Actually, they're not quite my in-laws. I don't know what they are. My husband's sister married a Republican. His whole family is Republican, but they all seem to be nice people, so best my husband can figure out, they're just painfully stupid. Anyway, his mother sent this to my mother-in-law... And all the Republican-in-law wrote was:

"I don't usually send these on but this is funny. - Sue"

My mother-in-law (my husband's family are all intelligent and decent, and therefore Democrats, two were just stupid enough to marry Republicans) just forwarded it on to me with, "And this comes from a Republican! Maybe there is hope! Mom"

I wonder what it all means. If Sue believes enough of this to find it funny then what the f--k are she and her family members doing voting for *?



What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad
guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health
care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the
best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense,
but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will
be born or who might be born( in perpetuity.)

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing
orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other
people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.