I'm a guy that rarely gets emotional, beyond your standard teary eyes. Hell, I really haven't had a full blown cry, I mean the whole waterworks since I was a little kid. But this time, I couldn't keep it down. I had to let it out.

Somehow I got into this discussion with my older brother and my mother about gay marriage. Actually, I think it started about that kid who refuses to stand and say the pledge until gay people can get married. Somehow, someway, over time it devolved into this shouting match mostly between my brother and I. They're accepting of me, and have no qualms with gays getting married, but like most straight people, they are pretty nonchalant about it. I guess I must have said to my mother how most heterosexual couples, for the sake of argument, don't appreciate "marriage" for what its worth. And I'm not talking about all the lovey dovey, white wedding, eternal bond stuff. I simply mean the legality of it and the plethora of rights and privileges it promises...for straight couples at least.

And then my bro chimed in saying how he would just settle down with some girl and didn't feel the need for "marriage" or any type of legal bond. I continued by explaining what marriage really meant, beyond the ceremony. I explained about legal rights, ownership, taxes, real estate, hospitals, and especially kids. And of course, he was being nonchalant about it, not seeing the seriousness of it, and pretty much blowing it off. He continued by explaining how he didn't really care whether or not he had kids. (I hate to get personal about this but I just gotta share it: this coming from a guy who is single and really longing for a girl right now and dreaming about buying a house and most of all...having kids!) All he could do was dismiss me and pretty much mock me...at least that is what it felt like to me.

I tried so hard to explain everything to my mother who...well, the only way I think I can describe her is like Edith Bunker. She means well, but most things just go right over her head. It's really difficult to have a serious conversation with her. Anyway, no matter how much I would explain the benefits of marriage (the right to see your sick partner in his or her hospital bed, the right to jointly adopt, all she could say in return was "I don't understand." It was almost maddening trying to explain to her and to him what it really means to be married in this country. Eventually, I got very emotional and couldn't hold it in. And all they could say "Why are you crying?" As soon as I got emotional, she got emotional, and from there it was a whole mess. I really lost it when she said to my brother, through her crying, that whatever the reason I was like this aka crying and shouting, he should just leave me alone. Whatever the reason?!!! The past 20 minutes that I was explaining everything possible, and the past ten minutes that I was all emotional, you still don't even know what the hell I am talking about? It was as if I had been talking in a foreign language for 20 minutes.

That's what really got to me...the futility of my argument. No matter how much I would explain and explain and explain all she could say in return was I don't understand, as if she had said, I don't know why you are making a big deal about this. All along, my brother would roll his eyes, chuckle, and dismiss me (also, as if to say, "Why are you making such a big deal?") If you have ever been in an argument like this, you'll know what I am talking about. It's like when you are in an argument with someone and there is a third party in the middle. All the while, it seems like the third party is oblivious to the person who is arguing with you and their actions (rolling eyes, chuckling) and only notices you. Believe me, when you're in a heated argument and someone does that to you, it's like someone scratching a chalk board with their finger nails, it just pisses you off beyond believe and causes you to raise your voice even more. And then the third party i.e. my mother says why are you shouting, what's wrong? I know, it sounds so childish and stupid, but that is the way it felt.

The problem with her, like so many heterosexuals, is she is jaded. Married for umpteen years to a pretty crappy spouse. To them, it's like "Why would anybody want to be 'married,' it's just a pain in the ass. Why do you want to be miserable?" Meanwhile, there is an entire underclass in this nation of men and women, Christian, Jewish, atheist, black, brown, white and every other color under the sun who would do anything to marry the one they love, and by marry I mean form not only a bond of love and unity, but also form a bond that leaves them secure in their relationship. It allows them to know that both are equal parents of their children; that both will be able to see each other if either is lying sick or even dying in a hospital bed. Even if you are a heterosexual couple and plan on having kids, a house, etc. you can't just cohabitate together without having some type of legal bond, be it "marriage" as we understand it, a civil union, domestic partnership etc. between each other. Otherwise, prepare for a complicated legal cluster fuck of red tape and restrictions.

Unfortunately, that is the way for gay couples all over America, who are not fortunate enough to live in a handful of states in New England or Iowa. I just wish they would understand. Please, straight people, just because a lot of you may be sick of the idea of "marriage," don't downgrade the importance and legality of it; stop taking it for granted. Stop blowing your money on expensive galas for your bride zillas. A ceremony is just a ribbon cutting for what follows. That is what is important. If I or anyone else like me could simply walk up to a judge and get "married" right there in his chambers, that would be enough for me.

I'm not really mad at them, I just wish they could understand how I feel, and my anger. Aw, well, this may not add up to a hill a beans but I really just anted to get this out.

So, my little...actually, quite long, rant is over.

sigh, Now I need to get some more tissues