Mom, who has been living with Dad's decline for the 11 years since his stroke, hadn't even thought of a Memorial Service until our dear family friend, who is the Priest at the Church here asked us what we would like him to do. She had not given thought to the disposition of his ashes. (She said that Dad had no allegiance to 'place', which kind of makes sense to me.) There were many, many things that she's wanted to do over the years, and that Dad wanted her to be able to do that she couldn't because Dad couldn't, physically, go along and she wasn't comfortable leaving him alone. She needs to stretch and expand. I understand that, and want her to grieve and cope in the way that's best for her. No Memorial booklet, no Obituary in the local paper, no special verses, just one special hymn. (One that had been played at their wedding), and she hasn't decided yet what she'll do with his ashes.. which won't be released until after I've gone back home. I just know she won't be having any urn around the house.

I feel that I need something that I can hold onto. .a booklet, an obit, something. This Man's Memorial service should have throngs and trumpets and mountains of flowers to announce that a great man has passed...

But I will be returning to my life, which will contain fewer "booby traps" to tears than her life will. This is hard, though.