Grumpy is as Grumpy Does...
It has become apparent to me that I am having a hard enough time just breathing these days. I am staring hard, every morning, at my children to gather the courage to get up and keep living. In a nutshell, it is being a walking dead woman. I have, so very much, appreciated the many kindnesses shown to me/us over the last month. I said it before but Leonard's family was stunned by the outpouring of messages here. The truly unfortunate thing is that my husband never realized how well and truly loved he was. He was a playful boy and a loving man all wrapped up in an incredibly handsome package. And I still can't make myself believe he's gone. My heart and my head are stuck back at 12:32, Sunday August 26. The crushing crowds at the funeral home nor the many visitors over the next few days didn't do anything to make it any more real for me. My life, my love, my soul is gone. When I see the pain reflected in the faces of his coworkers, our friends, my family...it intensifies the fact.
His funeral was a tribute to who he was. A man. 32 of his friends, neighbors, coworkers and family got up to speak. I could have listened all day. My mother in law read the letter that I had put in his anniversary card to begin the service (you can read it on my blog posted 7/19-my blog is in my profile-if you wish). Over 500 people signed the book.
And still, I want to see his truck pull in the drive. I ache for him.
You have all been dear and wonderful friends to me. Whether it was arguing in GD...or goofing off in the lounge, or telling me (via PM) what a shitty mod I was. If you want to keep up with us, I post a lot on my blog. I'll leave my PM box open, but it may take awhile to get a reply. But I have to be done posting because I'm not me anymore. You are all sweet people. You really are.
I just can't do this anymore. Because I'm not me anymore.
Again, thanks for everything. You're a wonderful bunch. Here are some of my favorite pictures of MrG--I am sorry dialup users:
Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground---Willie Nelson
If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
And I patched up your broken wing
And hung around a while
Tried to keep your spirits up
While you were feelin' down
I knew someday that you would fly away
For love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on, fly on past the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up
Than see you down
Leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Thank you everyone, for continuing to care. This is a nightmare from which I don't appear to be waking up from. It hurts, it freaking kills me to get up every morning. Isn't he handsome?
I feel that one who twists that which many use in a positive way to bring about hatred, racism and violence against one's fellow human is not worthy of being memorialized by myself:
""I listen to feminists and all these radical
gals - most of them are failures. They've blown it.
Some of them have been married, but they married
some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission
to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man
in the house. That's all they need. Most of the
feminists need a man to tell them what time of day
it is and to lead them home. And they blew it
and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men.
They're sexist. They hate men - that's their
Rev. Jerry Falwell
I do not believe the homosexual community deserves
minority status. One's misbehavior does not qualify
him or her for minority status. Blacks, Hispanics,
women, etc., are God-ordained minorities who do indeed
deserve minority status.
Rev. Jerry Falwell, USA Today Chat, quoted from The
Religious Freedom Coalition, "The Two faces of
"I do question the sincerity and non-violent
intentions of some civil rights leaders such as
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mr. James Farmer, and
others, who are known to have left-wing associations.
Rev. Jerry Falwell
"There are almost as many alcoholics as there
Rev. Jerry Falwell
And if, by chance, he didn't directly reference or offend you with those...I offer you this:
If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure
as a human being.
Rev. Jerry Falwell
So I say this as a failure as a human being, a failure as a wife, and one who cares about the rights of those who number as many as alcoholics and others who "deserve" their status as hated in the eyes of this man, I feel no grief, I feel no need to respect his passing. I've never done this before. I didn't dance on Reagan's grave, I found no joy in Tony Snow's diagnosis, but we're talking about a man who would have hypocritically "praised God" at your or my passing. So be it. He's gone. The world is, indeed, a kinder place...where his words will never again twist the minds of those who can't think for themselves.
I tend to apply events such as the VT shootings to my own life. My mind,and my heart, cannot wrap itself around what it would feel like to receive a phone call or a knock on the door-telling me my reason for living was gone.
When I read of soldiers dying I cannot imagine what it would be to kiss my husband goodbye in the morning, see him drive off... and then never have him come home. What would I do?
To be another mother, lifting a lifeless body off the ground, wiping dirt off a face that will never again smile back at her... all over a senseless, immoral and stupid war. How could that happen in the name of Democracy?
Yesterday a 5 year old little girl was killed in a freak accident, here in Ferndale,MI. She was playing with her kindergarten class and the gusting winds blew over a flagpole in her gated, fenced and secure playground. It fell on top of her. I sobbed as I read that in this morning's paper. I sobbed as I watched my 8 year old walk onto his own gated and secure playground this morning. Again thinking on the next time the phone rings and I see his school's name on the caller ID. What if that time they weren't calling to tell me he forgot his lunch? What if they were calling to tell me something worse?
Somebody's Mom went through that yesterday, the day before...and the day before that. Today Somebody's Mom is getting a phone call or a visit. Tomorrow the same will happen. And I will never be able to process it, but I will be able to think of it all.
...I cannot imagine... but I can find a place in my brain to try and come to terms with the deaths of so many soldiers, so many innocent Iraqis, 33 people on a college campus (yes, I include the gunman...he's somebody's baby), and 1 small girl. All on the same day.
I think it is wrong to compare one situation to another, but that is only my opinion.
This is what I do. I log onto my computer and go here:
And I scroll through names. Names like Brian A. Mack who was 36, my husband's age. I wonder what it would be like to face a day knowing that I need never make his lunch again, or jolt into "welcoming action" when I heard his car in the drive. And I am devastated for Brian's family. Each time I log in, I look at a different name; focus on a person, not a number. Keep it real. Go ahead and think me odd. It keeps it real. What is happening to our service people, their families, and innocent Iraqis is never really out of my head. I tend to personalize it.
It makes me able to come here to DU and focus on a multitude of things, whether they're important to me..or you, or anybody but the poster. Sometimes I get annoyed; I hide a thread here, a thread there. There is no kudzu or talk of the Edwards' family home on my DU experience. There is a lot of talk of the Mars company for me, because that issue is important to me. Sue me. It is and always will be.
Perhaps it is because of values instilled in me by my father (a wonderful man I wish you could all meet, because I know you would be blown away-or perhaps you would say the cancer was all his fault because of what he eats...how he lives...and smirk at him from lofty heights of knowing better) that I was able to feel something over the death of a mom...er celebrity...er gold digger...er whatever each one of you that clicks on this thread use to describe her. The loss of a human being who really never did anything to harm me, my children, our country makes me undeniably sad. I can't imagine the pain. Some think druggie; my thoughts? Really? They were wow, that sounds like what happened to me (some of you may not remember but two years ago the hospital f-ed up and didn't realize a bad situation and I ran a fever and my heart rate spiked, my lungs collapsed and if it weren't for MrG some of you would have been making flip comments about a Lounge Lizard a few days later). So, I can feel that.
Is it the most important thing in my life? No, my kids are...but I can still find room for it. And I think most here can.
A funny thing happened yesterday to put things in perspective. I agreed with someone that I am usually at odds with. Her response to me? "I think you meant to reply to someone else, MrsGrumpy". Is that what we are to become? Split down the middle on everything because we disagree on a few things? There are very few people on DU that I disagree with all the time on everything and disagreeing on one thing surely isn't going to drive me rabid with hatred.
Here in General Discussion I think there is room for it all, whether it interests you or not, it's bound to interest somebody. No, it's not going to make us look like some tabloid here tonight...it's going to make us look like human beings, which is what being liberal is all about. It's not about how well you spell, what kind of car you drive, or what's in your wallet. It's what's in your heart. At least in my opinion it is.
But I do feel the time to push for equal rights for all is now, because even now is too late. It should be a non issue because of that. But it's not.
I am not gay but..
...I do not allow my children to use the term "that's so gay" "you're queer" or any other such offensive (yes offensive) terms in my presence. I hope they don't use them outside of my presence but I can't be with them 24/7. I will always equate that with equally offensive terms used to describe race.
... I was stunned by the Snickers commercial the other night, and then sickened during my visit to the website. Being straight, I was not "looking" to be offended. And yet, there I was...offended and disgusted.
...I was eye poppingly horrified when I read some comments on DU yesterday...and today.
This is NOT an Olive Garden/smoking section variety of flamewar. This is a commentary on basic human rights. This is an issue. A real issue, that was just undermined on national television and the internet.
Perhaps, a few years ago, my family and I would have laughed at this commercial and wondered what the big deal was. Now, I never could. I see the hurt among good, decent people. People that have, time and again, voted with and worked for the Democratic Party only to be told, time after time, to wait your turn... now is not the time...this is a wedge issue...
Imagine that, human rights equated to a wedge issue.
And so, these people, these friends of mine/OURS wait. For how long should they? How long should they let a brother who never cared in life get to make the life ending decision for a sister he cut off the day she came out of the closet? How many times should fathers be okay with giving up children they helped raise to grandparents who weren't even there for the birth...because they were disgusted by his lifestyle. How long should these people pay the same taxes, fight in the same wars, live in the same neighborhoods and yet be less than me? How Long?
Some, by the tone and content of their posts, would let it be forever. They would have them "get over it already" or tell them to stop "whining"...to stop "looking for reasons to be offended."
I ask you this... Do they really have to look that hard? I don't think so. And that, in itself, disturbs me.
These people are not crying children in restaurants, smoking in bars, a trip to Olive Garden when in NYC. They are our friends, neighbors, fellow DUers... and we should treat them with respect. They've had our back...now let's get theirs.
This is my opinion, and I'm sticking with it.
It is a wonderful thing to work the polls, handing out campaign literature for someone you believe in alongside your best friend. I arrived late, the precinct I was scheduled to work at had no area 100 feet away from the polls and still within shouting distance of the public. So, I joined PassingFair at hers. She's a trooper, PassingFair...in her bright red slicker and soggy (okay, I called them grody) literature. I brought an umbrella and we stood next to a Freeper, and a fair amount of people came-in spite of the rain. And we talked to the Freeper, who might have been nice, if his comments weren't so stupid. In fact they were lame...out there, in the rain. "We fight them over there...so we don't have to fight them over here..." I had never heard that, outside of television. A great spot, when a man pulled up-next to us, and the Freeper, and said,"If you meet any Republicans today, tell them to stop using "the party of morals and values...it's bullshit..." The Freeper politely smiled. He wasn't really so bad...if he hadn't been supporting a candidate endorsed by a man convicted in a court of law of being morally bankrupt (re: Jack Brandenburg, State Rep and stalker extraordinaire...) So far it's been well worth it, with a good positive turnout (lots of dem voters). In spite of the rain...and the Freeper, who left early.
I'm going to try!
I mean to do this every year and this year I'm going to. You have no idea how many unfinished pieces I have laying around. This may be just the start to finishing something, as funny as that sounds. Most of all, it will be fun!!!
Way To GO...Magglio!!!!
Sweet Baby, you have made watching baseball fun for your football loving Mama.
I guess genes can crossover... WannaB has become as rabid a baseball fan as her mama is a football fan (sigh...where did I go wrong). Her enthusiasm has led me to actually spend money on professional baseball games again. Of course, only right field bleachers, behind her favorite so it could be worse. She has been bitten so badly, she literally gets sick with each error, gets up and leaves, rewinds awesome plays , cries etc... MrG says he cannot bear to live with two of us, freaking out year round now.
Last night, the tivo worked overtime as she had to watch Magglio's 2 HRs about 25 times each, and played his player interview 4 times until I made her go to bed.
The kid is crazy. The kid is a blast to hang out with.
In light of all the 9/11 anniversary stuff... The posts on security etc, I thought I would share this with you.
This past weekend I went up to Grand Bend (actually Bayfield) Ontario for a Girls Weekend. My husband's aunt has a cottage there on Lake Huron. I was extra positive to make sure I had my driver's license and birth certificate. The people in the car with me had their birth certificates as well. We went through the checkpoint and were asked our nationality, where we were going, what we were bringing etc. Not one of us had to show I.D., no car check..nothing. On the way back, U.S. side, same treatment.
Not once did I have to prove my citizenship or open my trunk. In fact, nobody in line did. I ask you this... Are we really secure? Of course not. They can let us look in on NORAD all they want, via CNN (and wasn't that just lucky they were diverting a plane while CNN was filming?) and I'm still not going to buy their particular brand of "safety".
Golly! How happy I was to hear the words I say to the television set every night...and that I said at least 6 times today... spoken out loud on the television. My fondest hope is that the murmur of dissent soon becomes a deafening roar. That the 45% who now blame Mr. Bush soon grows to 60...then 70... and on and on...
"An Impeachable Offense..." How sweet the words sounded. An indictment honestly offered and outlined, and more deserved than perhaps any other indictment.
-Is that I couldn't console an 8 year old boy yesterday morning. Much as I tried, I rocked him like I hadn't since he was a toddler. I went through a box of Kleenex, drying tears that wouldn't stop coming. At times like these it sucks to be a mom. I can't explain away why one of his favorite television heroes died. I can't make it better I won't even try. Personally, I didn't much care for the tone of the program. It got under my skin, quite like Pokemon, Teletubbies, and his sister's fave "My Little Pony Tales" did before it. But my son, my little boy, learned so much from the show and the man. That can't be half bad, can it? What's bad is I couldn't ease the pain my little boy felt. What's good? I know my little boy will grow up to be a compassionate and caring human being. In part, thanks to Mr. Irwin.
I also know this, I'm a little bit glad I didn't DU yesterday...
Terra! Terra! Terra!
It's all crap.
You looked really nice in your suit in tie for your little PR production yesterday... but, I still wonder... We are fighting this War On Terror ***insert dum dum DUmmmmm!!! here*** and yet the man responsible for your little escapade into destruction of civilization in the Middle East, is still free. Remember, before there was a Zarqawi, there was a bin Laden, and about 3 dozen third in commands, let's not forget. Let us revisit now, while you rest on wilted laurels, some of your comments on this:
It's really quite entertaining...if so many human lives weren't involved...
The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
- G.W. Bush, 9/13/01
"I want justice...There's an old poster out West, as I recall, that said, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive,'"
- G.W. Bush, 9/17/01, UPI
"...Secondly, he is not escaping us. This is a guy, who, three months ago, was in control of a county
- Bush, in remarks in a Press Availability with the Press Travel Pool,
The Prairie Chapel Ranch, Crawford TX, 12/28/01, as reported on
official White House site
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- G.W. Bush, 3/13/02
"I am truly not that concerned about him."
- G.W. Bush, responding to a question about bin Ladens whereabouts,
3/13/02 (The New American, 4/8/02)
Isn't this funny...? No? I find it funny, Mr. Bush, coming from a man who sums up his entire administration on one date...9/11/01.
Excuse me while I go vomit now.
(albeit not often) when I was a single parent. Sue me. Sue me Hard.
I'd do it again as well. See? As a single parent (on a very fixed income) I wasn't able to afford a baby sitter...a washer/dryer combo...BUT, the one thing I felt I was allowed to do was live my life. Sorry I appear to have been mistaken.
Yes, I know there are awful parents with awful kids out there. But I'm telling you this, I'd rather hang out with either one of my children then about 90% of adults I meet these days. With their guffaws and shouts in the restaurant...making out in front of me in the theater... and, God Forbid, hogging 8 out of the ten washers because they are more important than me.
What's amazing to me (perhaps it's because I'm a parent) I don't run into nearly as many awful kids as I do awful parents...and awful adults in particular. Think about that next time you are too busy to put your cart away at the grocery store and it slams into my car.
Rant over. I'm off to take my blood pressure meds.
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I have no idea what I am doing...leave it to
me to not figure this out. HELP!!!
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