I was at the store finally able to talk to this woman I've been wanting to ask out for a long time. Whenever I see here there we talk for a bit and flirt but I never got it out that I wanted to just sit down for coffee sometime. Well I stuttered and stammered and asked her last night and she said,"I don't think so." I had never been so relieved to get a rejection in all my life.

Although I'm sure there's lots of reasons why it would never work I still needed to do it, to finally know, to not have to go through life wondering what a good time we might've had together if only I'd have made a move. So now I get to move on.

Problem is I needed to have 20 other women right then and there to ask, to be able to get one yes, or whatever good odds would be meeting someone off the street. I need to be in a place where there are way more available women out there, in one place and showing their availability.

If I could learn those signals a woman gives off half the battle would be over. If I could figure out when a woman is available just by observing her and making my move, even if it's just to say hello I'd be a happy camper. The yes's would come. But I'm not seeing that kind of thing at all.
Even walking in the park everyday I will say high to a lot of people. One in particular these last couple weeks really caught my eye. She was walking her dog one evening when I was out for my hike. Very attractive blonde, upper 30's or so, great smile and flirty. We flirted with each other and exchanged greetings the first night I saw her. Even bumped into her again as I was finishing as we were walking in opposite directions around the park.

Well, as soon as I drove away I was thinking to myself that yeah, she's got a hubby, boyfriend, fiance............Sure enough, next time I saw her walking around the part she had a guy with her. He and I said hello as we passed each other, but she gave me a tense smile. That has been my experience with meeting women doing the things I love to do. Meet someone cute. Think well, let's start talking and see what happens. Next, and I do mean THE next time I see her she's got her guy along with her.

I'm going, why did the universe even allow me to meet this person then if I can't even make a move? It's like a recurring dream to me. I have never been able to understand this. Why am I only seeing what I can't have? Where are those I can approach? It's as if the truly available women hide as soon as I come along. If there's more than a touch of bitterness in this tough shit. That's the way I feel. I don't need to see this time and time again. There's something I'm missing to not see those who want me. There's another lesson in life I need to learn here but I have not the foggiest clue as to what it is. All I know is everyday my expectations go up.

The world doesn't teach guys like me about stuff like this. We're made to stumble through life and wonder when is it our turn? Do not ever tell me someday. Please don't.