What the Hell Is Going to Happen in 2010?

Afghanistan
Afghanistan?! I wish I lived there right now. After 30,000 troops are sent it'll be like Virginia where everything is cool as long as you don't go into the hills. Karzi will clean up the corruption by implementing a "politician's cooperation security fund" funded by local "farmers". Not a shot will be fired (until we realize that nothing happens until shots are fired and then it just turns into a huge mess).

Republicans
Swine flu will become very finicky after it realizes that republicans taste better. This will swing the vote and give the Democrats a 3/4 majority in the House and Senate. Then, not to look too partisan, Democrats will throw the remaining Republicans a bone by voting down health-care, re-invading Iraq, banning gay marriage, and making abortion illegal...and Fox News will still find something to bitch about.

Democrats
We will give Lieberman just one more chance...but this is it...really...we mean it this time Joe.

President Obama
Lightening will strike Mount Rushmore just precisely enough that his face will be carved in place of Teddy Roosevelt. A nation will be moved by the 4 minute YouTube breakdown of his SOTU address (like anyone has time to watch the whole thing, it's not like he's one of the greatest speakers of our generation or anything, yeesh). He'll also do something about the Patriot Act...yup...it still exists, but it's on his list...oh please God tell me it's on his list.

Da Eco-mo-ny
Everyone will get a job doing what they love.
(Warning: Love is limited to or may cause depression, feelings of inadequacy, and despondency. Hypertension or thoughts of suicide may result. Please consult a physician if these symptoms occur...that is if your new wonder job has benefits, which it most likely doesn't or you wouldn't enjoy it.)

Global Warming
Since the discovery in 2009 of a leaky memo by the Vast Global Scientific Conspiracy, the Earth is no longer considered "DOOMED!", but more just "doomed-like". The planet isn't warming per-say, rather its "adjusting" to it's new living situation with humans, not that humans are the cause. It's just like how the Earth adjusted to the dinosaurs, but different because we're not going to all die a horrible death, but rather get better because God is on our side, whereas He wasn't that keen on dinosaurs.

Terrorism
Terrorism will become more like an inconvenience than terror, like, a bunch of terrorists will get on a plane and right after take off start farting for the whole 8 hour flight and the farts will be so terrible that you won't be able to get used to the smell and you'll try to go to another part of the plane, but the smell won't go away, it'll just be different. Oh! The humanity!

Have a Happy and Safe 2010 Everyone!

High gas prices, deep recession, and Jimmy Carter wasn't even smart enough to know how to profit off of it! Wha-da Loser!


Jimmy Carter trying to rectify the crisis
while it's happening (notice no hand holding
or traditional diplomatic spit swapping).


George Bush prior to the crisis,
preventing nothing, but engaging in
some hot slow-adult-on-king action.
The only oil on their minds that
day was baby oil, wink, wink.

Chokingly high oil prices and long disastrous recessionary indicators are called "character building periods"...didn't you know?
I was speaking with a republican gentleman the other day and he said, I know that the Bush administration doesn't like to drudge up the past like that insightfully-intoxicated gentleman. Well...unless Reagan is involved...and Lincoln, and Clinton (for the bad stuff). I'm sure you've seen the republicans still trying to blame this situation on Bubba to no avail. But that guy gives delusion a refreshing make over and blames Jimmy Carter for showing OPEC that they can hold the US over an oil barrel, stick in the nozzle, and fill 'er up. Of course, that's not what happened, see, what really happened involves reality. And even though Americans love reality stuff, they only like the reality that involves painful crotch shots, horrible singers, or any situation where people can get voted off for not being entertaining enough. Jimmy Carter wasn't entertaining...he got voted off. Why? Because nobody got richer during his recession. We all had to suffer together, which is sooooo not the neo-American way.


Do what most people do about
recession...an oily comb over!

The world economy is just going to have to play without us for a while. We're grounded. With big banks buying their golfing buddies' big bank to become massive "not a monopoly, just bigger we assure you" banks, this endless "Bush brand growth" period for the global conglomerates seems like it will never end (it ends). There are some people ("sane people") who are skeptical of this species of recessionary vulture getting fat off of the casualties of an impotent failure in governmental policy (Iraq war, oil, mortgages, etc.). Some people (those same pesky sane people) feel as if these budding monopolies, while capitalist which is fine, are also dismantling social policies and agreements that were set wisely by our great-grandparents a century ago. Why doesn't the republican party delve even farther and blame Woodrow Wilson, saying it was his fault for the recession by breaking up the monopolies so long ago (skipping over their republican buddy Teddy Roosevelt who did the same thing).

In Conclusion, greasy bald guys aside, we all know who's to blame for this and who's making a profit: the war criminals sitting in the oval office...so I guess greasy bald guys are included! This recession/depression/boon-for-the-yacht-industry runs right in line with Bush policy. Basically, the rich get richer, normal Americans scrape by, and nobody takes the blame.

Tim makes a valid point...
Unfortuntely, that's his
producer and he's just
ordering lunch.

He loves to take irrelevance to the mat, give it a nuggy, and declare himself "King Smug!"

I bet he'll really delve deep into the hard hitting issues of today such as:

Iraq - "Mrs. Clinton, you've said you would like to start withdrawing the troops within 60 days of your inauguration...how will you do it and what is that troop's name?"

Health care - "Mr. Obama, don't you think that not insuring the wealthy in your little universal health care package is in fact racist against the rich...race?"

Cloths - "Mrs. Clinton, do you dress yourself or do you have a bed chamber full of ladies in waiting to help tighten your corset? Follow up question...are any of them here illegally?"

Hair - "Mr. Obama, I heard that you were Muslim (long uncomfortable pause), but we all know that not to be true, even though there was a picture of you in a turban. My question is...if you started losing your hair in office, would you regularly wear that turban and if so, do you feel that would be adequate to appease your mighty God Alla?"

The Youth Vote - "This is a question for both of you. Which one of you feels that you are "Xtreeeeeme" enough to be president and why? Follow up question, would you be willing to forgo super delegates and settle this with YU GI OH cards?"

Tim Russert is a "Debate Moderator" like...well...George Bush is a "President". A hack is a hack, it's really hard to hide. Just ask Jason Blair...ohhhhhhhhh! Blast from the past yo! Tim did a whole shows about his articles though. Tim has never been much on "research".

 
Sept 4th, 2007. Senator Conrad

The Democrats know the answer, have the answer, and can show you the answer. The President's rude mocking of those who wish to roll back his tax policies during his 2008 State of the Union address was, like usual, a lie dipped in smirky evilness.

What the hell does conservative mean anymore? I want the country to have surpluses again through sound fiscal and proven economic priciples. Stating that, by definition, I am more conservative than 80% of republicans.

The Great Debaters: The Candidates (rubber g)Love America.


Look at these three people.
What's missing? If you guessed
"Asian tambourine player" you're right!


This picture of the republican candidates
is actually one of those optical illusion
pictures. Stare at the center and a 3-D 10,000lb
gorilla named "Iraq" will magically appear!

All of the candidates think each other suck. Who am I supposed to not believe now?
One man, one vote. Unless I'm republican, then I'm one man, his dead grandfather, and with a little help from Diebold, 3 votes! That said, Democrats need a commanding lead to win the White House. As they drag each other through the mud, in the end, are we supposed to choose the least muddy? 'Cause there's a guy over there holding a towel named Dennis Kucinich and he doesn't have a speck on him.

Then there's the Republican candidates. Why do they debate? They all agree with each other! Republicans always agree with each other. Critical thinking, reality, and economic mathematics bounce off of them like nerf darts. If they don't tow the party line then they are considered traitors and are no longer invited to the annual "Rev. Moon's Annual Naked Money Roll". They're also left out of the (cha-ching) lobbying job or board of director job after "serving the public"...*snicker, knee slap*.

Here's my short assessment of all of the candidates thus far:

Giuliani- Good, if not great, mayor. I was in New York for the garbage strike under Ed Koch and WOW! That was unbearable! Trash everywhere festering under 90 degree heat. Plus, the piles of garbage gave the rampant numbers of junkies, muggers, and various other scum bags more places to hide behind. UGH! Giuliani made New York livable. Now we know that he did it through a systematic method of heavy handed corruption and a few well placed social programs to make himself look good. Is that the kind of leadership we need going into a recession? Who cares, he doesn't have a fishes chance in the Potomac.

Clinton- Let us take a moment of reflection. You (the highly intelligent and might I say, quite good looking, reader) knew attacking Iraq was wrong. I looked at the evidence and knew that attacking Iraq was wrong. I don't know about you, but apparently she don't read so good. She voted for the worst political disaster in US history that has thrust this nation into the worst economic down swing since the depression. She was actually right on board, all for it, 100%, and here's proof. She's since had a change of heart. She's made realllllly bad decisions based solely on her political future before. In the words of George W. Bush, "Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice...I won't get fooled." I just hope that she won't have a first term that is singularly focused on reelection at the cost of the citizens of the nation.

Romney- Mitt Romney is not human. He's actually a robot created by the GOP. How do I know? Well, have you ever seen him swim? He has good hair, nice teeth, tall, handsome, commanding presence. Unfortunately the only faction of the GOP that had the funds to build him was the Church of Latter Day Saints *chuckle*. All kidding aside, really, he's a robot and must be stopped.

Obama- First off, let's address this whole "inexperience" thing right off the bat. I don't have the experience to be president, you don't have the experience to be president, my cat might be a good president if it didn't mean massive discretionary spending on hair-ball research, but the three of us don't have what Obama has; Folksappeal. Sure, he represented a slum lord, voted "present" more times than not, and did a little cocaine, but who hasn't? Well, most likely the three of us again. All that aside, his stance on the issues is clear...ahem...his stance on one issue is clear, he wants to be president. That's one stance we know he's pretty certain on...perhaps.

McCain- He is an ex-prisoner/war hero. A very old and politically motivated war hero. We know that he's willing to reach across the aisle to achieve some pretty good stuff. It's what his other hand is doing on his own side of the aisle is what bothers me. I'm not saying that it's the type of thing that should be left in airport bathrooms, but the way he's been consistently trashed by fellow republicans throughout his career and still stayed in line amazes me. I can only conclude that he's got a chronic case of Stockholm Syndrome that makes him constantly sympathize and side with his captors. If he becomes top dog will he be released from this Patty Hurst-like grip the GOP has on him? Okay, enough with the masturbation jokes.

Edwards- He actually has written down his health care, foreign, and economic policies. And they're not on the back of candy wrappers, no, they're typed and spell checked and everything! Too bad he's unelectable because he's a lawyer. Yup, he's the only lawyer in the whole government. I like his attention to detail and that tight lipped look that he gets when the South Carolina possum wheel starts rollin' in his head (otherwise known as thinkin'). But I don't want to let him off of the hook on the Iraq War. He voted for it. Just like Hillary. And he had all of the evidence I had at his finger tips to make the right decision. He didn't. It definitely made him not look soft on terrorism, but it made him look completely soft on integrity. After eight years of Bush, a lack of integrity scares me wayyyyy more than terrorism.

Other- Ron Paul says some great stuff, but the unshowered masses I've seen on the street corners handing out his literature look like single issue voters, i.e., legalization of marijuana. Smart democrats aren't fooled by this guy. Sure, I'll be in line for a puff the moment legalization happens, but let's regulate corporations and get some labor and pollution control first. This guy is a deregulation nightmare. Dennis Kucinich has the hottest wife on the planet. That is no reason to vote for him. His intelligent, well thought out, and reality-based stance on the issues are the reason to vote for him. If he were taller, better looking, and had a deeper voice he'd be the front runner. Does his small stature and perceived meekness make him less of a man? Well, obviously the redheaded British supermodel beside him begs to differ. Mike Huckabee has issues. Eliminate the IRS. Prayer in skule. You becoming christian-er. He plays the bass guitar. Nobody who plays bass guitar can be bad (Gene Simmons withholding).

Conclusion- One thing I would like to emphasis; DO NOT THINK THE REPUBLICANS CAN'T WIN. One (perceived) piece of good news comes out of Iraq and people are once again voting against their own best economic interest. The propaganda laid down by the GOP over the last 30 years has drilled itself into the psyche forcing candidates to at least have one picture of them shooting or not aborting something. The next Democratic candidate has to be strong and EVERYONE has to vote for them whoever they are. Hillary looks like the one, thus say the national polls. Regardless of what the kooky Iowans think or what I've said about her here, we need to be prepared for a major shift in thinking in the US. A welcome shift. The citizens need to buy back their country after the Bush fire-sale. Don't allow another republican to make the fire sale a "going out of business sale".


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Rebates, Econo-history, And The Awakening Of The Rich


If this picture of a
hand giving money to
another hand doesn't
convince you then
nothing will.

Don't buy weed with your rebate or you'll be supporting terrorism. If you're marginally interested in the economy, i.e., how much scratch you gots, then you may be interested in learning that President Bush is going to pay your rent in May. Pretty cool huh? Wada-guy! Remember in 2001 when he bought you that xbox for voting for him? That was pretty sweet. Then you found out that you had to give the money back and by then the fan on your xbox had stopped working even though you were only half way through Grand Theft Auto: San Antonio. Well...deja-friggin-vu.

All kidding aside, even the economists don't like the idea and they have "econom" IN their job titles!


Slip on some adult diapers because I'm about to make you poop with knowledge.
Economists are reactionary, consciously ignore history, and like to lie for profit. Economists with the peoples' best interests at heart usually don't work as economists, they do bookkeeping for nonprofit organizations. One big lie they've been telling us is that the country isn't already in recession when the hard numbers, cross sectioned with the commonly defined recession indicators, actually tells us that the country has been in recession for a few months now. You knew that though. Why? Because it's not your job to lie about the economy. It's your job to be unemployed.

Michael Niemira, the guy with the quote up there in that little box, is the economist for shopping centers everywhere. Shopping centers are the ugliest things to litter the planet since the Japanese started breeding dogs. If a representative of soulless retail institutions that turn a blind eye to child and prisoner labor to increase their profits can speak out about the emptiness of rebates and actually choke out the words "tax relief", then you know that President Bush's plan looks like the "Hey, Koolaid" guy has been crashing through it like a practice wall.

History...or what Bush likes to call, "A bunch of stuff that happened."
The Bush administration is afraid of history. Plus, George W. Bush really likes to talk. So they came up with a solution. Why are they afraid of history? Because:
1) Reaganomics was a horrid failure as early as 1982 and no republican is willing to admit it.
2) George Bush Sr. was facing the same dilemma in 1992 because of the same old crapola, was (wisely) advised to do nothing and allow the economy to right itself, and that was one of the reasons he lost the election to Bubba. The W administration is afraid they may come out of this looking just as bad so they're doing something. It's "Okay! Everyone look busy!" economics.
3) Supply-side economics is a mathematical impossibility. It cannot work. Kittens are fuzzy, math isn't. At least math doesn't fuck up your furniture.
4) War only stimulates the economy if it creates jobs. The Iraq War has only created new terrorists. I suppose terrorism is a job of sorts, but how the hell do you tax it?
5) Rebates didn't work before. It is said that a telling sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. As if you need convincing that the country is being run by insane people.
6) Many republican economic intellectuals like to use Ancient Rome, FDR, and the Nazi Party as economic examples so to uphold their free-market rhetoric and make themselves look smart. The problem is that society never does what they want. Though the republicans were successful in convincing people to vote against their own economic interest and will probably be able to do it in the future, that doesn't mean they will not consistently end up with egg on their faces. Voters have short memories, yes, but their stomachs have long memories.


Stack of money
or stack of
starter logs...
you decide.

Rebates, like pyramid (ponzi) schemes, end up in the same place; the pockets of those who started them. Now, there is no quick fix and I have offered solutions to the economy before (see my journal), but here I'm talking about rebates specifically. Many have said that the rebates are not high enough for those who will plop it back into the economy quickly, i.e., the poor and middle class. That is true, but that argument doesn't address the fact that any rebates are a horrible idea. Cash advances on credit make situations worse. Sure, some economists can give me examples of instances when it doesn't. "This corporation did this and made this much." Those stories are the 1% of the time when things work out. Even the dumbest gambling junkie wouldn't take those odds. When you spend money, that money moves up the chain. The poor don't make enough to save. The rich live off of the large surplus of cash, stocks, and bonds they have. Why do they have these large surpluses that seem to get bigger? Is money magnetic? No. Money moves up the economic pyramid, but it isn't like an oil well. Once it gets to the top it doesn't pop and spray over the dancing masses. It stays at the top and might fund a children's hospital, but most likely will keep a few generations of their family members from having to cook or drive for themselves. Don't save the rebate. Put the money in your gas tank and watch where it ends up.

Rebates aren't about you...they're about War.
As much as the economists and talking heads on CNBC will divert your attention away from the policies of the Bush administration, the recession and economic woes lay directly at the feet of the War in Iraq. Rebates will only pad Bush's numbers as he slides out of office so that he can say, "Look, it only got REALLY bad AFTER I left office...hehe."

The tipping point has come. America's cocaine habit is about to land it in jail. Not because of the cocaine, but because it's not paying it's bills and doesn't have any friends left. America has been too much of a freeloading douche-bag for too long. The markets around the world are falling and the NYSE is about to be forced to become truly conservative, no longer republican. This last windfall, the last cash advance on America's credit card, this last consumer binge will leave the corporations with a choice. Either they choose plummeting stock and a dollar as weak as a toy poodle or finally admit to themselves that "conservative" now means "liberal".

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Bush's 2008 Stimulus Package: Pros & Cons


"I got your stimulus
package right here!"

The U.S. market and businesses are afraid of the "R" word. And just when we thought "Romorehugeprofits" wasn't a word, the president finds a way to make a recession profitable for normal americans (Note: "normal americans" make an income of $150,000 per year or more, the rest are immigrants that happened to be born in the U.S. who should really just go back to Huddled-masses-istan where they belong). He proposes deep tax cuts for small business. This will give these businesses an incentive to hire new people...in theory. A theory that has been disproved as of the Reagan era, which kind of makes it a non-theory, but scientific method aside, lets look at the pros and cons of this stimulus package:

Pro- The business will show more profits through lower taxes. With this, the owners and investors of said business will be able to buy your foreclosed house at rock bottom prices.

Con- Your family gets so much closer by living in a cramped apartment. See? They stimulate the economy AND promote family values. No cons here!

Pro- $145 billion is too much money to do the job of warding off recession, so this is a great opportunity to divert some of the money to places that really need it such as the Iraq War and to help thwart Iran's Massive Nuclear Warhead Program (proof pending).

Con- You don't get your house back and you're living in your car, but you get the opportunity to explore culinary possibilities such as: http://www.wisebread.com/cooking-great-mea... Con? I don't think so.

Pro- The stimulus package increases the deficit, which helps America. How? Well, Bush could explain it to you in plain english that everyone could understand using small words, hand gestures, pops, clicks, and a well placed series of grunts, but what's the point? If you could possibly understand then you would already be rich...and not a liberal.

Con- I'm sure you've heard the term, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but teach a man a fish and he will eat for a lifetime." Well, the government is giving your employer a fish, go ask them for a piece of it. Oh...that would be considered a cost of living increase and Jack in the Box's $.99 value menu hasn't gone up, so since that's a clear indicator that the cost of living hasn't gone up, go find your own damn fish.


This is the Stimulator.
Bush requests that you wear
one until 1/9/09. Thank you.

Obviously we just haven't given Reaganomics enough of a chance! Okay, I'm going to say it...Bill Bernanke, head of the Federal Reserve, is horribly spineless and ineffective at his job. It could be because the only reason he's Fed Chair is that he's willing to ignore the massive mathematic holes in Supply Side Economics and is reeeeally really good at nodding. Or it could be because he's still figuring out how to use the little calculator on his computer. Bill, if you're reading this, click your Start menu on the bottom left of your screen, then click...nevermind, just call me i'll walk you through it.

Solution I hate to bitch and not offer up a solution. Of course I'm not an economist, accountant, or owner of multiplication table flash cards, but I do pay attention. Here goes:
1) Put a hold on all foreclosures until April 16th when all GROSS taxable incomes (before write offs) are calculated. Adjust mortgage payments for those currently in foreclosure to 25% of their gross income for the next 24 months. This will adjust the interest rates for the consumer. Give the lenders the opportunity to write off only the current market rate shortfall thus keeping them solvent and allowing people in foreclosure to readjust their credit.
2) Eliminate interest only mortgages and lower the Debt to Income Ratio for future mortgages to 36% of the total gross income.
3) Offer a new employee tax credit to the small and medium business categories. The employees must work 32 hours or more and must be employed for at least 120 days.
4) Put energy subsidies in jeopardy if rates aren't adjusted down by 15%. (And a hearty guffaw ripples through the White House)
5) Lower taxes for households $60,000 gross income.
6) Increase child tax credit for households of $75,000 or less. (2007 retroactive)
7) Increase the import tax on all foreign made goods by .3%. ("Tax increase? What the...that's you liberals answer for everything!")
8) Increase tax on all outsourced white collar jobs. ("Another tax increase! Sure, they're foreigners, but still they're American-ish. At least they don't live next door to me.")
9) Increase taxes 1% for households of three or less with an annual gross income of $150,000 or more. ("Oh my god! And what do you expect that would do to the sales of summer houses in 2008? Didn't think about that did ya smart guy?")
10) I could go on, but the more freedom of speech I use, the more liberal I look, and as we all know, "Liberals hate the constitution."

Conclusion- I can only come to one. Bush is trying to make the next administration look as bad as possible by digging a hole that is unfillable. I would like to wrap this up with Fun With Metaphors: The stimulus package is a cute stuffed animal in which the Bush administration has placed a grenade upon retreat so to kill their enemy. Unfortunately, politics is not a war, citizens are not soldiers, and history is not pre-written, it is investigated by history majors...history majors that work a hell of a lot harder than George W. Bush did when he was a history major.

HARRIET MIERS: The Man, The Myth,
The Half Man/Half Myth Creature...
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!


Another illegal from Texistan
sneaking into the capital and
compromising our freedoms.

Am I writing this article too late?
Is this old news? Now that this story is a week old is it taboo to still want to write about it. Look away, there's nothing to see here except Harriet "Dirty Harry" Miers, still roaming the streets being contemptuous of the courts and raising her twiggy old finger to the congress. Suuuuuuch a suck up. Suuuuuch a hack. Suuuuuuch a violation of what she studied at DeVry School of Legal Stuff. You know, those classes about the Constitution and other boring documents written by dead liberals didn't show her the ramifications of her actions. She's from Texas. She's a Republican. She's not beholden to these "laws". Frontier justice. That's her specialty. Now step aside, she has some constitution to ignore.


Harriet sits with all of the friends she'll have after
she's legally forced to testify about...uh...firing lawyers
or something? Was that bad? Yes?...ohhhh...okay.

If Harriet Miers didn't know everything...then she didn't know anything
There's some republican logic for ya. I am probably not the first one to think this. It's the all-or-nothing, black-or-white, paper-or-plastic mentality common among extremists and children before the age of two. If Harriet Miers is more loyal to the President than the American people, then what does that make her? Well, I have no idea, but I know that it doesn't end in 'ocracy' I'll tell you that.

... ........
Harriet, innocent in HS.......Soul for sale! Oh! Hello Mr. Bush......2008, the final transformation is complete

Will someone in congress treat this lady like a normal American citizen and arrest her, drag her ass into court, or at least throw her in jail already? You are beginning to look like impotent fools. Yes, there is a war on, but there's also a constitutional crisis going on here. It's called "multi-tasking". Smart people do it. Figure it out! The Executive and Judicial branches have recently shown that they are willing to ignore the constitution. Please, do not allow the Legislative branch do the same thing or Democracy will begin to fail and a lack of Democracy does not fair well for "Dem-o-crats". ACT NOW DUMMYS!!!



Thanks to underneaththeirrobes.com, wordpress.com, sdstraighttalk.com, nndb.com, and eyeonstarwars.com for the pics.

They both wear a muumuus, they
both look dead, they both can light
light bulbs with their mouths...
separated at birth? I think so.

Bishop Rule #1 - Always agree with the Pope because at least this one doesn't have that musty old man smell the last one did...*sniff*...oh wait, never mind.
...did you like that? "Excommunicated themselves"! Oh man! That kind of back handed wussified cop-out I thought was only reserved for politicians. But Pope Benedict is trying to influence politics around the world. Do you remember the last American election before he sprouted as butterfly Benedict, when he was nazi caterpillar Ratzinger, and he wrote a little blurb about how John Kerry should be excommunicated? I think it went "Kerry lied, fetuses died".


Pope Benedict at the
opening of the brand new
Vatican City International
House of Pancakes. Yummy!

There is a mass exodus of Catholics to the Evangelical Church because of their "tolerance".
...uhhhhh, since when was the Catholic Church pro-life? (see picture of inquisition below)


Hi, we know that you have a lot of
choices in churches, but we hope that
you'll take another look at Catholicism.
We're now 20% more kinder and gentler!

Oh! You murdered someone? Oh well, you're forgiven. Holy Bjesus, you drove your friend to an abortion clinic? Sorry, have fun with the whole eternity of pain and suffering.
...you go girl!!! I love that! If your value as a woman in the Catholic Church is so low to begin with, how much lower can you get, right?


This article is inspired by: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18569939 /

Lee Iacocca was a Bush supporter...then he was a Kerry supporter...
now he's calling for leadership. Is he sure that he's the person we
should be listening too? If Kerry was that leader he was looking for
then...uh...what's changed?

--Lee Iacocca (former CEO of GM) has gone on a little rant. His initial comments from his recent book called "Where Have All The Leaders Gone" are stated here: http://www.globalaffairs.org/forum/showthr... ...and this is my comment back.--

Wow, where the hell as Lee Iacocca been for the past six years? Under a rock? We've been saying everything he's stated in the book since before the Iraq war. Where's the outrage? Well, at all of those un-televised war protests, all of those people standing in "free speech" zones far away from the president, all of those people who have been writing blogs and articles since before the election telling everyone that George W. Bush has been a failure all his life, in business and government. There I was in 2000 at Michael Moore's Rolling Thunder tour presenting George W. Bush's Resume on stage as a comedy routine...the problem was...everything I said was true. And where was Lee Iacocca? Marching to the polls without doing any research into the man he was about to help elect. Good job!

Lee Iacocca has jumped on the back of a safe bandwagon. The perfect place for a liar like him to be so that he's poised to jump off at any time. He speaks about hybrids and oil. He was one of the people that kept the hybrid out of production and kept the US dependant on oil. Some of his closest friends and HIS lobbyists were right there with Dick Cheney in February of 2001 while they were setting energy policy in favor of the oil and energy companies and to the detriment of the environment and the consumer. I'm sure he had no problem golfing with them after that!

Lee Iacocca is a charlatan who states the obvious and doesn't have an original thought in his ailing elitist little head. He stated the nine "C"s of leadership. The nine qualities a leader needs to have to be effective. What it left me asking is; what a leader do you suggest Lee? You see, another trait of a leader that you didn't mention was a leader offers up "solutions"...but that doesn't start with "C" so I guess that any sort of solution was "C"onveniently left out of your book.

Hey Lee Iacocca...go crawl back into your mansion you opportunistic book selling weasel. Leave the outrage to people who sincerely feel it and don't profit off of it.

Professional wrestler Chyna
"exporting" an opponent out of
the ring. Take that America!!!

The numbers are back and China has passed the US in exports with Germany being #1...of course if drugs where added to the equation then Afghanistan and Columbia would be #1 and #2....thanks Walmart!!! Take your bouncing smiley face and lodge it deep, deep, deep into your rectum.

Top Chinese Exports

The unwanted children, i.e. female......................and compretery useress clap.

How the hell is Germany #1? Uh-oh, are they breeding super-humans again? Those scamps... ...It's because other than the Germans, the rest of Europe is not as efficient...and also they're probably drunk.

Top German Exports

High quality vehicles........................and, well, this pic is like porn to me so...porn?

The US is getting surpassed and we have fragile little egos. Luckily there are enough lawyers in the US to sue every man, woman, and child in China. Yayyyyy!!! Show's them!...hey, but China didn't make the friggin' rules that put so much value on wearing a label. It was the designers and sporting good manufacturers separating the classes by fashion. Fuck 'em. As for pharmaceutical companies, if they spend as much time researching as they do bitching, we'd have a cure for stupidity. How about this, why don't we stop the republicans from perpetually repeating their own failures, i.e, supply side economics and unwinnable wars.

Why are we now #3 in the world in exports? Because the republicans have changed our exports from actual tangible goods to things that cost us money to export. For example:

Top US Exports

Hitler was democratically voted in.
So was George W. Bush. I just realized
something...Democracy sucks!!!!!


This photo looks a little old,
I wonder if he's still a virgin?


This article was inspired by: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18074677 /

All in favor of troop withdrawl say "Ai".

Ai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All those opposed say "Nay"

Nay


There once was a man with the mind of a muskrat who told the whole world to blow him...that man's name was George W. Bush. So why are we surprised that he is now grabbing OUR hair and forcing OUR faces toward his crotch?...he sucks as a speaker, even in print. He sure is confident though! Like a man with a bottle of Viagra and $1000 walking into a nunnery lookin' for love, he's guaranteed one thing, he's walking out with a full bottle of Viagra...and most likely $1000 lighter.


Bush gets all cocky and wants
to talk to Democrats, except of course
for one. Cindy Sheehan...cocky-blocker.

So we have a dilemma. There aren't enough votes to over rule a veto and the Boy Blunder is on repeat mode...see?:...success as in, "Mr. Smith, your operation was a success, your hemorrhoids will bother you no more!" or success as in, "Finally I beat that Korean kid at the hotdog eating contest...oh god...I think I got one lodged in my carotid artery...gack!...*thump*."


Oh George, did that mean old
Nancy Pelosi pick on you again?
Where's your lunch money?

It looks like someone is going to get a little "demandy"......soooooo arrogant. Just so smirkily confident in their ability to achieve the ultimate goal, complete annihilation of the United States economy. Here's how I suggest the meeting between the president and the democratic leadership goes: Reid holds his arms, Pelosi works the body, and then they nuggy him until he caves.




This article was inspired by: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18035495 /

George W. Bush being deported back
to Texas before Texas's border is
included in his border fence policy
assuring us that another politician
from Texas will NEVER take power again.

Today it's immigration, tomorrow, heck, GWB ordering a hit on Keith Olberman? Things just aren't going well for him. OH MAN! Where can a wealthy incompetant prick get a break?!...excellent, a multimillion dollar nuisance. The reinforced fence should keep out all of the handicapped and pregnant immigrants...oh, and terrorists, don't forget those guys. Fences are like Kryptonite to terrorists......Bush Policy For Almost Every Fucking Thing He Does: Do the most expensive and ineffective, but most symbolic thing and hopefully people will eventually forget.


The isn't a fence high enough to
keep this douche out. UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Roberto Gonzoles must really have George W. Bush mulling over his immigration policy.
...especially political upheaval, getting reelected is key to actual results. The illegal immigrants might as well stay bent over, because it's impossible for them not to get screwed by EVERYONE. See? Results aren't always a good thing.


"Hi, my name is Juan and I'm addicted to immigrating...
'Hola Juan'...Thanks, I think the first time I tried
immigrating I was 20 years old. I really just did it to
look cool at first, but then I got the scent of freshly
mowed grass and I was hooked..."

This next line is absolute proof that today's visit will come to absolute ZIPPO!!"

Presidential spokesman Gordon Johndroe said that although war dominates the headlines, "there's a lot of quiet work that goes on underneath the surface, so that we can get some legislation done on issues like immigration."

...work underneath the surface like, "How in the hell can we get Halliburton involved and make some money off of this issue, think man, THINK!" Oh, what happened to the days when 'work underneath the surface' simply involved a bunch of guys in a room lighting each other's cigars and slapping each other on the ass in a very heterosexual manner? Oh yeah, last year!


This article was inspired by: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18023800 /