My intent is not to bring people down , I am really trying to keep some hope and will here . I may have even finally found two workable forms of employment beginning august that I may be able to blend into a days work and end up with just enough to get by one .

However , with every day I begin to feel better , everyday I just can't seem to hold onto that feeling without the past as I knew it flooding back in and that shock of how things are now slapping me right back into a hopeless feeling . I just can't seem to forget how in this country things were once so much better even if alot of this was on the surface , there was at least a surface to stand upon and feel part of a society who did for the most part try to work together for the common good .

I can't help adding it all up , I can't forget the stolen elections , I can't forget what was allowed to happen to the people in New Orleans , I can't forget all the deaths in Iraq or ignore them , I can't forget how insane bush represents us as americans , I can't forget how america is now the most hated country , I can't forget all the lost jobs and corporate take over and job outsourcing .

If I can't forget how can I forgive and how can I make each day seem like a step closer to the next day becoming better . I have a problem , I can't forget the past and the hope that I once had and I am real close to 60 . As hard as I try to remain inspired and hopeful these moments are as rare as the moments of my worst days in the past .