It is time for an honest discussion in this country about the social conditions that allow rape to flourish and how we can change this country so American women do not have to live with constant fear.

It is past time for this discussion. Some groups are already having it: There's an organization in DC that comes to mind that focuses on what men can do to stop rape. The question is how do you get men to partake in this discussion when 9 out of 10 of them either don't see it as a problem or react with that defensiveness you mention earlier.

He told me he had never thought about it like that.

That's so often the case, isn't it? My husband has had similar epiphanies in discussions we've had about how women are always considering their surroundings when they're out by themselves in terms of safety and even restrict their activities on that basis as well.

We give our little girls toys that teach them to be pretty and subservient and tame, and then we are surprised when they are abused by men when they enter the real world. And we wonder why men abuse them, all the while ignoring the fact that we have taught our sons that doing this is okay.

Hammer, meet nail head. That statement is so perceptive and boils down the issue to its root. It's no coincidence that girls who are raised to have confidence in their own selves and their own activities and not to calculate their own value in relation to a male partner are less likely to become victims of abuse.

When a boy hits a little girl on the playground, and she comes to tell us, we laugh and tell her it’s okay and it “just means he likes her.” This response trains our daughters to believe that violence from men is fair-play, and that if men are violent with them, it means that they are loved.

This reminds me of a statement someone on another board made once regarding tickling. Think about a grandparent playfully ticking his granddaughter who continues even as she begs him, crying, to stop. Isn't that basically telling her that her body is not her own to control? That someone bigger and stronger or in a position of power of you really has the ability and right to do to you as they want?

By joining together, we can stop this cycle that teaches young boys how to “be men” by being aggressive and violent and through this, we can seriously reduce the incidence of sexual assault in the United States. We can stop teaching our daughters that violence is acceptable and that their interests should revolve around cooking, cleaning, and child rearing.

Once again: