OP by Debi:

      What the hell is wrong with the folks at Nabisco???

ROUND NUTTER BUTTERS???

The DU Lounge, Jan 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by madinmaryland:

      Only on Freerepublic..."Smoking Rooms Eliminated Following Erection"

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2...

Only two months after smoking areas were erected at two hospitals, the desire to go smoke-free on the premises will eliminate the smoking rooms entirely and replace them with smoking shelters.

NHS Lothian (Scottland) will eliminate smoking rooms at Royal Edinburgh as well as at Astley Ainslie. The will then provide smoking shelters in it's phased shut down of the indoor smoking areas. The Health Board claims the action will assist smokers in quitting.

The Health Board states, "These shelters will act as a platform to promote our stop smoking services, to encourage people to seek help to give up smoking from one of our dedicated smoking cessation nurses."

GD, Jan 5, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by 48percenter:

      End of an ERROR: 1-20-09, do WE get NAME CHANGE AMNESTY?

response #5 by MiniMe:

      I believe that should be amnety


GD, Jan 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by GoddessofGuiness:

      I bought my mom one of those "Bush countdown" clocks a few years ago...

What's it going to do when it strikes 0?

(Lots of good responses here)

The DU Lounge, Jan 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by dbaker41:

      Anybody tried the "Angry Whopper?"

I did. It was barely miffed. One good tasty bite, in the center, where they put all the jalapenos.

Otherwise, I was underwhelmed. The Angry Sauce was more like Sweet Sauce.

response #1 by MrCoffee:

      I don't want my burger to have a mood.

The Lounge, December 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by The System Stinks:

      BUSH ORDERS AIR STRIKES AGAINST CANADA


Declares ‘War on Avian Terror’

President Bush, citing intelligence reports linking al Qaeda to a vast Canadian ‘suicide bird’ training network, today ordered air strikes against 6-8 suspected aviaries and wildlife preserves in Canada as retaliation for the apparent suicide geese attack against U.S. Airways flight 1549 this afternoon. “I know nobody was killed, thank God,” the visibly angry lame-duck told a hastily convened White House press conference, “but that was due to the heroic efforts of the pilot and crew. It’s obvious that the intention of these foul fowl was to kill Americans. Besides, do you have any idea of the impact on rush hour traffic?”

The President also had a stern warning for Canada as well as any other countries that might harbor what he referred to as “extremist terror nests”: “Our actions will be swift, and they will be severe,” he emphasized, “and your birds and larger flying insects are either with us or they are against us. But let me be perfectly clear about one thing – and you can mark my words on this — we will exterminate them over there so we won’t have to exterminate them over here.”

The President then outlined intelligence reports indicating that in recent months, suspected al Qaeda operatives had approached both government officials and black market sources in Canada, Greenland, and several Central and South American countries “in an effort to procure large numbers of dangerous birds which they would use to bring American air traffic to a standstill.” He also added, “And I think anybody who’s seen that Hitchcock movie knows their long-term agenda is probably even more sinister.”

Rest of Story at: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2... /

(Ed note: This will be the only time I'll be awarding The System Stinks a DUzy because his writing is actually satire, and I will not accept any other noms with him - have too many! This one is too good to let go!)

GDP, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by Cat Woman:

      UPS delivers $10,000 of weed

response #1 by Teh_Rabble_Rouser:

      What can you do for brown?

The Lounge, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Bucky:

      Good God, everybody, just stop!
Now start back up again.

response #1 by Techbear_Seattle:

      Why? Is it Hammer Time?

GDP, Jan 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by EconomicLiberal:

      **************'s Final Address Thread #1*************
Get ready to puke

response #79 by peekaloo:

       he still can't give a book report without tripping over his tongue

GD, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by scheming daemons:

      So when does Air Force 1 take off with * on his last ride on the damn thing.
And could that be visible from the Mall? That would be a could be a good condition, for maybe the most participants in a "Moon," in the history of the universe.

response #17 by jberryhill:

      As a tribute, they are releasing a flock of geese ahead the plane /nt

GDP, Jan 15, 2009:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by proud2Blib:

      Man offended by Buddha statue at zoo - but it isn't Buddha
The statues of “Buddha” at the Kansas City Zoo that offended an Overland Park man are not images of Buddha at all, according to a local lama.

“I have seen them,” said Lama Chuck Stanford, executive and spiritual director of the Rime Buddhist Center. “They are statues of Ho Tai, the patron saint of children in China and Japan. He is closer to Santa Claus.”

The Overland Park man, whose family are Christians, complained to a zoo employee after he saw people rubbing the bellies and heads of the statues at the entrance to the Tiger Trail area of the zoo.

http://www.kansascity.com/637/story/981921...



response #30 by kenny blankenship:

      He's raisin' the roof
clearly an invitation to "burn the muthafucka down". Why should good Christian children be exposed to that?

GD, Jan 15, 2009:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by kentuck :

      Please have pity on me and show a little sympathy.


Never mind that I screwed you and your country for eight years. I did whatever I wanted. I tortured prisoners. I sent them to other countries to be tortured. I lied to the American people so I could invade Iraq and get rid of that tyrant, Saddam. I spied on whomever I wanted to. I ignored the Constitution. After all, it is nothing but a piece of paper. I used Karl Rove and my propaganda machine to the fullest extent. I destroyed the American economy and free markets will never be the same again. I turned the whole world against America. I flew onto the deck of an aircraft and declared that the Mission was Accomplished. Just when the entire country of Iraq was about to collapse, I decided to bribe our enemies, the Sunnis, with American tax dollars by the billions. We called it the "surge" but it was nothing more than an outright bribe. Please have pity on me and show a little sympathy. Please?

response #3 by ColbertWatcher:

      He wants sympathy from me?? He can look it up in my dictionary. . .
It's between the words shit and syphilis.

GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP title by Are_grits_groceries :

      Krispy Kreme To Celebrate Inauguration With Donut Giveaway

Hey there true American, Krispy Kreme wants to help celebrate the inauguration of your new President by giving you a free donut. Or as Krispy Kreme, defender of America as the land of the obese would probably prefer to rebrand them, freedom bagels. Here's how it works: Obama is inaugurated and you get a donut.

The Inauguration Day promotional offer is good for one doughnut of choice per customer on Jan. 20. No purchase is necessary. To find a participating store near you, visit Krispy Kreme's Store Locator:

http://www.krispykreme.com/storelocator.ht...

http://consumerist.com

Yum!! A great day gets better..........

response #5 by Warren Stupidity:

GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP question bydevilgrrl:

      Will Bush staffers trash the offices like Clinton's staffers were accused of?
I'm guessing that they actually will.

response #11 by devilgrrl:

      They'll carve backwards Bs on the desks


GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by anigbrowl:

      Abortion Donuts
http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/200...
Has to be read to be believed. this is what happens when money and mental illness coincide.



GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

Poll question by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      When you were between the ages of 7 and 18, did you EVER steal ANYTHING?

It's the Internet. Try to be honest.

In other words, I expect zero "No" answers.

Yes

No (And I'm a liar)

response #7 by callchet:

      I voted no and I don't lie .

(Ed note: the series of responses after that is funny as hell! And JeffR personally nominated this!)
GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by undeterred:

      Rep. King: Obama should skip middle name in oath
When I got to work today, that's what the guys were talking about... the facility manager asked for a recommendation.



response #39 by pipi_k:

      Peter Fuckin' King....???
wow...

Fuckin'...that's a hell of a middle name he's got there...I guess his parents didn't like him much

response #40 by annabanana:

      (It's honorary)
He earned it.

Latest Breaking News, Jan 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

Poll question by bridgit:

       Are DU 'picture threads' relevant to your interests?

Extremely Relvevant

Somewhat Relvevant

Relevant

Neutral

Irrelevant

Somewhat Irrelevant

Extremely Irrelevant

No Opinion

Other

Other: verbatim response requested less than 25 words

response #1 by petronius:

      Absolutely! Whenever I see a new pic thread I cover the windows with tin foil,
put on my spiderman costume and bunny ears, turn on the ceiling-mounted disco ball, and pleasure myself until I bleed...

(Think about that image, people, next time you start a pic thread!)


The Lounge, Jan 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by BlooInBloo:

      FREE THE DUCK!!!!!
graywarrior promised the duck would be freed on the 20th!

Hold her to that!!!!

That's right, I said another DUers name.



(Lots of funny responses here!)

The Lounge, Jan 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by RamboLiberal:

      Sully's next flight could be to the inauguration

Source: NY Daily News

AND NOW...he rescues the economy?

Not likely - but heroic US Airways Capt. Chesley Sullenberger may add Washington to his itinerary, attending the Tuesday inauguration of President Obama.

"We'd love to go," his wife, Lorrie, said yesterday on CBS' "The Early Show." "It's in the works, I believe."

The President-elect made a congratulatory phone call Friday to the fearless flier, the latest in a continuing string of tributes for Sullenberger.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2...

-----

While meeting the new President would be thrilling, Lorrie Sullenberger said her two teen daughters had different motives for an inaugural trip. "Our daughters would love to go see the Jonas Brothers," she said.

response #3 by Tangerine LaBamba:

      Is he bringing the giant talking testicle with legs?


response #4 by Goat or Panic:

      What does Cheney have to do with it?
When was the last time one exploded in the microwave?


Latest Breaking News, Jan 18, 2009:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by glinda:

      Labradoodle is NOT a dog Breed but a continuing experiment with bad results

I am shocked that Obama would even consider allowing his daughter to have her way to get a "Designer" dog instead of teaching her to be responsible. Wiki the Labradoodle and you will see the genetic issues involved with this breed as well as the unpredictability of temperament. To breed a dog to help the blind originally now suffers from loosing it's sight! After having two pure-bred rescued Wheaten Terriers with un-docked tails, both calm and smart, why can't they just get a Wheaten? They look almost near identical to a Labradoodle. Geeeze. I thought he was smarter than that.

response #119 by jmowreader:

      Or a cocky, shitty rotten poo

Cross a shih-tzu with a cocker to get a cock-a-shit, then cross a Rottweiler with a standard Poodle to get a rotten-poo. Finally, cross the offspring of these two atrocities to get a cocky, shitty, rotten poo.

If you can think of a worse combination I'd like to hear it. This mutt would not only be meaner than Barbara Bush, he'd be strong enough to kill the person who pissed him off.

General Discussion, Jan 12, 2009, 2009:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...