And so it follows that we are required to amend the constitution and enforce a ban on bikinis.

Now and forever.

Not only is the sight of a certain contrasting milky magnificence a threat to the "sanctity" of marriage, but it also degrades its "dignity", as goofy horn-dog hypocrite Gov. Mark Sanford once, twice, or perhaps even a thousand times said of Gay marriage.

Just watch the dignity of Mark's marriage go down the crapper by way of Sanford's poorly-written (even if earnestly horny) emails.

"...I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light."

http://www.thestate.com/sanford/story/8393...

A few of you may recall my own recent defeat at the border of House Minority Leader John Boehner's eerie tan line.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

However, unlike Sanford and his South American squeeze, I can not vouch for the "magnificence" of Mr. Boehner's "two" as he holds them up to the night light, or whatever the hell it was Sanford meant by the statement "..faded glow of night's light."

The point is...you all could have saved both Mark and myself from the sorrowful ignominy created by tan lines, if only you had changed the constitution. No bikinis. No tans. No problems.

So thanks a whole lot for nothing.

When you people realize that the whole of Western Civilization is shakily balanced upon a tube of Bain de Soleil®, then perhaps you will all begin to act accordingly.

Until that day remember the words of Mark Sanford at his public confessional: "The biggest self of self is indeed self."

(Unless of course you're John Holmes, or a humongous horny tan line on Santa Claus' ass.)