I just received the most appalling fund raising letter from a church in Oklahoma (I have NO idea how I got on their list - it's only addressed to 'dear friend').

They enclosed something they call a Jesus Prayer Rug which is actually a printed piece of paper with Jesus and fringe. Apparently all I have to do is sleep with it and I'll be rich, rich, rich! Here are the instructions:

"The next 24 hours are crucial to you. Timing is important to God. After you kneel on this prayer rug, or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19 (if you don't have a bible, it's okay - just slide it under your side of your bed for tonight, if you can. If you can't do this it is okay). (my note: timing may be important to God, but he sure is sloppy when it comes to what you do with this frikkin' thing!). Leave it there no longer than tonight only! God sees. Then, in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing prayer rug out of the house and back to us, here are the church's prayer room, in faith. We also must have this letter back, with whatever you need prayer for printed on page two. You must get this prayer rug back to us so we can rush it to a family in need of a blessing. Do it without fail. Please, do not break this flow of power between us."

Of course, when I return my cheap PRINTED PIECE OF PAPER they call a 'prayer rug' it's returned with a contribution envelope to these hucksters.

What do they suggest you pray for? Well, there's a brochure enclosed with 'success stories' and they all deal with a big cash windfall! God has a wallet!

"Pennsylvania - God blessed me with over 5,000.00"

"Texas - Our Lord has blessed us with a big 6 room house" (laughing hysterically here)

"North Carolina - Received $10,000.00 in a financial blessing"

Delaware - God made it possible for us to buy 17 acres of land"

Texas - I've gotten a new car - I've been blessed!"

I'm going to return my 'prayer rug' asking God to impeach George Bush and keep money-changing zealots out of my fucking mailbox!

How in the world do people fall for this shit??