he and I talked daily about everything. Now that he is gone, this is like the first or second post I have put on DU for a month or two. I'm disabled due to fibro as well as chronic depression and anxiety/panic disorder, so I'm under a physician's care at all times. I know I'm still depressed about my father. It's been six months and whenever I think of my dad or even talk about him, I start crying (like now).

I have no passion for anything except the web and never getting anything accomplished and just sitting online. I've tried to build a political website of my own but that's been a waste of time. I keep changing it. It still isn't right. Things on it aren't working right, especially with my links and in the members' only forum. I should have known better then to pay for something I didn't even know how to fix.

I pay a monthly fee as a member here and I get an email from Skinner about giving more money for DU's last money drive. I guess paying monthly automatically isn't enough. DU is NOT a not-for profit website so I feel paying a monthly fee to them is more then enough. I don't know if they still have other jobs as well as this site anymore or not. I think when they started the site they use to work doing other things but now depend on DU for their full incomes. I could be wrong too because I'm just guessing, but they seem to have bigger quarterly drives. Since my monthly contribution doesn't seem to be enough to help out, I'm going to stop doing that. I'm sure DU is a lot of work for them; however, for some reason, I feel they should work for their living, not depend on members here. (yeah, I know that last remark was unnecessary and yeah I probably shouldn't have said it, but I think it's out of pure jealousy of their success. I'm happy for them but jealous as well. I suppose I'm being hypocritical about it all). I might visit from time-to-time but the passion for politics left with my dad.

I have never been able to find a deep-seated faith in myself regarding God, Heaven or Hell, Death. I just want to know that my father is okay and there is no way to know. If there is a Heaven, I know he would be there. However, when I look in the Bible (The KJV which King James and the Emperor Constantine decided which books to add and which to leave out), when death is mentioned, it speaks of the "Sleep of Death." Also, regarding life itself, in Genesis Adam wasn't alive until God gave him, "The breath of life." That is why I'm pro choice (up to a certain point). I know Partial births are only done if the fetus is already dead and/or dying and to make it easier on the mother. I wish some of the NeoCONS would understand that.

I'm sitting here watching, "BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY." I'm at the point where Cruise, in the movie, has returned from Vietnam, and everyone is treating him like dirt. His motto, "Love it or leave it!" His mother is even starting to look down on him. I hope the troops now are not treated by others this way.

Sorry so long, but this may be my last post. Most all of my posts throughout the years have been thread killers. I have never felt like I have ever contributed anything to this site. Whenever I would start a thread, I might get 5 or 6 replies if that much. And this was when I was very passionate about my politics. I still voted and made sure my mother did as I know my father would expect her to. I'm her caregiver as she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I'm pretty much losing my frigging mind with the loss of my dad and it seems like my mother at the same time. I have cried over her more then my father I think. She wants me to take care of all of her bills and money but then will accuse me of stealing from her. I'm sure by this time next year I will be a loony tune so I'm getting things off my chest now. The stress is overwhelming at times to where I wish I would explode, (like tonight).

Well, I got some things off my chest and I'll stop my whining. After all, why would anybody else care when my own family doesn't, right? (oops, more whining . . . sorry).