By SPAMELA MESS, Antisocial Press

A U.S. military officer warned Pentagon officials that an American candidate for president was being driven nearly insane by months of punishing campaigning and deprivation of contact with non-supporters, according to documents obtained by The Antisocial Press.

While the treatment of candidates at duopolist facilities at General Electric studios and within the Public Broadcasting Corporation have long been the subject of human rights complaints and court scrutiny, the documents shed new light on how one American candidate has handled the stress of unrelenting dishonesty and the diversity of beliefs required when facing different audiences.

United States Senator John McCain, according to the documents obtained, has begun referring to Americans as "my fellow prisoners," and adopting the habit of denying prisoners names. McCain now refers to his opponent, Senator Barack Obama, as "that one."

The U.S. military officer, whose name has been redacted, warned that "placing someone in charge of what we used to call the free world who believes we are living in a prison has obvious implications for the continued erosion of liberties, but our primary concern should be the establishment of checks and safety precautions in the event that the power of nuclear first strike is placed in the hands of a lunatic."

A separate Pentagon study conducted subsequent to this warning concluded that there is a significant likelihood of McCain ordering a nuclear strike on Vietnam in his first month in office. McCain openly announced on his "Straight Talk Express" bus in 2000: "I hated the gooks and will continue to hate them as long as I live." His aggressiveness has increased in the subsequent eight years, according to the Pentagon report, "in direct proportion to his loss of grip on the reality around him."

In January 2008, Republican Senator Thad Cochran said "The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine. He's erratic. He's hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

Cochran described a diplomatic mission to Nicaragua during which McCain suddenly reached across a table to grab a government official and lift him out of his chair:

"I don't know what he was telling him but I thought, good grief, everybody around here has got guns and we were there on a diplomatic mission. I don't know what had happened to provoke John but he obviously got mad at the guy and just reached over there and snatched him."

In April 2008, Republican Senator Bob Smith added:

"His temper would place this country at risk in international affairs, and the world perhaps in danger. In my mind it should disqualify him. … I've witnessed a lot of his temper and outbursts. For me, some of this stuff is relevant. It raises questions about stability. … It's more than just temper. It's this need of his to show you that he's above you -- a sneering, condescending attitude."

The Pentagon report concluded with the consensus opinion of a group of experts that McCain almost certainly believes himself to be campaigning for the position of warden of a prison in which we all live.

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While the preceding is satire written by David Swanson for AfterDowningStreet.org, and there are no Pentagon reports, the three quotes from McCain and the three quotes from the two Republican Senators are perfectly real, as is the danger.