Homeland Security and the IRS has new rulings and statues that apply to everyone."

So wrote my landlord in a letter about the paperwork that accompanied everyone's 2011 leases. Well, if he really means that, he should have no objection to my not supplying information I would not ordinarily supply to a landlord. In case you can't read the fine print:

• If the Patriot Act, Homeland Security, IRS or my landlord want to know what my previous landlady charged rent, they can ask her.
  
  
• I don't mind revealing the name of my bank because since I pay my rent by check, the landlord knows it. If he needs to know my bank account number, he can look on my rent checks. But if the Patriot Act, Homeland Security or IRS need to know my account number, or if they or my landlord want to see my bank balance, they should get a warrant.
  
  
• I don't mind supplying my driver's license number because my landlord asked for ID when I moved in. But since neither my landlord nor my hometown charges for parking space, I would not supply information about my car if I had one. And if the Patriot Act, Homeland Security or IRS needed to know anything about my car, they can contact the state DMV.
  
  
• I'm not in the military. But if I wanted my landlord to know I was in the military, he would know. If the Patriot Act, Homeland Security or IRS need to know if I'm in the military, they can call the Pentagon.
  
  
• My personal reference is my previous landlady (who can tell the Patriot Act, Homeland Security or IRS what my rent was if they need the information that badly). Since she was good enough as a "personal" reference for my current landlord, she should also be good enough for the Patriot Act, Homeland Security, and the IRS!
  

Hey, Patriot Act, Homeland Security and IRS--is THAT patriotic enough for you?


rocktivity