Redneck Jokes for the 21 Century:

You maybe a red neck...
If you have ever charged the state per diem for staying at your own house.
If you are already in an elected office and someone has to explain to you what the vice president does.
If the entire state police department was involved in the fight you had with your in-laws.
If you brought back a version of the bee hive hair-do.
If Rich Lowry’s little Chaney sits up straighter when you wink at him.
If when your campaign jet bonuses during turbulence, 3 or more dogs hit the ceiling.
If all of your answers to debate questions include titles of Classic TV Westerns.
If you head has been cut and pasted on to every gun toting, flag bikini chick on the Internets.
If Dick Chaney is afraid to go quail hunting with you.
If you field dressed the ugly off a moose, using only a lipstick case.
If you make up your own demographic because soccer mom sounded to fawrin.
If you joined succession party, because you confused it with the success party.
If you ever said “doggone it” and “ain't” in a vise presidential debate.
If you improved the couch in the governor’s office by putting a bear skin rug on it.
If a witch doctor is included in both your election plan and your health care plan.
If you think seeing Russia form you house... Oh that one is too easy.
If Jeff Foxworthy comes out of retirement when you get the nomination node.
If Ron White re-decades You Can't Fix Stupid to you, and you are faltered.


I was on a roll with Redneck Jokes last night. I decided to post them, before I realize they weren't as funny as them seemed at 2 am. And I don't think Jeff Foxworthy has ever retired, but it would be funny if he had. I wanted to find a way to work in the, "If you ever cut the grass and fond a car", but I couldn't think of a way.