March 26th, 4:45 pm
Hillary Clinton called on to explain 60-year association with herself

Candidate's ties to controversial politician may spell trouble for campaign


SCRANTON, PA - Following several questionable "misstatements" about her trip to Bosnia, Hillary Clinton is once again being asked to justify her continuing affiliation with her campaign's most controversial figure, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Many supporters and political commentators are starting to wonder aloud why Senator Clinton has continued this relationship when it seems to be the source of so many of her problems.

"This is not just some random confidante," said Clinton expert and close friend Richard Mellon Scaife. "It's no secret that Hillary Clinton is probably the most important person in Hillary Clinton's life. There really is no one else that even comes close. She should have expected that she would come under increased scrutiny, especially when she's been causing this many problems for Hillary's presidential campaign."

For her part, Senator Clinton addressed concerns in a press conference today. "I fully reject and denounce any offensive statements that may have been made," said the candidate. "But honestly, is it really fair that I be held accountable for everything said by me over 35 years of public life?"

She continued: "Did I know of my tendency to make untruthful statements in the past? Yes, I did. But so far, no one has been able to prove that I was even present when those things were said."


Hillary Rodham Clinton (left) attempting to distance herself from
controversial statements made by Hillary Rodham Clinton (right).

Clinton confidant James Carville was less than sympathetic. "She's a Judas!" screeched Carville. "After all the things Hillary has done for herself over the years, I can't believe she would betray herself in such a cowardly and unprofessional manner."

Aides contend that Clinton has been trying to cut ties with herself for years. They point to her heavy use of consultants, her forced speeches and manufactured tears as examples of recent attempts to develop a more acceptable persona. They are also quick to point out how unlikely it is that Hillary Clinton will play more than a token role in any upcoming Hillary Clinton administration.