'Twas the night before something, when all thru DU
Not a post-whore was Lounging, no flame wars did brew.

Dear Peggy was snockered, on a bit too much ‘nog
Rabrrrrrr was a-ranting, whilst elves he did flog.

Midlo was napping, O.D’d on pot pie
But Lara’s still shopping, for boots to her thigh.

DS1 up to mischief, Matcom dishing crap,
Had decked out their manbox, With sparkly gift wrap.

When out in GD there arose such a fuss,
I put down my brewski and let out a cuss

Oh what could it be?! Was it smoking indoors?
Pitbulls now shopping at Walmart stores?

The flames from the thread were giving off heat
Through the monitor’s screen, and up to ten feet!

And what was the subject, the meltdown DU jour?
A Rovie? A troll? A clueless DU-er?

It was Warren Christmas, and his life partner Don.
They’d found Gay Apparel and were putting it on.

They’d pimped up a sleigh with rhinestones aglitter,
And leading it all, - wee flying spaghetti critter!

It was Warren Christmas, things just won’t be the same
Warren whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

Bolognese! Puttanesca! Carbonara! Alfredo!
On Linguine! Arrabiata! Yo Tortellini and Sun Dried Tomato!

Now Duers be true to our Warren Christmas,
Remember the Atheists, the Hindi, the Listless…

The Buddhists, the Druids, the Zoroastrian
The Arabs, the Inuit, the Indo-European!

Think about Chanukah, Kwaanza, you bet!
And our Asian neighbours who celebrate Tet!

Now hoist up a beverage, go cuddle yer pup
Go snuggle a kitteh or find someone to schtupp,
But remember the words on Warren’s best cup:
“Holidays should be spent all liquored up!”


Merry Christmas everyone!