I’m asking this question because of a very annoying experience I had yesterday. I was leaving work. The very old Kryptonite lock on my bicycle malfunctioned. The worn down key fell out of it when the mechanism was halfway in between lock and unlock. The mechanism wouldn’t budge and the key couldn’t be reinserted.

I left my bike in my office parking lot and bummed a ride home. I figured I’d solve the problem somehow today. While I was at home last night drinking beer and stewing about my predicament I had a brain-storm: I belong to AAA, a company that provides roadside assistance to members. I definitely needed roadside assistance because I sure as hell didn’t want to pay for a locksmith, especially since that’s a service AAA members get for free.

I called just to make sure the situation was covered. The conversation did not go well. I would have been fine if the talk with the Customer Service Representative had gone like this:

CSR: You’re calling the American Automobile Association. Automobiles have four wheels. Bicycles have two wheels so please, STFU so I can GBTW.

Instead here’s what happened. I was put on hold while the CSR talked to her supervisor. She came back on the line and said I wasn’t covered because the situation didn’t involve a vehicle.



Since when is my bicycle not a vehicle? I use it to get to work almost every day. Work, that place that pays my salary so I can spend money on things like AAA membership so I can get roadside assistance when I need it, or not.

She said my bicycle wasn’t a vehicle because it didn’t have a motor, or tags or registration. Well, fine. AAA only covers vehicles with tags and registration but that doesn’t change the reality that my bicycle is a vehicle does it?

Things went downhill from there. I asked her for a link to the AAA policy that said I wasn’t covered. Here’s a cut and paste of the page she sent me to:

“If your keys are locked inside the vehicle, service will be sent to gain entrance. If your keys are lost, broken, or the service provider cannot gain entrance to your vehicle, locksmith service or reimbursement for locksmith service up to $50.00 will be provided.”

I must be stupid. I don’t see anything in that paragraph that says they only cover motorized vehicles. I asked the CSR where it said my vehicle had to be motorized, registered, etc. She said that was in the handbook. I asked if the handbook was online. She said it wasn’t. (Actually it was)

It seemed like the entire conversation took place between people speaking different languages. I understand that AAA wasn’t going to pay for a locksmith but it bugged that hell out of me that she kept saying they weren’t going to pay for it because it didn’t involve a vehicle.

Now I understand what Samuel Jackson felt like in Pulp Fiction:

Say vehicle one more time. I dare you.

Instead I restrained myself and ended the conversation before I said something I’d regret.

So my question is how did we get to this point and what do we do about it?

Automobiles come in handy if you’re traveling long distances to isolated places or carrying lots of cargo but are they really the only vehicles in our society? Are cars so dominant in our culture that any other mode of transportation is just esoterica? Are bicycles like the Swingin’ Medallions? A band that only the snobbiest of music snobs would recognize?

Am I crazy for being deeply offended that some stranger claimed my favorite mode of transportation isn’t a vehicle?

Please advise.

Thank you.