It was a quiet night at the State Hospital . Lillian and I sat in the office, discussing trivial things, when it came over the police scanner

There had been a shooting at Western Road.

a woman had been seriously wounded, and was being transported to Memorial Hospital.

A domestic quarrel---

Then the name was announced,

It was Linda.

Lilian said," go to her , I will cover for you"
I called my best friend Janet and told her about Linda ,through a veil of tears.

She said "stay where you are , I will pick you up on the way to the hospital."



Linda had been into some really bad stuff since the last time Janet and I went to her house to check on her. We had sat at her kitchen table and watched her inject 10 mg of valium she had melted down with tap water into her arm vein.
IV Valium can stop your heart,

Just like that.

Immediately she slumped forward in her chair, her face resting on the table

I thought she was dead

Linda slowly raised her head from the table , and with eyes as dead as night she proceeded to tell us how some day soon she would be wealthy, and we would still be like little mice scampering around begging for crumbs .

I noticed a tall privacy fence around a portion of her yard .

When we asked about it , she was evasive and incoherent.

It was the last time Janet and I were to see Linda alive

Time went by . Occasionally we would hear rumors about her erratic life style, but we knew that she was bad news

We avoided her--

Until one night , much to our amazment her picture was on Channel eight news. There had been a Drug raid at ### south seventeenth St and a quantity of opium poppies , and marijuana , ready to harvest, had been confiscated .

There was a trial and Linda went to Womans Prison in Indianapolis.

Her mom has given her the choice---rehab or prison , before she called the authotities and turned her daugter over

<
<
<
>

Linda was the youngest of the three of us , and I was the oldest
Her name meant "beautiful" , and she was with her brown eyes That danced and sparkled ,as she cracke one joke after another . She had long brown hair and a tiny , perfect body .

Lnda had everything.




"Someone told Carl that I am still drinking , and he has called me up to his office" she said, as she pulled a half pint of 100 proof vodka from her purse and took two long draws off of it.

We were standing in the parking lot , getting ready to go inside to start our shift.

Then she marched into the building , went up the stairs , and convinced Carl that she had quit drinking.

That was Linda
<
<
<
<


AS Janet and I stood before Lindas' casket that rainy late summers day , our minds were filled with memories.

We were tortured with thoughts of what might have been.

We followed our friends casket to a cemetary called Valhalla and watched as she was lowered into the ground ,

on that rainy long ago day.

We finally arrived at the Arena.
In my over size purse, hidden under make up ,and a couple of books ,lurked the remains of the bottle of Smirnoff.

At the gate a guard checked concert goers for signs of contraband.
he said "Hey ma'm what do you have in that purse?"
"why nothin' darlin' "I replied.I opened my purse and thrust it forward for him to inspect

He said "Go on in ma'm , I ain't goin' there"

I blew him a kiss as I walked away

As we entered the Arena we were greeted with a cachophony of sound as the band warmed up. It was a new kid from southern Indiana called Johnny Cougar ,and the consensus among us was that he had the best looking butt in Rock'n Roll.

And Oh man! Did he ever know how to strut his stuff--

The air was filled with smoke
some Marlboro

some Mary Jane

The excitment was palpable as the lights went down

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN


The light from a thousand bic lighters filled the arena

I PRESENT TO YOU JOHNNY COUGAR

THe applause was deafening as the crowd called out his name in unison

He walked up to the microphone and struck his guitar.

THe vibrations were penetrating and exciting -even orgasmic

" little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane"

He preened ,he strutted

Every woman wanted him

"Two American kids,living in the heart land"

He danced across the stage . His air fell into his eyes and he slung it back , like a lion slinging his mane

Our breath came short and shallow. Our eyes folowed his ever move

Some young boys sitting behind us passed us a joint . We toked deeply

They told us there was a party later. We strung them along.


"Oh yeah, life goes on , long after the thrill of living is gone"

The big night is finally here! We are going to the rock concert at Indy.
In my purse there is a half pint of Smirnoff . On the floor board there is a six pack of Mountain Dew
In the tape deck the Eagles ar wailing out ""If it all falls to pieces tomorrow , will you still be mine---Just take it to the limit one more time" We are singing along
We are divorced moms , both wise and innocent, scared and fearless ,in our tight jeans and tee shirts. We work at dead end jobs , often sharing food,or lending a sister twenty bucks till child support day ,which often does not come
We are ready for anything life throws our way

we tell ourselves

I make no pretense of being a writer This was written for my children and my childrens children

here goes----

Mommy was sitting in a geri-chair. Her white hair was curly, as only the hair of a very old woman can be. When I touched it, it felt like cotton


Daddy said "who is this Willie?" She looked at me, smiled,and said "that is my daughter"

Not satisfied with that , daddy said "which one" I mouthed the word "Midge" behind his back

a smile came across mommys face . She said "why, thats Midgie"

Her eyes the clearest , palest blue I have ever seen had the film of old age on them

I can see those same eyes in my great grand son ,Logan

I took her hand and raised it to my lips. The fingernais were painted pale lavendar . She was wearing the rings she loved . The skin was soft and fragile

I have loved every single

flower, herb, bush and tree

so

to who ever is going to live here

This is

my urgent plea:


The hummingbirds love red honeysuckle

the Monarchs prefer milkweed

And the Lilac finally bloomed this year

Lavender among the leaves



there is lemon balm is all over

but I started it from seed


now---



The orioles like orange slices

the finches

need niger seed

sunflower seed suffices

to

fill the cardinals

culinary needs


So
if you'll kindly care for them

And shower them with affection

I promise I will not haunt you

And curse your deriliction

I

saw my grandmother

Grab a chicken by the head

Sling it around

Until it was dead

(we had helped to chase it down

as we giggled and screamed and clowned)


then

Its headless body

Bloody and aimless

Shivvered and flopped

All over the yard

And then it was plopped

gutted and headless

when it was its deadest

Into a pot

Of hot

water

de-feathered

and cut

into small pieces

and floured salt and peppered

in proportoions that pleases

and fried in lard

rendered from the hog

that laid

(once upon a time)

in

that same back yard

I can recall

seeing my great grandmother

Isabella

just one time

Lying in an iron bed

her face

tired and care worn

her hair

whispy and white


I was a child

and she was ancient

What had I to do with her?

I have an old
and faded picture

of my mother

eight years old

It looks just like my daughter

who looks just like me

If I had a love

when it came our time

To face eternity

I would wrap my arms and legs around him

and go into the fire

and

it would not be possible

to seperate our essence--

and in a billion , billion years

when the sun explodes

and the earth

turns to dust

Some of those molecules

of carbon

flying out into the eternal darkness

would be my love and I

loving still------

I suddenly find my life

becoming my history

That happens

when you reach a certain age

beyond fifty

and so

for my children , and other interested parties

it begins:

I will wear a purple hat

and say outrageous things

I will get a cat

and together

we will grow fat

I will watch the birds

and

plant a garden

of herbs

I will stay up all night

reading

and thinking

when I was young

I had no time

for living