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Posted by Skinner in General Discussion (01/01/06 through 01/22/2007)
Fri Mar 17th 2006, 03:06 PM
WOLF BLITZER: Good afternoon, and welcome to the Situation Room. It's exactly like being in the real Situation Room at the Bush White House, except on TV.

Today's top story: They call it "Operation Swarmer," we call it "Spectacular!" A joint "coalition of equals" made up of 1500 highly trained American troops and about a dozen or so Free Iraqi soldiers participated in the largest military assault since the highly successful liberation of Iraq back in 2003. The 101st Airborne Division led the attack against the terrorist stronghold of Samarra.

The Department of Defense did not permit any reporters from CNN or any other news outlet to join in the assault, but they were kind enough to provide us with an amazing full-color video, which really grabs you by the short-and-curlies and makes you feel like you're part of the action.

This is some truly compelling video, don't you agree, Jack Cafferty?

JACK CAFFERTY: Yeah, it's incredible. It almost makes me feel bad for harping on that ports thing for so long.

WOLF BLITZER: Me too. Well, from what I heard, the folks from Dubai are probably going to get to keep the ports anyway, so don't feel bad.

The Department of Defense did something extra special this time, and I'm going to point it out before we start the video, because I'm not sure all our viewers would recognize the voice. The DOD hired Academy Award-winning actor Morgan Freeman for the voice-over.

JACK CAFFERTY: Morgan Freeman? That guy sucked in "Deep Impact."

WOLF BLITZER: Me too. I was star-struck when I first heard it. Brilliant. It's called "Iraq War Reloaded." Roll the tape.


(Screen is empty, solid black, except for the date "2003" in the center. A few moments of complete silence.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: Remember three years ago, how good it felt when our brave men and women in uniform liberated Iraq from the clutches of the evil dictator Saddam Hussein? Remember the stirring images?

(Photo Montage: President Bush in Oval Office. American soldier placing American flag over the head of Saddam Hussein Statue. American soldier removing American flag from Saddam Hussein Statue. American soldiers pulling Saddam Hussein Statue down with a crane while a couple Iraqi men stand around smoking cigarettes and talking about the weather. President Bush in flight suit. Flag waves.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: You could feel it in your heart. Freedom was on the march. It was good to be an American.

(Screen fades to black. Grainy black-and-white photos of Islamic mullahs, Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton and crying Iraqi babies.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: And then a bunch of stuff happened, and maybe you didn't like the Iraq war quite as much as you used to. The details aren't important, except for the fact that liberals tied the hands of the president and the military, and offered aid and comfort to Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden because they hate America. And for a few years, you felt bad.

(Silence. Screen fades to black again. The date "2006" is in the middle of the screen.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: As of today, you'll never feel that way again.

(Cue Music "American Bad Ass" by KID ROCK. Brief montage of explosions from KID ROCK video and from Iraq war.)

KID ROCK: (Rapping)
We've traveled this land packed tight in minivans
And all this for the fans, girls, money, and fame
I play their game, and then they scream my name
I will show no shame, I live and die for this
If I come off soft, then chew on this....
Are you scared?

(Music fades slightly so MORGAN FREEMAN is audible.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: The terrorists were scared, as the brave fighting men and women of the fighting 101st swarmed into Samarra, bringing along a tidal wave of hot lead and freedom in their wake.

(Video of American military maneuvers in Iraq. And KID ROCK.)

KID ROCK: (Rapping)
Devil without cause, and I'm back
with the Beaver hat and Ben Davis slacks
30-pack of Stroh's, 30-pack of hoes
No rogaine in the propane flows ...
I jabbed and stabbed and knocked critics back ...
And still they ill they wanna see us fry
I guess because of only God knows why, why, why

MORGAN FREEMAN: Morale is high. The terrorists are on notice: These colors don't run. All the problems of the last three years are a distant memory, washed away in a blur of red, white, and blue.

(A Humvee does donuts in the desert, kicking up a huge cloud of beige dust that billows in the bright afternoon sun. Soldiers and Iraqi children wave American flags. Slow-motion images of American soldiers with sweat and grime on their faces, high-fiving and giving the thumbs-up sign. KID ROCK in front of American flag.)

KID ROCK: (Rapping)
Ohhhhh, they call me cowboy, I'm the singer in black
Throw a finger in the air, let me see where you're at
and Say HEY, HEY
Let me hear where you're at and Say HEY, HEY
I'm giving back so Say HEY, HEY
Show me some metal and Say HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY

(Photo montage of great moments in American history: George Washington crossing the Delaware. Lincoln at Gettysburg. Marines raising the flag at Iwo Jima. Martin Luther King's "I have a Dream Speech." The Moon Landing. Kelly Clarkson winning American Idol.)

MORGAN FREEMAN: America, be proud. Hold your head up high again. We're fighting the good fight, and spreading good old fashioned American values.

(A woman in a red, white, and blue American flag bikini straddles the barrel of the big gun of an M1-tank, and waves a cowboy hat in the air like she's riding a mechanical bull.)

KID ROCK: (Rapping)
I'm an American Bad Ass
Watch me kick, you can roll with Rock ...
Fuckin sack to share, bringing flash and glare
Got the long hair swinging, middle finger in the air
Snake skin suits, 65 Chevelle
See me ridin in sin in the rebel yell

MORGAN FREEMAN: We're going to stay until the job is done. Look out terrorists, Uncle Sam is comin' to getcha!

KID ROCK: (Rapping)
I'm a cowboy, Bad Ass in black singing HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
From side to side from front to back Say HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
I put Detroit City back on the map by Singin HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
Kid Rocks in the house and thats where I'm at!

(Image of "Marlboro Man" fades to black to show the words, "Dedicated to the men and woman who gave their lives for the cause of freedom, 2003-2006." Then another fade to Calvin peeing on Iraq.)

WOLF BLITZER: What a thrilling ride. And you can download free Kid Rock ring tones at Coming up after the break: Kid Rock is in the Situation Room. He's going to tell us why the liberals are all wrong; America is still the greatest country on the planet.
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David Allen
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Member since 2001
Washington, DC, USA
I am the owner and co-founder of Democratic Underground.
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