1. Every candidate who doesn't support bringing the troops home now.

1.a. This includes every candidate who doesn't support bringing them home, but says they're better than the other candidates because "they wouldn't have gotten us into this mess." Well, yippee for them. We're there now. What they would have done years ago in fantasy world if they'd been in charge is no longer an issue. 3 year old retroactive lipstick on the pig doesn't impress me.

1.b. This includes every candidate who claims they oppose "staying the course" while stating that troops should stay at or above current levels indefinitely.

1.c. This includes every so-called anti-war candidate who wants to continue the war "because stability in the region is so important for the Iraqis." Our presence there is making the region LESS stable, not more stable, and anyone who hasn't figured that out yet might want to consider hiring my cat as their running mate. She's pretty goddamn stupid - I've seen her walk across the table and stop suddenly, with her tail directly in the flame of a lit candle. She'll just stand there while her tail starts to smolder, stinking up the whole kitchen with the smell of burnt cat - and she doesn't have the sense to get her tail the hell out of the fire. Seriously, hire her as your running mate; your thought processes are highly compatible.

1.d. This includes any so-called anti-war candidate who uses the variation of 1.c. "because stability in the region is so important for the US." Occupying a someone ELSE'S country against their will because it's in OUR best interest is a nonstarter.

1.e. This includes any candidate that wants to keep troops in Iraq, but claims he's going to do great things for our domestic agenda - solve poverty, solve the health care crisis, make sure nobody in this country goes to bed hungry. May as well promise us each a golden unicorn that will blow magic bubbles over our heads as we sleep. As long as the contents of our pockets are being transferred to the pockets of the contractors running our little adventure in Iraq, as long as our country continues to be driven into bankruptcy by a war we can't pay for, we don't have the means to do jack shit about those other problems.

1.f. This includes any candidate who tries to promote himself as a champion of veterans' rights while creating more veterans with lost limbs and PTSD. Don't give me cancer and then tell me how great you are because you're funding a program to provide wigs for cancer patients.

There is no number 2 on the list.