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eshfemme's Journal
Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Wed Oct 01st 2008, 08:56 AM
There is now a new story that the right wing is pushing about how Gwen Ifill, the moderator for the one and only Vice Presidential debate, is biased for Obama. Their reason for this is because she's apparently publishing a book in January 2009 that analyzes the new black political movement, which includes Barack Obama's rise to power. They are using this as an excuse to try to get her removed.

But let me tell you the real reason. It might be controversial but I'm gonna call it like I see it. It's because she's BLACK.

Think about it. The right wing (and the media) have been pushing the idea that it's black people who are automatically in the tank for Obama (conveniently forgetting that in the first leg of the primaries and caucuses, Obama's majority of votes were from whites and the blacks were mostly Hillary supporters only for that to be flipped after Hillary's successful re-triangulation on specific subsets of white voters in the last leg of the primaries). Their obsession with pushing the idea that Obama can't win over white working class voters or white women or white men and the assumption that blacks will automatically vote for him gives a subliminal background to this new meme about Gwen Ifill.

They can't outright suggest that Gwen Ifill is automatically biased for Obama because she's black as even that is way too offensive for them to air (they can get away with implying that in general in abstract terms about black voting patterns though). They also can't call her sexist for favoring Biden over Palin since she's a woman and the ridicule they've already been getting over Palin and the failed attempt at using that card with other women precludes them using that defense. So, they use Gwen Ifill's unpublished book.

This book, by the way, really sounds more like a black literature entry a la Richard Wright's "Black Boy" or Maya Angelou's "Why the Caged Bird Sings" although those two books that I mention are like fictionalized autobiographical metaphors for black culture/diaspora. Gwen Ifill might not have finished writing it either!

So, let's just call it like it is. THIS IS BULLSHIT!

They are impugning a woman who has a proven record of being fairly objective just because she happens to be black and might be publishing a book that is partly about Obama. I DARE PEOPLE TO ASK THESE RW FUCKERS IF THEY ARE SAYING THIS JUST BECAUSE SHE'S BLACK!

Sorry if I sound insane or paranoid but it really does seem to be the motivation behind their smearing of Gwen Ifill and it pisses me off.

EDIT: For spelling mistake(s).
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Mon Sep 29th 2008, 09:59 AM
My reaction to Ralph Nader's appearance on Bill Maher's Real Time
Where the FUCK does he even go in the 4 year interim between presidential elections? The only thing I hate about third parties is how incompetent they can be-- Nader, especially. The third parties don't generally try to work from the bottom up in terms of getting elected-- they all just keep aiming at the Presidency even though they don't have a single elected figure in state level or national level politics. Just like Nader. He doesn't seem to do anything other than sink back into the shadows before emerging again to run for President.

Seriously, non-presidential election Nader sightings are so rare that his fucking Wikipedia entry actually lists a time when he's spotted exiting his sister's house outside of election year as if it's something notable (I don't know of course if the entry will be edited to remove that in the future but still, you get my point). Plus, his criticism isn't even fucking constructive-- all he's doing is railing against "the man" and seriously, one of the authority figures he's railing against is a BLACK MAN. I don't want to bring race into it but Obama is not "the man" that people should be afraid of. Also, his interruptions increasingly appeared to be like Tourette's Syndrome and with all his "I told you so" kind of remarks, where the fuck were his specific solutions?

Look, I like third parties as I think they have value in the political process-- they sometimes bring issues that aren't discussed back to the table and they are a valid form of political expression. But people don't realize that in the comfort of a third party, they are freer to criticize the mainstream but they are also freer from scrutiny-- if they were subject to the type of media microscope that the Democrats and Republicans are subject to, I can guarantee you that they'd immediately start looking a lot like those 2 parties (probably crazier too). Don't give me that fucking bullshit that just because they're third parties, they're PURER. When you gather people together, the good AND the bad will be emphasized so there will be some good stuff going on out in the open but there will also be some fucked up clandestine activities. That's what you get with people as a group. Yeah, the third parties all have some affinity with each other since they share affinities but I seriously don't think that the cooperation between third parties has been tested. The current unholy alliance between Bob Barr, Cynthia McKinney and Ron Paul is only possible because they are trying to get more share of the political pie but if any of them have any chance at ascendancy as a party, they'll backstab each other. It's a marriage of convenience. Third party politics are actually a shadow struggle compared to the struggle between the Democrats and Republicans in the media spotlight.

Anyway, my point is that my good will for Nader's disappeared and shocked me awake from my complacent acceptance of third parties. I kinda realize that I've been giving them a free pass by virtue of the fact that they're 3rd parties when really, they deserve critical scrutiny too. All power corrupts.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Mon Sep 29th 2008, 05:44 AM
Even if the MSM and everyone else decrees that Joe lost or was sexist or whatever BS the Republicans come up with, it is still unquestionable that Joe is qualified to be President and thus, is a great VP. The traditional thinking of "You're voting for the top of the ticket" fits here too because Obama is considerably younger compared to McCain while assassination fears have eased for Obama with the Secret Service's help. Plus, Joe's made so many little gaffes that he's pretty much gaffe-proof. The Republicans can try to make a big deal out of whatever supposed misstep Joe does but Joe's so fucking genial that it'd be really easy to spin it as "WTF are you picking on Big Joe for?" especially since Joe's been much more forthcoming and welcoming with the press than Palin has. So, like Obama, Joe also has a preternatural tendency to just brush things off and let them slide right off his back.

Not so with the McCain-Palin ticket. A fuck up on Palin's part, which is increasingly certain, would kill the diminishing views of Palin as a qualified candidate with executive experience (please note my dripping sarcasm on that retarded fucking phrase ). And a view of Palin as a valid and experienced addition to the ticket is also closely intertwined with McCain's image as a maverick/reformer so McCain has a greater need to promote Palin than Barack needs to do with Joe. Also, if Palin fails, McCain fails because then his image as a maverick gets redefined as maverick/fickle rather than maverick/outsider. This is all about semantics and connotations here, which are rather important in politics despite the strong current of anti-intellectualism or the common tendency to abuse the English language.

So yes, I don't think we need to worry too much.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Wed Sep 17th 2008, 01:58 PM
This was a reply to a DUer who took exception to my anger at AL for being on the dole and liking secessionists.
There's a difference there. Just like racism could be popular amongst certain neighborhoods but it doesn't mean that all residents in those neighborhoods are necessarily racists.

Also, there are of course "welfare states" in the lower 48. An interesting note though that most of the states who receive more federal money than they are taxed are red states. The states that are taxed more than they get back tend to be bluer. Also, Alaska actually ranks in the top 3 of states that get way more than they are taxed, at least according to a 2005 ranking. Don't believe me? Look up the Tax Foundation here:

http://www.taxfoundation.org/research/show...

I will reproduce the ranking for those without a PDF viewer:


List of states by number of federal spending per dollar of federal taxes

  1. New Mexico - $2.03
  2. Mississippi - $2.02
  3. Alaska - $1.84
  4. Louisiana - $1.78
  5. West Virginia - $1.76
  6. North Dakota - 1.68
  7. Alabama - $1.66
  8. South Dakota - $1.53
  9. Kentucky - $1.51
  10. Virginia - $1.51
  11. Montana - $1.47
  12. Hawaii - $1.44
  13. Maine - $1.41
  14. Arkansas - $1.41
  15. Oklahoma - $1.36
  16. South Carolina - $1.35
  17. Missouri - $1.32
  18. Maryland - $1.30
  19. Tennessee - $1.27
  20. Idaho - $1.21
  21. Arizona - $1.19
  22. Kansas - $1.12
  23. Wyoming - $1.11
  24. Iowa - $1.10
  25. Nebraska - $1.10
  26. Vermont - $1.08
  27. North Carolina - $1.08
  28. Pennsylvania - $1.07
  29. Utah - $1.07
  30. Indiana - $1.05
  31. Ohio - $1.05
  32. Georgia - $1.01
  33. Rhode Island - $1.00
  34. Florida - $0.97
  35. Texas - $0.94
  36. Oregon - $0.93
  37. Michigan - $0.92
  38. Washington - $0.88
  39. Wisconsin - $0.86
  40. Massachusetts - $0.82
  41. Colorado - $0.81
  42. New York - $0.79
  43. California - $0.78
  44. Delaware - $0.77
  45. Illinois - $0.75
  46. Minnesota - $0.72
  47. New Hampshire - $0.71
  48. Connecticut - $0.69
  49. Nevada - $0.65
  50. New Jersey - $0.61


For those familiar with the electoral college map, please note that the top 10 are red states and the bottom 10 are blue states (with the exception of Colorado, which is battleground).


There is further breakdown of the spending on a state by state basis done by the Tax Foundation available at their site.

So yeah, in addition to being amongst the top 3 welfare states, Alaskans also get their cut from the oil companies and the Alaska Independence Party is a huge mover and shaker on their political scene to the point where (regardless of whether or not she was a member or not) the fucking GOVERNOR OF THE STATE feels it necessary to pander to them. And you don't see why I'm pissed off at the hypocrisy of such thinking?

PS It is arguable that Alaska slipped from the top 3 (but this is unverifiable until the Tax Foundation does another ranking) after Palin took over as governor as she apparently did veto some earmarks but do note that this ranking most likely takes into account the earmarks Palin got for Wasila through the lobbyist she hired for a small town of 6,000.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Wed Sep 17th 2008, 03:34 AM
It's mostly on the sly and not really being publicized but it is, in essence, the very policy that the Net Neutrality movement is fighting against that the companies are going ahead on their own and instituting. Comcast is one of the first companies to be doing this for certain. I don't know if it's possible but maybe switching to another ISP would be in your interest as Comcast will be imposing many more draconian practices with other ISPs looking at the reception of Comcast's covert changes.

Note that this current environment is similar to the spammers who took advantage of the legal vacuum that occurred when technology outpaced the law until various measures started to be passed to prevent their crimes. The telecommunications industry is trying to make it standard protocol for companies to control that Internet access while there is no official standard yet for Net Neutrality in the US. This is similar to making consumers get used to a substandard product so that they don't realize that there is a better product they could receive if they just worked harder for it like the car companies who have the capability of producing high efficiency cars but only sell cars that don't have nearly the amount of efficiency that they could have (like touting a 35 mpg as really good when it's actually possible to have 100 mpg).

Also, it's entirely possible that the recent problems with Internet access is because our IT infrastructure is now just as outdated as our other infrastructures. We may have been the birthplace of the Internet but we are now 15th in the world terms of our broadband access/quality because no one in the GOP dominated years re-invested in the infrastructure that had been built already (compared to our 4th place in 2001-- a lot can happen in 8 years huh?). South Korea, Japan and Finland are the top 3 and that's because they made a concerted effort in investing in technology that they knew was the future. It was a sure bet for the government to invest that money and what does the US government invest money in? War, incompetency and bad loans.

The Patriot Act is also an adverse effect on the actual establishment of infrastructure because companies are wary of establishing Internet node points, which control the flow of Internet traffic, due to the sensitive information that would need to be made accessible to the CIA and FBI under the Patriot Act, which also marks a decline in the ability of the US to combat cyber-warfare and espionage. This is a whole other topic though.

But yeah, a lot is really riding on electing Obama and this is only one of the issues.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Thu Sep 11th 2008, 01:52 PM
My stance towards police officers in general and the anti-cop view DU has in general
in an ambiguous situation as the video posted of a police incident with a protester at the DNC was obviously edited for the protester. I don't want to go into too much but it was arguable that the police officer had a reason for pushing the protester back (the amount of force used was arguable adequate) while the protester's taunting behavior wasn't being examined or was being justified as a right that all citizens have. I think several other people posted that wasn't the automatic "OMFG police are pigs" stance and those people immediately got accused of being fascists, pig sympathizers, Nazis, etc. So yeah, I find that attitude juvenile.

I also come from a neighborhood in Queens where the citizenry is lawful and the police force is generally very respectful of the citizens. Also, I ironically have had exposure to the actual police because of general family hysterics (long story short, once was forced to accompany my parents to the station to put out an APB for my sister who didn't have a cell phone and was out much later than usual and to bail out my dad who got caught driving with a license that got suspended for too many unpaid parking tickets). So generally, I have experienced a mutually respectful relationship with the police. That is not to say that my neighborhood doesn't have crime but for the most part, the neighborhood police station is that, a part of the neighborhood and it shows.

What I find disturbing is when people are so vociferous in their hatred of the police, they are projecting all their anger and frustration from specific incidents with specific officers on the police in general. This is the exact same foaming at the mouth kind of bigotry that these same people vilify the Nazis, white supremacists and right wing trolls for doing so it's disturbing for me to witness this in fellow DUers who are supposed to be more rational and reasonable.

Just as there are just as many bad stories about bad cops, there are actually just as many good stories of good cops but those stories are never told. It's always stories about police brutalities because those are OUT OF THE NORM. When a police officer helps out, these stories are never told because you know why? They're just doing their fucking job. I don't envy the police for the crap they have to deal with although it's no excuse for the excesses that you hear about on the news.

So here are some good stories from my own personal experience to counter those bad stories:

1) My mom woke me up in the middle of the night to call 911 because she witnessed someone who get injured in a fight (smashed in the head with a glass bottle) across the street while his attackers ran away. The EMTs and police got there to take care of the guy who was left behind and to find out what happened. There was no harassment, just simply a case where they needed to pursue who assaulted the guy. Professional and by the book.

2) One of the commercial parking lots in my parking hungry neighborhood was going to be sold to developers who wanted to pave it over and make a shopping mall out of it. The Koreans in my neighborhood (my neighborhood is a Little Korea, Little Taipei, Jewish town, Chinatown, Little Italy, etc all in one) were especially incensed since that particular parking lot was serving a lot of local Korean businesses. Now, the Korean culture is actually very pro-protests and they're very aggressive in their protests. So they brought out the drums and signs and came out to parade en masse. Even though all the noise and ruckus they were making would have been troubling in any other neighborhood, the police from their membership in our community knew that it was just the locals being themselves and didn't take it as anything else. It was peaceful, the police presence was just to prevent possible accidents (because they were protesting in the street) and it was fun(ny) to watch.

3) My mom (who is a HUGE procrastinator) was doing the final paperwork on her naturalization process after 20 odd years as a resident alien. She needed to have her fingerprinting done. She'd submitted it but was told to re-submit another fingerprint card because a few fingerprints had gotten smudged. So you know what she did? She just went to the police station 2 blocks away and asked the police officers there to help her. And they did. They were professional and helpful and they did it for free.

4) I can't count the number of times that we had to call in a noise complaint because someone's car alarm went off in the middle of the night. And every single time, the police simply came by to either find the owner or disable it. No fuss and no muss.

5) My sister didn't come home one day in junior high school at the time she usually did. After a few hours waiting for her to come back and my parents working themselves up into a tizzy, they decided that they needed to file a missing person's report (Yeah, I know, my parents are crazy). This was when cell phones were still too prohibitively expensive for anyone in my family except for my dad who had it for business purposes. Of course, I knew and told my parents that you need to wait for 24 hours to file a missing person's report but they still insisted on going to the police station. The police there basically said OK, we'll put out an APB for her. I sat there and listened to them give my crazy parents the time of day simply because they were so anxious and the police wanted to help. Of course, in the end, it all turned out that my parents were crazy because my sister just happened to be hanging out with her friends and lost track of time.

So yeah, you can see why I prefer that not all cops get tarred with the same brush. Just like the Korean store on the corner that sells baked yams on cold days, the crazy homeless guy who's been hanging out on the same street corner, the pizzerias who vie with each other for the same customers for over 20 years (with fresh made pizza that you can watch being made), the OTB full of crazy gamblers, the blind accordion player, shish kebab seller, the security guard and super that have watched me grow up, the police officers are a fixture in my neighborhood. They help maintain the neighborhood because like us, they have a stake in it.

Thanks for your post and hopefully, more people will realize that yes, there are police officers that abuse their authority but there are also cops that are doing their jobs.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Thu Sep 11th 2008, 10:26 AM
I don't think I will ever remember that day in its entirety-- it will forever be a day that I remember in flashes and glimpses that emerge out of a forgotten numbness. Every emotion was suffocated on that day-- I remember people still showing emotion but something in the atmosphere, just the outright shock of it, was a visible dampener on anything. I remember getting angry after hearing about Bush flying here and there trying to shake off imaginary terrorists instead of being brave like those first responders or even us ordinary New Yorkers who still were stubbornly clinging onto a daily routine despite the constant threat of a second attack right on top of the first one. But I remember feeling that rage was trumped by a far larger sense of sadness-- a sadness that this happened, that people died, that nothing was safe anymore and that nothing was certain. As a senior, much like my classmates, I'd been preparing myself to leave the safety net that was high school to conquer the world. I remember feeling then that I didn't want to go out into such a world any longer. I don't know if that feeling's changed now either.

I remember trying to get home. I didn't have a cellphone then and most of us were trying to find land lines within the school we could use to call our families. The one in the principal's office had a long line. I found one that the yearbook club had in their office with a relatively shorter line. I called my mom and I had to tell her that I didn't know how I would get home. Classmates who lived in Manhattan was offering space to sleepover in. I said that it was possible I might have to stay out the night, something that I never did. I remember hearing the panic in the voice of my mom, someone who was already so high strung and I think that was why after I hung up on my mom, I decided to refuse my classmate's kind offer and make my way home.

Even though rumors were swirling about how the subway, specifically Penn Station or Grand Central (the stop I use) or Times Square, would be attacked again, at that point, a certain recklessness had seized me. I think that many people had that same spirit because the subways were just as crowded as ever. It was a spirit that said, "I don't fucking care if I get killed. I'd rather live as a person than be cowed into changing what I am." Everyone on that subway train had this defiant air that was an armor. If people want to ask what was the visible difference and what do you mean by atmosphere, I guess I can describe it this way. In New York City, people don't look each other in the eye in public as they are doing their thing. It is usually taken as a challenge or rudeness. It is probably the same etiquette for people who take the elevator together who desperately pretend that they're not next to a human being and will look anywhere but at that other person. So, public NYC etiquette is basically elevator etiquette taken to an universal degree. That day, people were looking at each other. Instead of the blank expressions people put up in public, you could see emotions in passerbyers. It was fear, panic, grief, shock. But it was visible.

I just realized that the way I described NYC sounds inhuman but all of this emotion that was visible on 9/11 was always there. It was always assumed to be there and that tough facade that New Yorkers had, it was just something that we all had but it was also just as easily discarded if need be. But on 9/11, that veneer was ripped away painfully en masse. It wasn't voluntarily relinquished. Everyone in public knew reflexively then that for 9/11 and the days later on, NYC wouldn't be normal. We'd all need time to present that brave face we needed to present to the world that would say, "We're all still here, motherfuckers."

I remember as I took the subway on the beginning leg of my commute home that it might well be an odyssey. Never before have I ever listened so carefully to every announcement or been more aware of my surroundings. It was surreal because that hyper-awareness made me realize that everyone else was also extra sensitive to everything. We all looked at one another, the braver ones of us tried to impart that same strength with small smiles of encouragement. Our muscles were all tensed and ready to do battle.

Despite the looming threat of danger, I felt more fright about venturing outside. The subway had become a lifeline for me. So when my train conductor announced the news that I couldn't reach my desired transfer station and that I needed to take a shuttle bus that had been prepared by the MTA, I dreaded it. You know what frightened me even more though? It was that the usually "take it or leave it" MTA had stationed friendly helpers to lead us bewildered commuters to the shuttle. It wasn't the usual "serve yourself" MTA customer service we were used to. It was only about a walk of one or two city blocks to the shuttle bus. But it was probably one of the longest in my memory.

Maybe it was the shock catching up but everyone seemed to walk in this panicky fashion. Before I realized that it was the average walking speed of that day, I had thought for a moment people were fleeing from something and I remember looking around frantically for the source of danger. It was the first time I smelled the actual smell of 9/11. It smelled like something from hell to me. My school's location in the Upper East side spared it from the sight and smell of the smoke arising from the WTC but now, I was mid-town and I was no longer spared. I saw the plumes of smoke for the first time and knew that was where I was smelling things. I remember almost stopping in shock and seeing the inquiring glances of concern of the New Yorkers who were rushing by me before someone approached me and asked if I needed help. I said no, thank you and finally went to take my bus.

As I am writing this, I remember the bus experience too. Looking out and seeing the street encased by the tinted glass of the bus windows. It was almost like watching a movie but not quite. Because instead of sitting comfortably in the theater chair, I was standing there shivering uncontrollably. I hadn't realized until I actually saw and smelled it that this was what terror was.

When I finally got out of the subway to walk the block from home, 9/11 followed me home. The smoke was still visible and even clearer because there were no skyscrapers to block my view. The smell was even stronger because the winds had blown it here.

But when I walked home and went to unlock my door, I remember that the door was just swung open and my mom was almost crying as she hugged me. The TV was blaring the 24/7 news of CNN that every New Yorker would be watching. My little sister was there and we were only waiting for my big sister. She had a longer commute from the Bronx but her ride took only a bit longer than my commute and she was home too. Then we all huddled together in our relief that we were still a family and watched again and again in horror and fascination the sights of 9/11.

It is strange because despite the fact that we saw those images a million times, I now can't recall them without difficulty. I think, like most Americans, after those images were sealed up by the media to great relief, they were sealed in our own minds out of grief and horror. I think, like most Americans, every year after 9/11, my body and my mind will remember that day's terror the clearest before I willfully blot it out from my memory only for it to rise up again and again for the anniversary.

That was my experience. I'm sorry to make a long post. But like a lot of you, I felt the need to share. So please forgive me and allow me this post.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion: Presidential (Through Nov 2009)
Wed Sep 10th 2008, 07:13 PM
I don't even know how "spin" just replaced the usage of the word lie-- but somehow, Obama using it seems to have let the media realize, "Hey, we can use that as a word to describe what's going on!" And seriously, they don't even need to worry about libel or slander lawsuits because a) they are talking about public figures who bear a heavier burden of proof; b) lie is actually being used correctly and is an accurate representation of the situation; c) if the McCain campaign tries to further their whining by doing any sort of lawsuit, they lose political points; d) the McCain campaign only has room to "spin" if it's only spinning as it deals with truth as a relative value but they can't argue with the absolute value of a lie or the truth.

So, yeah, I don't know if the whole lipstick on a pig thing was planned or what but Obama's adjustment was genius. What I'd like to see though is for him to push the message that Obama/Biden = the FUTURE of CHANGE and McCain/Palin = PAST and MORE OF THE SAME.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Thu Sep 04th 2008, 10:11 PM
I hate that it's like a badge of honor being a "victim of 9/11" for the GOP.

I have a pretty good visual memory that usually serves me well but in this case, it just makes it worse. Because I can compare my own memories to the images that they keep playing and the political connotations they assign and I am so just soo.. I am just speechless as to what word describes my emotional state. I wouldn't have mentioned all of this and just kept quiet but I couldn't anymore after this.

to you too as a fellow NYer.

But I won't ever forget that George W. Bush, the Commander-in-Chief, the war president, the Decider, was a fucking coward. I will never forgive that. I will never forgive the GOP. Even if the Democrats completely fuck up and turn into asshats, I will never be a Republican for their part in cheapening 9/11.
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Posted by eshfemme in General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010)
Thu Sep 04th 2008, 09:32 PM
As a New Yorker, I thought I was already numb to the political exploitation of 9/11 but this video "tribute" enraged me to the point of actual tears. Yes, I perfectly well remember when the planes hit, when the towers fell, when we heard that the Pentagon got hit too and the next day when the smoke was still visible for miles.

I was in Manhattan when it occurred because I was a high school student who who attended school in Manhattan in 2000. It was a typical day and we were all suffering through a morning class while trying to wake up when we hear commotion in the hallway. It was small at first and our teacher goes outside only to come back inside and announce that planes have hit the WTC. I remember vividly that the first thing I blurted out was, "What about the people on the planes?" I was answered only with a troubled and grave look by my teacher and I came upon the realization that it was a stupid question because they had died. Then, what seemed like seconds later, 2 female classmates come in just crying because they had watched the live CNN broadcast in the A/V room and had seen the first tower fall. Another one of my classmates had a pager and tended to follow up on his sports news with pager alerts. Now, he was receiving minute by minute news alerts about the status of the emergency. That was how our class received the news. There was no way we could even hold a normal school day. We all heard about the Pentagon attack, the subways being closed and the plane that was downed that was possibly aimed at the White House. And one thing I remember that fills me with rage is my classmate's periodic updates about where Bush was.

Like most New Yorkers, before 9/11 we had expected Bush to at least know enough to leave things alone so that a real President could actually do something. And now, everyone was hoping that he'd at least pull through enough. Instead, I heard bullshit about how Air Force One was now flying to PA. It was flying to TX now. It was flying to VA now. The excuse was to keep the President of the United States from terrorists because of the failed plane hit. But we all by now knew that when the towers collapsed, those first responders who weren't fucking scared of being attacked and were only concerned with rescuing those in need of help were the ones who paid with their lives. Not the "Commander-in-Chief" who was too fucking scared of imaginary terrorists and was flying around the country instead of doing what he should have been doing. Instead, he let Giuliani do his dirty work for him.

How lucky for Bush that both Giuliani and Pataki were Republicans. Because when he finally appeared, Bush got to become the figurehead of America that he wanted to be without doing any work. Easy peasy. All his success needed was the deaths of 3000 Americans who have had the tragedy of their deaths exploited for politics and used as a justification for more deaths and they still have not been avenged in any sense of the word.

I still remember the aftermath of that day. We didn't know how we were going to get home. People walked home-- there were stories of at least 1,000 people walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. The MTA pulled through with trying to make transportation smooth with shuttles or transfers for sections that were closed off. Even though there was the threat that Penn Station could be bombed next, we New Yorkers still took the fucking subway home. I remember choosing to take the subway home despite that threat because I wanted my family. I didn't want to breathe the noxious air. I was still forced to take a shuttle to make a transfer and I remember coming out of that subway station that it was too reminiscent of those disaster movies that take place in urban environments. The panic in the air was so visceral that I shiver whenever I think of it. The stench of the smoke filled the air in every borough for days. I couldn't help but wonder if I was breathing in the last essence of what used to be a human being. Everywhere that used to be full of color and activity was muted. I am not fucking kidding. When someone laughed weakly, we all laughed with tears in our voices. We didn't dare cry in public because we knew we would make everyone else cry too. We had too much pride as New Yorkers to let them see us cry.

And this is what we get. It is nearly 7 years later and seeing the Republicans so visibly and crassly rip open our wounds. I am just trembling and weeping with the rage of it. To remind us of our impotence as Bush took advantage of our traumatized confusion in a world gone mad only to have us wake up from a world we don't even recognize. It might not have been a perfect world before 9/11 but 9/11 should not be an excuse for why the world needs to be the way it is now.

I am sorry to subject everyone to my rant. Even though I didn't lose friends or relatives in the attack and I can't imagine what those people went through, I can not believe their audacity in such a "tribute" as it was more of an insult. That is all.
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eshfemme
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