System of a Down = Jethro Tull
Totally unnecessary techism paradoxically meets dumbed-down inanity. They get away with it because they rock sufficiently and the kiddiez are dumbed down, themelves.

The Shins = The Raspberries
Pleasant enough, insubstantial enough, forgettable enough.

Paramore = Missing Persons
Fronted by a cupcake who's just watchable enough to mask the band's ultimately prosaic, mired-in-its-times pop.

Rye Coalition = Tuff Darts
Early promise finally yielded something too stupid to live.

Tool = Rush
Every generation pukes up ONE lucky rock group that gets to sell millions AND unaccountably pass themselves off as a thinkin'-man's band.

Gogol Bordello = the Pogues
One-joke ethnic gimmick band nevertheless achieves transcendence and is destroyed by excess. Yeah, I know Gogol's still OK. Eugene's fucking insane. So just wait.

Electric Six = Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
'Tis folly to think it'll be funny forever, smart guy. Last stop before the dustbin: MOR ballads.

Wilco = Blondie
Innovators emerging from a storied scene to become opportunistic, unfocused pop eclecticists is more boring than sad.

Sufjan Stevens, Devendra Banhart, etc. = Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, etc.
Fuck you. Fuck you with a rake.

The Hold Steady = Weezer
Your smartypants fans are WAITING for you to fuck up so they can all grin smugly and say "I told you so."