"Mr. President, were you born awesome, or did you have to practice?"

"Mr. President, some say that we should pull down our pants and let the terrorists use our bare buttocks for target practice. Do you agree?"

"Mr. President, when you next talk to God, can you tell him that Shirleen's psoriasis is acting up again?"

"Mr. President, your wife is just beautiful, I mean really beautiful. And you have such beautiful daughters. And your mom and dad are just so great, and I love your brother Jeb, he's great too. Thanks."

"Mr. President, why do liberals hate America? Feel free to name names."

"Mr. President, there's nothing I'd like more than to feel your tongue lapping against the underside of my ballsack. How about it?"

"Mr. President, when you go to bed at night, do you find it hard to sleep because you're so excited about how well the war is going?"

"Mr. President, when you find Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, will you use them on the Democrat party? I think those people should be exterminated."

"Mr. President, I'm 100% pro-military and stand strongly behind the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq but I don't want to join the army because I sometimes get carsick. Is it okay if I just sit at home and watch Black Hawk Down instead?"

"Mr. President, can you sign my boobs?"

"Mr. President, given that the former Iraqi prime minister recently said that there is definitely a civil war in Iraq, how much do you want to slap him in his stupid face?"

"Mr. President, when you were interrupted on the morning of 9/11 you were reading The Pet Goat. Did you ever find out what happened to the goat?"

"Mr. President, do you prefer Hannity or Colmes?"