A couple of weeks ago I started showing symptoms of a major pinched nerve in my neck or upper back. I was in a lot of pain and unable to focus particularly well on anything. Even going to work, which I continued to do, was an exercise in continual torment. I went to the doctor and got anti-inflammatories and painkillers and I did my best to continue on with all my usual obligations, including working on my newest novel and editing my last one in preparation for its upcoming publication.

I was unabashedly an Edwards supporter and I just caught the briefest snippets of his dropping out of the race and my heart sank like a hunk of granite in a pond. I imagine the feeling was similar to those who supported Kucinich, Biden, and Dodd when their particular candidate chose to leave the race. I'm sure most of us are aware that the corporate media has gone to great lengths to manipulate our choices this time around.

Over the past few months, I've been genuinely appalled by the level of discourse here. The whole primary debate has turned into a junkyard brawl between the supporters of Hillary and Barack and every single negative talking point has been dredged up from even the deepest sewers including FOX News and every RW rag in existence to allegedly "help" make the case for or against whichever candidate one wanted to blast.

People I once respected have waded into the fray and cheapened themselves by using spurious, degenerate arguments with respect to the candidate they didn't favor in order to prop up the one they do. I've seen things I would have sworn I'd never see here, not only once, but time after time after time. I've seen people quite happily piss all over the Clintons who, as we know, were hardly perfect, but still stood far and away better than any possible Republican alternative. I've seen people wave the red flag of racism, saying that we couldn't possibly nominate Barack because it would bring out the bigots in droves.

I've seen people making horrendous personal attacks on one another, belittling people who are, ostensibly, on the same side as themselves because of a difference of opinion about which candidate would serve us best in the long run. Frankly, I've been both disappointed and disgusted.

Do both our potential candidates have baggage? Hell, yeah. Hillary has a ton of baggage. She's the inheritor of a Presidential legacy that has both good and bad points, and the inheritor of a kind of mindless hatred that is staggering in its scope and breadth. The Right Wing hates Hillary so much that it's impossible to even determine what it is they hate about her. From where I sit, Hillary is part of the old-time DC establishment. John Edwards called her the "status quo" candidate and, I admit, I called her that months before he did. I truly believe that for all of that, she could end up being a very good President. Is she the best possible candidate? I don't think so. But all the best candidates, in my opinion, dropped out long before we reached this point. She is not the Wicked Witch of the West, or East, but a woman who has a long history of serving the American people as well as her own ambitions. Perfect? Far from it. But far better in many respects than a lot of people, including many Democrats, would like to paint her.

And Barack? Ironically enough, many of his positives are seen as negatives. His supporters are SO certain that he's the ultimate icon of hope and change that any criticism of him is met with almost rabid attacks on the intellect and character of anyone who dares to presume a right to judge. His speechifying is so inspiring to some that he could get up there and say nothing of consequence and they would STILL think whatever he said was as compelling as anything ever spoken by JFK or MLK.

Frankly, I never caught fire from one of his speeches. I was always left wondering, 'what the hell is he talking about?' He's an icon of "post-partisan" politics which, to me, is as ridiculous as concept as any I've ever heard. On one side we see a group of people who are consumed by greed and a thirst for power, who despise the poor, gays, women, and minorities, who'd like nothing more than to hand all the power in this country over to a handful of powerful men who'd love to forge another gilded age, who think America has the right and the duty to use everything up to and including military force to push its will on the rest of the world. On the other side you have those who believe in America as a symbol of freedom, hope, and justice. Those who would like to judge people by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin or who they happen to love. Who believe women are as worthy of respect and admiration as men, and who believe that America is a more potent force for democracy and justice throughout the world as an example of such things rather than a military power devoted to spreading them through the force of arms.

How does one reconcile these two sides? Where is the path to "post-partisanship" there? Which side is most willing to compromise, and what would each be willing to sacrifice to move beyond partisanship? When I ask this question, I find myself in fear of the answer. But for all of this, he has the potential to do great things for us all. Whether he'll succeed is another question altogether. He believes that he can open negotiations with people who have shown no interest in negotiating on any terms but their own for as far back as I can remember, but, hey, there's always hope, right?

I frankly question whether either candidate would dedicate him or her self to bringing about meaningful, much needed change to our current political climate. But I do not question that either one of them would be far better in the long run than McCain would ever be.

One of these two people will end up being our nominee. And no matter which it is, it doesn't mean the end of the world as we know it. Hillary may be "status quo" and Barack may be too enamored with the notion of "post-partisanship," but, regardless, they are the two choices before us now. And, I believe, one of them will most likely end up as President of the United States. Even those conservatives I've spoken to in the last few months believe this to be the case.

People here can spend the next few months spewing venom at one another over their choice of a nominee, but I, for one, will not be participating. If people I once respected are so willing to engage in such behavior to no good reason, to slime not only the candidates but their fellow DUers over what seems to me to be a minor disagreement (being that I think both candidates are coming from the same general direction), I'm not sure what the point to all of this is. Only a few people seem to have stayed above the fray and I salute each and every one of them for doing so.

As I said before, my choice was John Edwards. Because he spoke directly to the very thing I think is most wrong with this country, from which nearly every other one of our most serious problems stems...corporate greed and undeserved political influence and access. And Edwards, like Kucinich before him, was deliberately marginalized because he dared to challenge the bedrock of modern American politics.

If it's become nothing more than a pissing contest between those who want Hillary in the White House versus those who want Barack in the White House, based upon little more than a couple of degrees of ideological separation, I wash my hands of the whole fucking thing. Neither of these two candidates turn my crank. But I'm more than willing to vote for either of them come the GE, because even a "status quo" Democrat is a damn sight better than the likes of John McCain. Baggage and all. Bill and all. "Cult of personality" and all. "Post-Partisanship" and all.

I don't think it's really about ideology anymore. I think it's about ego, it's about backing what one sees as the "winning team." Both of them seem to me to be decent public servants, probably no more or no less ambitious or ego-driven than anyone else who's thrown his or her hat in the ring for the job over our two hundred and some odd year history.

If any of either candidates most rabid supporters actually believe they're doing themselves or their candidates any favors by acting like a bunch of spoiled jerks on this message board, or any other, they're sadly mistaken.

It's gotten so bad here of late that Skinner and company has been forced to implement what I personally consider some of the most stupid rules possible. Because of SOME people, the ability of anyone to start more than three threads in GDP in a twenty four hour period has been suspended. I don't blame them for doing it, but I'm disgusted by the fact that so many people agreed that it was necessary.

I'm fairly disgusted by the whole thing at this point. I originally joined Democratic Underground because I wanted to be a part of a community I thought was caring, compassionate, and intelligent, willing to set aside minor differences to fight for causes that could make a real difference in this nation and the world at large. I've generally come to support the Democratic Party because I believe that the majority of its members are truly decent people who want to help build a better world for everyone.

But I'm not happy with many of our so-called "leaders" in Congress. I'm not particularly happy with the party machine at this point either. And I'm not all that thrilled by the actions and attitudes of a sizeable minority of those invested in one of the two remaining potential Democratic nominees. I'm glad we're not the Republicans, inherently predisposed to march in lockstep. But I don't think allowing ourselves to fracture into a thousand squabbling factions at the drop of a talking point is much of a recommendation either.

So, if it suits you all, please continue spitting in the faces of those who might well be your allies come this November. Keep treating one another as if you think anyone who doesn't see it your way is brain damaged or a Repug troll in disguise. I'm sure in some alternate universe it's actually good for the party, the American people, and the human race.

Or maybe not.