Bush Cites “King Peter of Narnia” As Favorite Historical Figure

President Hails Fictional Nation as “Great Democracy”

In a rare interview with Democratic Underground Press (DUP), President George W. Bush cited “King Peter of Narnia” as his favorite historical figure. Asked what historical figure has most influenced his own governing philosophy, the president said, “King Peter was definitely my favorite, he was a heck of a leader.” Bush praised Narnia as a noble nation of free people, led by a valiant king dedicated to protecting its freedom.

“Narnia was a great Democracy,” Bush declared, “And like all great Democracies, they had a great King who was put there by God to tell everyone what to do and who to kill.”

“You can’t just trust Democracy to just ordinary people,” Bush explained. “That’s why we have Jesus, or Aslan for the Narnians, to put God’s will into people ... you know, sort of put God’s will into place, with people He wants for certain things, like for king or president or whatever.”

When told that The Chronicles of Narnia, the series of novellas written by C.S. Lewis, was a work of fiction, Bush responded that he “never quite understood much math,” but believes that the Narnians should be honored for their achievements. “They may have been just a fraction, as you say” Bush explained, “But if you think that somehow dimishinizes their accomplishments, and all the things they accomplished, and, kind of, you know, puts down the things they gotten done, such as defeating the evil White Witch and all, then I respectfully disagree.”

Bush also dismissed criticisms that Narnia was a Monarchy, not a Democracy, as “liberal media spin.” “Narnia was a great country with lots of noblenessity, with one heck of a nobly king. That’s why he was the high king and why he was such a great country. And when their freedom was under attack by freedom-hating people, you see, they were at war with some extremist folks, and so they didn’t bother much with little details and facts. (King Peter) just said, ‘Bring it on!’

“I try to model myself after the great King Peter. I know who our enemies is, and I’ll do whatever it takes to defend them ... defend us from them, from those who would take away our freedom.”

The interviewer held out a map and asked Bush to point out Narnia. “It’s in a different world,” Bush insisted. “It might be where Saddam hid his weapons.”

Responding to the same question in a DUP interview in February, Vice President Dick Cheney responded: “Attila the Hun. Fuck you.”