You have to use ten words or more in the blank to make a story. The bloodier or funnier or funnier bloodier the better. Have fun!

"No, I want to wear this dress!" stamps foot repeatedly. Cries. "But it doesn't fit you!" says the tailor. "I don't care!!!!" rolls on floor, frothing at mouth, kicking and screaming and pounding the floor. "It's MY special day, goddammit, and the ENTIRE WORLD is waiting to see me beautiful and perfect and virginal because it's MY DAY!!!!!!!!" rolls around some more. Tailor gives her a 5 gallon pail of Chunky Monkey to calm her down. "Okay, okay. Sheesh. Look we'll just make a slit in the fro...

Since she seems to have destroyed her career with her silly little salvo yesterday. "This rifle has 32 Palins of blowback!" or "Holy crap, my car had a massive palin yesterday!" on edit: eponym was the word I was looking for

What a fucking depressing switch. NBC should have had the courtesy to say something like "As we switch to our regular programming now, especially after that absolutely brilliant example of public speaking and thoughtful insight, we just want to warn you that we're switching to Guy Fiettttttttti in all his glorious douchebaggery, so if you don't want to lose your temporary sense of hope that America isn't a vast cultural shithole filled with plebian cliche-spewing douchebags that make you think '...

no clergy training, and no individual congregation accountability. (though the Southern Baptists do have the clergy training, and even some of the non-denominationals have pastors that have gone to seminary, or whatever shithole ignorant podunk fuckass school they call a 'seminary', usually something fucking ignorant like a 'Bible College') That's the problem with most mega-churches - they tend to have clergy who are basically self-ordained and who have no structure whatsoever of accountabilit...

Assholes. The only reason for having a subwoofer in a car is to be a prick. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with "music appreciation". It's SOLELY to be a prick. Communities need to have one or two cops whose only job is noise enforcement (loud cars, loud parties, loud yelling/shouting, loud stereos), and the tickets/fines for noise violations should be utterly ludicrous in comparison to other fines, since it's such a total violation of other peoples' quality of life. And they really should m...

because they know that today is going to be the best day of their life. In this order: 1. Genesis (Gabriel era) 2. Yes 3. David Bowie + David Byrne + Philip Glass doing something together 4. Allman Brothers 5. Led Zeppelin 6. Frank Zappa 7. Bill Hicks 8. Jethro Tull 9. Rush 10. Pink Floyd I know Bill Hicks isn't a band, but dammit, it's my super-bitchin' concert, and I want everyone to have to listen to the best prophet the last half of the 20th century gave us.

in the confines of my home, and without the spectacle and sound of the theater, I'm surprised at how utterly and truly awful this film is on every level - script, acting, dialogue, directing, editing - it's just fucking awful. I'm about halfway through right now, and even some of the subliterate shit that I thought was at least sort of entertaining when I saw it at the movie theater is offering itself as the cliche-ridden drek that it is. I mean, holy fuck. I posted some seriously negative rev...

(Link)/ PARIS - The Champagne industry's trade association, the Interprofessional Committee of Champagne Wine, said Tuesday it is launching a new standard bottle to cut carbon emissions. The new bottle looks the same as ever but weighs 835 grams, or 29.5 ounces, instead of 900 grams, or 31.7 ounces. That means vehicles transporting it will require less fuel. The committee says the change will cut carbon dioxide output by 8,000 metric tons a year, which it likens to the annual emissions of 4,0...

to a foreign country. And a foreign country that has no economic bonus to the US, too.

which she did oh so very quietly. My father was still sleeping, and I grew suspicious. I was only seven, but even I knew that a stay-at-home mom doesn't normally sneak out of the house in her finest dressings, perfumed up like a cheap Singapore whore, walking only in her nylons. She put her shoes on once she was outside, and then she walked down the sidewalk. I slipped on my ninja outfit and followed her out, crawling out the secret door I installed two years ago from my closet that goes through...

Man, those were different times, wild and heady and primal. I can't believe it took four and a half million years for you fuckers to invent air conditioning, though. Fucking hell. Do you know how much laundry I've had to do over the years because of you late-blooming morons?

No, didn't think so. Amazing how people can so easily let their emotions run the day and say fuck all to actual facts, data, and science. Here are some more awful things that will happen when the probe contacts the moon that you should be ignorantly freaking out about: 1) The temperature in the immediate area WILL RISE IMMEDIATELY!!!! just like when a volcano goes off, it raises the immediate temperature, too!!!! 2) A dust cloud will be created - nuclear missiles and volcanoes ALSO create du...

You fucking shitwit. Seriously - what kind of fucking moron loser goes on a reality TV show to find a spouse? I'm watching, in protest that this fucking imbecile show is pre-empting Hell's Kitchen, some fucking marriage show with a bunch of fucking losers who think that going on a reality TV show is a legitimate way to show respect for the sanctity of marriage and find a suitable life partner. :eyes: Seriously - who watches this shit willingly? Has our country really plummeted this far? A...

Last: "The final catharsis, the ultimate most wondrous and breathtakingly soul-cleansing and liberating catharsis, was that moment, that proud moment, that moment of hope and life and new days and ebullient heart-expanding joy when I stopped, a pause in the whirlwind and maelstrom of the previous six days, and I stopped and stood and looked forward and circled around and watched and looked and stared at the endless stretch of death, and I planted my feet firmly on the bodies underneath and knew,...

and it shrank my willy to a gom jabbar, if you know what I mean. Thufir, with those fat eyebrows, would sit on the edge of the pool fondling himself, mumbling over and over about his 'big fat sandworm', and my God, it was! Like a sandworm. Not like a sandworm's, no; his was like a sandworm. Creepy, but yet impossible not to stare. Perhaps his use of sandworm imagery, so long before we knew we would move to Arrakis, was his way of preparing me for the change that was soon to come. But how would h...

Sorry, I'm still pissed off about what an utter fucking abomination the new Star Trek movie is. I know, I know. It's been months. But I'm still pissed. I don't think I've ever felt so betrayed by anything, not even Nemesis, not even First Contact, not even Insurrection, not even the all-war all-the-time bullshit wet dream of Rick Berman that was DS9 and other shows under his criminal asshole reign, that fucking criminal. If the new Star Trek movie had called itself something else, and given ...

where he's entirely different than the real William Shatner but more shit explodes and breasts are bigger and there isn't any of that annoying-as-hell "make me think so brain hurt" plot to worry about, so critics think it's a better reality and they're breaking their pelvises with the eager rapidity with which they are spreading their legs so product placement can fuck them in the ass.

The adultery itself is irrelevant, and no one should give a shit anyway. Who cares? I don't fucking care. Bop whoever you want. The real issue - the ONLY issue of value in this stupid story, is the continued proving that the Republican Christian "Family Values holier-than-thou" assholery they've spouted for the last 30 years is pure fucking bullshit, lies, and hypocrisy. Democrats fuck around and get caught, too, but at least we aren't the party that beats its chest every fucking two seconds a...

Fer God's sake, everyone, an education is never wasted just because one does something else than what one studied. We learn for the sake of learning - to make us fuller, rounder, more interesting and more engaged human beings. Career is entirely separate from education. We might go into our field of education as a career, but we might not. Doesn't matter, and doesn't mean the education was a waste of time or money. ARGH!!!!! God, I hate that shit. Education - except at tech schools - is no...

Coulter follow-up: "Clearly Obama has pulled a Hitlerian move here in forcing these two to marry so as to appear that his administration is not violently anti-traditional marriage." O'Reilly: "Of course, America-hating liberals prefer to get engaged in cheese-eating surrender-monkey land, and not in the country they so despise" Nancy Reagan: "Ron, God bless him, would have been right there to congratulate the couple as soon as the question was popped, and would have paid for them to have dinne...

Also helps if you have a sports car and a job with no chance of upward mobility. If you can't manage the sports car, then at least get a neon license plate holder, and preferably a money clip. If the money clip has something on it that tells a woman you are the coolest, greatest guy ever - like "Motley Crue" or "Women Are Whores" or "I Love Hitting Women" - then you'll really win. As far as clothing, either dress in a totally faddish way completely devoid of any sense of personal thought, or...

One that gets ramped out here every time there's some situation where people can get all self-righteous and holier-than-thou and "I'm the most tolerant person in the world, but..." whatever the self-righteous cause du jour happens to be. Forgiveness most absolutely does not imply remorse. It does not demand penance, an apology, nor retribution. It does not ask for contrition, self-abuse, or conditions. I'm amazed at the number of people on DU who rag on the republicans/freepers/rightwing for t...

I read it with visions of the Republican/rightwing/fundamentalist unholy lust for a Buchenwald in every community with them working the ovens, and am so utterly proud and joyous and filled with dance to know we finally are blessed with a president who's morally tired of the republicans' sanctification of destruction and addiction to death.

He is so on a child's level, emotionally. "What do you miss?" "I miss what the presidency did for me - the fun stuff! Wee hee!!" "Do you miss anything about serving the people, leading the nation, being the bearer of a vision, molding a people? Any of that?" "I love Jesus! Wee hee!! Now, watch this drive!"

characterization, intelligent writing, social commentary, stories that mean something, characters that have depth and diversity and who work together to bring a round sort of holistic wholeness to the ensemble... and he replaced all that was good with Star Trek with everything that makes a summer blockbuster movie: tits, explosions, speaking in cliche easily-memorized phrases, more explosions, an easily hate-able bad guy with a motivation that's so trumped up and unthoughtful as to be ludicrous...

What a steaming pile of vomitous garbagaceous shit. Seriously. It kind of works okay for a movie on it's own, but not totally - it still could have been better. Pretty fucking lame plot, and some truly stupid turns. But what it doesn't work as is a Star Trek film. Abrams - as I was sure he would - is worse than Rick Berman in terms of throwing to the winds everything that made Star Trek great, and also throwing to the winds the entire canon of Star Trek. Complete rewrite of history within th...

Fucking hell, you idiot bovine shitbags, let it go. There's no reason for anything, let alone anything that big, let alone stealing peoples' property for it. What the hell is with the need to memorialize every fucking thing that happens any more? Christ. Especially, as you say, in this time of cutbacks and economic problems. Not to mention that every piece of shit memorial and monument and park that's put up takes taxpayer's money every year for upkeep - it's a continuing burden, for no rea...

as he searched with his mind for the pint of Cherry Garcia that Chani had hidden from him. "There must be a link between spice production, guild navigator prices, and the ludicrous amount that Stilgar charges me for ice cream at his new ice cream store. We were brothers once, until profit got in the way. Leaving the sietch after our triumph to set up an anarcho-communist dairy cooperative? By the Orange Catholic Bible, I'll never understand that man. Where did that damned woman put my ice cream?...

:grr: :banghead: :nuke: :mad: :banghead: :grr: Why can't they just price flights like trains, theater tickets, and hardware stores? Why the fucking nebulous shitass mysterious fluctuating nonsense? Gee, the ticket seems to have gone down $100 from ten minutes ago - do I buy it now, because it might be the last goddamn seat? Or do I wait until the day before my flight leaves because it's still 90% empty? Or do I buy it now because in five minutes, and for all the future, it's going up $600? O...