At the age of 89 she took her last breath yesterday morning at 11:30AM. She died in a nursing home in Florida. I live in NY, my brother and sister in California. We were not with her, luckily she was not alone. A chaplain was there and her aide.

She had been in care for the last four years. She had a psychotic break, nearly killed my Dad (he passed 3 years ago)and needed to be on Meds and have constant supervision.

My Mom was a beautiful, bright, loving, and like many of us, a flawed individual. She born and raised in Brooklyn, NY, was a child of the Great Depression. She was from a non-practicing Jewish family. My Grandpa's family had been in the US since the Civil War, emigrating from Germany, my Grandma's parents came here in the 1890's, escaping Poland and my Grandma was born here.

My Mom had to leave school at the age of 14 to help support her family. She met my Dad (who fell head over heels for her), the son of Jewish immigrants from Poland (who left school at 12 to do the same for his family), and they eloped at the ages of 19 & 21 respectively. The year of the first NY World's Fair.

During WWII, my Dad worked in the Brooklyn Navy Yard. They then went on to build the American dream. They had 3 children, my sister born in 1942, my brother in 1945 and then me, their "gift from heaven" (mistake), in 1951.

My Dad became a retail furniture company executive, my Mom a stay at home Mom. I was born in Kew Garden Hills, an area of Queens in NYC. A few years later my parents bought a house in a NY suburb. We had 2 cars and later 3 when my sister started to drive. There were family car vacations every year. We moved back to Queens, NY when I was 10 because my Dad was tired of commuting and we rented.

Their favorite activities...my Dad used to golf, paint and play the ponies. As a child, he used to take me fishing. My Mom loved to shop, garden and gamble by playing cards. They were both passionate Democrats. On edit, they were also avid baseball fans...the Dodgers and then the Mets. If there was a game being televised, it was on their tv.

When I was 16 they started to travel abroad. A cruise to South America, traveling to Europe. A trip to Israel. Their favorite countries were The Netherlands and Ireland.

This was the outward facade. Inwardly, there was dysfunction. Both of my parents were products of dysfunctional families and although they loved each other they brought their past baggage with them and couldn't escape it. Many times they were on the verge of separating and divorce, always to be drawn back together. Not because of having to, but because of their love/co-dependence.

Shortly after I was born, my Dad had an affair, and my Mom never trusted him completely after that. When she tried to kill him while they were in their 80s, she was under the delusion that he was cheating on her again.

Once all of their nestlings left the nest and settled into their own lives, my parents moved to Monticello, NY and became snow birds. Florida or Vegas in the winter and back to Monticello in the late spring though early autumn. At some point my Dad coerced my Mom to move down to Florida permanently, a decision she resented. I was the only child left in NY but she wanted to be near me. So when they moved to Florida, she felt isolated. She made friends easily but she was so unhappy there. She then had that psychotic break.

I never got a chance to see them when they moved to Florida. I am one of those who have to work constantly to make ends meet. I love what I do but I live from week to week. I kept contact by phone.

After my Mom tried to kill my Dad, his health failed and was whisked away to California by my brother and sister. He loved her till the end. My Mom, after getting out of jail (for attempted murder) was ejected from a couple of assisted living facilities because they couldn't control her Meds. She was then moved to the nursing home where she died yesterday, a place that had been able to care for her the best. Although she was lucid when I'd talk to her on the phone, the delusions about my father were still evident.

Her remains are being cremated and will be sent out to my brother in California, where her ashes will be next to my Dad's. In honor of her, today I'm going to out to buy and light a yahrzeit candle for her. In my belief system, I feel that all is forgiven between the both of them, and maybe, the next time around, they'll get it right.

For most of my life, two of my greatest fears were of my parents passing. One of those fears came to pass 3 years ago and the other yesterday. I am in a weird place now. I am trying to function normally and then feel waves of grief and out of no where just start to cry. Then there is a feeling of relief...she passed over and that fear is gone. Both of my kids and my ex have been great. The most normal I've felt was speaking to my brother on the phone.

Mommy, I will always love you.