Dear Senators, I have been reading about Senator Allen's troubles that came about from him using a racial slur and having it caught on tape. Oh, my. Well, I can't cure the Senator's underlying racism but I think that I can help all of you avoid such, well, such nastiness from the librul press. THE CONFEDERATE FLAG Now, I know how some of you just love that Confederate flag. I have to admit, it is mighty festive with all those colors and stars. Well, avoid it like the plague! Don't be caug...

Well, the gubmit wants Google's records from last week. They want to see what folks are googling. I spend a lot of time on Google as do most Americans. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm in trouble. I started to think about all of the things that I googled last week. What do you think? Will I be carted off to the secret prisons in Europe for these searches: Bush AND Gannon AND kinky White House sex Bush AND Gannon AND Rove AND sordid love triangle Bush AND forced abortion Bush AND AWOL A...

George, I know that you have this crazy notion that the colonies should break from England. I know that you believe that if you stand up, you can make things better for the colonists. Well, that is just CRAZY talk! Do you hear me?? It's crazy. Look, I love the colonies as much as you do and I really wish that the King was nicer to us but it's foolish to go against the King. Okay, picture this: what if you stand up and the colonies lose? What then, George? Your career is over. You an...

Worried crew member: Captain Bush, sir, it appears that we've hit an iceberg." Captain Bush: Thank you. Sits for 7 minutes. Water begins to flood the "water tight" compartments. Captain Bush remains seated, looking stunned and stupid. Worried crew member: Um, sir? Are you going to do something? Captain Bush: I am thinking. I'm getting my thoughts together. Captain Bush then proceeds to write a thank you letter to his sponsors at the White Star line, thanking them for their support of ...

Vote for Me! Vote for me! I want to be your next President. I've got so much money that needs to be spent. But let's not quibble over the money component Let's talk about the real evil - my opponent! If that cold-blooded manipulator wins He'll open the door for all manner of sins! Why, I heard from a solid reliable source That his third cousin twice removed tried to marry a horse! He hates puppies - I have that on good account and his gambling losses are too numerous to count. After kissing ba...