For the second debate in smilies, see here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discu...

Bob Schieffer: Evening everyone, welcome to the 49th!!! and final debate of this election. Let's bring out the Senators.

BS: Welcome, fellas. That's lovely lipstick you're wearing, Senator.

JMc: Yeah, and he thought Sarah was the pig. Heh.

BS: Wall Street tanked again. Your thoughts?

JMc: Well, Bob, we should have had more town halls. We could have had ten by now! Americans are angry about this situation. Angry. Nancy Reagan, the angel of conservatism, is in the hospital. We should really get out of here and pray for her. Did I mention they're angry?

BO: Good evening everybody! My heart rate is 65 beats per minute. I'm cool. I got this. We'll fix Wall Street and Washington.

JMc: You know, a few days ago, Barack was in Toledo and he met Joe the Plumber. I don't understand Joe's story enough to tell it to the rest of you coherently, but Barack, you want to tax him down the drains! Joe, I'll help you keep the shitters sparkly clean!

BO: Speaking of going down the shitter, seems like John has been watching the polls! I want to give 95% of Americans a tax break.

JMc: I want Joe the plumber to spread that wealth around. You told him you wanted to spread the wealth around. I don't care about that 95%. I care about Joe.

BS: Do either of you think you can balance the budget in four years? You have said previously you thought you could, Senator McCain.

JMc: I AM NOT GEORGE BUSH!

BO: Yeah, you're older and more senile than him and Cheney put together!

BS:

JMc: If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago. You don't stand up to anybody!

BO: My first vote was against my party. I have done it often.

JMc: NO! NO! NOOooooOOoo! I'm the maverick. I'm the one. It's me! Maverick! Maverick Maverick! ME!

BO: Yeah, well, even Fox News thinks you're nuts.

JMc: I've got the scars to prove it!

BS: Uh. Ok. Both of you pledged to take the high road in this campaign yet it has turned very nasty.

JMc: Yep. It's been tough to lay off THAT ONE. His buddy, Jerry Lewis, said mean things about me! And you didn't stop him! You have all the money! Everyone loves YOU!

BO: Well, 100% of your ads have been negative and I'm not crying.

JMc: I watched football this last weekend instead of doing any events because I'm so old... Every other ad was attacking my health care plan. And I didn't hear a repudiation of Jerry Lewis!

BO: We put out a statement immediately. At your rallies, people call me a terrorist. People want to KILL me!

JMc: Fine. I'll say it. You're a lying, naive, terrorist hugger! And everyone who comes to my rallies are good people.

BO: Yeah sure they are. The American people have become so cynical about all this.

JMc: You and Ayers are pals.

BO: We have real things to talk about, but you keep suggesting...

JMc: ...you're pals!

BO: What I think is most important is that we recognize that to solve the key problems that we’re facing, if we’re going to solve two wars, the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, if we’re going to focus on lifting wages that have declined over the last eight years and create jobs here in America, then Democrats, independents and Republicans, we’re going to have to be able to work together.

JMc: Pals.

BO: What is important is making sure that we disagree without being disagreeable.

JMc: I don't care about an old washed up terrorist! But we DO need to know the full extent of the relationship! And Acorn, that too!

BO: I have no relevant connection to Bill Ayers or Acorn.

JMc: You launched our political career in his living room!

Schieffer: Let's talk about health care.

JMc: Health what? Why? I'll just give them a tax thingy. Problem solved. Joe the plumber will be doing great with it.

BO: Under my plan, everybody will be able to afford health care.

JMc: If you like that, you'll love Canada or England. Can everyone afford the fine? Can Joe the plumber? We never found out what the fine would be!

BO: Zero. No fine.

JMc: Zero? Nobody told me that. JOE! BUDDY! ...no fine... YOU'RE RICH! Congratulations! Joe. You're rich. Congratulations, again. Let me say it one more time. Joe, buddy, you're rich.

BS: Let's talk about abortion. Roe v. Wade?

JMc: Very bad decision. Baaaaaad, Bob. It was real bad, Joe. THAT ONE voted against the ban on partial birth abortion. He voted present sometimes too!

BO: I am somebody who believes that Roe versus Wade was rightly decided.

JMc: You and the pro abortion bastards really screwed everyone on this. That's an EXTREME position! Senator Obama voted against Justice Breyer!

BO: Actually, that vote was 11 years before I became a Senator. And I was 8 when Ayers was causing trouble. Just because you fought for the confederacy doesn't mean everyone was around at that time.

JMc: He wants to kill all the babies. He voted for the partial birth abortion thingy. Thank God Joe the plumber's momma didn't abort him!

BO: I am completely supportive of a ban on late-term abortions, partial-birth or otherwise, as long as there’s an exception for the mother’s health and life, and this did not contain that exception.

JMc: See, that's what I'm talking about, the EXTREMIST PRO-ABORTION VIEWS...

BO: ...Yes, you take it from here. Open mouth, insert foot.

JMc: Just again, the example of the eloquence of Senator Obama. He says "health for the mother." You know, that’s been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to mean almost anything.

Women:

JMc: :lightbulb: We ought to strap a nuclear reactor to you like we do to ships in the Navy just to prove that it can be done. That’s the extreme pro-abortion position, quote, “health.”

BO: I'm so gonna win.

BS: Ok, let's talk about education.

JMc:

BS: Senator McCain, your question.

JMc: What? Troops should become teachers. No silly tests in their way. 'Nuff said, Joe.

BO: We have to do many things. We need vouchers, we need good teachers, we need parents...

JMc: It's getting past my bed time here.

BS: Ok, let's wrap it up.

BO: Thanks Bob. Thanks everyone. I'm ready to win this thing. Thanks everyone for the support!

JMc: I’ve spent my entire life in the service of this nation and Joe the plumber. I've been putting my country club pals first! And.... And... He puts the $3 million overhead projector first!!!!

BS: Good night gentlemen!