At the time Hillary Clinton threw her hat in the ring, I don’t think my admiration for her could have been surpassed by even her most ardent admirer.

I had watched this incredible woman become the epitome of the 21st Century female, years ahead of her time. Her self-defined role as a partner in her husband’s presidency was not only a pronouncement, but an achievement. At the same time, she maintained her independence and ability to promote her own visions for positive change in our nation – a mission reflective of the role that women would, following in her footsteps, fulfill in the future political arena.

During the RW-generated “scandals” that ultimately led to outrageous accusations against herself, and impeachment proceedings against her husband, Hillary stood firm in her commitment to her principles and her marriage – and did so with straightforwardness and candor, not to mention incredible grace and style.

It was with that strength of character and sense of purpose that Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for the presidency, a path she knew would open her entire life up to microscopic scrutiny, and make her the target of every scurrilous accusation the GOP smear machine could conjure up and catapult in her direction.

Although an Obama supporter from the beginning, I never lost any sleep over the idea that Hillary might emerge as the nominee. She was not my personal choice, but she was still an excellent choice – for all of the reasons above, and then some – and I never ignored an opportunity to say so.

That was then – and, unfortunately, this is now. And the now that we find ourselves in, as a party, is less than pretty.

When I heard Hillary’s comment that she and John McCain brought the necessary experience and expertise to the table, while her fellow Democrat, Barack Obama, was to be dismissed as nothing more than a speech, I was truly astounded. This was not the Hillary of sense and sensibility, but the Hillary of pride and prejudice, a woman who would stop at nothing to achieve her goal, with an immediate and vicious bias against anyone who had the audacity to try and stand in her way.

This code of conduct has not subsided, but instead has persisted and become more blatantly apparent with every passing day. It is the same “you’re with us or against us” mentality that has divided a nation for more than seven years; it is the same rhetoric that screams of entitlement and arrogance, rather than a sense of accepting the will of the people who have spoken, and continue to speak, about something more important than the ego of one politician with their eye focused on nothing else but the prize.

I will not say that I can imagine the heartbreak caused by giving up a life-long dream – simply because I cannot imagine it. I cannot imagine the despair, the depression, the profound disappointment – along with the attendant hope that maybe, just maybe, things will take an unexpected, nay miraculous turn, and I will emerge triumphant in the end.

But there does come a time when one should know instinctively that they have gone too far, that they have substituted self-interest for the interests of others, that they have replaced a passionate sense of vision with ambition that is not only blind, but destructive in the extreme.

There comes a time when you have to weigh your own personal goals against those of a party, as well as a nation, and understand that the dreams of one must make way for the hopes of the many.

There comes a time when your own sense of self-worth is no longer measurable by your willingness to fight, but by your ability to accept loss with grace and dignity.

Most importantly, there comes a time when fortitude becomes mere stubborness, when the desire to win fairly and honorably transforms itself into a desire to win at any cost, a time when every positive thing you have ever achieved is at risk of being forever overshadowed by the depths you are willing to go to in order to run the last mile of a race you have already lost.

I am truly heartsick that the Hillary Clinton I admired for years is gone – or, more sadly, perhaps never existed other than in my own imagination.

Being a woman of a certain age, I am aware that politics is a dirty game, and probably won’t change any time soon.

But there are certain rules of engagement, and Hillary’s campaign, along with the candidate herself, have chosen to bend them, belittle them, besmirch them – or simply ignore them.

There was a definite and all-too-obvious line to be crossed here, and Hillary Clinton has crossed it. Unfortunately for Hillary, it wasn’t the finish line.

This is just one woman’s opinion – but I wanted to share the fact that a lack of support for Hillary, on my part and on the part of others, is not, as some would spin it, about sexism or racism, the victim, the soundbyte, the Reverend tape-loop, the pinned-by-sniper-fire story, the he said/she said, the "but he/she did it, too" gotcha moment.

It is instead about rules being pledged to and then reneged on when convenient. It is about promises being made and then broken when all else fails. It is about decrying the disenfranchisment of voters in states you suddenly need while, in the same breath, advocating the idea that superdelegates should overturn the will of all voters if things turn out not to your liking.

In short, it’s about integrity – which, somewhere along the way, Hillary Clinton lost, misplaced, forgot, or simply discarded as an expendable obstacle in her failed race to what is proving to be the bitter side of nowhere.