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derby378's Journal
Posted by derby378 in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Sun Jul 05th 2009, 04:33 PM
Physicists at the Lawrence Livermore Laboratories, operating on a grant from the Republican National Committee, have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, dubbed sarahpalinium (Sp), exhibits a nucleus with properties that have yet to be discovered in any other atomic nucleus, including the presence of two new hadrons: youbetchatrons, which are made up primarily of charm quarks; and nordstrons, which appear to be made up of strange quarks which constantly interact with campaign funds. These hadrons, which have not yet been counted, are buffered in the nucleus by one neutron, one lieutenant neutron, 20 deputy lieutenant neutrons, 40 assistant deputy lieutenant neutrons, and 15,000 employee neutrons, giving sarahpalinium an atomic mass of no less than 15,062. These hadrons are held together by elementary forces called morons which occasionally emit radiation in the form of alpha, beta, and inwhatrespectcharlie particles.

Sarahpalinium is orbited by an indeterminate number of lepton-like particles called peons, with only one peon occupying the innermost shell (the "Todd shell") and exercising an unusual influence over the sarahpalinuium nucleus. Beyond the Todd shell is a shell with five peons (the "Track/Bristol/Willow/Piper/Trig shell"), and a third shell with 9,780 peons (the "Wasilla shell").

Sarahpalinium impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of sarahpalinium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take as long as four years to complete.

Sarahpalinium is inherently unstable, possessing a half-life that will expire on July 26, 2009. At this point, sarahpalinium will either wink out of existence or develop a controversial fourth peon shell that some physicists claim may contain all remaining matter in four-dimensional spacetime, which means that the very universe may indeed revolve around sarahpalinium.


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