Being the week of the official launch of Sarah Palin’s book, it is an opportune time to step back and analyze why this woman has attracted, although not unsurprisingly, the kind of scorn usually reserved for – well, for people who can’t put two coherent sentences together, but “write” books nonetheless.

Perhaps it is simply this: Sarah Palin personifies all that is wrong with a political system that allows for anyone so obviously incompetent to rise within its ranks, a political party so devoid of circumspection it would not merely allow such a person to come within a heartbeat of the presidency, but would actively support her pursuit of same, and a citizenry so bereft of insight so as to actually encourage and applaud her political aspirations.

The evidence is more than plentiful. Palin is as ill-informed as it is possible to be in today’s environment of easily-accessible information. She is an unethical hypocrite who lacks any empathy for her fellow citizens, who has often used her political clout as a means to destroy her perceived enemies and enrich herself financially, a woman who has no qualms about reducing her own children to mere props when it is politically expedient.

There is no doubt in this writer’s mind that Palin’s rise in popularity among the intellectually impaired was a natural follow-up to the G.W. Bush years, when the road to a form of political insanity was paved – a time when abject stupidity was passed off as down home charm, ignorance of world events was accepted as a sign of being just simple folk, and stubbornness and an incapacity to admit mistakes was lauded as strength of character and commitment to whatever the most recent poll results defined as American ideals.

But Palin, unbelievably it would seem, took up the torch of Olympian stupidity and not only ran with it, but managed to go the distance – not to the White House, but undeniably far beyond the fifteen minutes of fame usually relegated to those whose every utterance results in a self-inflicted slap-to-the-head and an incredulous cry of no, really, you’ve got to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me.

Even W, in his glory days, never went so far as to proffer the ability to see Russia from one’s front porch as experience in international affairs – perhaps a testament to his handlers who knew where to draw the line of incredulity; maybe just an opportunity missed due to never having attained the true maverickitude that would allow for making such outlandish statements and expecting them to be not only believed, but embraced.

Of course, W also lacked something that Sarah has in spades – her talent for playing the role of the persecuted victim, a part that is still deemed unacceptable for those of the male persuasion. In other words, if W had been endowed with Sarah’s tits, he could have persuaded a lot more of the populace that his detractors were not merely unpatriotic observers who pointed to his ineptitude, but die-hard conspirators out to silence the very voice of reasoned democracy – and, in the doing, sought to besmirch the good name of a fair maiden deserving of more genteel treatment. Simply put, W, by virtue of his gender, couldn’t play girl (although there are some of us who think he did a damned fine job trying), while Sarah d’Arc can throw herself on the pyre of persecution at a moment’s notice, and field dress a moose on her way to the conflagration.

Palin, to her credit – or the discredit of the loyalists who cling to her – never allows anything to stand in her way: not the truth, not the facts, not current events as they play themselves out, not history as it is known to have unfolded. Saucy Sarah simply creates her own reality – replete with things that never happened, or happened to the contrary of how she spins the tale – and smiles into the camera as her small-but-idolizing group of fans swoon to her rendition not of how things were or are, but how they are perceived in her own narrow little world.

Make no mistake. I come to bury Palin, not to praise her – nor even suggest that she deserves a modicum of sympathy or a minute’s respite from the well-deserved pilin’ on she is being subjected to.

As the personification of a political image created by half-truths and out-and-out lies, coupled with creative embellishment of questionable skills and accomplishments and ignorance that is not only blissful but a source of blatant pride – all neatly packaged in smoke-and-mirrors, a party-funded wardrobe, and presented to the world as the real deal – Sarah has come to represent all that is abhorrent in today’s political landscape, and deserves to be treated accordingly.

However, there is something truly pitiable about a woman whose claims-to-fame are, in the greater scheme of things, unremarkable at best – and, at worst, completely fabricated out of whole cloth. To hear her minions tell it, Sarah is the only woman to have given birth to a special-needs child, to have “dealt with” a teen-aged daughter’s pregnancy, to have smilingly survived the slings-and-arrows of a media that had the audacity to actually ask questions and expect a few answers.

To me, Sarah Palin is that guest at a dinner party who was invited only to balance the seating arrangements when it was realized that the party was one female short, and somehow convinced herself that she was wanted – that she was included because of her scintillating personality, her legendary wit, and her talent for initiating intelligent conversation.

Unfortunately for Sarah, she took these “truths” about herself to be self-evident, while the rest of the country, and the world, saw her for what she was – a shallow, vain, inept opportunist too wrapped up in her own ego to notice that she’d served her purpose the minute she accepted the GOP vice presidential nomination as the proud owner of a vagina – no further credentials necessary.

However, life being as full of irony as it often is, Sarah went on to become much more than the dumb broad from central casting, who played her role and caught the next train for her hometown, scrapbook in hand, ensconced in memories of a short-lived but much publicized cinematic career. She is now the face of everything the Republican Party wants us to forget its association with: right-wing religious extremists, lying hypocrites, ignorant-and-proud-of-it spokespeople who so obviously have less than nothing to say.

And.Now.She.Has.A.Book. And the media is eating it up with all the fervour reserved for other stories of equal substance – like an alleged boy allegedly set aloft in an alleged balloon.

All of this being said, I just want to add: “Congratulations on your new book, Sarah!”

I stand in awe of your ability to make a faux-silk, knock-off ‘designer’ purse out of the proverbial sow’s ear – and I applaud your contribution to the success of the Party – not yours, but mine.

You betcha!

I am at the point of looming insanity – and I admit it.

It’s not the alternate opinions from the other side – on everything from healthcare reform to the situation in Afghanistan – that’s givin’ me the booboojeebies. It’s The Stupid – the unbearable, smack-your-forehead, roll-on-the-floor in utter despair, oh-no-he-didn’t-say-THAT, tell-me-you’re-NOT-that-much-of-an-idiot type of Stupid, which seems to be contagious and is definitely now out of control.

I don’t know how much more I can take.

I would humbly propose – in the spirit of the upcoming God-damned, holier-than-anything, throw-the-Baby-Jesus-out-with-the-holy-water, “War on Christmas” season – we call a truce.

If you proudly ill-informed could just go to the Stupid faucet – or wherever it is from which your misinformation flows so abundantly – and turn it OFF, even temporarily, I would be eternally grateful (and so, if I may say so, would your country).

Oh, the joy to be had from a few weeks sans Stupid!

I keep imagining it – turning on the TV and NOT hearing Wolf Blitzer’s opinion about anything; tuning-in to any TV news broadcast without fear of staring into Michele Bachman’s vacuous eyes as she demonstrates her ignorance of all things.

And the spirit-freeing euphoria of – (oh, good God, I shouldn’t even go there, lest I pine for things beyond all imagining!) – NOT seeing someone use a blackboard or an oversized poster to demonstrate how a bunch of little boxes, with labels full of fine print that no one can read, prove Obama’s connection with a radical Muslin agenda, or the unsustainable bureaucracy of healthcare reform beyond all doubt.

It all seems like a dream to me now – and yet it is a vision I still dare to long for. The very concept of a weekend – a single weekend! – free of any quotes by, for, or about Sarah Palin is now the stuff orgasms are made of.

I ask for little – a handful of days in which not a single Medicare recipient is carrying a sign that says “Get the Gov’t OUT of my Healthcare”, a few precious weeks of LTTEs that don’t harken back to the good ol’ days when men and dinosaurs not only lived in peace and harmony, but often sold each other Tupperware products – perhaps (dare I hope?) even a senator who doesn’t read from the Declaration of Independence and insist he’s quoting the Constitution.

I realize that if a truce is to be effective, we here on the other side have to give tit-fot-tat (hopefully, in keeping with the situation, without someone literally making a federal case of the use of the word “tit”), and I have a few suggestions in that regard.

Give us ONE month without a performance by Orly Taitz & The Birthers, and we’ll suspend our propensity to nit-pick about proper spelling and grammar. Give us ONE week without Rush’s ramblings and we’ll give YOU a week without sporting our Birkenstocks (which, BTW, most of us wouldn’t be caught dead in, but we’re willing to go along to get along.)

Drop the phrase “homosexual agenda” from your vocabulary for six weeks, and we’ll STOP reminding you that you’re not on anyone’s radar screen – gay, straight, living and/or dead – as a potential sexual conquest.

In short, give us between now and the end of the year free of The Stupid, and we will – in all humility and generosity of spirit – stop pointing out how fuckin’ Stupid you actually are.

We’re not asking for a lot – a bit of common sense here, a dollop of actually looking at the facts there – it all adds up. And before you know it, the entire nation can enjoy a few precious weeks free of Teabaggers bitchin’ about being called by their own choice of name, never-been-laid (at least not without paying for it) religious fanatics who believe that homosexuality is an abomination because Jesus said so (even though he never actually did), and media whores opining on the opinions of political analysts who analyze poll numbers and statistics that emanate from a reliable source named Steve – who not only FaceBooks, but Twitters on a regular basis, just in case you thought his credentials were suspect.

Please understand that we don’t expect miracles here – just a respite from The Stupid. You are free to continue the usual displays of hypocrisy, along with the lies, deceit, and misrepresentations you’re now famous for. We’re not asking the leopard to change his spots – we’re simply imploring him to board-up the Stupid Well so that its waters cannot be drunk in the usual copious amounts.

This is a one-time, limited offer. Operators are standing by – AND, if you act now, we’ll throw in a bonus gift: Joe Lieberman (allegedly one of ours) will have his mouth duct-taped shut for the duration of the truce. I think that’s a concept we can ALL get behind.

Think about it – and run it past your Party Leaders. Ask them if you can suspend The Stupid long enough for the citizenry to at least remember what it was like to be somewhat sane.

I made a terrible mistake tonight. I turned on a TV news network – or what passes for one in today’s melange of mainstream mediocrity – and listened.

What I heard was appallingly mindless and shockingly superficial – and I realized that my country’s story is being told, as it unfolds on a minute-to-minute basis, by people unworthy of doing the telling.

Unworthy.

This nation’s history is being recounted, on a daily basis, by those once perceived as watchdogs who have become attack dogs, by those once meant to be on-the-scene purveyors of fact who have become perpetrators of actions that create events rather than report them as they happen, by those who seek to shape history by opining on it instead of presenting it as it is – warts and all.

There is something obscene about turning each chapter of our country’s rich and varied tale into a soundbyte meant to entertain rather than inform; there is something viscerally wrong with being reliant on ratings rather than reality.

But more to the point, there is something downright un-American about recounting our collective stories in terms of interpretation and politically-driven perspective in place of delivering the truth – unvarnished and unadorned – as captured by the unforgiving lens of facts-on-the-ground, as seen by those who live it as opposed to those who seek to package it like so much useless fluff, in ways considered consumer-friendly and appropriately dumbed-down in order to appeal to the lowest common intellectual denominator.

Unworthy. A simple word, fraught with meaning. Those who currently claim the title “journalist” are so apparently devoid of ethics, morals, and a sense of the call of their once-lofty profession, so as to render a previously esteemed title as nothing more than an epithet hurled at liars, propagandists, sell-outs – people willing to tear the tapestry woven of our nation’s many threads into disposable rags to be sold between commercials.

Our story will be told, our history will survive. We, the People – in the course of our daily lives – will tell our children what we saw, what we heard, what we remember. We will tell them the facts we ferreted out; we will remind them that the truth is out there, betwixt and between the “official story” they’ll see on YouTube decades from now.

We will tell them the stories – of 9-11, of Katrina, of WMDs that never existed, of “liberation” that never came. We will recount these events through the eyes of NYC firefighters, through the mouths of returned vets, through the photographs of NOLA in the aftermath and Abu Gahraib as it happened, through the placards carried by anti-war protestors, through the words of the visionaries who spoke of hope and change.

We will tell the tale, through the anger of the truth-seekers who heard the lies, the mis-information and the mis-representations, and refused to let the official Record of our nation’s participation in world events be diminished or dismissed, apologized-for or excused by way of omission, relegated to the dustbin of history by way of well-groomed, ill-informed, TV new “personalities” willing to say anything to please their corporate sponsors and appease the angst and anger of their viewing audience.

Unworthy. In a word, the media whores who are willing to sell out their country’s ideals and their fellow citizens’ trust are unworthy – unworthy of the task-at-hand they purport to execute, unworthy of the responsibility they pretend to take seriously, unworthy of the burden they feign to bear on our nation’s behalf.

It would be a bright moment in our history were we able to pass the truth of all things on to our children and grandchildren because those in the news media were vigilant in their alleged “chosen profession”, and in the doing turned a non-blinking, non-biased eye on unfolding events – preserving them for all time in meaningful words, in honest reaction, in unedited-for-the-faint-of-heart film.

Unfortunately, it is a sad commentary to note that the truths that make up our history will be passed down, one generation to another, by citizens intent on telling our story not as we wished nor hoped it would be, but as it was – a cause not aided by our present-day “journalists”, but one which will endure in spite of them.

How sad that we have come to this - people who live in a world of instant messaging and as-it-happens world-wide communication, relegated to telling the tale of our glorious/inglorious history to our neighbors over the backyard fence, to our children between Twitters about alleged death panels and celebrity sightings, to ourselves lest we forget who we are, what we believe in, and what we as a nation are determined to remember amidst the idle ramblings of the microphone-endowed.

There is something to be said for the seemingly silent who turn off the TV in disgust, and speak their minds and hearts to everyone - anyone - willing to listen.

And in my own small way, I hope I have said what needs to be said on behalf of those truly worthy of telling our story to the generations that follow ours.

A rightwing acquaintance recently sent an email with a link to the following, “Christians on high alert over hate crimes passage”, adding the query “Is this one more nail in the coffin of Christianity?”

Well, the answer is yes and no, depending on what kind of “Christian” one is these days.

The first line of the linked article – “A hate crimes bill sent to President Obama for his signature raised a red flag for Christians” – sadly, and oh-so-ironically, speaks for itself.

For those of us raised as Christians back in the day, it would seem that enacting laws that prosecute and punish the propagation of hate towards one’s fellow citizens, hopefully reducing same in consideration of the consequences thereof, would be right in keeping with Christian values and the promotion of increased civility and understanding among us.

But that was, as I’ve said, back in the day – before the new, improved, narrow-minded, homo-hating, sword-wielding, the-end-justifies-the-means Jesus hit the shelves, currently being marketed at a pulpit in your area (action accessories, e.g. “Jesus hates Faggots” placards, home addresses of abortion providers, etc., sold separately).

“On Thursday, the U.S. Senate passed a hate crimes bill that Christian leaders have warned for years could greatly infringe on the rights of those who speak to loudly about their religious views. Matt Barber of Liberty Counsel agrees with most observers that President Obama will sign the measure -- adding that the president desires to "throw a bone to homosexual activists because they have been breathing down his neck...and this is a way to hold them off."

Ah, yes – the “homosexual activists”, those nasty immoral people who Jesus railed against continually. One need only look to the New Testament to read quote after quote by the Prince of Peace himself to know that – oh, that’s right. He was completely silent on the topic. I guess he had more important things on his mind. There’s also the fact that Jesus’ dad left any mention of “thou shalt not” out of the Ten Big Ones when it came to homosexuality – and bein’ God and all, one would imagine he could have gone with Eleven Commandments if he’d been of a mind to. (Hey, it’s not like He couldn’t foresee a problem, if He thought one existed).

As for the statement that Mr. Barber “agrees with most observers” – who are said “observers”, and what are their names? Inquiring minds really DO want to know these days.

“Barber views the legislation as something akin to a muzzle. ‘Unfortunately, it places Christians – people of faith, people who have traditional values relative to sexual immorality – in an untenable position,’ says the attorney.

Yes, the position IS untenable – if you’re taking the position that spewing hate is part and parcel of Christianity, and shouldn’t be “muzzled”. That would appear to be, on its face, as untenable as it gets.

If modern-day followers of the New Improved Jesus see anti-hate-crime legislation as being somehow anti-Christian, one has to ask exactly what it is they are seeking to “protect” as their God-given right (pun definitely intended) to say, do and promote as part of “free speech” or “freedom of religion”.

It would seem that speaking to “traditional Christian values” would include the oldies-but-goodies – like being thy brother’s keeper, tending to the sick and homeless in His name, treating the least among us as we ourselves would hope to be treated – and wouldn’t be subject to, by any stretch of the imagination, being “muzzled” by government fiat.

But this, of course, is the underlying problem. The current crop of hypocrites behind the New Improved Jesus movement know that what they seek to be exempt from prosecution for is becoming more and more blatantly a matter of hatred disguised as moral rectitude; what is being sought to be “protected” is not the right to speak freely, but the right to hide behind religion while spewing intolerance against those who refuse to conform to the New Fangled Christianity being espoused by those who want to hold on to their prejudices and still be recognized as part of the flock.

“Barber explains that Liberty Counsel intends to challenge the constitutionality of the hate crimes legislation.”

Well, you do that, Mr. Barber. I wouldn’t want to think you and your ilk are wasting time challenging the constitutionality of torture, or the involvement the past administration in war crimes, or the moral reprehensibility of withholding medical care from those who can’t afford it – things that the Old Time Jesus would, no doubt, have had something to say about were he still here.

Apparently Mr. Barber thinks that the lefties, the progressives, the Democrats, are too wacky to know the difference between the freedom to publicly acknowledge one’s religious beliefs and hate speech – which is pretty rich considering the out-and-out wackiness of the “religious right” we, as a nation, have had to endure for far too long.

I have no doubt that if the speech and/or actions Mr. Barber fears will fall squarely under the grounds of a hate crime under the new legislation included loving one's neighbor as one's self, he'd have a legitimate argument. But it doesn't, and he doesn't, and there you have it, plain and simple.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for spewing hatred and intolerance in the Lord’s name – for they shall inherit the Earth.”

I don’t actually recall that as being one of the Beatitudes – but it’s a whole new world under the New Improved Jesus.

I just wish the Old Jesus was still in vogue. He was someone worth meeting, getting to know - too bad Mr. Barber never had the pleasure.

To Dick Morris (and Eileen McGann)
RE: The Nobel Prize to Obama: Europe’s Bid to Re-Colonize America

To think I almost missed this little gem! Fortunately for me, an internetz acquaintance, being big-of-mouth but not so sound-of-mind, sent it to me via email – probably in hopes of opening my eyes to this week’s Evil Threat © as perceived by our friends on the wackier side of the aisle.

Unfortunately for you, it was forwarded with the caveat that the sender didn’t know its origins, or who authored it – which probably explains why the Pulitzer people haven’t been beating down your door. It would seem the wingnut contingent are as adept at using Google as they are at mastering the intricacies of Spellcheck.

But I digress.

“The Nobel Prize is really Obama's payback for disciplining the unruly United States and taming it to be a member of the European family of nations. Europe wants to reverse the American Revolution and re-colonize us, and it sees in Obama a kindred spirit willing to do its bidding.”

After reading that statement, I had to throw up my hands and admit that all was lost. You and Ms. McGann have apparently broken the Norse Code, and are now in on the game. Barack Obama, in cahoots with the Norwegian Parliament, is plotting the downfall of the United States by paving the way to a re-colonization by European states.

It’s as plain as the nose on your ass.

I’m just wonderin’ if he’s going to accomplish this before or after he hypnotizes all Americans into joining Reverend Wright’s congregation, before or after all citizens are forced to convert to a radical sect of Islam, before or after Obama’s henchmen put all conservatives in those secret prisons that FEMA is now constructing, before or after “The Kenyan” appoints only black men to positions of power and enslaves the white race – and if he will have enough time, while doing all of the above, to personally come to my house and kill my grandma.

I should have seen it coming. I mean, it couldn’t be more obvious that this guy is up to no damned good. Talking to school kids about the importance of working hard at getting a good education, promoting an overhaul of healthcare delivery so that people don’t die or go bankrupt because they can’t afford insurance – the list of his crimes (with or without the participation of the traditionally power-hungry Norwegians) seems endless.

What next? Promoting world peace, communication between nations, understanding of each others cultures and religious beliefs and – oh, that’s right. He’s already been there, done that – and he’s got a Nobel Peace Prize to prove it.

Honestly, I just wish you wingers would make up your minds about what this guy is up to, and when. Maybe you could distribute a handy-dandy agenda, just to keep it simple for the simple-minded.

I’d hate to think I might be reading the Qu’uran when I’m supposed to be singing “Ja, vi elsker dette landet” – because when you’re trying to keep up with the latest Obama conspiracy theory, t-t-t-iming, just like any good joke, is everything.

Of course, the real punchline here is that the idiotocracy now decrying the politicalization and loss of prestige of the Nobel is by-and-large the same embarrassment of Republicans who (I’ve always thought the GOP should have a “collective” name, e.g. “a gaggle of geese”, and “embarrassment” seems to fit the bill) were cryin’ in their Ringnes when George W. Bush was passed over by the Committee during his stellar tenure in office. (And I have to say I don’t blame them. There’s no reason why “Reading The Pet Goat While the Nation You Allegedly Lead is Under Attack” couldn’t have been instituted as a category in the wake of 9-11. He’d have been a shoe-in.)

I was particularly interested in the questions you’ve posed, and thought I might provide some answers – being as you didn’t:

“Does the United States let its entrepreneurs run wild, coming up with fanciful new ideas and making billions from them?”

Well, yeah, duh! And those “fanciful” mortgages sure worked out for everyone concerned, didn’t they?

“Do U.S. businesses compete by slashing prices, aggressively pursuing markets, and jockeying for market share?”

Well, in a word, NOPE. When was the last time you saw an insurance company “slash” the prices on their healthcare premiums? Oh, that’s right – they don’t have to, because they’ve jockeyed for market share by simply saying, “Pay us or die.” (Thing is, no matter what you pay ‘em, they let you die anyway – and some people just don’t get the joke.)

“Do Americans work hard and push aggressively to make as much money as they can?”

Oh, they certainly do. Too bad the vast majority of the money they make goes into the pockets of the CEOs who run the companies that employ them, while the workers who’ve generated the profits get shown to the back of the unemployment line when it comes time to plump-up the bottom line.

As for your statement that “Obama will make them behave themselves and stay in line just like European companies do,”, all I can say is, hey, from your keyboard to God’s Inbox.

When all is said and done, you have to admit that “going European” would have its upside: stronger workers’ rights, more vacation time for the RWers to spend practicing their good family Christian values (occasionally even with their OWN wives!), a healthcare system that could drag the United States into the 19th Century (I know it’s now the 21st Century, but let’s start small, shall we?), not to mention some superb vinos and barrels of kick-ass beer.

As I write this, I just KNOW that Orly Taitz is organizing a bumper-sticker blitz: “Never Trust a Knut”, “Beware of Asbjorgs Bearing Gifts”, “Every Lars is a Lyin’ Lars”.

And so she should. We now know that while we’ve been wasting our time and resources torturing Middle Eastern Muslims, the ne’er do well Norwegians have been plotting to take over the planet – one Peace Prize at a time.

Who’da thunk it?

Thanks for the heads-up, Dick. I’ll never look at a plate of gravlaks without the appropriate sense of suspicion again.

Dra laksen, snurebass!

Yours Ever So Truly,
NanceGreggs



Edited to add: I attempted to send this to The Dick via his website. I clicked on the "Contact Dick" address, an email window popped up, and I copied-and-pasted, and hit send.

Ten minutes later, I received a "message undeliverable" email. What's up with THAT, Dick? I ain't even a fuckin' Norwegian!

I did everything I was supposed to do – encouraged to do, nurtured to do – and now I’m out in the cold, abandoned by those who raised me to be what I am.

I don’t know where I went wrong.

I listened to Limbaugh. I ignored the fact that he was a drug-addled lunatic, and got on-board with his mindless prattlings.

I watched Glenn Beck. I even taught myself how to write words like “Obama” and “Fascist Muslim Communist” on a blackboard, with the appropriate arrows pointing from one to the other, thereby proving the connection beyond a CSI-TV-show-forensics-team shadow of a doubt.

I attended the Town Hall meetings. I displayed my ignorance by insisting I wanted the government to stay out of programs like Medicaid – and I demonstrated my lack of class by shouting what I had to say, instead of engaging in serious discussion with those who held differing views.

I have spent a fortune on flag pins and bumperstickers, under the impression that such paraphernalia would confirm my patriotism – my behavior to the contrary.

I have signed petitions to keep my children from hearing the president talk about working hard in school, because I’ve been told such talk could lead to my kids becoming ”socialtists" (whatever that is, but it don’t seem like anything good.)

I have fought tirelessly against my neighbors (who, I have to say, seem like really nice fellas) from being married because if they’re allowed such, my eighteen-year marriage to my husband will be immediately jeopardized – and I don’t even understand how that works, but I went along with the concept just the same.

I ignored the oh-so-obvious fact that I was being encouraged to vote against my own best interests, to ignore the Christian teachin’s I was raised on – like “as you do to the least among you, so you do unto me” – to embrace the idea that insurance companies have a God-given right to make a profit off the sick and dyin’, to hate anyone who is of a different skin color or religion, or whose first language is other than English – all the while I was being told that my mis-spelled protest signs would be a sure-fire demonstration of my down-home, grass-roots origins – whatever the hell that all means.

So I followed all the rules – and where am I now? Well, I’ll tell ya. I’m now being singled out as part of the “lunatic fringe” by the very people who cheered me on to be exactly what I’ve become. They don’t want to know me now – now that me and those like me are becoming an “embarrassment” to the Party - yes, that SAME party that couldn’t get enough of us when they wanted us to vote for that Sarah Palin chick, what with her "I can see Russia from my front porch” credentials and all.

Well, I.Am.Pissed. Yup, good and proper pissed. I’m an embarrassment? I’m humiliating you? I’m making you look bad every time I open my mouth and spew the bullshit you’ve fed me until I want to gag?

A few months ago you were all, “Oh, yeah, bring it on. Go to the streets and protest everything from Obama smilin’ too damned much to a tax on soda pop.” Now you’re all, “We don’t even know these idiots, or where they got their ridiculous ideas from.”

You want to “distance yourself” from the lunatic fringe? Too bad, too late. You taught us how to be lunatics. You encouraged us to abandon all decorum, all intelligence, all common sense, all behavior that might lend itself to passing ourselves off in public as rational, well-informed, even slightly coherent citizens.

We ARE your children – born of your rhetoric, raised in the light of your bigotry, taught at your knee to spread prejudice and espouse violence, nurtured (when convenient) to act like idiots when it served your cause.

Dismiss us if you will. Distance yourself, as best you can, from everything WE, your offspring, have become at your insistence.

Deny you ever knew us, or ever contributed to our upbringing.

But we all know – as does the world – that WE are your children, and our actions are now, and always will be, the result of your poisonous parentage.

Guess what, Mom and Dad? We're all YOURS - and we're going to be recognized as part of your dysfunctional family no matter what.

You were once anxious to own us - now WE own you.

Learn to live with it - it's not like you have a choice.

It would seem that the utter childishness of some citizens warrants a little motherly-type discipline – and I’m here to mete it out.

All of you kids who have been hangin’ with the Teabagger crowd are hereby grounded. Stay in your room and STFU, until such time as you actually know what it is you’re whining about. I will slide your meals under the door – for the first year ONLY. After that, you’re on your own – and can eat the wallpaper, for all I care.

Those youngsters who have been playing “I’m A Journalist!” while blatantly ignoring the prescribed game rules (look at the back of the box, you idiots, for guidelines on presenting actual facts, NOT your opinion) will also be confined to your rooms without access to to your mainstay of “reliable sources” – like Twitter or your own ass.

Children who have been decrying the out-of-bounds spending of the Obama administration will sit at the dining room table, and write a 1,000-word essay entitled “Where Was My BIG FAT FUCKIN’ MOUTH When the Bush Administration Plunged the Country into Unprecedented Debt?”

I also demand a 1,000-word essay from the jaw-droppingly stupid juveniles who oppose healthcare reform: “Why Insurance Companies Should Be Entitled to Make a Profit from the Pain and Suffering of my Fellow Citizens – and Be Accountable to NO ONE.”

Despite numerous warnings that it will lead to brain damage, many of you kiddies have been tuning-in to the Glenn ”I Can Prove it with a Blackboard” Beck show. Those of you guilty of same will write “My Brain is Mush – That’s Why I Believe This Shit” on a blackboard, 5,000 times – or until your brain starts to re-solidify and function as normal, whichever comes first.

The Birthers R Bitter contingent will be given extra chores around the house to keep them occupied with more important tasks than questioning the President’s birth certificate – like finding the records that prove George W. Bush fulfilled his military service.

Those who have been whining and complaining, ad nauseum, about President Obama’s use of a teleprompter as an aid to giving coherent, informative speeches will sit in the corner, sporting a dunce-cap, while repeating – over and over – phrases like “putting food on your family” and “male doctors practicing love with their female patients”. (Feel free to throw in a shout of ”I’m the Decider Guy” every once in a while, just so Daddy and I get some yuks out of this exercise.)

All immature adolescents who have been spending their days throwing temper tantrums over the “incompetence” of Obama’s leadership will make a presentation at their next Kindergarten “Show-&-Tell Day" that includes slides of W reading “The Pet Goat” while the country was under attack, and/or W on vacation while New Orleans residents were drowning, accompanied by a speech about what true leadership entails.

The errant rascals who have been spouting nonsense about ”making Inglish the offical langage”, “no amnety”, and “this is are country” will put their energies to more productive use – like learning how to read, spell, and punctuate in English. Yes, there WILL be a test – and yes, spelling WILL count.

As for the Onward Christian Soldiers portion of the family – those of you who spew bigotry, hatred and racism – you will spend the next six months reading the Bible, acquainting yourself with the teachings of Jesus (which you are apparently ignorant of as of today). If, after the half-year is up, you are still insistent on supporting gay-bashers and whoring politicians who have been caught with their dicks in a woman-not-their-wife, Daddy and I will have to get into that tough love thingy – sending you to live in that Glass House you are so fond of, which will be surrounded by people armed with stones. (It’s just SO Biblical, I know you’ll enjoy the irony of it!)

With the holidays soon upon us (including that “War On Christmas” event that the small (minded) fry amongst you look forward to at this time of year!), please be advised that at upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, those identified above will be seated at the “kiddie table” – along with Aunt Mildred’s six-year-old twins and Cousin Diane’s toddlers. Don’t look at it as part of your punishment – it’s really just an attempt to get you interacting with children who are probably better informed than you are.

Now off to your respective rooms – and I mean it! I have had enough of your whimpering, simpering, slobbering stupidity. And while you’re there, wipe the drool off your mouth, the ”I’m proud of my ignorance” smirk off your face, and the ”I don’t know nuthin’, but I’m going to open BIG my trap about it anyway” attitude out of your mind – or whatever is left of what passes for a mind nowadays.

Unless you can prove that you are mature, thinking, well-informed adults by the next election, Daddy and I will have no choice but to petition the government for an Adults Only voting process - something that should have been instituted long before you crybabies were ever allowed to get a word in edgewise, or have a say in the running of our country - an all too important activity that that should be restricted to the exclusive participation of grown-ups.

I wish I didn’t care that some children sleep
Hungry and cold, too weary to weep
Too hopeless to know that others could share – but won’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t know that some people die
Alone and friendless, without knowing why
Wanting to question why no one is there – but don’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t see what’s there on the news
Meant not to enlighten, but just to amuse
Designed to remind me what I could do – but can’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t know in my heart
That I am meant to do my part
To speak, to write, to sing, to plan
To do whatever it is I can
To give, to teach, to help – assist
Those who fight, speak out – resist
I wish I didn’t know I could
Change the world – if only I would
I’d be free, and unaware
If I could just not care

This is my burden, this is my task
To have to wonder, deign to ask
Why some have what is deemed their lot
Why some are valued, and others not

I wish I didn’t care about it all
Who lives, who dies, who heeds the call
Who listens, who hastens, who risks the fall
Of the concept, the dream
That we can be all that we seem
And never falter on our way to where we’re going, if only we go there together

I wish I didn’t care that my brothers are mine
That my sisters are sisters, subdued but sublime
That they are in my keeping, as I am in theirs
I wish I didn’t care.

But I do. And so do all of you.

It’s not about who they are; it’s about who you are.

Just care. A little goes a long way.

So try it.

I don’t care if you’re an (R) or a (D), an Indy or a Green, a Liberal or a Conservative, a left-to-center, right of the aisle, progressive-regressive, Area 51-9/11 conspiracy theorist, astrology-driven Christian, reluctant Zen-Buddhist, Feng Shui adherent with Rococo overtones – or just a regular guy livin’ a regular life – it’s time to get a fuckin’ grip.

I think we’ve got some common ground, regardless of who we are or where we see ourselves on the colour-coded, media-created pie chart of inane categorization – whether we’re Gen-X or Boomers, low class, poor class, lower middle class, middle-middle class, upper middle class, unemployed, under-employed, over-employed, retired or expired, we’re all pretty much sick to death of the whole damned thing.

Right here, right now, we’ve got over-zealous cops armed with tasers, torturers armed with legal off-the-hook technicalities, citizens dyin’ for lack of healthcare insurance, insurance companies cryin’ about dyin’ profits, food banks running dry, real banks running amok, Wall Street v Main Street, Main Street USA in the business of hangin’ Out of Business signs, and a mainstream media saying suck it up, it’s a sign of the times – and listen to us, we know it ALL, ‘cause we have access to reliable sources like Twitter.

We’ve got so-called “news journalists” talking about whether the POTUS is under-exposed or over-exposed – as though he has a new movie/book/TV series to sell and we – not citizens, but consumers – should judge his accomplishments on the same basis as Survivor, deciding whether he should be voted off that flat-screen island that sits in front of the couch and broadcasts nonsense 24-7.

You want God involved in your government? Well, I don’t; got this separation of Church and State thing in my head – don’t know where that came from, but there you have it. Thing is I’d gladly accept the teachings of one Jesus Christ into the political discourse if, just once in a while, so-called Christian politicians (and their so-called Christian constituents) actually acted like the Late, Great JC and did unto their fellow citizens as they would have done unto their own selfish asses.

I don’t hold myself out as a Biblical scholar, but I don’t remember Jesus ever asking what’s-in-it-for-me before feeding the hungry or curing the afflicted – and, according to the official record so many feel free to fold, staple, spindle and/or mutilate when it fits their personal agenda, he never once asked to see someone’s insurance policy or Green Card before workin’ a God-damned miracle – nor did he refuse to heal a single leper on the basis that they had a pre-existing condition which, according to Saviour Rule No. 606.9(b). 03, disqualified them not only from assistance, but even a modicum of human compassion.

You want less government interference in your life? Hey, guess what – so do I. I don’t want the government pokin’ its nose into my bedroom, my internet communications, my emails, my right to protest, my right to ask where the fuck were all of the people who now want to know where their tax dollars are being spent – the same people whose jaws were apparently wired shut when the Bush administration was wire-tapping without warrants, and sending people who disagreed with them to designated “free-speech zones” while running up the national debt with all the fiscal responsibility of a drunken sailor with a stolen credit card – and while shovelling taxpayers’ money into the pockets of war-profiteering companies who just happened – oh, so coincidently – to be owned and/or operated to the financial benefit of family members and friends.

You believe we should Support the Troops? Yeah, me, too. I also believe that supporting our troops should be more than a bumpersticker – “I love a vet being treated for PTSD in June, how about you? I love a vet who, after all he’s been through and all he’s sacrificed, is still able to enjoy a Gershwin tune – how about you?” Holding hands in the movie show when all the lights are low – yeah, it may not be new, but for some of our returning soldiers it’s impossible to sit in the dark without reliving the horrors they’ve seen – and shouldn’t they be able to get the treatment necessary to make that simple a joy not just a possibility, but a reality?

There are people out there trying to divide us – and I gotta tell ya, so far they’re doing a damned fine job of it. They’re playing to the stoopid, and the stoopid are responding.

We know that because we’ve seen them – and if it’s on TV, it must be true.

They’re telling the stoopid that healthcare reform will ruin those good folks over to the multi-billion-dollar-a-year profit centers, that lobbyists lookin’ to make a buck for the bidness what hired them are good-‘n’-honest Americans, that Barack Obama is a Muslin fascist-communist-Nazi-all-too-uppity-person-of-color who is looking to ruin our nation by being articulate, intelligent, popular and respected.

And the stoopid are listening – they’re listening to the drug-addled Limbaughs, the Sarah “I Can See Russia from My Front Porch!” Palins, the cry-on-a-dime-give-ya-nine-cents-change Beck – who can prove his insane theories with a piece of chalk and a blackboard (or an Etch-a-Sketch, if he gets his sponsors back and can afford state-of-the-art technology once again.)

You want your country back? Well, count me in. I want it back from the lobbyists, the hypocrites, the electronic voting machines, the special interest groups, the birthers, the Teabaggers, the blissfully ignorant, the CEOs, the CFOs, the accountants who find the loopholes, the lawyers who find the technicalities that shield torturers from justice, the corporations that outsource, the companies that downsize for the sole purpose of upsizing their bottom-line – and everyone else who has turned putting you and me out of work and out of luck into a profession that pays well, all benefits included, soul and/or conscience not required.

I want it all back: the mom-and-pop operations that sell a cup of coffee that doesn’t cost twelve bucks, the local retailers who own their own businesses downtown instead of being greeters at the local WalMart in the mall, jobs where people benefit from their labor and retire with a pension instead of a one-way ticket to the poorhouse, schools that provide an education that doesn’t include teaching that the Earth is 6,000 years old despite all evidence to the contrary, doctors that spend their working hours treating patients instead of negotiating with insurance company death panels, corporations run by executives who don’t earn a multi-million dollar bonus for driving a company out of business, and a news media that delivers the fuckin’ news – being reportage of events that actually matter rather than who’s wearing who on the red carpet – nor their opinion of same.

Less government? I hear ya. But I want it minimized where it benefits the few, and maximized where it benefits the nation as a whole. I want my food inspected before I eat it, my drinking water free of contaminants, and my air fit to breathe.

And while I'm on the topic of what I want in this ever-popular atmosphere of it's-MY-world-and-it's-all-about-ME, I want my neighbors being judged on their character and not their accent, and my church/synagogue/temple/mosque being a place where people gather to pray and NOT a pulpit-of-convenience for those who choose to encourage hate and violence towards those who believe differently.

I want freedom of religion, not religion gussied-up as a barely reasonable facsimile of “moral values” and a desire to get right with God (who, in too many instances nowadays, doesn’t even get an honorable mention due to having been supplanted by politically-inspired sermons about voting for the guy who was just caught with his hand in the till, or up the skirt of his secretary, or down the pants of a choirboy – all deemed “forgiven” if he cries sufficiently on TV and promises to be a good boy from here on in, at least when somebody’s watching.

There is a great divide in this nation right now. But it is no longer a division between Democrats and Republicans (or what’s left of the latter); it is a division between the sane and the lunatic fringe, the truth-tellers and the out-and-out liars, the informed and those who refuse to be informed, the bigots and the tolerant, the insightful into what’s wrong and how to right it and the blind who are content to merely complain about the problems we face, without a clue as to what those problems even are.

It’s time to get a fuckin’ grip and pick a side. If you honestly believe that people like Orly Taitz are making a valuable contribution to your country, so be it. Take your place with the minority; carry your mis-spelled protest signs, proudly demonstrate your stupidity in the public square, declare that you want the gov’mint out of government-run programs like Medicaid, fight for the right of insurance conglomerates to make a buck off your pain and suffering, tune-in to Fox-News and swallow whatever foul-tasting, devoid-of-facts pablum they and the rest of the mainstream media is willing to spoon-feed you because you’re too lazy to care where your next meal is coming from if it requires moving your lazy lard-ass off the couch to actually do something pro-active - like voting once in a while.

But if you want your country back – back from the bought-and-paid-for politicians who have no qualms about buttering their own bread at your expense, back from the wingnuts who think murdering abortion-providers is the best way to preserve the sanctity of life, back from the newscasters who think you are unable to think and are therefore charged with doing your thinking for you, back from the school boards who determine that a well-rounded education includes not allowing students to hear the President extol the virtues of working hard in school, back from the so-called Christians who insist they’re being persecuted out of existence by people who wish them “Happy Holidays” in December, back from the brink of INSANITY – you might want to look at your fellow citizens who, despite their “Obama 2008” bumperstickers, despite the (D) after their names, despite their support of gay rights or the right to an abortion, despite the differences between their philosophies and yours, just MIGHT have more in common with you than you want to admit, or that you’re being led to believe.

Think about it. That’s all I’m asking. And I’m somehow confident that those of you still capable of thinking for yourselves have already figured this out.

Now let’s stop merely thinking alike and start acting alike – it’s our country. So let’s take it back – together.

I was trolling the ”friends of my friends” on FaceBook and came across a name that instantly rang a bell – one Jesus Christ.

I just couldn’t quite place it. But there was something familiar there.

If you’re FB experienced, you know you don’t want to be sending out a “friend request” to just anybody, without knowing their details. You could wind up with some crackpot who writes crap like "Judge not lest ye be judged" on your Wall, or fills your Inbox with invitations to join those fringe FB groups like "Peace On Earth Now" – or worse, some radical political organization with an innocuous-sounding name like "Blessed Are The Peacemakers".

So I decided to do a little research before adding JC to my Friends list – because, for Christ’s sake, all of my other friends would see him there, and I wouldn’t want to get an FB rep of hanging, on a cross or otherwise, with the wrong crowd.

Well, as they say, Google is your friend. Turns out this Jesus guy is pretty famous! Yeah, who knew? Long-haired hippie-type, judging from the photos – but hey, people can change. Besides, looks like he was a part-tay guy back in the day – once threw a BYOW thing when he was in high school, and gave a festival-type concert on a mount somewhere that drew a substantial crowd. (Unfortunately, Wikipedia didn’t have any info on what instrument he played, or whether he was doing covers or original stuff – but apparently the audience loved him, despite the “fishes and loaves” catering. )

So I figured this guy was cool enough for me, and sent him a friend request – and I’ll be damned if he didn’t accept it before I actually sent it – like he knew it was comin’ or something.

Anyway, once we were “friends” and I had access to his FB Info, I must say I was pretty unimpressed: Single (okay). Capricorn (I can make allowances). Trained as a carpenter, but unwilling to work in the biz (no sense of $$$ success). Run-ins with the law (anti-social psycho). Lived with mom-and-dad into his thirties (probably gay). Best buds: Matthew, John, Paul, Luke, etc. (definitely gay). Favorite quotes: “Sell everything you possess and give the money to the poor, and you shall have wealth in Heaven; and then come, follow me." (Communist) and “Greater love than this hath no man, that he lay down his life for his brother.” (terrorist – no, gay terrorist).

Despite the fact that His “We’re Related” list included God, I couldn’t help but notice the following: Favorite movies? None listed. Favorite TV shows? None listed. Favorite music? None listed. Need. I. Go. On?

It became apparent that Jesus Christ was a loser of the first order – which kind of explains why I never found his listing on ClassMates. (He probably sat at the nerd table in the cafeteria – a distinction which, as we all know, will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life.)

But I (and I say this with all humility) didn’t want to embarrass the jerk – so I left him on my Friends list, hoping no one would notice – or, if they did, would put it down to my charitable nature, my propensity for friending the friendless in an effort to elevate their FB popularity via an association with moi.

So far, so good. But He just couldn’t give it a rest.

I’m on FB taking the "Why We HAVE to Torture to be Safe" survey when the chat window opens – and who is it but the self-proclaimed “Prince of Peace” himself. (He was shown as being off-line at the time – but computerdom has its glitches).

And then it begins:

Jesus Christ: “Hi, Nance – how r u?”

Nance: “Kinda busy – ttyl?”

Jesus Christ: “That’s what everyone says when I show up – LOL!”

Nance: “No, like really – gotta go, REALLY busy. There’s a bunch of loonies in my country who want the poor to have access to healthcare, want the middle-class to share in profits their labor generates instead of it going to corporate execs and already-wealthy company shareholders, want torturers to be held accountable for their actions, want peace, justice, freedom, equality – dammit, Jesus, can’t your crap wait until I finish playing ”Death Panels R Real?” I’m less than three thousand points away from kickin’ the shit outta Sarah Palin’s record!

Jesus Christ: “But that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. If you’re familiar with my words and my teachings, you know that …”

Yadda, yadda, yadda. This guy was on my last nerve now.

So I did it. I “unfriended” Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, did I have a fuckin’ choice here?

Turns out He’s still there – unfriended status notwithstanding. Still showing up on Chat when He’s the last person on earth I want to hear from. Still filling my Inbox with links to shit like "Throw the Money-Changers Out of the Temple" group invites. Still posting His “As You Do To the Least Among You, So You Do Unto ME” crapola on my Wall – and, for some inexplicable reason, the “remove” option doesn’t seem to work.

So be forewarned, FBers – don’t GO there. This Jesus character is a manipulative SOB. It doesn’t matter if you believe He’s a Saviour or not – he’ll start teachin’ and preachin’ until you get to thinking He just might be on to something. And then, next thing you know, you’re lovin’ your neighbor as yourself, thinking about how you can help the down-and-out, and caring about people who never made your Friends list in the first place.

It could happen.

Really.

It could.

“My sorrow song now must just break through, that brave new dawn now, long overdue. So hurry, sundown, be on your way … and hurry me a sun-up from this beat-up sundown day. Weave me tomorrow out of today.”

SHE didn’t write the words – SHE merely sang them – and, in the doing, gave them meaning.

“If I had my way in this wicked world, I would tear this building down.”

SHE never tore down a building, not so far as I remember. But she had a sense of what the “wicked world” could do – and was determined to halt that wickedness in any way she could.

“One word more, a signal token, a whistle of the marching tune – with your pike upon your shoulder at the risin’ of the moon.”

SHE didn’t hesitate – nor wait for the risin’ of the moon. She stood shoulder-to-shoulder with those whose voice was raised in the cause of freedom. “Yet, thank God, while hearts are beating, each man bears a burning wound. We shall follow in their footsteps,” and she did. With passion – and then some.

“All equal and the same, when the Lord he calls your name. Mankind was made of clay, each of us in the very same way. Get ready, brothers, for that day.”

SHE had a grasp of what was real – not defined by religious ideology, but framed in what we, as a people, instinctively know what is just, what is right, what is fair. “All equal and the same.” Words to live by, words a nation was built on – words SHE gave voice to in a time when such words were not popular, nor readily accepted.

“Come gather ‘round people, wherever you roam. And the losers now will be later to win, for the times they are a changing’.”

And they are a changin’. And she was a part of that change. She lent her voice to it; she gave her passion to it. She epitomized what it was to stand up for your ideals, and bow down to NO ONE in your determination to be heard.

“I’d hammer out danger, I’d hammer out warning, I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.”

And SHE hammered it out, time and again – without hesitation.

“And when I die, when I’d dead, dead and gone, there’ll be one child born and the world to carry on.”

I hope that child “born to carry on” at HER passing sings as sweetly as SHE did, and contributes to the world a fraction of what SHE had to offer – free for the takin’, free for the listening, free to those whose hearts were open to the message that one voice could change the world for the better.

And SHE was such a voice.

“So I’d best be on my way, in the early morning rain.”

Yes, Sweet Mary, best be on your way. Godspeed to your destination – a place where voices such as yours are appreciated not only for how they delight the ear, but for how they inspire the heart.

Godspeed.

Apparently some of them won’t be, as their parents prevent them from attending school for a day rather than risk exposure to a speech by the President of the United States on the topic of education.

Well, you can’t be too careful. As one shining light of the GOP once put it, “A mind is a terrible thing to lose” – and encouraging kids to stay in school and get a good education could mean losing them as Republican voters in future.

In some respects, I can understand the concerns of people who are honestly looking out for their kiddies’ wellbeing.

Despite the best efforts of many parents to shield their children from the horrors of a certain event, some of them may have seen video footage or photographs of G.W. Bush sitting in a classroom, reading The Pet Goat on 9-11. One can imagine the déjà vu-invoked trauma these kids might experience – fearing that this might be yet another time when a president interacting with students will end with him sitting there doing nothing while their nation is under attack.

There is also the real fear that if their lil’ darlin’s take education seriously at the President’s behest, they might grow up to be “elitists” who know how to spell, punctuate, and speak English properly – could even go so far as to read a book now and again.

Imagine the embarrassment of these parents in later years, unable to plaster bumperstickers on their fenders that read “Proud of my high school drop-out!”, or, “My kids are Patriots – that’s why they don’t listen to no stinkin’ President!” The mind boggles.

Also to be considered is the uncomfortable questions some moms and dads would face should their children make that oh-so-obvious comparison: “Hey, mommy, how come this president makes sense when he talks, and the ‘nother one sounded like an idiot?”

Of course, it could also go the other way, which would delight the parents who extolled the virtues of Bush for the past eight years: “Mommy, this president isn’t funny like the last one – he hasn’t tried to open a door the wrong way even once!”

For many well-meaning moms and pops, the greatest fear is fear of the unknown. While they know that Obama’s speech has been designed to address the topic of the value of education, there is always the possibility that he might “slip up” and mention that the Earth is not flat, and actually revolves around the Sun - rather than vice versa. Now there’s something no self-respecting parent wants to have to explain at the dinner table.

The rumors are rampant – and, as usual, are as ridiculous as stories about death squads and an all-out effort by the Democrats to guillotine poor ol’ granny in the town square as an example to those who don’t adopt Muslinism.

According to some of the fair and balanced persuasion, Obama will be speaking to our youngsters about healthcare reform and homosexuality. I, for one, am not putting it past him – I’ve heard he’s also including a PowerPoint presentation on the intricacies of determining gross national product, along with a three-hour lecture on the successes and failures of the nation’s foreign policy in the Middle East from 1793 to the present day. But then, it’s only rumor.

And then there’s the obvious – the truth that many parents have tried to keep from being absorbed by impressionable young minds: the President of the United States IS black. And once they see him up on that TV screen – well, there’s no going back, is there?

Amidst all of the nonsense being spewed by the rightwing, my personal favorite is the concept that “the opposition” should have a right to present a counter argument after Obama’s speech – although I must admit that actually hearing the “opposition” talking points to staying in school and getting an education would undoubtedly be the best entertainment available since – well, probably since Sarah Palin described being able to see Russia from her house as constituting experience in foreign affairs.

And exactly who are these stalwart parents so eager to protect their offspring from the words of a duly-elected POTUS? They’re the same parents who had no problem exposing their kids to the intellectual genius who spoke about the importance of putting food on your family, who candidly broached the subject of doctors being able to practice love with their female patients, the Christian role model who embraced torture – the modern-day philosopher who once dazzled the edumacated world with his observation that, “Yeah, China is big, too.”

These are the people who will steadfastly refuse to allow their precious poppets to be exposed to subversive, un-American ideas like allowing an education to open their minds to the possibilities in life, setting goals in their school years and striving to achieve them, adopting habits like the self-discipline of study that might prove useful in their adult years – the same people who are attending teabagging events even as we speak, carrying signs that declare they are not socialtists and want English to be declared the ofical languge of their beloved country.

If you’ve ever wondered where the Republican base of the future will come from, I’d advise you to take down the names of the students who won’t be allowed to listen to Obama’s address next week – because those are the same names you’ll see on GOP voting rolls in future.

Where will all of this insanity wind up? Well, we all remember what it was like when WE were kids – the minute our parents told us not to listen to something, we were in the schoolyard the next day, asking those who were allowed, or managed to eavesdrop, what was said. Of course the kids nowadays don’t have to resort to second-hand schoolyard hearsay – they have the internetz.

I predict that the YouTube posts of Obama’s speech are going to be very popular, because nothing has the allure of the forbidden – and nothing resonates in an impressionable young mind like the very words he was warned not to heed.

Apparently the RNC’s “2009 Future of American Health Survey” included the following question: “It has been suggested that the government could use voter registration to determine a person’s political affiliation, promoting fears that GOP voters might be discriminated against for medical treatment in a Democratic-imposed health care rationing system. Does this possibility concern you?”

The possible answers include YES, NO, and UNDECIDED. Amazingly enough, the obvious answer – i.e. “You apparently don’t know what the fuck are you TALKING about here” – was not provided as an option by way of response.

One can only imagine the mayhem that ensued among the Dumb & Dumber (that prized demographic which the GOP invariably target with such missives). “Honey, sit yourself down and take a deep breath – I have some devastating news. It’s been suggested …”

The Dumb & Dumber never question such things. They never wonder exactly who did the “suggesting” – they only know that somewhere out there, some unnamed, unidentified, ethereal being allegedly suggested something. And that’s good enough for them – in the same way they take Glenn Beck writing Obama’s name on a chalkboard with an arrow pointing to someone else’s name as “proof positive” of a connection between the two. No need to investigate or inform yourself – which could take precious time away from more productive pursuits, like Teabagging for Democracy.

“Looks like we’re gonna have to fight this health care reform thing for all we’re worth,” says Mr. Dumb to Mrs. Dumber. ‘Cause when someone suggests something, the evil machinations of the Democrats are exposed for all to see – it’s as plain as the nose on your elbow.

Of course, for those of us who actually think, such insinuations would have no sway. WE would actually question who “suggested” such a thing, and what FACTS support such an assertion. WE would wonder why such a carefully misleading term was used in a questionairre that was allegedly seeking honest, fact-based input. WE would get off our asses and do a little research into what went on here, and the motivation behind it.

But that’s the difference between US and them – those who are easily misled by those who deliberately mislead, the consequences to our nation as a result of disseminating such misinformation be damned.

If the RNC wants some real, bona fide, honest-to-God “it’s been suggested” material, I’m happy to provide it.

“It’s been suggested that the GOP are willing to sell their own constituents down the river by encouraging them to fight AGAINST the very things that are in their own best interests.”

“It’s been suggested that Republicans are lying their asses off about what the Democrats’ healthcare reform proposals actually ARE, in an attempt to derail any meaningful change that would benefit the citizenry and end windfall profits to insurance companies that deny their policy-holders the coverage they have paid for.”

“It’s been suggested that the Republican powers-that-be would prefer to see their fellow citizens die for lack of health care than allow the Democrats the political advantage of having been the party that actually accomplished something of value to all Americans.”

“It’s been suggested that using the term “it’s been suggested”, without any factual support behind such a statement, is a deliberate attempt to further misinform the already woefully misinformed (a.k.a. “The Republican Base”).”

If the RNC wants to put out another “survey”, they can feel free to include the above statements and ask for responses thereto. And there’s no need to go with the “it’s been suggested” nonsense – they can actually quote me, and are more than welcome to use my name.

We're going to get there.

It’s going to take time and patience, a fair share of angst and a lot of hope – a commitment to our ideals, and the courage of our convictions.

But we are going to get there.

It’s happening, and it’s spreading. It’s letters to editors, it’s phone calls to politicians. It’s being transmitted by phone and text; it’s being blogged about, bragged about, passed around and passed on. It’s word of mouth, word of head, word of heart. It’s action and reaction – and it won’t be stopped.

There is a great awakening in this nation. People who have been lulled to sleep by the monotonous repetition of half-truths are seeing the light. People who have been fooled by the complicity of a lazy media are opening their eyes.

The lunatic fringe, compelled by self-imposed ignorance, are exposing themselves for who they are – puppets of a party whose goals are now transparent. The hate-mongers, driven by bigotry, are losing the financial support that once gave them a voice. The fear merchants are going out of business, bereft of consumers now wary of their wares.

Labor unions are speaking up for the true core of our nation, the workers. Grassroots organizations are speaking out for the true government of our nation, the People. Ordinary citizens who have had enough are weighing in – and they will not be out-shouted, out-smarted, or out-numbered. They will be not only heard, but heeded; they will be not only listened to, but understood.

Those who voted for change will not be content to ask for it, but will demand it. Those who voted for a new day will not settle for old ways.

The sense of community is growing stronger; the concept of divide-and-conquer will not be tolerated, nor endured. Our place as a nation will be recaptured; our standing as a global neighbor will be re-evaluated, redefined, reclaimed.

This is no longer a matter of one man in the White House, one party in power, one topic to be debated, one subject to be discussed. This is about one voice of a People saying, “No more, I have had enough.”

We are going to get there – not because it’s our time to choose, our moment to speak, our hour to be heard – but because it is what is right, what is just, what is fair.

We are going to get there. Don’t abandon courage; your neighbor has your back. Don’t give up hope; your fellow citizen will spur you on and see you through. Don’t give up the dream; your inner self will give you strength, and show you the way to the reality that is only limited by what you have been told you should not, cannot dare imagine. But imagine it – if you will.

We are going to get there. We will not be dismissed, distracted, deterred. We will not be mis-informed, mis-appropriated, or misled. We will not be cajoled, compromised nor placated. No, we won’t be – never again.

We are going to get there. We have lost a flag-bearer, but not the cause which his standard symbolized. We have lost a man who was committed, but not our sense of honour in the concept of commitment. We have lost a leader – but his followers endure.

We are going to get there. We will arrive at our destination, perhaps scarred and battle-weary, a little worse for wear.

But we are going to get there. And one who has passed will rejoice, and welcome us all home – never having doubted for a moment that we would end up where we were meant to be all along.

We are going to get there. He believed it. If you don’t, or can’t or WON’T, you’re going to miss out on one hell of finish-line party.

BYOB. A reminder of the euphoria that comes with dreams realized will be provided by the host.

I don’t know how long my fellow Democrats are going to keep up the present pretences – but I’ve decided to come clean. Despite attempting to contain the forlorn feline within the sack, the cat is pretty well out of the bag by now – so I say let’s just go with it, and tell the truth for once in our America-hatin’ lives.

President Obama, a.k.a. The Supreme Leader of the Muslin World, is not a US citizen, having been born in – ah, yeah, Kenya – let’s go with that! (He was actually born on another planet, but the citizenry can only take so much truth at one time.)

The Democrats who supported his bid for the presidency were all hypnotized back in 1961 – at the same time his “birth announcement” was planted in a Hawaiian newspaper - paving the way for his illegitimate candidacy and election decades later.

It was a vast conspiracy bent on hatching an impossible plot – who knew it would be so successful, and come off without a hitch?

The Democrats (still operating under post-hypnotic suggestion) are now intent on putting The Omnipotent One’s devious plans into action:

Under the clever guise of healthcare reform, older Republicans will be legally euthanized by their family doctors. Once the Old Guard is out of the way, younger GOPers will be “dealt with”.

Monies now being budgeted for reconstruction of highways and bridges will be surreptitiously circumvented into the coffers of companies under the control of Obama loyalists, who will use the funds to construct prisons to house those who oppose us. These jails will be located underneath shopping malls across the nation, where inmates will be fed scraps left behind in food courts and parking lots – thus “cleaning up the environment” at the same time.

Abortion will become a mandatory annual procedure for all women, whether they are pregnant or not.

Christian schools will be shut down, and their students sent to “re-education camps” where they will be taught The Gay Agenda to the exclusion of all other subjects.

The wealthy will be taxed at a rate of 99% of their income from all sources, the proceeds of which will be distributed to the laziest citizens – like those who have used the fact that there are no jobs available as an excuse to not go out and get one anyway.

Disbelieve me at your peril. The Obamabots have already put their more subtle, albeit devious, plans into operation, to wit:

The TV “news” media will be forced to forego covering news items of national interest and instead focus on meaningless tripe about celebrity deaths and – oh, come on, tell me you haven’t noticed that one’s already in play.

Obama operatives will infiltrate the GOP, posing as “advisors” – and will encourage the powers-that-be to destroy their own party by supporting completely incompetent whack-jobs for higher office. (Surely you didn’t think Sarah Palin was an accident?)

In addition, these “consultants” will advise Republicans to send their most ill-informed, crazed constituents to public meetings, or stage “protests” while carrying mis-spelled signs, where their rantings will turn off former GOP voters who still have some common sense left. This, in turn, will cause a steady drop in the number of people identifying themselves as “Republicans” – and you can’t say that one hasn’t worked like a charm.

It’s going to be a brave new world, folks – the entire citizenry will soon be forced to become Muslins, all guns will be confiscated, drive-through Death Panel franchises will flourish, US troops will be used to wage the War on Christmas at an estimated cost of twenty brazillion dollars over the first five years, the “wealthy class” will cease to exist, and white folk will eventually be sold into slavery.

So, you still think your neighbors are “away on vacation”? Yeah, right. They’ve been disappeared, and are probably languishing in a cell under a shopping center Pizza Hut, trying to sustain themselves on snippets of three-day-old pepperoni.

I know whereof I speak. As a three-time Nobel prize recipient with a Ph.D. in every science known to man, a published journalist with a weekly readership of over ten billion people, and an all-around hot babe, I have been tapped by the Obama administration to catapult the propaganda to those of you out there who are willing to believe absolutely anything.

And you know who you are.

Now don’t forget to pass this information along to your friends, relatives and co-workers. They probably haven’t had a completely ridiculous, over-the-top chain email from you in the last twenty minutes – and, as we all know, they just can’t get enough of this shit.

So don't disappoint what's left of your party; spread the mis-information, regurgitate the lies, and be sure to lay on the insanity with a trowel!