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Blue_Tires's Journal
Posted by Blue_Tires in The DU Lounge
Sun Jan 10th 2010, 08:53 PM
Q: You joked that Tiger broke two of the rules of Cheating 101. Are there more rules than those two? I am just curious.
-- Kelly, Tarzana, Calif.


SG: I attacked this from a different direction: Studying Tiger's pattern of behavior as a laundry list of things NOT to do if you were (allegedly) cheating on your wife. I came up with nine in all.

Rule No. 1: Never say your own name on an answering machine.

Rule No. 2: Never leave a message on an answering machine that's longer than four words.

Rule No. 3: Never get involved with a girl whose name ends with two n's or two e's, or a girl who has a name with two k's or two x's back to back.

Rule No. 4: Use a password for your BlackBerry at all times, and don't pick a password your wife could hack easily like "TIGER" or "GROWL."

Rule No. 5: Text only from your friend's phones and phones that can't be traced back to you. If drug dealers could successfully pull this off on "The Wire," so can you.

Rule No. 6: Don't hook up with a porn star or someone who wants to be on a reality show, because either of those things means they will do anything to become famous or make a few bucks.

Rule No. 7: Don't hook up with anyone who has a tattoo bigger than a softball on her lower back.

Rule No. 8: Don't cheat on your wife with people who look like your wife, because it will make your real wife feel like you thought she came off an assembly line.

Rule No. 9: Don't cheat in the first place.

(Important note: My lawyer urged me to include that last one.)
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...
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