rape, it would singlehandedly destroy everything she created. If you think that is selfish it just means you have never been in her shoes. It doesn’t mean she won’t report it – in fact, she probably will in another episode. It just means that the number one reason why the majority of women do not report sexual assaults right away - or even at all – is because we don’t want to be a perceived as a victim. We want that audacity and that innocence back like it was before, and if we admit that this horrible act occurred, it will be gone forever.

Some of the best dialogue Shonda Rhimes has ever written occurs when Charlotte explains the horrors of rape to Addison. The description is so spot-on it felt like the words were taken directly from my mouth. Charlotte is right. Rape isn’t how it’s normally depicted on made for TV movies – you don’t have an outer body experience lifting you out of the reality, and there are no coping skills triggered that make you shut off your surroundings. Rape is ugly and dirty and has an acrid smell and taste. You’re acutely aware that this is happening, the names he is calling you, and the smirk on his face as he literally rips your flesh in places where flesh shouldn’t be torn. It’s sweaty, and barbaric, and there is a noxious air of terror, adrenaline, and alcohol or cheap cologne being sweated out of pores. Every muscle fiber in your body is spent and exhausted from putting up the fight of your life. As Charlotte gives the police a description of the man who robbed her, she can’t remember what he looks like, but she can envision in great detail what the thing he took from her felt like. You don’t remember the event as a start to finish occurrence. It comes back to you in flashes and you don’t remember what he wore or if he had any distinguishing characteristics because, ironically, the only coping skill that you actually do trigger is the ability to block out all the information needed for the police report. It may be years before she remembers that he wore khakis and a button down shirt, or that he had brown eyes – if she even remembers at all. Right now he is just a faceless monster.

As a survivor, the rape is a puzzle and a curse. You want to remember what happen and yet you hope you can forget. Each time you retell the instances of the event, you start to remember another piece of information. And each time you re-tell the experience to someone, you relive the scene. And each time you tell someone who cares about you that you were raped the air shifts and all of their pity, and guilt, and shame, are suddenly palpable – suddenly it becomes your new burden. You’re not seen as some brave little soldier that was a victim of bad circumstance - you’re seen as “less than” despite everyone’s protests and everyone’s efforts to show you that you aren’t. Then, after you’ve told your friends, or your family, or your loved one, you end up counseling them with their grief over what happened to you. You end up telling them that it wasn’t their fault that you were raped and that you’re fine and will be okay – even though you aren’t and won’t be for awhile. This instance was never so skillfully reflected as in the scene where Cooper walks in and sees Charlotte for the first time after the attack. He strides in with urgent concern then abruptly stops when he sees her battered face. He tries to turn around and collect himself but it’s no use. He collapses in her lap in grief, and Charlotte takes her one good hand and strokes his hair telling him that everything will be fine.

Yes, getting the Rape Kit and reporting the crime seems like the logical reaction for the victim but this is an episode based in reality. Nothing is logical about rape. It doesn’t follow a script, and there are no step-by-step instructions to deal with it. You’re first reaction isn’t always the logical one, it’s the one where you will find the most security and nine times out of ten it’s denying that the act ever occurred. People say a strong character like Charlotte would appear more empowered if she rose above all of this and reported the crime – but this is just another myth of made for TV rape scenarios. Admitting rape offers no empowerment in the real world. Should we report it right away? Yes, absolutely. Do we want to see the bastard pay for what he did to us? Hell yes. But in most cases of rape, the victim has to prove her story time and time again –prove they weren’t asking for it to begin with. This is especially true in cases, like mine, of date rape. In fact, in the majority of rape cases the victim is attacked by someone she already knows and her accusation becomes a battle of her word against his. There isn’t any empowerment in being called a liar – it just makes you want to retreat further and further into that land of denial.

In a few more episodes, I think you will see Charlotte come forward and report the rape. You will probably see this storyline develop in the reaction of her peers to the event and see how Charlotte’s attack affects her emotional and sexual relationship with Cooper. She and Cooper have always been very amorous and she has often times been the instigator of sex by simply walking into his office and demanding he pull down his pants. It will be interesting to see if she gets back to that point. Charlotte also is the Hospital administrator and works as a sexual therapist, so it will be interesting to see how this experience will change the way she treats her staff and her patients.

Charlotte’s process through this ordeal will also show the world how those of us who have been attacked have an uneasy relationship with the word “victim”. People who have been raped have almost a visceral reaction to the word. When Cooper offhandedly calls Charlotte a victim she flings her cup of water at him and threatens through clenched teeth, “If you ever call me the victim again this marriage is off”. In most cases, to be considered “victim” implies that the subject is weak and it is because of this that the individual was culled from the rest of the pack. In reality, most of the time this person has an untouchable spirit or a beauty the attacker wants to conquer to make him feel virile and vital. At this point, Charlotte sees her uniqueness as the item robbed from her. She’s not weak and never has been, but this strong and powerful essence has been taken none the less. Rationally speaking, the word “victim” is just a word, but to a rape survivor it’s a label demarking weakness. We don’t want to be seen as weak, or as something to be pitied – we just want our life back the way it was before.

Yes, rape should be reported right away and the charges should be taken seriously – but most of the time, it’s not a clear open and shut case like Charlotte’s. The attacker won’t have her blood all over his shirt and he won’t conveniently land in the psyche ward where Charlotte’s friend Sheldon can question him into a confession. Most of the time, the victim will know the rapist and will already have a friendly history established with that person. After she levels the accusation, she will have her character smeared and be called a liar. She’ll have to deal with the disbelief of those closest to her on top of everything else she’s experienced. Even if she wins and the rapist is convicted, there are still those close to her who will wonder if she wasn’t just making it up, or will imply that she deserved it, or think that she blew everything out of proportion. In some cases, it doesn’t feel like there is any justice for the survivor.

While it doesn’t make logical sense, don’t begrudge the victim if at first she exercises a little self-preservation and keeps what happened to her a closely guarded secret. You may have heard about what happened to Charlotte King, and you may think you have all the answers for her on what she should do– but unless you’ve been there, you don’t know what it is like.

and I have to wonder if it isn't a indirect attempt to scold Michael Moore again. Please don't confuse this post as an attempt to dance on anyone's grave, and let me point out that I have the utmost sympathy for this man's family, but in just about every article it profile's how the person portrayed in the film wasn't what this Marine was like at all. Well, I think it's great that he handed out candy to the Iraqi children, and carried his Grandfather's bible with him, but his recruiting methods were still deplorable and borderline unethical - either that or Michael Moore is an editing genius. So as the press scrambles for print space to prop up this man as a fallen hero while conspiring again to make an example of/vilify Micheal Moore, what escapes notice is while this soldier did act kind toward the Iraqis that weren't in range of his rifle scope, he wasn't perfect. He was just another human being (good qualities with along with bad) that tried to rally people around, and in the end, gave his life for a cause he believed in - not unlike those he was fighting. And while some may think me unkind for saying this the truth is, if Michael Moore didn't include this Marine in his controversial film, the only newspaper that would be hailing him a fallen hero would be the one in his hometown. I suppose war only becomes a tragedy on a national level when you can actually place a face with a flag-draped coffin.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/07/09/...

This week marked a series of events honoring the memorial of the Holocaust, and I wonder, even though we are bombarded with movies and documentaries marking the atrocities sparked by Hitler's madness, do we realize the bigger picture? I took in a local High School production of “Just One More Dance” and it has continued to disrupt my thought train since the curtain came down Wednesday night. The play is based on the autobiography of Holocaust survivor Ernst Levy, and recreated a glimpse of a Jewish citizen’s life in Eastern Europe at the height of Nazi Reign. The persecution of the Jews, the ethnic cleansing/genocide policies of the Nazis, and the zealotry or apathy of the German people all made my heart heavy with empathy for the Jews and other victims of Nazi hate. And while I do recognize the central theme of this play to be what can result from extreme ethnocentric beliefs such as fascism, the overall message (and one that I found most disturbing) is even after all the atrocities the world has seen: the discovery of mass graves, the religious wars, the persecution of the minority – we continue to fall under the influence of hate, and remain indifferent to it’s consequences right here in the United States.

“The Jews hold too many positions of influence. Jewish Professors fill our Universities, and clutter our children’s minds with filth. No more will persuasion from Jewish Actors, Musicians, or Authors effect our nation. The Jews are stupid, and filthy, and deviant. We are the authority! We must rid ourselves of their presence!” This is the reasoning that one of Ernst’s friends gave as to why he could no longer associate with a Jew now that he was a member of the Hitler Youth. And as barbaric as these words seem, replace the word “Jew” with the word “Liberal”, “Gay”, or “Democrat” and that is what you’ll find if you tune in to conservative talk radio, or Fox news on any given day. It’s almost as if Joseph Goebel himself were in charge of the FCC because more often than not, the mainstream media and right wing talk has their agenda set by (and apologize for) the Bush administration, and it’s a rare occurrence when an undertaking of the Executive Branch is questioned. How many times have we’ve heard: “Democrats sympathize with the terrorists!”; “Democrats hate the troops!”; “Don’t fall prey to Liberal Hollywood’s agenda!”; “Gays want to ruin the sanctity of marriage!”; “Torture at Abu Grahb and Guantanamo Bay? Oh, that’s just the work of a few bad apples.”; “Holding American Citizens without being charged with a crime for an indefinite period of time? Oh, these people are terrorists and want to do you harm.”; “Illegal Wiretapping? We’re only listening in on the phone calls of terror suspects, so if you’re not talking to terrorists – don’t worry!”; “Genocide in Darfur? Dar what?? Is that the place they kidnapped Natalie Holloway?? It’s an outrage that they haven’t brought the murderer of an innocent, blonde, American girl to justice!!”; “Global Warming? Liberal Hoax you mean… its junk science. Listen to Michael Chrichton – he’ll set you straight!”; “We’re fighting the terrorists THERE so we don’t have to fight them HERE!” “They hate us for our Freedom!”; “Talking about the President’s failures only denigrates the moral of the troops!”; “Democrats are weak… they’re flip-floppers!”; “Liberals encourage tolerance! They want your children to condone gayness!”; “Democrats hate Christianity and are at war with Christmas and the Easter Bunny!”; “Christians are being persecuted right here in America! Secularist Liberals have too much influence in our courts and Media!”.

It’s amazing that in a nation which built its democracy on the basis of balance of powers, holding our leadership accountable, and the freedom of speech, a person can be called “unpatriotic” for disagreeing with the President’s policies, or a “traitor” for wearing a T-shirt displaying the number of soldiers who have been killed in Iraq. Unfortunately, that is the reality we live in. No more are we intellectually curious – we just accept what we’re told as truth, or remain silent for fear of being labeled a conspirator. No more do we think it is our duty to ask questions and speak truth to power – it’s just boat rocking so sit down and shut up. We aren’t being good Americans anymore. We used to stand for principal but now our principals are dictated by corporations. We used to stand up for the lesser of society but the America we live in now has become better suited for the survival of the well connected. We’ve replaced compassion with arrogance. Our flag has ceased to be an international symbol of democracy and has become a jingoistic moniker for the Republican Party. America used to be thought of as a trusted ally but is now the most hated country in the world. Americans torture and our nation has been listed as Human Rights violators. Americans invade other countries and take over their resources under the guise of spreading democracy and freedom. Americans thumb our nose to global influence and look the other way when those with dark skin are being slaughtered or left to drown. We aren’t being good Americans anymore. We’ve become apathetic and blind to the injustice suffered right in front of our faces. Our present is just a reflection of the past, and unfortunately we’ve traveled back in time to 1939 and become good Germans.

I left the Auditorium that night feeling unbelievably sad. It wasn’t just the powerful story or energy of the cast who put their hearts and souls into their performance that affected me. It wasn’t even the parade of visibly shaken audience members (especially those of the elder generation with whom I assume there is a personal connection). As the lights came up and I stood to leave, I noticed the endless rows of vacant seats. In a house that could fill roughly 400 people, only about 35-40 were in attendance. It’s a shame that this program so brilliantly thought out and presented could only affect so few. Throughout the play and between acts, film footage of concentration camps and Nazi propaganda wove through the scenes and made the presentation all the more powerful. As the performance came to conclusion new imagery of mass murder and torture flashed upon the screens. Photos of genocide in Rwanda, trenches of unidentified bodies who were “disappeared” by Pinochet, the lynching activities at KKK rallies, the mass graves in Kosovo, American prison guards at Abu Grahb flashing the peace sign above hooded prisoners splayed in stress positions – each picture revealing the horrific consequence of Racism, Nationalism, and jingoistic propaganda run amok. It would have been nice to see a packed house full of people with a more limited view of the world, but one has to wonder if they would pay attention or walk out in patriotic disgust. Sometimes it’s just easier to stay home and watch who gets voted off “American Idol” than to actually open your eyes and discover the realities happening just outside your door.

Why do Americans continue to be good Germans?