And now begins the saga of a man: a lone beacon of virtue in a world of scorn and deceit, a man for whom the word "impossible" holds no meaning...unless of course you're talking about being able to bend your appendages....here is episode one of.....


"Blaine's Destiny."


Blaine has been sent in search of Jessica Plastiboube- covert ops agent dispatched to locate a yellowcake uranium mine in the mountains of Wisconsin.



"Valiant, my trusty steed, we've nearly reached the summit of this harsh and deceitful mountain, with no sign of Jessica...I just can't figure it out..."



"Oh my heavens! It's Jessica! Naked and leaking body fluids...she must be dead! WHy?! Who would do this? Who could be so deceitful and unamerican?"


"I could! Yes, that's right....it's me.... Monica Missingcrautch, appendage of the rightwing "values task force," and your FORMER LOVER! Your lover, that is, until that fucking deceitful Jessica got in the way!"


"You see, Blaine- you can't be with Jessica. Because I need you. Blaine, I am pregnant with your child!"


"But Monica- that's impossible- I'm not attracted to... besides, I can tell you just have a giant snowball up your dress....see- it's melting out the bottom."


"I....I....Blaine!"



"You deceitful bitch! Nobody strips Jessica Plastiboube and leaves her for dead! Missincrautch, meet the back of my fist....er...angry palm!"


As Jessica and Blaine descend the cold, deceitful mountain, vicious native creatures consume the lifeless flesh of the evil Monica Missincratuch and the balance of good and evil is restored....for now.....



or is it?


Tune in next week for the thrilling second episode of...
"Blaine's Destiny".