I am a:

(_) College republican
(_) Mayor
(_) City council member
(_) Wall Street Executive
(_) Talk Show Host
(_) Governor
(_) Senator
(_) Fundamentalist fire-and-brimstone preacher
(_) Congressional representative
(_) Presidential candidate

I got caught because I did one or more of the following:

(_) Cheated on my wife
(_) Cheated on my mistress
(_) Child molestation/pornography
(_) Did a shitload of drugs and/or alcohol
(_) Slept with some hookers
(_) Killed a hooker
(_) Killed some innocent civilians
(_) Got a DUI
(_) Destroyed one or more vehicles
(_) Accidentally shot my hunting partner in the face
(_) Made a blatantly racist comment
(_) Have ties to white supremacist groups
(_) Have ties to anti-GLBT groups
(_) Took trips to foreign countries on the taxpayer's dollar for sex
(_) Took my company's payroll to Vegas and bet it all on #6
(_) Stole my company's payroll and moved it to offshore bank accounts
(_) Denied paying my taxes despite raising them 1500%
(_) Hypocritical douchebaggery
(_) Other (explain)________________________________________
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I will appear on one or more of the following talk shows to explain my actions:

(_) Rush Limbaugh
(_) Glenn Beck
(_) Bill O'Reilly
(_) Neil Cavuto
(_) Greta Van Susteren
(_) Insane local radio talk show host

I will redeem myself through one or more of the following:

(_) Explain that the Bible is the source of my actions
(_) Give the money back but thanks to loopholes I dont really have to
give that much back
(_) Jail time
(_) Religious fullfillment
(_) Spending time w/family to shut up nosy reporters
(_) Re-baptismal ceremony makes the church goers happy
(_) Testify before Congress and/or local courts to prove
my innocence
(_) Hire a suave publicist who will ensure that I look
good explaining my actions

Scandal will be covered up through:

(_) Use of force
(_) Use of excessive propaganda
(_) Rush Limbaugh explaining that I did nothing wrong
(_) Taxpayer gets $300 to keep quiet until next general election
(_) Officials / reporters get bribed to keep quiet
(_) Huge catastrophe or celebrity death knocks news of scandal to page 23