1. I may not accuse other DUers who only drink IPAs of being snobs.

2. I cannot rally other members to perpwalk the mods.

3. I may not walk up to Skinner and ask him how that Subway endorsement deal is working out for him.

4. I am not allowed to request that other members post pictures of themselves taking a shower.

5. May not PM trolls with the phone number to my local GOP congresswoman's office and dare them to call me at that number to tell me what they think of me.

6. May not repeatedly petition the admins to start a porn forum.

7. I am not allowed to schedule a DU meet up of all the vegan members at Joe's Crab Shack.

8. May not hotlink E-Harmony applications to the Computer Help and Support Group with a fake headline about a new Linux update.

9. May not curse out other DUers in Klingon.

10. Do not suggest that Mr. Rogers should run as a primary challenger against the President. Mr. Rogers is dead.

11. I am not allowed to fake Abe Vigoda's death in GD.

12. I am not allowed to post a meta thread in the Bereavement Group.

13. May not post a thread celebrating the anniversary of Anton Levey's Bar Mitzvah anywhere on DU.

14. Do not ask other DUers to tell us what character in FATAL ATTRACTION that they most identify with.

15. I am not allowed to reply to every thread with the words, "He who smell't, it dealt it."

16. Do not refer to all the posters in the Gun Group as "KalashniKitties."

17. Just stay out of the Gun Group in general.

18. Do not set up a Pay Pal account and charge other members a fee for rec-ing their threads.

19. Do not set up a Pay Pal account and charge other members a fee for UNrec-ing other member's threads.

20. "That's not what your mama said" is not a valid argument.

21. I am not allowed to insist that I'm the Unabomber and tell other members that they're going to be sorry for crossing me whenever they piss me off.

22. I am not allowed to suggest that the Gun Group should form their own militia.

23. I am not allowed to feed the trolls Scooby Snacks.

24. May not refer to Skinner as the "Pimpmaster General."

25. I am not authorized to accuse all of DU of being the "Mime Hater Brigade."

26. Pictures of my ass cannot be substituted for the Hug smiley.

27. Mod decisions are final and will not be sent to The Peoples Court on appeal.

28. Do not start any thread with, "In spite of the fact that you're all too stupid to understand this…"

29. I am not the "Ghost of Tombstoned DUers Past."

30. I am not allowed to tell another DUer that their post reminds me of a mental illness symptom that I read about in the DSM-IV.

31. Pictures of dead cats are not funny.

32. I am not allowed to bring a gallon of extra virgin olive oil and the Nekkid Twister game to the next DU meet up.

33. I am not authorized to post pictures of any latex wrapped body part on DU.

34. I am not allowed to ask any other DU member to consider a lobotomy in order to solve their obvious problem.

35. "Talk to the hand" does not render any argument moot.

36. Do not schedule a DU meet up at a cemetery and request that everyone wear a black robe and a Ghost Face Killer mask.

37. Do not use my expertise in farting as a justification for any argument on DU.

38. I cannot claim that my membership on DU authorizes me to drive on the left hand side of the street in America.

39. Do not beg DUers living in Amsterdam to mail me "Samples."

40. I am not allowed to request that other DUers purchase any magic beans that I'm selling.

41. I am not allowed to spam The Lounge with pictures of Spam.

42. I am not allowed to ask any other DUer if they want some cheese with that whine.

43. May not discuss the finer points of puppy juggling in the Pets Group.

44. I may not insist that I'm from the land down under, where women glow and men plunder.

45. I am not authorized to post a picture of me with a sausage stuffed in my underwear as a tribute to Anthony Weiner.

46. Repeatedly saying "Only God can judge me" will not make other DUers like me.

47. Do not congratulate other DUers on the occasion of their car repossession.

48. Do not insist that posting on DU solves the heartbreak of psoriasis.

49. All jokes about dead relatives are best left to the professionals.

50. Do not attempt to bring humor into GD.