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NanceGreggs's Journal: Nance Rants
Posted by NanceGreggs in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Sat Jan 17th 2009, 11:04 PM
Yes, it’s that most wonderful time of your entire administration – the time when you pack up your crap and get out of our house, the place you never had any legitimate right to occupy in the first instance.

In the spirit of can’t wait for your sorry ass to be gone, I have compiled a list of tips for you – sort of an exit strategery:

Feel free to instruct your staff to remove all of the Os from all WH computer keyboards – or not, as you see fit. However, please be assured that whether they do or they don’t, we’ll say they did – and we will keep that myth alive for years, and fly into a rage every time the story gets mentioned. Thanks to your people, we’ve learned how to be Drama Queens in the face of truly trivial BS – and we have learned from masters.

Please clear the WH basement of all videotaping equipment, lighting equipment, props, and the “somewhere in the Middle East” backdrop. Once your poor excuse for a presidency becomes past tense, there won’t be any further need for those oh-so-convenient Bin Laden videos to be produced and distributed to the ass-lickin’ mainstream media every time your approval ratings take another predictable nosedive.

In addition to the aforementioned, don’t forget to cancel any and all contracts with professional photoshop experts. Obama actually draws a crowd – he doesn’t need photos to be “retouched” so as to make it appear as though people listening to what he has to say are (a) multitudinous, (b) among the living, and/or (c) awake and in attendance voluntarily.

And while we’re on the topic, please alert appropriate staff that the use of applause signs during State of the Union addresses and/or press conferences will no longer be required. You’re about to be dazzled by the way people spontaneously react when they’re not BEING LIED TO BY AN IGNORANT ASSHOLE.

Be sure and remove all personal items, such as photographs, correspondence, notes, memoranda, etc. President Obama doesn’t need any reminders of you. Rest assured he’ll be thinking of you every day as he goes about cleaning up the mess you’ve made of everything. (Perhaps such memorabilia is more suitable for a permanent place of prominence in the G.W. Bush Liberry – right alongside “The Pet Goat” and the memos you received warning of an IMMINENT ATTACK on US soil.)

Kindly delete the fast-dial number directories from all WH phones. The new president will have no need to call Jeff Gannon or Dial-a-Bottle on any basis, no less an expeditious one. Besides, he is actually capable of remembering important numbers and dialing a phone without assistance – being as he’s not a fall-down drunk and all.

Remember to alert the real news media (blogs, internetz, series of tubes, etc.) that the title president can once again be spelled/printed/displayed with a capital “P”.

Please remove any and all junk (e.g. rusted old cars, dilapidated appliances, etc.) from the WH lawns/porches. I haven’t personally seen them there, but given how white trash you and your family have proven yourselves to be, I have no doubt they’re around somewhere.

DO NOT leave the incoming president any letters of advice. He knows what the fuck he’s doing. And the fact that you never knew what you were doing is not indicative of the heavy burden of office – it’s indicative of your being an incompetent DICK, in OR out of office.

And speaking of DICKS, please be sure to take your boss with you when you leave.

For the love of all that is holy, puleeze STFU from here on in. A national embarrassment of eight years duration is enough – no need to add to it in your post-pOTUS days. No, really. NOT necessary. HONEST-TO-GOD NOT NECESSARY.

In closing, I’d just like to say toodles, it’s been a laugh havin’ you around. But don’t take my word for it – ask the families of the dead, the orphaned, the displaced, the unemployed, the homeless, the bankrupt, the hungry, the sick and the dying, the maimed by combat, the terrorists you’ve created and encouraged, the Katrina victims, and everyone else who will always remember you as the punchline to one incredibly unfunny joke.

Buh-bye – ASSHOLE!

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