"The poem to make you all feel better":

My name is Mr. President,
Iraq is on the mend.
I'm the king of the world,
and the Earth's best friend.

Now for all you doubters,
Those who hem and haw,
you can step right up,
cause I'm above the law.

I eat little babies
and I poop the flag.
I got real nice values,
Know what? Pretzels make me gag!

We been three years in the war,
I spent two of 'em on vacations.
It's hard work presidentin'
and attacking oily nations.

I just want to share the low-down,
Everything is hunky-dory,
If anything real bad happens,
I'll read you all the pet goat story.