On a thread by Bluebear:

      McCain backtracks, says he meant al-Qaeda would interfere with Iraq elections, not US
"A warning by Republican presidential candidate John McCain that al-Qaeda may increase terrorist attacks "as we get into the election season" prompted news organizations to report that he was referring to the U.S. election.

Campaign spokeswoman Brooke Buchanan later said McCain was talking about provincial elections in Iraq. McCain hadn't specified what election season he had in mind as he responded to questions at a town-hall meeting with General Motors Corp. workers in Warren, Michigan..."

response #1 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Even his senility flip-flops.

response #2 by monmouth:

      He really makes my head hurt and Aleve doesn't work anymore...n/t

response #3 by NightWatcher:

      put Gramps to bed, he's talking out of his mind again
and give him a Viagra so he doesnt roll out of bed

response #4 by SteelPenguin:

      John McCain runs into crowded theater screaming "WE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!"
After mass panic his spokesman said Mr. McCain was referring to the tie-dye festival in Madison Wisconsin in three weeks time, and not the imminent danger of the people in the theater itself.

ie What fucking typical "Fear and Switch" republican tactics.

GD, July 18, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by Breeze54:

      N.E. Revolution Heroes Help Subdue Naked Man On Plane
"Several staff members of the New England Revolution, including the soccer team's general manager, were on a flight from Boston to Los Angeles that had to be diverted when a passenger walked up and down the aisle naked and then tried to open the plane's emergency door.

The FBI said the Revs personnel helped subdue the unruly passenger. No one was injured.

The American Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing in Oklahoma after the naked man ran up and down the aisle at 30,000 feet. Officials said the man went to the bathroom and emerged without clothes. He returned to his seat, but about 10 minutes later he got up again and tried to open an emergency door..."

response #1 by rucky:

      And they didn't even use their hands. n/t

response #3 by Peake:

      No one ever calls the naked man a hero


response #4 by Breeze54:

      "Snakes on the Plane!!" LMAO!!
But he wasn't a hero! He was a loose, naked, nutcase!

response #5 by scarletwoman:

      Maybe there wasn't anything
(*ahem*) heroic about this particular naked man, if you know what I mean.

response #7 by RC:

      How come women never do anything like this?

GD, July 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by KurtNYC:

      Details of the Next McCain Trip Abroad are Revealed!
McCain to visit Czechoslovakia, East Germany

After hugging Bush goodbye, Senator John McCain will embark on a diplomatic tour which may shore up his foreign policy credentials. Some people say that the trip was hastily scheduled to get away from 61 year-old Denver librarian Carol Kreck, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfB4ZqgUlgw ) but the McCain campaign denies that:

"If anything, John wants to get away from the disgrace that is Social Security and all the Americans who whining about foreclosures on their homes, gasoline prices, 14% inflation and the destruction of the US economy. John, as he always said, is an expert on the economy and knows that there is nothing wrong with the mortgage industry or general economy. And since the only problems with the US economy are psychological, if elected, John will ask Dr. Phil to become his Chief Economist."

Advisors say McCain is anxious to catch up on events in Czechoslovakia and make sure the Soviets aren't going to reduce “the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia.”

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/... -... /

"Then it's on to meet with Vladimir Putin the President of Germany, although we are not sure if he is President of East Germany or West Germany so we'll visit both as long as we can get passed the Berlin Wall. John recently pondered 'When will Gorbachev tear down that wall?'"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5ENwej0fpc

The last stop on the trip will be to Pakistan where McCain has invited Afghan President Hamid Karzai. McCain says he knows how close the neighbors are. McCain announced last week that there is "good news, I think that there is a glimmer of improving relationship between Karzai and the Pakistanis."

GD, July 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by grantcart:

      McCain critiques Obama Afghan trip
AP - Somewhere on the StraightTalk Express

By Dewey Cheetham.

"Here let me draw you a map" Senator
McCain offering to illustrate precisely
Senator Obama's likely itinerary in Kabul

McCain: Afghanistan trip will help Obama improve his security perspective.

Senator McCain took a middle of the road approach commenting on Senator's landing in Afghanistan by saying that he hoped that the trip will help the Democratic Nominee "gain a valuable experience in understanding the practical side of maintaining security". McCain reminisced about his previous trips to Afghanistan saying that "the Secret Service always prefers taking highway 105 and then coming in the back way to Kabul on the seldom used Malakaar cut off 5 miles south of the capitol. I found it a very scenic route and was always impressed that I had such a good view from the third car in the motorcade."

McCain seemed to be trying to stress his familiarity with the area and his personal experience as an advantage by stating that "he was sure that Obama and President Karzai would have a complete briefing and probably go together to lunch to the Kabul Kabob Restaurant that Karzai likes to take Americans to."

"Its important that Obama get a feel for the practical aspects of security, right there on the field. These are the basic instincts that us old hands pick up from decades of military and security involvement. Senator Obama will have to be careful that he learns how to seperate careful material given to him in top secret briefings and not just spreading that all over the place when he tries to communicate his policy ideas to the public."

McCain went on to say that it is important that Obama also get some idea of the civil rebuilding projects that are so important in Afghanistan. He added "I understand that in the afternoon, around 3:00 the Senator and the entire group will be visiting the Boys Junior Agricultural Training Institute located just north of Kabul, here let me show you where it is." And then Senator McCain demonstrated his detailed knowledge of the area by drawing a crude map on a napkin in front of appreciative cameras.

"If a person is going to try and be President", the candidate concluded, "he has to learn how to be discreet and security conscious at all times."

GDP, July 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by danagsk8:

      Hey, Mouseketeers! Now sing THIS!!
(Yep, I gots another one of THESE to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club theme!)

Ohhh....

Who's the man whose "Hope and Change"
Make proud the U.S.A?

B-A-R-A-C-K O-B-A-M-A!

Who's the leader all us Dems
Are praying for each day?

B-A-R-A-C-K O-B-A-M-A!

Obama: He's my prez!
Obama: He's your prez!
He doesn't need a flag on his lapel!
Nah! Nah! Nah!

Who's the hero of the White House
Not so far away?

B-A-R...."R" you ready, America?

A-C-K....Gonna Kick McCant's ass clear to the moon!

O-B-A-M-Ayyyyyyyy!



response #6 by Richardo:

      Doesn't Obama take enough grief about having big ears?


GDP, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by CaliforniaPeggy:

      McCain says we have succeeded in Iraq!
We have succeeded in the following ways:

We have succeeded in bringing Al Quaeda to Iraq

We have succeeded in destroying Iraq's infrastructure

We have succeeded in displacing or killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraquis

We have succeeded in destroying our standing in the eyes of the rest of the world

We have succeeded in alienating many of our best allies


Well, you get the picture...

I am sure you can add your own...

This is far from a complete list, after all...


May we never achieve such success again!

GDP, July 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by nashville_brook:

      Batman is a fascist.

response #57 by jobycom:

      Wow, don't go see Ratatouille, then.
Darned rats are a health menace.

GD, July 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by Warpy:

      Nevada GOP cancels convention
"Citing a lack of interest, the Nevada Republican Party has called off its state convention and will instead pick its delegates to the national convention by private conference call.

The state party broke up its original convention in April when supporters of Ron Paul hijacked the proceedings and tried to elect delegates for their candidate to the national GOP convention in September.

Party officials tried to reconvene on July 26, but they needed a quorum of 675 and received only 300 RSVPs, according to local reports..."

response #4 by Steve_DeShazer:

      This is SO recommended


response #19 by rpannier:

      Let's be fair here
They were holding their meeting at the wrong location.

Had they picked a federal prison located in Nevada, they'd have had thousands able to attend.

response #18 by Perragrande:

      Why don't they change their name to The Nevada Apathy Club?

I would start one myself, but I just don't give a shit, you see.



response #37 by opihimoimoi:

      "Free Hot Crabs, Cold Beer, and Prime Ribs couldn't lure them in...Damn"

response #57 by KamaAina:

      Most repukes already have crabs
'specially in Nevada, home of the Mustang Ranch.

GD, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by MonkeyFunk:

      This is God posting as Monkeyfunk
He's in the den playing with my Playstation 9, so I'm jumping in for a sec. I have some things to tell you:

- Knock it off. Just knock it off. You know what I mean.

- I TOTALLY spaced when doing the 10 Commandments. I don't know how it happened, but "Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's ox" should've been "Slavery is wrong." My bad.

- Signal when changing lanes.

- That "Sabbath Day" thing? A transcription error. Should've been "Thou shalt not wage war."

- We're JUST NOW starting to get your radio signals here in heaven. That "Lucy" is whacky!


Whoops! Here he comes... gotta run.

response #1 by newmajority:

      So uh, God..... what about that whole "Sodom & Gomorrah" thing?
You know the fundies down here - pretty much the same type of people who were called "pharisees" when your son JC came down for a visit - they're trying to convince people that You are some Fred Phelps type and You nuked all of Sodom county because a gay guy wanted to get it on with an angel or something, and Lot's wife turned into a big salt shaker, so Lot got drunk and passed out, and then his daughters screwed him. But that's OK with You.

Uh, care to clear up that controversy?

response #2 by MonkeyFunk:

      The destruction of Sodom
was a bit of an outburst on my part. It wasn't the gay thing, it was that they were REALLY inhospitable to my angel, Hank. I overreacted, I admit.

As for Lot, I got him and the girls into family counseling. They had some fucked up shit, and that's all I'll say.

response #3 by Maddy McCall:

      Quick question, God.
A lot of the Christians around here are opposed to DNA cloning and such, yet they believe that a woman was created from the rib of a man.

How do you feel about that?

response #4 by MonkeyFunk:

      Don't tell me you yahoos
think that rib nonsense was literal!



Clone away - no skin off my divine nose.

response #11 by Tuesday Afternoon:

      If you are God then who is in the den and why do you appear to be
afraid of him?

response #13 by MonkeyFunk:

      Have you SEEN Monkeyfunk when he's pissed?


response #17 by Gormy Cuss:

      God posting as Monkeyfunk? That's refreshing change.
It's usually the other way around.


The Lounge, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Oeditpus Rex:

      I'm in my 50s, and I'm gonna give *you* some advice:
Get the hell off my lawn.

The Lounge, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by scarletwoman:

      The case against Obama's proposal to bomb France, what Dems & Obama don't get.
I don't understand why Obama is considering bombing France, and it disturbs me that so many Dems seem willing to go along with it. So I think we must send these Dems and Obama the message that we won't put up with this idea of bombing France.

Therefore, here are all the reasons why Obama's plan to bomb France is such a bad idea:

#! ...Wait a minute! What's that? So, you're saying that Obama HASN'T proposed bombing France? That there is absolutely no evidence anywhere that Obama ever said he wanted to bomb France?

Well don't that beat all!

GDP, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by lame54:

      If Ben & Jerry Name An Ice Cream After John McCain What Should It Be Called?
How about John McGrain Crunch
Oatmeal ice cream with chunks of ribbon candy and a Metamucil swirl

What are your suggestions?

response #1 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      needs more sour.

response #2 by Bicoastal:

      Prunes 'n' Fiber.

response #6 by Kutjara:

      McCain Marshmallow Flip Flop. n/t

response #7 by thecatburgler:

      Cherry Bomb Bomb Iran. nt

response #9 by bronxiteforever:

      A "McSame"-2 scoops of vanilla with plenty of nuts

response #15 by NRaleighLiberal:

      Conservative McSwirl
Pasty vanilla ice cream with an unidentifiable lump, with a vanilla Ensure swirl and chunks of dried prunes. It is very boring to eat, even with "my friends". Tastes the same as the flavor "Dubya Disaster", though that flavor contains bits of cleared brush, cigarette ashes and chunks of pickles instead of the Ensure.

response #25 by Phentex:

      Trollop's Stolen Cookie Dough


response #37 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Combovers and Cream


response #43 by bushmeat:

      McCrusty's Campaign Crunch
Razed Rainforest Brazil Nuts, White(s only) Chocolate Chunks, Red-White & Blueblood Truffles, Freeze-Dried Lobbyist-Fed Leeches, Puritan Brand Prunes, and one (in each pint) Angry-As-Hell Novelty Keepsake Fire Ant (hygienically manufactured out of plastic in China).

response #46 by LiberalEsto:

      McLame Surprise
Plain boring artificially flavored vanilla with chunks of Big Oil and a Geritol swirl.

response #50 by jmondine:

      George W. Bush

response #52 by Botany:

      Old Fashioned "Fuck-ity Up"
Or maybe "Keating's 5 Flavors"

response #62 by ColbertWatcher:

      Budweiser Sorbet.
His wife delivers it and he provides all the air.

response #73 by grannylib:

      McInania Nuts

response #80 by The Gunslinger:

      "I hope thats pudding"

response #82 by krispos42:

      McThorazine Surprise
Vanilla ice cream bleached for extra whiteness, mixed with plenty of rehashed, rotten nuts and a stiff dose of thorazine so you just... won't... care...

response #86 by jazzjunkysue:

      Arizona Carsonoma

response #95 by behave:

      Grumpy Lumpy

response #105 by Lautremont:

      Pieces O' Walnut
or P.O.W. for short.

or maybe Caramel Crazyeyes

or Turkey in the Strawberry

response #107 by Phoebe Loosinhouse:

      Chunky Flunky

response #109 by Seldona:

      McCain Delight
One cake shaped brick of bullshit aged about 70 years or so, and a shitload of red, white, and blue frosting. Let's not forget to put the little green toy soldiers on top along with some white crosses. Maybe get some brown-people candles that smell like napalm when you light them...

response #113 by johnfunk:

      Codger Michelob Swirl with Aricept Crunch
Not for sale in Czechoslovakia.

response #118 by Peake:

      Between Iraq and a Tart Place sorbet.

response #130 by beac:

      Damn Gramm Economy Scam
You think it tastes like sh!t, but it's all in your head. Stop whining!

unnumbered response by VancSouthpaw:

      Cherry Atric

response #162 by 48percenter:

      Grumpy Old Fart
Pumpkin ice cream (resembling baby shit) with chunks of Fruitcake.

Lots of nuts and a dollop of trollop on top.

response #182 by SaveAmerica:

      Chicle Slovakia "It IS a flavor" "No, it isn't, sir"

An honorable mention to the dozens and dozens more cool ideas...

GD, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by thewiseguy:

      Is the "War on Terror" winnable?

response #2 by Lautremont:

      As much so as the "War on Grumpiness,"
or the "War on Nervousness," or that other major battle undertaken by Bushco, the "War on Common Sense, Decency and Historical Redemption."

response #7 by beac:

      We need a "War on Waging War on Nouns"
I say, we declare unsubstantiated victory, Bush-style, against nouns and start carpet bombing the adjectives and adverbs.

response #6 by OnceUponTimeOnTheNet:

      Not really. Just enjoy your life, eat well, and have great sex.
And shoot immediate threats, with a shotgun. Rifles suck in close parameters.

GDP, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by Botany:

      Almost 7 years after 9/11; The Bush Admin puts bin Laden's driver on trial

response #10 by sfexpat2000:

      It's like getting Al Capone's paper boy
and torturing him.

response #14 by trof:

      Bet that's got al Qaida shakin' in their sandals.
"Holy Shit, Osama! They got the chauffeur! They'll be coming after the butler next!"

response #16 by gatorboy:

      bin Laden's florist is in deep shit.

response #24 by Jack Rabbit:

      Does any one here think the White House chauffeur should be charged with war crimes?
Then what makes this guy public enemy number 1?

GD, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Quixote1818:

      Screw those who say Obama can't put a Republican on his cabinet!
Here is my Dream Team for Obama:

VP: Tom DeLay
Treasury: William J. Bennett
AG: Bill O'Reilly
Defence: Bill Kristol
State: John Bolton
Energy: Jeffrey Skilling
Education: Michael Savage
INS: Oliver North
VA: Dick Cheney
FEMA: Mike Brown
Joint Chiefs: Don Rumsfield
Special Advisor (Arms Control): Richard N. Perle
National Poverty Commission: Anne Coulter
Council of Economic Advisors: Phil Gramm
Special Advisor (Global Outreach): Sean Hannity
UN Ambassador: James Dobson

Almost forgot! Press secretary: Rush Limbaugh



GDP, July 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

Poll question by Occam Bandage:

      So, given the breathless front-page coverage that Obama's Iraq trip is getting,
does John McCain:

Regret complaining that the media wasn't talking about Obama and Iraq?

Really regret complaining that the media wasn't talking about Obama and Iraq?

response #1 by MrModerate:

      Is asking his campaign staff . . .
"Tell me again why the f*ck we insisted he go to Iraq?"

(Uh, John, we thought it'd take him out of the campaign loop for at least a week.)

"You did? Well you're a f*cking moron."

(Yes sir. But we also thought that the press would stay here and pay attention to us.)

"Well that f*cking worked like gangbusters! They're all following him around like hound dogs in heat!"

(Well, yes . . . but there's always a chance he'll screw up and lose credibilty on the international stage.)

"F*ck! Never mind. Where did you say Czechoslovakia was again?"

At press time, "Really regret complaining that the media wasn't talking about Obama and Iraq?" was winning with 92% of the votes.

GDP, July 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by thepurpose:

      Did Andrea Freaking Mitchell just say that Obama was asked fake questions because

response #5 by MidwestTransplant:

      She has a serious radio face. I can't watch her. Plus she is annyoing so I wouldn't listen to her
either.

response #10 by JackORoses:

      just imagine the look on that face when out pop Greenspan's old balls
I envision cracked porcelain

GDP, July 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by sabra:

      Rice limits embassies' aid for candidates
"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has instructed U.S. overseas missions to provide only minimal support to foreign visits by the two main presidential candidates, Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain, forbidding diplomats to hold events or arrange meetings for them..."

response #1 by gratuitous:

      Let me guess
These new rules were promulgated just in time for Obama's tour, but the resulting embarrassment of their publication will cause them to be withdrawn whenever McThuselah decides to shuffle his dumpy white ass over to the Middle East for a series of gaffes and photo ops.

Did I win? Do I get a cookie? Or is the game so transparent now than even a four-year-old can see these things coming a mile away?

LBN, July 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by spanone:

      msnbc reported there was one (1) reporter to greet mcsame at new hampshire airport yesterday

response #1 by NightWatcher:

      Was it Jeff Ganon?

GD, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

Poll question by Gilligan:

      Whose Fault Is It?
McCain says Obama is to blame for high fuel costs... For some reason, I aint buyin' it.

So, who is to blame?

Kitler did it. He is the God of fuel

Anyone from Kal-ee-forn-yaaa - We hate cars here!!!!

Everyone knows Joan Rivers did this. Just look at her for Kee-rists Sake.

I am an agnostic so don't ask me.

I don't care, I'm drunk when I post most of the time

I like polls

O.J.'s Dream Team - Those bastards killed the metal... Now we must all bow down to the evil overlords of DISCO!

Distractions are for girlie men. I eat the Washington Post with just a little garlic butter and salt

Other

Other - other - I mean if that other other is not the one you want, this is it

response #1 by Indenturedebtor:

      The other other. You know them enviroterromentalists
They took our jobs and put these homosexual thoughts in ma noggin

response #5 by JenniferZ:

      Everyone knows it's other. And NOT other-other. Other-other
is just a distraction from the real culprit, which is obviously other. Listen up sheeple, the media wants you to believe it's other-other. Don't buy into the MSM garbage. It's definitely OTHER.

At press time, "Other - other - I mean if that other other is not the one you want, this is it" was winning with 30% of the votes.

GDP, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by fiziwig:

      Obama started manipulating oil prices when he was 17 years old!
McCain says in his new attack ad that oil prices are Obama's fault. Yet he is on record previously as stating that the rise in oil prices has been thirty years in the making. Do the math. 30 years ago Obama was 17 years old, so he must have started affecting oil prices while he was still in high school! WOW! Imagine that. A high school student launching a scheme to push up oil prices. It boggles the mind.

response #4 by ellacott:

      Obama has lived very full life
He was planning his run for President in the Kindergarten; at 8 he was plotting with the Ayers on where to place bombs and now at 17 he was on his laptop manipulating the stock exchange.

Wow, what a guy.

GDP, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by JDPriestly:

      How do you think Republicans plan to distract from the huge welcome that Obama gets in Germany?

response #1 by ZombieHorde:

      McCain's huge welcome at IHOP.

response #2 by opihimoimoi:

      Larry Craig will do the Seppuku on the Capital steps tomorrow...Vitter will be the 2nd.

response #10 by SoonerPride:

      Seriously, I'd watch that.
I can Tivo Obama, but I'd watch that shit LIVE

response #5 by global1:

      McCain Will Announce That They Caught Hitler.......nt

GDP, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by NNN0LHI:

      Window washer fell about 82 feet before his safety harness kicked in
"A window washer in Gold Coast, Qld., Australia, was working nine storys up when he fell about 25 meters (82 ft) before his safety harness kicked in, bringing him to a quick stop. The 20-year-old man was hospitalized for three injuries: a fractured arm, a fractured pelvis, and what he described to co-workers as 'a big wedgie'. A co-worker said 'He's lucky to be alive...'"

response #1 by flvegan:

      9 storys up is 90 feet give or take, right?
Falling 82' of 90'...at least the "big wedgie" probably pushed the shit back in.

response #3 by DS1:

      TA DAAAH!

The Lounge, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by kskiska:

      McCain to counterprogram Obama in Germany with visit to Gulf Coast oil rig

response #1 by wienerdoggie:

      DRAMATIC!! EXCITING!!! HISTORIC!!!!
BTW, please be sure to wear the oversized hard-hat, goggles and safety harness that they'll offer you...and then make sure to have your picture taken in them.

response #12 by wryter2000:

      LOL
I wonder if a tank will fit on a drilling rig. He'd look really cool in a hard hat in a tank.

response #2 by meegbear:

      Oooooh! I wonder if Chris Matthews will haw over McCain's bulge?

response #17 by IanDB1:

      It's not nice to make fun of McCain's face. n/t

response #10 by hatrack:

      If this is the rate of increase in the Fucked-Uppedness Factor to date ...
Can you imagine the state of his campaign by mid-October?

They'll be handwriting campaign flyers on parchment before dropping them from dirigibles!

They'll be demanding an end to the menace of these new-fangled "Motor-Cars" on their wireless broadcasts!

They'll be handing out free bottles of Jack Daniels and squares of fiberglass insulation when McCain drops in at a day-care center!

LBN, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by jezebel:

      Due to weather McCain won't go to the oil rig, so he's not going to La. Going to Ohio instead.

response #5 by Connie_Corleone:

      Even Mother Nature can't stand him.


response #10 by geek tragedy:

      God to McCain: who are you kidding? n/t

response #17 by sandyj999:

      Oh Damn I was waiting for Hello Dolly! n/t

GDP, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Larry Craig wants to continue ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’»

response #2 by IntravenousDemilo:

      He's taken a surprisingly narrow stance on this issue. n/m

GD, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by book_worm:

      If McCain decided to do his own European tour--how do you think it would go?

response #1 by sniffa:

      First he'd visit Czechoslovakia before visiting Yugoslavia and the Republic of Sperska
Then, the ancient island of Atlantis for some sun, before showing his mettle by visiting the dangerous border region of Iraq and Pakistan.

response #11 by treestar:

      He would show his bravery by going to the USSR
After a talk with the Politiboro, he would head for Berlin to see the wall. Then he would make his way to Yugoslavia where he would warn against the failures of socialism. After that, he would go to France - scratch that, he wouldn't want to go to such an anti-Amurkan country. He would then go to see King George in London after a stopover on Monte Carlo to see Princess Grace.

GD, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Witness: ‘No way’ Novak didn’t know he hit someone; victim was ’splayed across the front’ of his car

response #6 by underpants:

      At least we know that the car was equippped with a douchebag

GD, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Boojatta:

      FDR was an idiot.
What kind of leader responds to a Japanese attack with a knee-jerk declaration of war against Japan? He should have gone after Iraq!

GD, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by edhopper:

      McCain plans trip overseas
To counter Obama's highly successful foreign tour, John McCain will show his strength by visiting Czechoslovakia and the Iraq-Pakistani border.

GD, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by MilesColtrane:

      Just got a 13% pay cut.
Whole band was fired from our regular wednesday night gig we've been doing since 2003.

Now trying to come up with ways to tighten the budget belt.
Your recommendations are welcome.

1) Wash and recycle dental floss. (must find tiny clothespins for drying)

2) Cheerios: meat substitute.

3) Cancel subscription to "Torso" magazine.

4) Only string bass with two strings, instead of four. (should be no problem for country or punk gigs)

5) To trim costs on "Friends and Family" plan, piss off some friends, disown some family.

6) Instead of buying new tuxedo, take black shoe polish to old plaid sport coat.

7) Instead of Netflix for entertainment, visit local retirement home and listen to old person's story about "the time Edna -Edna was my Uncle Murray's housekeeper- got herself locked in the basement looking for a new box of Biz when she ran out while doing the laundry" .

8) Instead of $10 haircut at Clip Job, learn how to use a Flowbie™.

9) If traveling somewhere for a one week vacation is way too expensive way to get needed rest, then three words: Self Induced Coma.

10) Only spend 23 hours a day on Democratic Underground.

The Lounge, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by hedgehog:

      Wasn't John McCain supposed to make a big announcement today?

response #3 by WinkyDink:

      "I liked the Brats!"

response #4 by GloriaSmith:

      McCain rejects all timetables for big announcements my friend
McCain's big announcements will not be conditions based...or something like that.

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by kpete:

      McCain To Be In German Restaurant While Obama Gives Berlin Speech (not a joke)

response #2 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      "Ich bin ein Sauerbraten!"

response #11 by Solly Mack:

      That's called bratwurst envy. And McRage is ate-the-fuck-up with it.

response #13 by Alter Ego:

      He'll be waving a beerstein wildly around and screaming "Look! Look at me!
I can be German too! ICH BIN EIN JACKASS!"

response #14 by Supersedeas:

      Freedom Snausages and American Cheese candidate - there's personality politics and there's
cheese politics

GD, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by hisownpetard:

      Obama has thousands upon thousands of people lining the streets in Germany, waiting to get a glimpse
and hear his words.

McCain has 6 people in the cheese aisle of King's supermarket listening to him make his flubs.
And all six of them are there to buy cheese.

Who ya gonna vote for?




GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      McCain is at the Sausage Haus German Restaurant in Ohio while Obama is actually in Germany
"The presidential race, it seems has boiled down to who has the greatest German appeal. McCain's appearance at Schmidts' restaurant, a 'Sausage Haus' comes after the RNC launched several advertisements in towns named Berlin.

Among the items he may have ordered include: Sauerkraut-Bratwurst Balls, Hoffbrau Schnitzel, or the Bratwurst, voted the "Best Wurst" by Columbus Monthly..."

response #10 by Sentinel Chicken:

      Cheese one day and sausage the next?!!!
Better double up on the Lipitor tonight John.

response #5 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      Is he going to Paris, Texas tomorrow for French toast?

response #6 by Jake3463:

      Freedom Toast
What do you support the french or something

response #36 by Perragrande:

      He could go on a world tour in Texas!!
Less stress on the old guy's heart, too.

Not just Paris, Texas.

Carthage, Texas
Palestine, Texas
Athens, Texas
Iraan, Texas
New Ulm, Texas
Muenster, Texas
Bogata, Texas
Corinth, Texas
China Grove, Texas (Doobie Brothers song)
Dublin, Texas
Earth, Texas
Edinburg, Texas
Egypt, Texas
Elysian Fields, Texas
Florence, Texas
Italy, Texas
Karnack, Texas
Lancaster, Texas
Merkel, Texas
New Boston, Texas
New Waverly, Texas
Odessa, Texas
Ravenna, Texas
Roma, Texas
Trinidad, Texas
Turkey, Texas
Utopia, Texas
Waterloo, Texas
Tokio, Texas
Nazareth, Texas
London, Texas


Even a little space travel:

Venus, Texas
Rising Star, Texas
Star, Texas
Aurora, Texas


Places McCain might especially like:

White Settlement, Texas
Whitehouse, Texas
Uncertain, Texas
Trophy Club, Texas
Shallowater, Texas
Rancho Viejo, Texas (old ranch)
Nixon, Texas
Hoop and Holler, Texas
Cut 'n' Shoot, Texas
Goodnight, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Flat, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas
Dish, Texas
Comfort, Texas
Moody, Texas
Oatmeal, Texas
Sour Lake, Texas
Coolidge, Texas


Places McCain would avoid:

Fairy, Texas
Bacon, Texas
Veribest, Texas
Best, Texas
Castroville, Texas
Cool, Texas
Elevation, Texas
Friendship, TExas
Gay Hill, Texas
Happy, Texas
Hemphill, Texas
Hempstead, Texas
High, Texas
New Harmony, Texas
Forney, Texas


I've just amused myself too much!!!

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Alter Ego:

      CNN BREAKING: JOHN McCAIN CHOOSES VP CANDIDATE
Posted 4 minutes, 15 seconds ago

AP(WASHINGTON)--Republican presidential candidate John McCain has selected a running mate for the 2008 contest with his Democratic rival, Barack Obama.

The choice? A small plastic cup containing two Cialis pills.

"This is very exciting for us," said McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds. "We believe Senator McCain's choice will help his constituency rise to the occasion in time for the November elections."

The RNC also released a statement through spokesman Alex Conant. "I'm a tool," Conant said. "I'm a tool, I'm a tool, I'm a tool tool tool. I'm sorry, what was the question again?"

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by Happyhippychick:

      Is it just me or is anyone just freaking gleeful?
This overseas trip is truly the best thing that Obama could have done. Now the Israelis prefer him to McCain (I can post the poll in case somebody else hasn't done it). The world respects him, the world loves him. McCain is whining in front of a cheese display at the supermarket.

I feel completely high in a non-paranoid way.

response #1 by SemiCharmedQuark:

      Nuh Uh. He's whining in front of a German shop.

response #5 by truebrit71:

      ..actually it was the highly appropriate "Fudge Haus"....
...you can't make that shit up....

response #6 by SemiCharmedQuark:

      Yeah but there were literally ones of people there to see him.

response #8 by truebrit71:

      He was there with all of his friend....
....

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by HawkeyeX:

      If this place was Free Republic - what would our usernames be?
Probably WinchesterIIIX or FrankBurnsX or something like that would be mine.

Post what you think!

response #5 by terrya:

      terryNRA

response #7 by Richardo:

      TaxCutsForTheRichardo

response #11 by DS1:

      WritingInHillary08


response #12 by greendog:

      JesusTrukNutz

response #14 by ih8thegop:

      iluvthegop

response #19 by GoPsUx:

      gOpRoX


response #20 by Writer:

      Right-er.
Har har harrrrr. Har.

response #21 by CreekDog:

      FreepDog


response #23 by DarkTirade:

      I would have to sustain head trauma before logging onto that site.
So my screen name would probably be something like fddddddddd../

response #30 by derby378:

      derby9/11


response #40 by BlueIris:

      ImaStud. HummerTown. BigD. ElephantMan.
And pretty much everything else that could possibly suggest "pathetically insecure."

response #42 by Gormy Cuss:

      Name Removed.
I don't think that I'd last long.

response #46 by Oregonian:

      Buttscratcher

response #51 by mycritters2:

      killthecritters2 nt

response #52 by datasuspect:

      ChristsFistofGlroy

response #53 by DS1:

      works better with the typo


response #65 by Chovexani:

      Sugar Tits 4 Jeezus

response #73 by Inspired:

      Insipid

response #74 by PelosiFan:

      PelosiHater... oh wait, that works here too
oh well

response #77 by Phentex:

      Phairtax
I tried Phartax but it looked like Fart-Ax.

response #79 by NewEnglandGirl:

      ToHellWithNE1ButMe n/t

response #98 by prodn2000:

      Proudof2000


response #102 by Lilith Velkor:

      Lily Whiteass

response #103 by bikebloke:

      SUVMommy'sBoy

And a Brazilian more...

The Lounge, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by BrentTaylor:

      After that speech. How can he do better at Invesco Field?

response #1 by Whisp (quoting hisownpetard):

      he manages. Remember, he's a pole vaulter and McCane
is doing the limbo somewhere in the cheese section.

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by sabra:

      Condi Rice looking forward to "getting back to shopping" after Bush administration
"When Condoleezza Rice's term in office ends, she is looking forward to 'getting back to shopping', she says.

The US secretary of state told girls at a school in Perth, Australia, that she used to 'hit the stores' with her mother on Sunday mornings after church.

'It's a great pastime, shopping. I love it, even if I don't buy anything. I just love going to the stores to look...'"

response #2 by navarth:

      Blood-Soaked War Criminal Rice oughta be shopping for prison stripes.
"Does this orange color make my butt look too big?"

response #13 by Benhurst:

      Do they have boutiques at The Hague?

GD, July 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

On a thread by kskiska:

      Israeli paper publishes Obama Western Wall prayer
"A written prayer that Barack Obama left this week in the cracks of the Western Wall, Judaism's holiest site, asks God to guide him and guard his family, an Israeli newspaper reported Friday..."

response #5 by SpiralHawk:

      BREAKING: George AWOL Bush's prayer published
"Dear Yahweh Dude,
Please help me and my cabal of republicon cronies to continue to reap massive profits, maintain a fascist grip on the noisy little American proles who refuse to drink the kool aid and pledge fealty to The Republicon Homeland, and help us find ways to continue to cover up our lies, corruption, and treason. I promise, you will get a cut of the action. Smirk."

- George AWOL Bush, Skull & Boner Bad Boy Occultist

LBN, July 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

More nyuks from beyond DU:

OP by rateyes:

      New element discovered and added to Periodic Table:

GD, July 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...


OP by kevinmc:

      MCCAIN CONFIDES TO ANONYMOUS CAMPAIGN SOURCE: "I'M VOTING FOR OBAMA."

GDP, July 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

OP by prodn2000:

      Rick-Rolled is SO yesterday. Be prepared to be DICKROLLED!!11!!!
My own creation and my first ever attempt at Windows Movie Maker.

Please do not laugh. Well, please don't laugh for the WRONG reasons!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2ePq8be_pM

The Lounge, July 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...