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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots
 The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 303 August 13, 2007 Frontrunners Edition Democratic Underground Needs Your Help! Please Donate! This week is our third quarter 2007 fund drive. Our goal is to bring in 1000 individual donations before midnight on Sunday, August 19. There is no minimum (or maximum) donation. Whether you can spare $5 or $500, your contribution will bring us one step closer to our goal. So please take a moment to donate right now! The GOP frontrunners were in fine form last week - Rudy Giulani (1,2,3) grabs the top three spots, with Mitt Romney (4) and John McCain (5) in hot pursuit. Elsewhere, Glenn Murphy (7) gets caught with someone else's pants down, and Randy Kuhl (9) wants you to say hello to his little friend. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!  Rudy Giuliani  New York's first responders were hopping mad last week after Rudy Giuliani took his 9/11 fetish a little too far. According to the New York Daily News: Speaking to reporters at a Cincinnati Reds ballgame he caught between fund-raisers, the GOP front-runner said he helped 9/11 families and defended himself against critics of how he managed the attack's aftermath. "This is not a mayor or a governor or a President who's sitting in an ivory tower," Giuliani said. "I was at Ground Zero as often, if not more, than most of the workers. I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them." Oh really?  Where's your hard hat, douchebag? His statement rang false to Queens paramedic Marvin Bethea, who said he suffered a stroke, posttraumatic stress disorder and breathing problems after responding to the attacks. "I personally find that very, very insulting," he said. "Standing there doing a photo-op and telling the men, 'You're doing a good job,' I don't consider that to be working," said Bethea, 47. Ironworker Jonathan Sferazo, 52, who said he spent a month at the site and is now disabled, runs a worker advocacy group with Bethea and called Giuliani's comments "severely" out of line. "He's not one of us. He never has been and he never will be. He never served in a capacity where he was a responder," Sferazo said. (snip) "(Giuliani) is self-absorbed, arrogant and deluded," said (International Association of Fire Fighters) spokesman Jeff Zack. And here's what Rudy thinks of those real heroes... Responded Giuliani spokesman Michael McKeon, "Americans saw Rudy's performance for themselves during the aftermath of 9/11 and will dismiss this as the ridiculous and partisan rantings of a Democratic front group, because that's what they are." Anything else you want to tell us Rudy? Any other disaster recovery efforts you think we should know about? Cheering up Londoners during the Blitz?  Cleaning up after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake?  Providing CPR to victims of the Hindenburg disaster?  Helping to load women and children onto the Titanic's lifeboats?  Wait, sorry, that last one's a picture of his campaign.  Rudy Giuliani  I'm not kidding about his campaign. Check this out: The daughter of Republican presidential hopeful Rudolph Giuliani has signalled her backing for Democrat Barack Obama, US media reports say. According to her profile on social networking site Facebook, Giuliani's daughter Caroline, 17, was a "liberal", online magazine Slate reported. In the listing, which was removed on Monday, she said she was a member of a Facebook group supporting Mr Obama. Mr Giuliani declined to comment, only saying: "My daughter I love very much." Really? I'm surprised Rudy didn't have his spokesman call the listing "the ridiculous and partisan rantings of a Democratic front group." Mind you, as the BBC noted, Caroline's listing came down quickly after the media noticed it. Dad must've sent Bernie Kerik round to lean on her.  Rudy Giuliani  Last up for Rudy this week: On July 24th, Rudy Giuliani, the leading Republican presidential candidate, gave a campaign speech in San Francisco. It's illuminating to study the former New York City mayor's remarks because they reveal a lot about him and the prevailing philosophy of the GOP. He asserted that Democrats "do not understand a capitalist economy... they think it's bad to make money. They think it's bad to be rich... I think it's great to be rich." Of course you do, Rudy - and why not? After all, you managed to sucessfully twist the 9/11 attacks into a series of speeches that earned you $11.4 million in 14 months - a series of speeches that was so lucrative, you got kicked off the Iraq Study Group because you were too busy cashing in to attend the meetings. (See Idiots 296.) Yes, it sure is great to be rich, even if you get there by exploiting 9/11 for every penny it's worth. Hey, did I ever show you this picture I found of Rudy Giuliani?  Hey, just kidding, he's really hugging Bernie Kerik.  Rudy is saying to Bernie, "GOD, I love Mohammed Atta."  Mitt Romney  Moving on... Mitt Romney last week "defended his five sons' decision not to enlist in the military," according to the Associated Press. And how did he do that? Well... "The good news is that we have a volunteer Army and that's the way we're going to keep it," Romney told some 200 people gathered in an abbey near the Mississippi River that had been converted into a hotel. "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard." He added: "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president." So let me get this straight. According to Mitt - who wants to be president, mind you - serving in the military is the same as tooling around the country in a Winnebago handing out flyers for Daddy. Riiight.  John McCain John McCain has been pretty quiet lately, but that's probably because he's been out panhandling in an effort to bolster his sagging candidacy. Yes, McCain is in trouble. He's got no money, his top campaign staff have quit, and the color has even drained from his website:  How vibrant. Nothing says "I'm in it to win it" like a campaign site reminiscent of an elaborate headstone. "Here lies McCain. Donate Today!" For further evidence of McCain's political demise, see the recent University of Iowa poll which not only shows him at a measly 3% in the Hawkeye State but - get this - losing among Republicans to Barack Obama. I'm not kidding. UI political scientists note that McCain has been passed in popularity not only by former Sen. Fred Thompson, R-Tenn., who earned 5.2 percent support, but also by a Democratic challenger, Obama, who is supported by 6.7 percent of Republicans. No other candidate received more than 3 percent support. That's gotta chafe.  The GOP Candidates At Large There was plenty of high drama at the Iowa Straw poll last week, and big questions that were on everyone's lips. Who will do well? Who's gonna come up short? What time does Tom Tancredo's "Iowa Idol" talent show start? (I'm not kidding.) The big winner was Mitt Romney, who walked away with 4,416 votes. (As Jane Hamsher rather brilliantly points out at firedoglake, Romney spent around $5.7 million on the Iowa straw poll, which works out to $1,262 per vote.) Mike Huckabee came second with 2,587 votes, and Sam Brownback finished third with 2,192. Rather amazingly, the results were delayed by over an hour after one of the Diebold voting machines broke down. Go figure. And you have to feel sorry for poor Tommy Thompson, who, after repeatedly pledging to drop out if he finished lower than second, came sixth. See ya Tommy. Wait, I think I found a picture of "Iowa Idol."  "My name's Mitt and I'm going to sing Hound Dog." You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, Sittin' on my car, You ain't nothing but a hound dog, Sittin' on my car, You appear to be so terrified that you've Evacuated your bowels all over my roof rack. Rudy Giuliani and John McCain didn't take part in the straw poll although their names were on the ballot - they garnered 183 votes and 101 votes respectively. Which wouldn't mean much, except Fred Thompson - who hasn't even announced he's running for president - scored 203 votes. I have a feeling that Charles Manson would have gotten more votes than Giuliani and McCain if his name had been on the ballot. So, "none of the above" is really running away with this thing, huh?  Glenn Murphy  The latest Republican to come tumbling out of the closet is Glenn Murphy, chairman of the Clark County Republican Party and president of the Young Republican National Federation. Murphy quit both those jobs last week - not because he's gay, but because police are investigating him for "criminal deviate conduct - potentially a class B felony - after speaking with a 22-year-old man who claimed that on July 31, Murphy performed an unwanted sex act on him while the man slept in a relative's Jeffersonville home," according to News-Tribune.net But it's okay, because: Larry Wilder, Murphy's attorney, said Murphy is cooperating with police and Prosecutor Steve Stewart. Wilder said Murphy contends the sex act was consensual. Ah, a classic case of he-said-he-said. The alleged victim claims that Murphy went down on him while he was asleep, and Murphy claims it was consensual. Funny story though... In 1998, a 21-year-old male filed a similar report with Clarksville police claiming Murphy attempted to perform a sex act on him while he was sleeping. Charges were never filed in that case. What a coincidence! But you never know. Maybe Murphy was simply confused. Maybe he heard those young men snoring and thought they were saying "Yo Murphy, what's a guy gotta do to get a blowjob off the president of the Young Republicans around here?"  John Boehner and Pete Hoekstra  Remember the wingnuts calling for heads to roll at the New York Times when they broke the story of the NSA's warrantless wiretapping program? And when I say, "calling for heads to roll," I mean literally suggesting that they be executed for committing treason? Well, according to ABC News... For the second time in as many weeks, a senior House Republican may have divulged classified information in the media. In an opinion article published in the New York Post Thursday, Rep. Pete Hoekstra, R-Mich., reported the top-secret budget for human spying had decreased - the type of detail normally kept under wraps for national security reasons. (snip) Secrets are apparently hard to keep these days. On July 31, House Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, allegedly disclosed a secret court ruling during a television interview with Fox News' Neil Cavuto. "There's been a ruling, over the last four or five months, that prohibits the ability of our intelligence services and our counterintelligence people from listening in to two terrorists in other parts of the world where the communication could come through the United States," Boehner said. Government officials have since confirmed to reporters that Boehner was discussing classified information, although the GOP leader denies it. Funnily enough, Ann Coulter and her ilk are keeping remarkably quiet about these transgressions. Apparently it's not treason when Republicans do it. Mind you, at least some Republicans take these breaches of national security seriously: Indeed, Hoekstra's penchant for openness appears to be selective. He has aggressively attacked unnamed opponents guilty of such leaking, accusing them of "recklessly and illegally" disclosing secrets "for political or other motives" in reports published by his committee. Oops.  Randy Kuhl  If you don't approve of the occupation of Iraq and you live in New York's 29th District, watch out! Last week Rep. Randy Kuhl (R-Obviously) met with Jerri S. Kaiser of the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle to discuss a variety of issues; here are his thoughts on peace protesters: Kuhl said that he wasn't at his offices when the protesters in Bath and Fairport were there. When I asked him if he had ever protested, he said "Yes, when I walked off the floor in Congress recently." I asked if that means he thinks the protesters have a right to do so and he again said "yes, just not over the line." He said that the types of protests have caused him to rethink security at his offices and that means securing doors. He said they are "more protective now" and that he "thought about packing." Yikes!  If you don't think he's serious, let's not forget that according to a Roll Call story last year, "widely reported divorce records showed that Kuhl, currently running for his second term, pulled not one but two shotguns on his wife during a 1994 dinner party at their home. Kuhl's ex-wife also described him as an abusive drunk who 'hustled women.'" (See Idiots 260.) Hey, I'm just sayin'.  Nathan Cooper  And finally, time for a brand new Top 10 game entitled, "Can You Make Pat Buchanan Crap His Pants?" This week's contestant is Nathan Cooper, a Missouri state representative (R-Naturally). Last week Cooper "pleaded guilty of fraud in connection with a scheme to import immigrants as truck drivers," according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The announcement was made today by the U.S. attorney's office in St. Louis. Sentencing will be Oct. 19 for Cooper, a Republican in the Missouri House. He faces a maximum of 15 years in prison and a fine of $500,000. As a lawyer, Cooper specialized in immigration law. Prosecutors say he relied on a provision of a federal law that allows seasonal workers to come into this country. But he used it to provide drivers for short-handed trucking companies - a type of job outside the scope of the law, prosecutors say. Prosecutors say Cooper bent the law by setting up shell companies, issuing bogus letters and buying visas. So Pat, what's the verdict?  See you next week! -- EarlG |
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