Dude! Name My Company and I’ll Give You Money, I Promise
By David Glenn Cox


I was perusing the ads the other day on a web site that sounds like eggs list. Sometimes you kind of reach a point where you become immune to the advertisements, but sometimes the absurdity breaks through and you find yourself enthralled with the joke that nobody else gets but you. You roll on the floor and convulse with laughter.


“Creative minds, we need your help. Badly….

"We are setting up a product development and marketing company. Our goal is to take ordinary consumer products, think up a better approach, and bring them to market. Of course the gist of the company is to be inventive and creative but alas we are having problems coming up with the right company name/domain name combination. The issue is finding an available dotcom domain to match, or at least compliment, the company name.

"If you have a spark for a naming combo please share it with us. If we use your recommended name or domain, we will send you a check for $250 next week. We promise.

Here is my best stab at contest rules:

Submissions due by Wed July 8th. The earlier the better.
Email us your name and URL combination. Please make sure the URL is available for purchase, i.e. check on GoDaddy or the like.
Please do not register the URL first; we will pay you if we use it to name our business. We just want to avoid the hassle and expense of domain transfer.
If you submit an idea and we use it pursuant to this agreement, you relinquish any ownership claims to the name. At that point we own the idea or name.
If you come up with a name or URL that we do not use for the business name but we think it is worth registering for something else, we may suggest a lower amount than $250. But we would only register or use the name or domain if you agree to the lower amount. This is just a corner case and not some tricky legal out.

"The current name we have is Xxxxxxxxxx with the XXXXXXXXXXX. This should be easy to beat, but would welcome your feedback even if you don't submit a challenger."


So, this is a survey. They are looking for a cross-section of opinion, and on the off chance that they use your idea they will pay you $250.00; they promise. This is listed as a writing job, but it looks more like a contest that’s really a survey for a company that probably won’t pay anyone anything ever. Last time I checked I promise was not quite the same as a legally binding contract.


This next one made my mind reel at the visual. It's from San Francisco.

“Take dictation from Hitler!” Ok, that’s my title, so here it is straight.



“I am writing controversial, political, conservative book
You must be tolerable. Able to take my unfocused mind, scrambling notes, phone dictation...
Able to do research.
My priority is not to pay cash now, so you must be able to survive for six months
I am willing to pay some later, percentage, barter, trade
I have many different merchandise, health food...”


I just get this visual of a naked, ersatz Bill O’Reilly screaming a political philosophy into the telephone, based on bee pollen and the New World Order in handy twenty-hour stints. This is a job? This is what is listed as jobs!


Here’s one from Los Angeles: “Will Work for Soap” (again, my title)


“I am a local company with a new fabulous eco-friendly product and I am looking to get a few reviews in blogs, magazines, and newspapers.
Please let me know who you write for (a link to an online version of your publication would be great!) and an estimated readership if you know it and we'll go from there.”


And what do they promise in return for your hard work? Free Samples. Free samples of a new, eco-friendly product. This was listed in the writing gigs and the word gig has taken on a new meaning in today’s job market. Today in the job market gig always means no pay. Except for the famous promise and a wink, “Don’t worry, I’m gonna pay you!” And then they wink!


“Need a Script Writer for a South Asian/East Indian Food Show. Should be knowledgeable about unique South Asian/East Indian food joints/restaurants in XXX and vicinity, food ingredients and a food critique. Basically need a voice over commentary and a host commentary script.
This is a great opportunity for you to experiment your innovative and unique ideas.

Location:XXX and vicinity
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: TBD”


Need a script, well, two scripts, and it’s a great opportunity to experiment! Or maybe you’re willing to work just for the experience. Compensation: TBD, or as little as possible, maybe less.



“Chat room sales people needed”

“Dating site is looking for chat room sales people. Easily make $200 a day! We pay every week! No back pay or waiting.
No drug testing. No background checks. If you like dating or adult related content this is for you!”


On drugs? Wanted by the Cops? No Problem! This job is for you!

I like dating and I like adult-related content, but I’m not sure sharing that love in a chat room situation is to my liking. But if it is and I bump into you there, I’ll go by the name of Frieda. It’s greasy but at least they promise cash. This is a cross section of the jobs available in the new economy!

“Want to join a dating site, big boy? I’m dying to meet you.
Me? 36-24-36
You? Dumb as a bag of hammers”