I wrote this Thursday morning before the Palin bomb went off...Michael Jackson passed away a week ago. He has not risen from the dead, as was prophesied in his "Thriller" video. That would be news, but no, the King of Pop remains un-un-dead at this point. But believe you me, the news media is ready if MJ appears before us again leading a well-rehearsed cadre of zombies in a dance routine down Main St.
None of this would matter much to me, except it's raining. Again. It rained yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, and the day before. There have been exactly five days since June 1st without rain, and the walls are beginning to close in because I've been inside for a month watching cable network news channels.
I'm not the only one feeling pinched between this unbelievably soaked summer and the passing of the King of Pop. Boston Globe columnist Scott Lehigh had himself a little editorial nutty on Wednesday about the content of the news lately:
Would Jackson be buried at Neverland? Probably not, but Tuesday's "breaking news'' was that a public viewing and a memorial service would be held there. What legal battles would occur over his children - and his estate? Could Neverland come to rival Graceland?
Mind you, those were just some of the crucial matters TV pondered.
NBC led its Monday evening newscast with Jackson epiphenomena, putting it ahead of stories like the sentencing of swindler Bernie Madoff. CBS gave Madoff top play, but then went to Jackson coverage; a comparatively restrained ABC put Jackson third, behind Madoff and the Supreme Court decision about New Haven's firefighters - but still ahead of the coup in Honduras and the news from Iraq.
Something's afoot here that seems to have started with Princess Diana, whose death turned into, or was turned into, an epoch of mourning. Then came the death of John F. Kennedy Jr., and the endless hours of TV footage showing ships searching for the wreckage of his plane.
And now this. It's as though the TV networks think we're ever in search of a new celebrity death to bring us together and a spate of national mourning to offer us catharsis - and that such a death is a story that will keep people glued to their televisions.
In the spirit of discovery, and because it's still raining, I took an hour on Thursday morning to discover if Mr. Lehigh has a point. I spent an hour flipping between CNN, MSNBC and Fox News to catalog the content of their coverage.
*click*
10: 00 a.m. - "Swirling reports" abound on MSNBC about the state of Michael Jackson's health before his death, with a teaser about an exclusive interview with Jermaine Jackson. A few minutes later, the talk turns to the "Zombie economy;" they're comparing how much money Michael Jackson made to what hedge fund managers made before hedge funds moonwalked into infamy. What does it say about how we value our artists vs. our businesspeople in America when MJ made $300 million but hedge fund managers make more?
10:07 - This deranged discussioin tacks on while pictures of MJ swirl by on the screen. "He had 700,000 in cash in 2007, " says one talking head of MJ. "Hedge fund guys were smart enough to exploit the inefficiency of our economy," says another talking head, and goes on to say that we want that from our businesspeople. "Absoluitely," agrees talking head #1.
10:10am Contessa the talking head reports on a US soldier captured by the Taliban on Tuesday. 4,000 Marines have embarked on an offensive to drive the Taliban out of a southern region of Afghanistan. Also, North Korea fired a fourth missile into the ocean. South Carolina Republicans say Governor Marc Sanford has to step down after his little trip to Argentina. One talking head goes "tsk tsk" over all these arguments about morals and public officials, and then delivers a warning about holiday traffic during the 4th of July...but hey, kidnapped troops and fighting Marines and Korean missiles had to wait for the top-of-the-hour MJ update, so morality is generally out the window this morning. Cut to commercial.
*click*
10:14 - Let's see what's shaking on CNN...a weatherman! We're building arks on the eastern seaboard, but it's nice out west. Quick quip about Obama working on health care before they head to commercial.
*click*
10:17 - Fox News is holding court on a recent Vanity Fair article that shredded Alaska governor Sarah Palin and questioned McCain's decision to pick her for VP. This is a stupid, illegitimate story which shouldn't be covered, says the Fox talking head, poor Sarah, poor Sarah, they need a "sexism translator" to decode these obviously liberal attacks. Next on Fox: "Do people watch Wimbledon because of sex?" Also, are the Real Housewives of New Jersey worth covering on a news channel? Apparently, yes, because a report on exactly that is coming up.
*click*
10:20 - Accidentally flipped to the Today Show, Matt Lauer is in Michael Jackson's bedroom at Neverland holding his arms out saying "It was right here that..." and I change the channel before he can finish that sentence.
*click*
10:21 - MSNBC is talking traffic about patterns over the coming holiday weekend. When will we be getting light rail and better public transportation? Tax dollars tax dollars it'll cost tax dollars, but we want better transportation, but we don't want to pay taxes, but but but...that is pretty much the whole conversation in a nutshell.
10:25 - MSNBC goes to commercial again, but not before teasing an upcoming segment: "Neverland vs. Graceland - can Michael Jackson eclipse Elvis in popularity?"
*click*
10:26 - Back to CNN, a recap on that abducted soldier, a report on multiple bombings in Baghdad, a recap on the North Korean missile firing, a recap on the Marines fighting in Afghanistan, followed by an actual report on the Marines themselves. News! The heat where they're operating is brutal, they're not just securing the area but intend to hold it, which is new US forces operating in this region of Afghanistan. Civilians are coming in behind the Marines - agriculture experts, doctors, veterinarians - to win the support of the populace
10:30 - "The death of Michael Jackson is now a federal case" is CNN's next story after the war in Afghanistan. Diana Ross was Jackson's second choicer after his mom to care for his children. "Is Jackson's 79 year old mom up to the challenge of raising his children?" Jermaine Jackson says yes.
*click*
10:31 - MSNBC is showing a picture of Sarah Palin leaning on chair that has American flag draped over it. They ask if she's violating flag protocol by doing what she's doing, and then tease Neverland v. Graceland debate again before going to another commercial.
*click*
10:35 - "Just as Nixon had Watergate, Obama is going to have Carbongate," says Texas GOP Rep. Joe Barton on Fox, talking about the energy bill that recently passed the House. After that, they go to a report on a former supermodel who was arrested for threatening her plastic surgeon. OK, they'ry covering the Housewives of New Jersey because one of the Housewives - the one who flipped a table on the show - has been caught up in a sex tape scandal. Of course.
*click*
10:38 - MSNBC is deep into the Michael Jackson v. Elvis debate, it's a free-for-all involving, somehow, the Beatles. "Michael Jackson's popularity is multi-generational" says one talking head, and the others pounce on him like wolves in a meat locker. It's bedlam on the set. The most vivid debate of the morning, however, is yet to come: "Up next: what happens when politicians try to dance like Michael Jackson?" Cut to commercial.
*click*
10:42 - CNN is showing a report on WWII women pilots being honored by congress. They have one of the pilots in the studio, "Lorraine Rodgers, WASP WWII" is the caption, she's a lovely old lady in a sharp blue uniform. It's a neat bit of reporting, actually, with good questions and better answers.
*click*
10:44 - Fox is covering the Real Housewives sex tape. "Did she consent to doing the tape? She's an evil kidnapper in a cocaine ring, no, seriously, she is." Her lawyer is on proclaiming her innocence, for what, we don't know.
*click*
10:47 - CNN covering the stock market, with one talking head saying men are having the hardest time in this down market. Unemployment among men is at 10%, unemployment among women is at 7.6%. The numbers are skewed against men because automotive, construction and finance industries are male-dominated, says the head. Cut to commercial.
*click*
*click*
*click*
10:49 - All three networks are running commercials
*click*
10:51 - CNN screen crawl says details on Sanford book deal coming soon.
*click*
10:52 - Fox has some breaking news: the Air France that crashed into the sea some weeks ago plunged nose-first into ocean, and the plane's speed sensors were not the direct cause of crash, so the ultimate cause of the disaster has yet to be determined. On to a report about a "prayer station" in the town of Warren, Michigan. The "station" was erected so townspeople can pray for better economic days, but there's a problem: the prayer station is in the atrium of city hall. Sneaky, sneaky. They're showing an atheist complaining about the prayer station in a civic building, and the separation of church and state, but the guy looks like a hippie Santa Claus, and he's handing out flyers on atheism. Fair and balanced, baby.
*click*
10:56 - CNN is covering a child who survived that recent plane crash. "Still ahead: Diana Ross and her surprise appearance in Michael Jackson's will," says the talking head. Of course. A debt reduction commercial begins. *click* MSNBC has a Sham-Wow! commercial. *click* Fox has a Wal-Mart commercial.
*click*
11:00 - Top of the hour on MSNBC: "The secrets of Michael Jackson's fortune may never be known." *click* Top of the hour on CNN: "Diana Ross and Michael Jackson's children." *click* Top of the hour on Fox: the status of the abducted soldier in Afghanistan.
*click off*
Yup. Still raining.
