My friends on the right keep tagging me on Fb about entitlement programs posts. I don’t know how to explain my position any better than I have already so to appease the mentally challenged, I consulted Dr. PIBO.

The doctor told me a story about a patient he has that is on life support. America is her name. America is very sick with multiple ailments. She has a cancerous growth called “MIC”. As well, the patient is hemorrhaging from a ruptured aneurism complicated by “Wall Street oligarchitis and corporate plutocratitis”. Dr. PIBO has strayed from his original course of treatment which has slowed the patient’s recovery. Despite constant obstruction and interference with the patient's treatment, Dr. Teabagger is dissatisfied with the patient's slow recovery. Dr. Teabagger believes he knows how to cure the patient. According to Dr. Teabagger, neither the cancer nor the aneurism is the problem. What hinders the patient’s recovery is an extremely painful paper-cut he calls "entitlement programs" on her left index finger. Before wasting another dime on another Band-Aid the finger must be amputated if the patient is to survive. If it is not, Dr. Teabagger will turn off life support. Dr. PIBO has not yet agreed to amputate the finger but while debating Dr. Teabagger as to the course of continued treatment, the patient's condition has worsened. Her health has been downgraded and she is now in danger of slipping into a coma… Tune in next week when we learn if Dr. Teabagger cuts off her nose to spite her face.